I. Sadder days keep on using me.

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ONE.   sadder days keep on using me





      You take the loudness of the world for granted when there are times you can't hear it, when there are times you can't hear the wind rustling through the trees or the sound of bird chirping in the air, or when the sweet sound of someone's voice is replaced by a vexing ring.

Nolan didn't know the importance of hearing the world until he almost completely couldn't.

He always had a hearing problem. He just didn't know how bad it would get. He ignored the ringing in his left ear when it first started. He had other things to worry about. His senior year was coming up which meant college. His scholarship was still in tact. Nolan wanted everything to be perfect. So he ignored it.

Until it started to get worse. The ringing turned into a loud whistle in his ear. A piercing pain. It caused him to lose his balance and get headaches. He would pretend he was being clumsy. Again, he tried to ignore it. Then came the lack of sleep. Exhaustion. Lack of focus.

Then the seizure came. It raised a lot of questions. Was it from the heat? Was he sick? Nolan Mayfield was never sick. Was he partying too much and not focusing. Nolan hardly partied unless his friends made him. He focused on school and sports more than anything. So no, it wasn't that.

His own family didn't know what was going on. Nolan didn't tell anybody. Not even his own sister who he told everything to.

Nolan lost everything. Or that's how he felt, anyway. His lost his scholarship. He lost the sport he loved. He felt out of control of his own body. He was sick constantly. He was depressed. Irritable. He hated that people felt sorry for him. His own family tip toed around him. Max worried about him the most. He just felt useless.

Then his mom started dating Neil Hargrove. Billy Hargrove's father. Which meant Nolan was forced to have to see Billy. They didn't like each other. Billy wasn't on Nolan's level (According to people at Claremont High School) and that made him hate him. His dad was a piece of shit. His mom was dead. His piece of shit dad met another woman. That was another thing added to his list. Then suddenly, Nolan and Max Mayfield are his new step siblings. Billy Hargrove's his step brother. Neil Hargrove's his step father.

Now, he's sitting in the backseat of his mom's car, his things strapped to a trailer, Neil in the passenger seat; Max and Billy next to him. His clear blue eyes spot the sign as they pass by. Welcome to Hawkins Indiana. He resisted the urge to scoff out loud. Hawkins was a small town. The complete opposite of California. Stores clustered together. A movie theater on the corner. Big groups of people walking along the street. It was cold. It was October, the middle of the school semester.

When he comes back in focus, Nolan felt a piercing ring in his ear and he winced. It caught his mom's attention and she looked behind her shoulder. "Oh, I'm sorry honey." She turned down the radio.

"It's fine, mom."

"Did you take your medicine this morning?"

He hummed in response. Billy rolled his eyes from his seat by the other window.

Their house was relatively small. Homey. But it wasn't home. Susan and Neil get out of the car. The three kids remain in the backseat. It's been quiet the whole ride. Max's headphones remain over her ears. Billy saw his dad and new step mom kiss in front of the new home. He felt angry. "Jesus,  we're like the god damn Brainy Bunch." He got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Max jumped. She removed the headphones and looked at her brother. He looked down at her. Their eyes were the same shade of blue. "Ready for hell?"

"I think hell's nicer than this."

He cracked a smile.

He carried his boxes of stuff to his room. Max's room was across the hall. Billy's was down the hall at the end. As he continued to bring the boxes in, he felt sad. The room was completely empty. It felt cold. He wasn't home. He missed his friends. It was like everything he built up and worked hard for was gone. He felt trapped. 

"Sucks huh?" Billy stood in his doorway.

"Course it does."

Their conversations were always short, not sweet. Billy always liked to try and get under his skin. It worked a lot of the time. So Nolan just steered clear of Billy as much as he could. "Look, I know we don't like each other. We were thrown into this new marriage without them asking us if we liked it or not and I won't lie, I can't stand you or your sister or your mom. But we've only got each other now and as painful as it is for me to say this, how about we call a truce to get us through the school year?"

Nolan stared at his new step brother like he was crazy. Everyone in Claremont knew that they didn't like each other. Billy was at the end of the totem pole while Nolan was on top. He almost envied him. But it only made Billy hate him even more. The only reason Nolan didn't like him is because of how he treats his mom and sister.

But he was right. He didn't know anyone in Hawkins and Billy was all he had. He took a step closer to his new stepbrother. "I'll agree as long as you leave Max alone. I don't give a fuck what you do or say to me but she's just a kid. I can handle my own shit. And don't be a dick to my mother either." He was serious.

Billy stared at him silently then chuckled. "Whatever you say, Mayfield. Or I guess I should start calling you Nolan seeing as we're brothers now." He taunted him.

"Step brothers."

"potato, potahtoe."

Nolan glared at his back as he left the room. He took one more deep sigh. Then he remembered. School tomorrow. Senior year at Hawkins. Great.


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