6. Panic attacks

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As soon as the door of my room slammed shut behind me, all those tears ran free down my cheeks, letting my back slide down against it before my bum touched the carpeted floor.

A tiny sob escaped my lips, quickly covering them with my hand as I didn't want Dre to hear me.

I couldn't tell her. There was no possible way for her to believe such thing...

That now, I wasn't dreaming about those golden eyes anymore. Because now they were real. They weren't just a nightmare anymore.

Another hiccup tore its way in my throat as my mind replayed over and over again those moments, irrational and violent fear taking over my entire being again, so violent and powerful that it made me feel so paranoid and unsafe. And so I raised myself back up to my feet and made a bee-line straight to the french doors of my balcony and locked them up, even pulling my curtains back together too.

I did not want him to accidentally discover where I lived or which one was my room, I didn't even want to see him or have him go near me ever again.

I shivered as those glowing eyes flashed before my own yet again, making me feel so small, so scared and lonely within the darkened confinements of my own room, feeling like a little child left to fend off the monsters in their closet.

Except this monster wasn't a figment of my wild imagination.

No. This one was as real as they could get.

I sniffled again, wiping away that wetness off of my cheeks and made my way to my bathroom as I still felt so repulsed by the remainder of his touch, that dull pain still present in my bones as he'd gripped me so tight. There were bruises already forming around my wrists like a pair of thick bracelets, their color mixing between yellow and mild purple.

I will need to use some foundation on that.

I sighed and moved to quickly discard my clothes, taking a long and hot shower before going to bed for the rest of the day and night as well.

I even skipped dinner as I could not even bring myself to forcefully smile and act like everything was okay in front of my sister and mom.

So when morning came I was already awake as I didn't get much sleep anyway, my mind still tortured and tired as I sat up and chewed at my bottom lip, anxiously thinking about another encounter with Nathan within the school's hallways.

I didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay in my room and hide until he somehow magically disappeared from Green Hills altogether.

Unfortunately, I knew that was not possible as I couldn't do that without having my sister, mom and friends start freaking out and try to discover what was really going on with me.

So I took a deep breath and forced myself to climb down from my bed, mentally chanting that I just had to be strong and resilient as I went and did my morning routine, washing, applying some mild make-up and dressing myself up all colorful and lovely like always as I didn't want to appear any different.

I just needed to be the same Carrie again, at least until I could find a way to escape from him.

"Ready sis?"

I mildly startled in my spot and almost screamed, dropping my phone in the process as Dre had entered my room in a rather loud and uncaring way, scaring the living daylights out of me.

"Whoah!"

She let out a small laugh as she watched me clumsily try to catch my phone mid-air for two times, unfortunately only managing to have it slip from my hands before it finally fell on the carpeted floor with a muffled thud.

"Not cool, dude! Not cool!" I pointed out at her after angrily retrieving it from the floor and throwing her a nasty look.

"Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today," She muttered as she watched me approach the door and walk past her into the hallway.

"Shut up!" I yelled over my shoulder, hearing her laugh again as I trudged my way downstairs and grabbed the keys before she could, earning myself some whining and bad-mouthing as she chased me all the way out to our car.

**

My fingers impatiently tapped over the steering wheel as we approached the school grounds, feeling that anxiousness practically gnaw at my insides.

Keep it cool, Carrie. Keep it cool.

I kept chanting in my head as I parked the car and grabbed my things as fast as possible, stealthily peering around the parking lot for a certain dark silhouette as my sister kept talking about random stuff right next to me the whole time, entirely failing to notice my unusually antsy behavior.

"Heey-oh," Kayla suddenly appeared right next to me, giving me another small jump-scare.

Jesus.

I forced out a tiny smile, pretending like nothing happened as I greeted her back and linked my arm with hers while Jess joined us too, throwing another inconspicuous look around as we advanced towards the school's entrance.

"I kinda like that Christian dude," I randomly heard Kayla say between their banter as we stopped by our lockers, her words unintentionally drawing my attention.

My brow rose as I turned my head to give her a curious look, immediately earning myself a giggle.

"What? Don't look at me like that! He's been frequenting so many of our classes and he's just too damn hot to ignore!"

"They all are," I heard Jess comment in approval.

What?

"Excuse me, did you not see them mocking me just two days ago? Or did you just choose to ignore that whole part?" I frowned, watching her face fall and her gaze lower, making me feel kinda stupid for saying it like that.

"Look, just to be clear, I'm not being selfish, okay? They seem like pretty big jerks and I don't want you to get hurt, that's all," I explained with a candid smile, throwing my arm around the back of her neck to give her a small hug.

And I am scared as hell of them now and I don't trust them one bit, especially their leader,

Was what I so wanted to say but I just kept my mouth shut and continued to smile at her.

"Aww, Care-bear," Jess cooed as they all moved closer to wrap themselves around me into a group hug, making me let out a giggle.

But our sweet girly moment got abruptly interrupted when the bell rang, immediately making me remember who I was inevitably going to face today. Again.

Fuck.

"Okay guys, see you in the break, bye!" I shouted out as I had already grabbed Jess by the arm and started running towards our first period, not even bothering to give my sister one last look as I was so desperate to find two empty seats in the classroom as fast as possible and as farthest away from his, if possible.

Sadly, I found myself unsuccessful as as soon as I entered the classroom, my heart dropped into my stomach and my breath stopped as I saw him, again occupying one of the only two vacant seats.

I pleadingly looked at Jess, watching her ignore me and run to sit next to Dinah Hartley, once again leaving me with no other option but to sit right next to Satan's spawn.

Fuck me.

My limbs started to shake, with every moment that I closed my eyelids only seeing those golden eyes hungrily staring right back into my own as I willed myself to just fight it and move.

I opened my eyes again, skittishly trailing my gaze in his direction and noticing he was already watching me, that hint of maliciousness still present in his emerald gaze.

Slowly, but surely, I could feel my throat starting to close off as my heart wildly banged into my chest in protest.

No! Oh no please no! Not now oh please no!

"Carrie?"

"Miss DeLuca?"

I could faintly hear my name being called as if I were underwater, my hands balling into fists at my sides as I fought with myself with all my might, forcing myself to just move my legs and go seat myself before I lost consciousness and made a fool of myself in front of the whole classroom.

Fuck. Fuck this. Motherfucker!

I gritted my teeth beneath my lips and sucked it up, finally making a bee-line straight towards the empty seat next to him and plopped my butt in it at the same time as I slammed my stuff over the desk, slowly exhaling.

"What's gotten you so scared, princess?"

The small hairs on the back of my neck rose at the sound of his quiet yet subtly mocking tone, wishing nothing more than to just get back up and run as far as possible away from him.

"Is it the big bad wolf?"

I continued to ignore him, opening my notebook instead and fishing out my favorite pink pen from my pencil box to start taking notes only to quickly find myself empty-handed, just hearing that small snap coming from my left.

I turned my head to the side, watching my broken pen sitting in the palm of his large hand as he intently watched me with an evil glint.

"You will not ignore me,"

"Watch me," I took another pen from my pencil box, purposely directing my gaze to our teacher as the class had already started.

"You will regret this,"


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