"even my darkness
shines for you."

Oak Valley Sanitarium was enormous.

And when I say enormous, I mean huge enough to leave me stunned as I stood in front of the tall structure.

It looked ancient.

"You're being dramatic, Lia," Was what Luce told me.

"I'm not being dramatic," I replied, which was actually the truth--at least right now. And why in the world would I be dramatic? The whole building looked like an old castle from medieval times. Except that from the inside, it was just as modern as any New York hospital.

It took us some time to get past the security at the front to finally step inside the hospital. Most of the staff were wearing teal-colored scrubs, including Luce. I, on the other hand, was in one of my very soft and warm hoodies (a bit in between blue and teal green so I fit in with the other staff) and some random pair of jeans that I'd found the quickest in that moment.

I refused almost immediately when Luce offered me those same scrubs, or the white coat to wear on top (with a little volunteer tag on it). They weren't ugly. It was just the size that mattered. They were a bit too oversized on me, and they reminded me of that one time in middle school when I had accidentally ended up with an oversized laboratory coat.

Long things short, everyone had laughed at me. And I had to laugh along even though I was embarrassed because how awkward would it have been if I hadn't? I was made a laughing stock back then. I did not need that here too.

"I made you sign the form, didn't I?" Luce asked me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I hummed softly before nodding.

"All right then. Since this is your first day and you don't know anyone here besides me, let's get done with some introductions first." She added as we started going up a marble flight of stairs.

Introductions, I thought grimly.

There were two glass doors on my right, overlooking a beautiful garden outside. I think I saw a few staff out there, maybe even some patients too (mostly old). Everything was incredibly clean about this place.

One thing that weirded me out a little was the paintings that were hung up on the walls at some distance. None of them seemed to make any sense. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even any sort of renaissance art. When we went up the flight of stairs, the paintings were still there. I didn't like the obvious lack of contrasting colors.

The entire hallway, as we walked across it, was empty with no staff around us. When I asked Luce about the other volunteers, she replied, "There weren't many volunteers, Lia. You're probably the first one."

"What? Why? Is it that bad?"

"What? No. Most people volunteer in the local nursing homes. This place is too large and too old to hold any volunteering programs. I'm pretty sure no one even knows there's a volunteering program being held here right now." She told me.

"Except me," I added. And I got to know about this because my half-sister worked here.

"Except you." She agreed. "You should consider yourself lucky. Oak Valley Sanitarium is probably the best psychiatric hospital in the whole of Britain."

I couldn't even doubt that statement. This hospital already looked so well-developed than most of the nursing homes I had tried volunteering back in my hometown.

"But then what's the point of this volunteering program when nobody even knows about it?" I asked her curiously, my voice lowering down a notch when I realized that Luce was heading for another pair of doors, which looked like a room and not another hallway. "Isn't a volunteering program for, you know, getting volunteers when you're short on staff?"

My gaze involuntarily shifted to another large painting just right beside the doors. The color choices in this one were brilliant, yet I still couldn't understand the irregular shapes that were supposed to be human beings. Or were they supposed to be birds?

Luce stopped, so I stopped too.

"Yeah well technically the info is out on the site about the program, but very few people like to volunteer. It's a quiet town. Old too. Most usually aren't majors who need such volunteering for better university applications."

"Oh," I murmured.

Then Luce was pushing open the doors and stepping inside and I was right behind her.

"Hey guys," Luce spoke up right as we entered the office.

I diverted my gaze from the paintings and looked inside the room. It was small but wide enough to accommodate various laptop screens and metal shelves full of paperwork. I looked up at the few people that were seated inside, all their heads turning in our direction. This was probably the first busy area I had seen in this entire hospital.

"We've got our very first volunteer!" The surprised look on the other's faces told me that Luce was probably right. There had been no other volunteers before me.

I stood right behind Luce, trying not to be bothered by the number of stares being directed at me.

"That's great!" A guy almost the same age as Luce grinned cheekily. He nudged his head towards the scattered pile of files on the small table in one corner. "I could really use some help with those."

I smiled politely but Luce beat me to it. "That's your work, Jim." I couldn't help but notice the way his grin seemed to widen, even when Luce was practically glaring at him. "Everyone, this is my sister Oph--"

"Lia." I gritted out, discreetly elbowing her from behind.

"Everyone, this is my sister Lia. And Lia, this is everyone." She said with a smile this time.

My lips seemed to twitch, the smile threatening to fall off any second. I never was a fan of introductions. Couldn't people just know you and skip such awkward moments?

"It's so nice to meet you, Lia!" A dark-haired woman spoke up, with the same warm brown skin. Her smile seemed friendly and I felt myself relaxing just a little. Something about the people here not really liking me had been worrying me from the start. "I didn't know you had a sister, Luciana."

"I do," Luce added.

"But she looks nothing like you." The guy named Jim spoke up once again. He was now sprawled over the table, still making no move to tidy the mess of files around him. "And that's not a bad thing." He added, passing me another cute grin. I think I heard Luce groan a little. "She's prettier than you, Lucy."

I chuckled at that. Of course, I did. Not at the fact that a twenty-something cute guy was calling me pretty (even though that was funny too), but at the fact that he just called my sister Lucy. Both Luce and I hated that nickname equally.

"Don't, Jim." That was the only warning Luce gave him before introducing me to her other colleagues.

Everyone was nice and polite. Luce told me that Jim and Nadia (the friendly woman) were psychiatric nurses like her and they mainly took care of treatments and therapies in this hospital. While the others were trained psych aides: staff who took records and assisted the patients here.

All in all, everyone was polite enough to make me feel as less awkward as possible.

"There's not much that you need to know, especially since you've already volunteered in plenty hospitals before, right?" Nadia asked me.

I nodded, deciding that correcting her would be a waste of time. It was just one nursing home that I had volunteered in before, and that had certainly been nothing like this one.

"You're right," Luce spoke up, going through one of the drawers which was filled with blue and red files. "Lia's not the one to break rules on purpose. I think she'll be fine."

I leaned back in the chair I was sitting on, trying to relax my stiffened posture. My eyes wandered off to Jim who was still sprawled over the small table, seeming like he had dozed off. I wish I wasn't so worked up to fall asleep like that too.

"Exactly. But do stay away from the Confidential Offices." Nadia gave me a pointed look. "Most of them contain documents that are supposed to remain confidential."

I could only nod in response, even though I had this sudden urge to do exactly what she had asked me not to.

"Why are you not wearing scrubs like us?" Jim asked me, except that it came out more like a mush of words since he seemed so drowsy. It was a miracle that I could understand these people clearly. Most of them talked slowly despite their thick accents.

"Um, I'm more comfortable in these," I replied in a small voice.

Nobody seemed to mind that, thankfully. The one man, who Luce told me was in charge of the data information here (he was easy to remember because of his dyed hair--an unnatural white, like snow), responded by throwing an ID at me. I managed to catch it (thank you, God).

"Do wear this, though. That way you'll be among..." I nodded even though I couldn't understand the rest of his words.

"Okay, Lia, Nadia right there will show you psych unit 1. She'll be there with you since this is your first day. Also, the patients there are all very nice. Don't get too anxious, okay?" Luce told me once she'd cornered me. I just nodded in response (that's mostly what I had been doing since I came here). "Nadia will guide you through it."

I nodded again, stuffing my hands in my pockets when the need to fidget increased within me. First days at anything gave me a little too much anxiety.

Once Luce had fetched a dark blue file, she separated herself from the others, gave me a thumbs-up, and left the office.

"Come on, Hart," Nadia spoke up. "Let's go to psych unit 101." She said it like we were going on a mission.

"101?"

She passed me a smile and threw on her white coat. "The ward with the oldies. You'll love it."

°°°°°

I did love it.

Like Luce had said, everyone was nice. It felt nice to hang out with the patients here. They didn't judge me, no one judged me. What I was doing didn't even feel like a job. Maybe that's exactly why I had decided to take up this volunteering program in the first place.

"That's Cora. Mrs. Murphy." Nadia told me as we stopped in front of another patient's room. "Stage 5 Alzheimer's. I'm gonna appoint you to her because well, she's lovely. Also, Cora tends to get a little agitated when there are loads of staff near her room, or outside if she's in the yard or in group therapy. And..." She trailed off, lightly flipping through pages of the file in her hands. I think the file was of Mrs. Murphy. "...yeah. That's it. You'll love her."

All in all, Mrs. Murphy was my favorite patient out of everyone I got to meet in psych unit 101.

She was mainly sleeping at first as I went through her surveys, but when she woke up and once I had initiated small talk, she was a cheerful old lady. She loved flowers, especially the ones lined up near her room window. They were plain, which was surprising, but she mentioned them a lot during our little conversations. And since I had spent practically my entire childhood in Mum's flower shop, I knew a lot about them.

Mrs. Murphy told me that she liked that about me.

"All right, Mrs. Mur--Cora." I corrected myself since she told me to call her by her name, and stood up from the chair. I picked up her labeled box of pills. "I think it's time for your pills." Then I glanced up at the wall clock. "And then it's time to sleep."

It didn't really take much to get her ready for bed. I felt a little sad as I left her, wanting to spend a little more time here. Because talking to her felt simple, unlike with any other staff here. But then I told myself that this was just my first day. I'd get used to it eventually.

"I'll visit you tomorrow, Cora. Would you like that?" I asked her with a small smile, my eyes trailing across her plants.

She smiled back and patted my arm. "Of course, honey. Do visit me more often. It has been ages since I talked about my plants with anyone." She told me as I passed her the cup of water.

I took my time to rearrange her pills for the morning and picked up her files and papers, before exiting the room as quietly as possible.

I met Nadia halfway on my way to the office and she didn't seem to mind that I spent most of the day with Mrs. Murphy (only one patient).

"Hey, Lia. It's almost off-time for you now." She said, glancing down at her wristwatch. "Luciana is in the other unit. Unit 200, I guess. I hope you know where that is."

Surprisingly, I did know where that was.

"Also, do me a favor please. Just place these papers in room 221, will you?" She asked, handing me three finely printed reports.

Since I had been doing this the entire day, I decided that it wouldn't do me any harm to do it once more. After all, this is exactly what I'd be doing for the rest of my volunteering here. I should get used to it. And besides, Luce would be on my way there.

I figured how wrong I was when I reached there.

A dark hallway was what I saw the moment I stepped out of the elevator. A dark, creepy hallway.

My eyes darted across the lights fixated on the ceiling, one of which was flickering a bit. Flickering lights was never good, I was very much aware of that. I walked slowly, my eyes stuck on it.

Why did this remind me of that one horror movie which had given me nightmares for three whole days? And that was saying something since I never really got nightmares after watching movies like such.

I sighed before continuing to walk down the hallway.

I loved horror movies, I really did, but I didn't want to be in one. Especially not right now.

That's exactly why I found myself increasing my pace and walking quickly (running, actually) down the empty hallway. My eyes kept on darting towards the door numbers, looking for a 221, or maybe even Luce.

There was nobody here.

So fucking creepy.

And when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I started hearing soft footsteps right behind me. Could've been my own footsteps, who knows. Still, when I looked over my shoulder, there was no one there.

Might've been the elevator, I told myself. But why would a normally functioning elevator make sounds like rushing footsteps?

That didn't make any sense.

I swallowed in relief when I stopped in front of room 221. And then I wasted not a single second before throwing myself inside and closing the door right behind me.

It took me a few seconds and some deep breaths to realize that it was a patient's room. Of course, it was a patient's room. What else would it have been?

I swallowed again, much uneasily this time, and gripped the papers in my hand. I wasn't supposed to barge inside the rooms here--I think Nadia had mentioned something like that. But I didn't think there had been anyone outside in the hallway to see me barging inside.

What about those footsteps that I heard?

Straightening up from my leaning position against the closed door, my eyes trailed across the very familiar interior of the room (it was the same for most patients) and stopped near the bed, at the boy sitting on it.

It surprised me when I realized that he wasn't sleeping--which was odd since Nadia told me that the staff made sure every patient went to sleep around nine. Even though he had his eyes closed and was leaning back against the headboard, I noticed the way one of his hands fisted around the pale white sheets.

I frowned.

He can't be asleep while sitting.

I took a small step towards the bed to take a closer look, only to freeze at my spot when he opened his eyes. My heart almost leaped out of my throat, scared, almost as if I really shouldn't be here, even if I was totally sent here by Nadia.

Yet the way he looked at me made me feel scared. Or maybe it was just the whole running-down-a-dark-and-creepy-hallway thing that had left me out of breath.

I blinked once. Twice. He seemed to be the same age as me. A little older, I think.

Why was he staring? Had I done something wrong? Why the fuck was he staring?

"Why are you not asleep?" I asked him with the same frown, hoping that could get him to stop staring at me.

He did not reply, just blinked and kept on staring at me. Since the only source of light in here was from the big glass window up in the ceiling--the moonlight--I couldn't see him much except for his dark hair, matted with sweat across his forehead.

He seemed pretty wide awake as I walked cautiously towards the shatter-resistant equipment rack. It was a very hard task to keep my cool as I placed the papers inside, all the while feeling his gaze on the back of my head. It almost felt like he was doing that on purpose.

Deep breaths, Lia, I told myself. So what if he's staring? People like staring all the time. That doesn't mean I should snap at him. Don't snap, Lia. Do not.

Once I had placed the papers where Nadia had instructed me, I turned around and wasn't that surprised to see the strange boy still eyeing me, a little warily this time.

Had I done something wrong?

Now that I was right below the ceiling window, I noticed how pale he actually looked. A pale that contrasted marvelously with his dark black locks.

I knew I should've left then, but I decided to give it a last shot.

"It's way past nine," I spoke softly, hating the way my voice echoed in the plain white room. Had he been recently admitted? There were no personal belongings here.

"You should be asleep," I whispered.

He blinked slowly and finally, to my utmost relief, looked away. Even though he still didn't say anything, it was better than getting stared down by those intense eyes. I decided that it clearly was of no use to stay here, not when Luce might be looking for me outside, and so I started to head for the door.

"I can't sleep."

I stopped in surprise, before facing him once again.

I couldn't exactly decipher the expression on his face or the way he was staring at me. His voice too was just quiet and low, enough to tell me that he was serious. Not joking. Why would he be joking?

"Oh," I said, and then realized that might've been the worst thing I could've said.

He kept on looking at me, waiting. Was he expecting me to say something else? It felt like he wanted me to tell him how--how to fall asleep.

"Do you...want me to call someone?" I asked him slowly. It was situations like these that I hated the most. Sometimes, the easiest way to help someone is to know you can't help, I remembered Mum saying once. Stupid, really.

The silent seconds ticked by as I remained silent, a small furrow forming in between my brows when I saw his expression changing into a somewhat blank one, as if someone sucked out all the emotions from him. Just like that. It was so strange. He blinked and the helplessness, or whatever it was that I saw before, vanished just as quickly. I saw him clenching his jaw as he looked away.

"Wait." I don't know why I said that. "Should I--"

"Go away," Was all he