"love me until we both
ache no more,

"You guys really didn't have to do that." I still couldn't keep the stupid, happy smile off my face, even if I was standing here now, inside Alastair's cosy little apartment.

When I had said my goodbyes to all my friends and everyone who had been a part of that little surprise, Alastair didn't really take me home, but to his instead. Not that I was complaining.

"What are we doing here though?" I asked him, leaning back against the kitchen counter as I let everything settle in once again.

"Obviously, not here to sleep." He passed me a cheeky grin as he closed the front door. "Although I suppose we can come to that too."

I laughed a little tiredly. I wasn't as exhausted as before, not when I was still pumped up with adrenaline. But only one hour of sleep wasn't gonna keep me up forever.

"Can't. As much as I want to." I felt my face heating up a little when Alastair glanced at me with a raised brow, especially at the second part of what I said. It just slipped out. "I mean...Mum...asked me to be back for dinner. Mum does that on each of our birthdays and well, I can't really ditch her plans. Would be weird."

He smiled. "I know. Your mom asked me to bring you back by evening."

I nodded, relieved that he seemed to understand. But then he started walking towards me and I pressed back against the counter a little.

"But I've still got something left to show you." He added.

Oh. "Still?" I had to crane up my neck to look at him when he leaned over to pick something up from behind me, his arm brushing against my side.

"Yeah." His eyes seemed to be smiling too as he pulled back a little. My eyes trailed down to his hand and noticed a small white box, almost a little bigger than my palm.

I looked up at him cluelessly.

"Come on." I couldn't look away from the beautiful grey in his eyes. "Open it up."

With a little bit of hesitation, I took the box from him in both of my hands, my curiosity peaking up. Then I slowly opened it, only to gasp when I saw what was inside it. "You did not."

"I think I did." He was smiling. I was smiling too, but more so in disbelief.

A small huff, that sounded more like a laugh, escaped my parted lips as I took out the delicate silver chain from the box. I held it a little too gingerly, my gaze fixated at the silver pendant. It spelt my name. Ophelia. And right beside it was a flower engraved into the silver.

"Oh, Alas," my voice fell down to a tiny whisper when I almost immediately recognised the flower. It was a hawthorn.

I glanced up at him and I think my eyes filled up with tears. "You...you didn't have to," I added.

"I didn't." He said, his eyes flickering down to the necklace in my hands before he sighed. "I bought this for you way back in Oak Valley, Ophelia." He took the chain from my hands before unclasping the hook. When he held it out for me, I pulled back my untied hair and he leaned over my shoulder to clasp it around my neck.

"Not that I can remember." He whispered, and there was this sad tinge to his voice. "I don't know why I didn't give this to you back there, when you were there too. Maybe I was about to when things changed. Or I forgot."

"But how did you know this was for me?" I asked him, my hand softly grasping at his shirt when he made a move to pull away. I didn't want him to.

"There's only one Ophelia I know." He smiled at me with that little tilt of his head.

Right. Stupid me.

When his fingers softly grazed against my neck, a tiny shiver ran down my spine.

I couldn't help but smile down at the necklace, at the pendant that rested just near my collarbone. "You don't know how much this means to me."

He leaned forward once again and I didn't really stop him. He was close. I wanted him close. "It's just a necklace." He murmured against my jaw, his lips settling there in a soft kiss. So soft that my knees nearly buckled.

"No, it's..." I tried to find the right words but ended up sighing when his hands found my waist, when he started leaving soft feather-like kisses down my neck and near my collarbone. "It's not just...you don't...it's more..."

I tipped my head back with a soft groan when his teeth grazed over that sensitive spot right below my ear. And then he left an open-mouthed kiss there because he remembered. He remembered.

He pulled back and eyed me with a roguish look that told me he knew exactly what he was doing. I parted my lips to say something but failed to do so.

"Am I distracting you?" His hands settled on the counter on either side of me, his face merely inches away from my own. I felt utterly bare and cold now that he wasn't touching me. And I wanted him to. God, I really wanted him to.

"Don't...try playing the innocent part." I managed out before grabbing his face and kissing him. It was messy and needy, especially when he had left me a little too pent up for a little too long. But I didn't think any of us cared. My body seemed to hum in delight when I felt the familiarity of his lips, when I pulled him closer and felt the familiarity of him.

I pulled away to catch my breath and swallowed when he seemed to chase my lips for another kiss.

"God, I missed you," I whispered against his lips before he kissed me again, much more deeply this time.

Somehow, between all the kissing, I didn't notice us stumbling inside his bedroom, not until he pulled away and gazed down at me in a way that made something lurch inside me. Something dangerous. Something so free.

So I didn't think twice before pushing him down on his bed, stumbling and crawling on top of him, kissing every inch of his face until a little bit of that fire seemed to quench inside of me.

"I missed you," I told him, my fingers in his hair as my lips trailed down his throat. "I missed you so so much."

And I loved you every second of it, I wanted to say. But I didn't. I didn't.

When his hands slid inside the hem of my hoodie, heating up every part of me, I let him pull it over my head.

"But I missed you more." He whispered, his hands settling on my hips, digging into my skin, holding me there. "I..." He trailed off into a groan when I pressed closer against him, my mouth against his neck, sucking and biting and kissing softly afterwards.

I heard him cursing softly before he pulled my face back to his in a kiss that left me breathless. Desperate and fervent. He kissed me and kissed me until I felt so hot. And his hands were everywhere. He was everywhere.

"I love you." He murmured in between the kisses. "More than anything. More than everything."

My heart stuttered and I pulled back from him, looking down at him and in his soft grey eyes. So honest. So raw. So open.

I love you too, I wanted to say. But my words were sucked out of me. Just like that.

I parted my lips to say something, but nothing came out. My eyes flickered down to the necklace around my neck, the silver pendant dangling in between Alas and me.

My eyes found him once again when he pushed back a strand of my bangs away from my forehead. "You don't have to say it back."

I shook my head. "It's not...I'm not..." And then I trailed off because I was frustrated that I couldn't say it properly. I knew what to say. I did. I just couldn't form the right words.

Alastair didn't seem bothered by that. He held my gaze and his fingers were soft against my cheek.

"It's all right." He murmured.

"No, it's not." I choked out, then inhaled a shaky sigh. "I'm just...scared, Alas."

A small, confused furrow formed in between his brows.

"I'm scared because...the last time I told you I love you..." I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about how everything ruined itself for me after that night. "...things didn't go well for me."

The confusion vanished and he stared at me. He stared at me for a long time.

"You left me," I added and my voice nearly broke in between. "I am terrified of saying it again."

Because what if it happened again? Just when I was trying to move past it, accept that I could be happy too. Just when things were starting to look good, what if everything was taken from me again?

"I'm not leaving you."

I didn't look at him, not when I could feel my eyes stinging at the corners. Not when I suddenly wanted to tell him to not be so stupid. To not make such promises. Not again. Please not again.

"Ophelia," he whispered, his fingers angling my face up to look back at him. I saw a determined glint in his eyes. "I'm not leaving you again. I promise."

Exhaling sharply, I nearly laughed. Only what came out was a pathetic little sob. I made a move to get away from him but he held me there. He held me there but he sat up too, until I was straddling him.

"Ophelia," his hands came on either side of my face. And there it was, the broken look on his face when he realised I was crying.

I was ruining a moment that was making me beyond happy just a few seconds ago.

I messily tried wiping my eyes, scrunching my eyes close. "I'm crying on my birthday." I laughed and another sob escaped my lips.

"Ophelia," he repeated again, leaning down until I had no choice but to meet his gaze. "I promise I won't leave you."

I gritted my teeth. "No, but that's exactly what you...what you said back then. You promised. Don't promise me, Alas. It's not...God, it's not worth it."

He didn't say anything and it felt like I needed to say more.

"You said you'll love me, you'll keep loving me," I sniffled and glared at the rumpled bedsheet beside him. "till you live. And you weren't lying. Because the next thing I know...the next thing I know is you're fucking dead."

Still silent. Still staring at me.

"How am I supposed to know that you won't leave this time?"

"You'll have to believe me." He spoke softly.

"God," I slumped against him, fisting my hands in his shirt and closing my eyes so tight until it hurt. "Trusting is so overrated."

Perhaps he saw my attempt at lightening the heavy tension in the air. The heavy sadness that I seemed to carry around every day now. Even on my birthday.

He just chose to ignore it.

"Just know that I'll love you even after I die." He said.

I pulled away and eyed him in utter disbelief. And horror. And like I really wanted to punch him.

He laughed but it came out sad. "I'll work on my promises. And we'll work on your trust. Will that be okay?"

I stared at him and nodded, my chin quivering as I tried blinking back the tears.

"And I won't leave you this time." He added. "I'll keep on repeating that until you start believing."

I nodded and laughed too and he leaned down to peck my nose.

"I won't leave you again, love." He kissed my forehead this time, before pulling me in his arms.

I sighed against him, closing my eyes momentarily.

Maybe one day, I thought. One day I'll believe.

----------------

;)

Crystal Xx