"hold infinity in the

I woke up just as groggily as before. 

Though there were two major differences this time. The bright sunlight was right in my face. And two, Alastair was here too, sound asleep beside me.

It took me a while, but I soon realised that we both had somehow fallen asleep in the freaking balcony last night (or technically this morning?). Fortunately, all thanks to the sleeping-Alastair beside me, I wasn't as cold as I should've been right now.

I rolled a little, trying to pull off Alas's arm that was tucked around me without waking him up, only to find him pulling me a little closer. His head tucked into the crook of my neck and his bed head nearly tickled me in the face.

I huffed a little, not sure how to get up since I really needed to use the bathroom.

When Milo's head popped up from behind the balcony doors, I might've jumped with fright if I weren't laying down. He gave a little bark when he saw me and jumped up on Alastair, crawling over his stomach until he wedged in between us two.

I couldn't help but start shaking with laughter. That alone--thankfully--woke Alastair up. He slowly pulled his arm away and gazed down at an excited Milo with a small frown, before looking up at me.

Then he wrapped his arm around my waist again and hid his face, groaning. "Why are you laughing?"

I pushed his arm away and stood up hurriedly. "Nuh-uh, I gotta use the bathroom." And as I tried crossing over him to leave the balcony, he looked up again and passed me a rather wounded look.

"You can cuddle with Milo," I suggested, stepping outside the balcony and into his bedroom.

I heard him groan again. "You know I can't do that."

Right. The allergies.

"Well--" I got cut off when a phone started ringing from Alastair's bed.

It wasn't mine, I realised, when Alastair spoke up, "Can you get that?"

So I stumbled towards his bed and picked up his phone. It was his aunt's name flashing on the screen.

"It's your...aunt." I furrowed my brows as I walked back towards him.

Alastair sat up and made no move to take the phone from my hand.

"Why is she calling?" He asked me.

"Only one way to find out."

He sighed frustratedly. "But I just woke up." Almost on cue, the phone stopped ringing and when I looked down at the screen, I noticed three more missed calls from his aunt.

"Well, maybe you really should call her back," I suggested. "Maybe it's something...important." Iris didn't seem like a person who'd call someone thrice just for the fun of it.

Alastair sighed again and Milo jumped on his lap. "Not right now."

I shrugged and placed his phone aside, looking up at the wall clock. "I gotta run though. My class is gonna start in half an hour."

As I freshened up with a really warm shower (thank God), Alastair gave me some more of his clothes to change into since mine were still wet from yesterday. And when he had forced me to eat some quick breakfast, he offered to drive me to college too.

I had this giddy feeling the whole ride there. And I realised with a content sigh, I really wanted to get used to this. This, spending time with him, being with him. I wanted this more than anything.

This was one thing I'll always be sure of.

******

The next day as I helped out Mum in her shop, she started a conversation I wasn't quite ready for. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

"So, what are your plans for university?" She asked me.

I looked up at her from the rows and rows and scatters of individual flowers around me. I was all comfy sitting on the floor in the backroom of the shop, fixing up bouquets for Mum. That's all I really did when I came here to help her: fix up any incoming bouquets for her clients.

"Well, you know." I shrugged and pushed back my glasses on my nose. "Study medicine."

"No, I know that." She waved it off as she pulled up her hair in a perfect bun. "Where, is what I'm asking you. Any plans for where you're gonna study? I thought you had started applying for universities already."

I hadn't. I gave up the topic of the future at any given moment.

"I don't know, Mum." I leaned a little forward to stretch my back.

"You must be certain about something."

I looked down at one yellow tulip in particular and found myself thinking. I wanted to leave this town, yes. But I had my friends and family here. At the same time, I couldn't think of a place I'd belong in. Where was home for me? Where I'd know I belong?

"I..." I trailed off. "I want to...go and see the world."

Mum raised her brows and chuckled. I suppose that wasn't exactly what Mum had expected for an answer. "You can do that too, I'm sure."

"I want to...find a place I belong in," I murmured, back to staring at the yellow tulip.

When I looked up, I realised Mum was staring at me now.

"I mean, not that I don't belong here. Don't get me wrong. I love you guys. And I've got Nora and Steph and Tara. And I grew up here so that's a plus." I was rambling. Mum seemed aware. "And I'm not trying to be ungrateful. It's just that...I don't...I never feel..."

I trailed off and felt my face heating up.

"Happy?" Mum asked softly.

I was about to deny but decided otherwise.

"What about Alastair?" Mum wasn't focused on the clipboard in her hands now. Rather her eyes were on me. "You're starting to become yourself since he came here in this town."

I stared at her and slowly leaned back against the wall.

"Well, I don't know much about that boy, especially since..." He was supposed to be dead. I could almost hear her finishing that sentence. "But he's clearly sure of you. And you seem more than happy around him. You trust him."

I shifted a little. "What are you suggesting, Mum?"

"He isn't planning on staying here, is he?" She asked me. "And you aren't planning on staying here either."

Oh. I stared up at her in surprise.

"Are you suggesting that I run off with him?" I laughed shortly, then fell silent when Mum frowned.

"Of course, not." She even managed a glare. "I don't know what goes on in that closed off brain of yours. But if you feel at home with him, more than this cosy little town, then I'm suggesting you be with him."

I felt my heart racing a little. "I don't know how to be sure about that, Mum."

Mum shrugged and went back to her clipboard. "Well," she said, "all you need to ask yourself is whether you'd still be happy when he leaves."

I already knew the answer to that. I think Mum knew too.

Before any of us could've said anything more, the soft sound of the wind chimes rattling in the air told us that a customer was here.

"Can you check who's that?" Mum asked me. "I've got just the last bits of this checklist left."

I nodded and stood up from the ground, moving around her to enter the main shop area.

The first thing I heard was giggles. Then as I stepped out, it took me not more than a few seconds to recognize Noah and a girl clung to his arm. Of course, it had to be her. I vaguely recognised her as the girl he wanted to hook up with when he started pretending to date me years ago.

Inhaling a deep breath, I stepped in front of them, making sure to put some considerable amount of distance between us.

"Hey, anything specific you're looking for?" I asked with a polite smile.

Noah looked away from the redhead, at me, and gave me an eye roll. "Of course, it had to be you. Can't I get Mrs Hart to help us out on this one?"

I shifted on my feet uncomfortably. "Mum's busy."

"Fine." He waved it off. "Right. So you remember Spencer here, right?"

I looked over at the familiar girl who seemed too busy on her phone. "Yeah. Um, I think so."

Noah grinned. "Okay, so, I need the perfect flower and the perfect bouquet that'll match her dress for the Gala."

It took me a while as I pondered over his words. The Gala? And then realisation hit me. The Gala. Which was happening at the end of this week. Our college put it up every week before the finals and graduation.

Except that I hadn't even paid much attention to it.

"Oh. Sure. What colour is your dress?" I asked the redhead--Spencer.

She finally looked up from her phone and eyed me. "Red."

"Red, okay." I nodded. "Let me see what I can find."

As I turned around, I grew consciously aware of Noah's stare on my back. I thought to turn around and snap at him to stop staring, but I didn't want to complicate things any further. It was a change. He was not being that mean. Maybe we could move on?

That's when I heard the whispers.

"Wait, is she the one who was so clingy all the time when we first dated?" Spencer seemed to be whispering in something I assumed was surprise.

I gritted my teeth and pretended that I couldn't really hear her or Noah.

"Yeah. That's Ophelia." Noah told her.

"Ophelia?" I stiffened when the redhead tried muffling her laugh. "Wait, what is this? The fifteenth-century? And she's so...not dateable. How did you, babe?"

I gripped a glass where Mum had stashed a few red flower samples. Then I glared at Spencer. "Can you try not insulting me in my own mum's shop?" I snapped, then clenched my jaw shut.

Spencer's eyes widened and so did Noah's. I think it took me by surprise too. But I was just tired. Why could Noah not try being civil for once?

"Don't talk to her like that." Noah glared at me.

"I'll do that once you stop talking shit about me to everyone around you." I gritted out, then pushed the glass vase towards him. "These are the only red ones we have. Hope you don't mind."

It appeared that my words must've ticked his girlfriend off (what a shocker) since she thrust her hand and deliberately knocked the vase down from my hands.

I jumped back with wide eyes when it shattered on the floor.

"Keep your distance from us, whore." She sniped at me.

"Don't," I fisted my hands, "call me that."

For some reason, Noah placed an arm in front of her, pushing her behind him. Perhaps he didn't want her to step on the broken glass.

"We'll buy it from someplace else." Noah rolled his eyes before taking something out of his jeans. I glared at him when he slapped down a few dollar bills on the counter.

"I don't need your money," I told him with the same glare.

He shrugged, as if he couldn't care less, and stuffed the money back in his pocket. "Well then, we'll get going. Let's hope we don't see each other around for a while."

I watched as they both walked away towards the shop doors. Noah pushed one open and held it out for Spencer. "The Gala's gonna be great. At least she won't be there." She whispered to him, yet I still heard it.

Clenching my jaw, I kneeled down on the ground. Then I started picking up the broken glass pieces.

******

I was in the small park right behind Mum's shop, sitting on one of the benches as I thought things through.

Mum's words. Noah's. Spencer's.

I glanced down at my hands and saw the small cut on my palm bleeding again.

When Mum had come out of the backroom only to see me trying to clean the broken mess on the floor, she had kind of started fussing and moving around until she had me sitting on a stool. Then she had cleaned the mess herself and nearly thrown another fit when she saw my hand bleeding--which really wasn't much.

I sighed and pressed on it, watching the red and the red and the red. Just like those flowers.

"I was told that I'd find you here."

I looked up to see Alastair walking towards me. He had that easygoing smile on his face. Happy. Carefree.

"Was it Mum?" I asked him, wiping my hand and the blood along my jeans. I wasn't really surprised to see him here. He had called me earlier to tell me that he was ready--ready to visit Cassius's apartment. I didn't exactly know how he knew where it was and I was planning to ask him.

"Yeah." He stopped right in front of me and I had to look up at him. "She told me that you somehow broke a vase with some red flowers in it and you seemed rather sad when you left the shop to come here."

I looked down at my hands and smiled tiredly. "Right. She tells you everything. That's concerning."

He seemed to pick up that I wasn't in a mood for eye contact as he leaned down in front of me, crouching on the grass so that I had no choice but to meet his beautiful grey eyes.

"What is?" He asked me.

I blinked, then shrugged.

"I didn't know you wore glasses." He said, and I noticed the way his lips tugged up a little more at one corner--an endearing look. "You look dorky."

I hadn't realised I was wearing them. I thought about taking them off--they usually gave me a headache--but I decided not to. 

"Why are you sad?" He asked me when I said nothing.

I shrugged again, rubbing the cut on my palm and hoping it'd stop bleeding. Mum had asked me to place a band-aid over it. But I didn't have one.

"Ophelia," he continued, pulling his hands out of his pockets before resting them on the bench on either side of me. He didn't say anything more. I realised he was waiting for me to start speaking.

"Do you..." I started, managing a glance at him. "Do you think my name is weird?"

His expression was blank. Then it turned into confusion as he tipped his head a little to the side. "Not one bit. Why?"

I fidgeted a little. "I don't know. It's weird. To me. Don't you...think the same?"

He frowned a little. "No." Then he raised his brows. "Have you heard my first name and my last name? As weird as they get."

That got me to smile. And he smiled back at me, looking a little relieved.

"Maybe you're right."

"I am," He told me, looking so earnest. "I love your name. I'd take your name over any other, any time."

"That's rather generous." I grinned.

He shrugged and a dark strand of his hair fell over his forehead. I didn't stop myself before reaching out and pushing it back. He didn't complain.

"So," he said when I pulled my hand away, "why did you leave the shop and come here?"

I almost told him about Noah, but then I didn't. Telling him would make him angry. And I had done some thinking sitting here on this bench.

I had done some thinking on Noah. And it got me thinking about how right Mum actually was. This place had never felt like home to me. It couldn't ever be as long as Noah and his friends were out here. It couldn't be home for me when people didn't accept me for who I am. It couldn't be when people hated my name. It couldn't be when people hated how I looked like. It couldn't be when I wasn't happy here either.

"What happened to your hand?" Alastair was frowning again as he took my hand in both of his, looking up at me.

"I was trying to pick up the glass pieces of the vase that...broke."

His frown didn't leave and his grip on my hand tightened a fraction.

"I didn't do it on purpose. Really." I told him. But all he did was pass me another frowning glance before taking out something from his pocket.

"Alas, why do you carry a handkerchief?" I laughed as he softly tied it around my palm.

"I don't." He glanced at me again and his frown softened. "Andrea carries them around all the time in the studio for some reason. She insisted I had one too."

I laughed some more, then shook my head a little in disbelief. "Alas."

He looked up. "Yes?"

The laugh died in my throat and I inhaled a deep sigh, a little scared now that I had his undivided attention.

"I was thinking...I mean, Mum said some things earlier. And it got me thinking." I started, nibbling on my lower lip. "You're not staying here in this town for long, are you?"

He took a few seconds to reply. "I haven't thought about it."

"Yes. I haven't either. But I was just thinking--"

"I'll stay here if you stay here." He cut me off, his eyes widening a little. "You don't have to overthink that."

I stared at him and breathed out a soft laugh. God, Mum was right. How could I not be sure about this? He was right here, he was always there for me. Home was where love was. And I love him, I thought. I'll always love him.

"I'm not...I want to leave this place with you." I blurted out, then exhaled shakily when I pondered over my own words. "I mean, not like run away with you. Obviously. I meant that I don't want to stay in this town after college ends. And I'll...I'll apply for a university where you apply for, and maybe we can..." I trailed off when he stood up, my gaze searching through his.

I stood up too when I thought that perhaps maybe I said too much and scared him off. Future was scary.

"Wait, I don't mean we have to think about it now. Or at all." I quickly added as I stood in front of him. "We can...not think about it and just...and just."

It took a few more seconds, but then Alastair's face broke into a disbelieving grin.

"I thought you wouldn't want to leave this place."

It was my turn to frown. "What, why?"

"Your friends and family are here." He leaned closer and cupped my face in his hands. His eyes looked bright and alive. My heart lurched at the excited glint in them. "Do you really mean that, Ophelia? I don't want you to do it just because--"

"I want to see the world," I told him exactly what I had told Mum. "And I want to be with you."

He gave me that breathtaking smile before pulling me in for a quick kiss. A short one since my glasses came in between. "We'll figure it out to do just that. I promise." 

And I believed him. I always will.