Chapter Forty Five

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Jax sat at his mother's dining room table smoking a cigarette. The news of Harlow having cancer was stunning enough but the fact of hearing she had cancer previously set Jax off. Leaving Harlow alone in the office probably wasn't the best idea he had but he needed to get out of there. The walls felt like they were closing in on him and there was no way out. He knew that if be didnt get out of there fast something woud of happened. At that point Jax didn't care about what kind of treatment Harlow was going to get, he needed to come to terms with the fact that it was only a matter of time before Harlow wasn't going to be around anymore and that was heartbreaking enough

The thought of losing Harlow for the rest of his life meant everything changed in Jax's life. He would solely be responsible for all three children, he would be a widow and a single father and right there scared the shit out of him. Having to watch Harlow die wasn't going to be easy for him, it had been nearly fifteen years since he had dealt with any kind of family death let alone the person that gave him children and the person he gave his heart too.

Jax had to admit he was pretty aggravated that Harlow neglected to tell him that she previously had cancer, he thought they had total disclosure and were honest with eachother but now he wasn't so sure. But he couldn't be mad at her forever, she was his old lady and he would stand by her side and help her.

Tired of waiting for his mother Jax needed to make a few more stops before heading to his final destination. Strapping his helmet on and starting his bike Jax knew exactly what he needed to do. Just hopefully everyone would understand why. When Jax arrived at the club he walked in and saw a few crow eaters hanging around a few of the guys

"Guys can I have a few minutes with these lovely ladies?" Jax smiled referring to the three crow eaters sitting on the couch

"Sure brother but don't let Harlow catch you" Chibs said slapping Jax on the back

Chibs watched as Jax retrieved beers and shots for all of the crow eaters ans sat and talked to them, Jax asked them a few simple questions as they smiled back at him. Chibs was so confused as to what was happening, Jax rarely ever spoke to crow eaters

"Chibs get the guys, were having church" Jax said finishing his beer and heading into the room.

Harlow had been having a rough day, the results came back that she definitely was out of remission and the cancer was back. Her head was pounding from the constant worrying on her husband's whereabouts. Gemma had been over to check on her but she wanted Jax. She wanted her husband to be by her side while she went through this. Chemotherapy was starting in a few days and it terrified her. She knew she was going to get sick, she knew her hair was going to fall out, she was going to lose a ton of weight. But the thing that scared her the most was she felt she was going to go through it alone. When she told Happy he cried and then he became angry and took off, Jax wasn't even speaking to her and she wasn't going to burden Gemma with her fears. Harlow was trying to be strong, be strong for her kids becasue they had no idea what was going on. Dr. Yen had brought up doing a double mastectomy but it wasn't a guarantee that the cancer would be homegone since Harlow didn't have anyone to talk to about it she opted for the chemo first.

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Hearing Jax's bike pull into the driveway Harlow went out to the front porch to light a joint. It had been two weeks since she had seen or heard from Jax and the marijuana helped her with the side effects from chemotherapy. Sitting on the step she watched Jax remove his helmet and slide off the bike walking up the steps he sat beside her

"I'm sorry i haven't been around. I needed to clear my head" Jax said as Harlow passed the joint to him

"Understandable but you just left me Jax" Harlow said

"I know. I'm sorry but i needed to take care of something's while I was gone and i needed to make sure i had a clear head while doing it" Jax said handing tje joint back to her

"Like What? I mean what was more important then talking to me about what is going on I thought this marriage was full disclosure" Harlow said

Jax looked at his hands, his bare hands minus his wedding band. His Sons rings he left on his father's headstome before he came home.

"Because I knew you would fight me on it and I needed to make decisions on my own. I needed to come to terms that ther is going to be a day that I'm not going to be able to hold you at night" Jax said lacing his fingers with hers

"Jax, what did you do?" Harlow asked

"I secured a spot for you at the Cancer treatment center in Boca Raton Florida" Jax said

"What do you mean?" Harlow asked

"Its the best hospital in the US that will help you get the best treatment you could get" Jax said

"I know what it is, I went there when i was younger but Jax that's alot of money that we dont have" Harlow said

"Money isn't an issue babe, we're doing this" Jax smiled as he touched her face "I thought long and hard and I'm no where near ready to lose you"

"Jax. What about the kids? The club? You're the president" Harlow said

"I've got the kids figured out, between my mom and Phoebe and Betty from the club they will watch them during the week and I will fly home on the off weeks of Chemo" Jax said

"Jax what about the club? Did you step down?" Harlow asked

Jax ran his hand through Harlow's hair not sure how much longer he would be able to do that for

"No i didn't step down" Jax said

"Baby? What did you do?" Harlow asked

"I left" Jax said

"You left?" Harlow asked

"You and those kids are the most important things in my life so do i left. I quit I gave my patches to Chibs. When I am ready to come back I have a spot" Jax said

"Jackson you're joking right?" Harlow asked

"Absolutely not. I love you so much. So much more then my club" Jax said leaning over and kissing Harlow

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