Chapter 9: Lonely

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Jude is very upset with Robin. Like, more upset than Robin originally thought.

Jude isn't talking to him. Robin tries to initiate conversation in school or invite the guy over and he just straight up ignores him. That, or he gives short one word answers—and that's only if he's feeling generous.

It's starting to get to Robin.

He can't handle Jude being upset with him. Especially not for this long. All because he stopped the guy from fighting Miles.

The rest of the school week Jude barely acknowledges Robin's existence. He still drives Robin to school and work and stuff, which means that at least the guy still cares. This eases Robin's mind a bit, but he can still feel himself slowly beginning to lose it.

The worst part is, it doesn't seem to even bother Jude. How little they're talking and spending time together. Robin thought that Jude relied as much on him as he did the other, but considering the fact that Jude seems perfectly fine... he's beginning to doubt that. This honestly feels like a break up, as crazy as it sounds. Robin feels like he's having to adjust to life without his best friend.

Robin is quite conflicted. If he told Jude his secret, the guy would probably hate him. However, following Miles' directions appears to be having a similar effect. It's like he can't win.

Robin doesn't know how much longer he can go on like this. Jude has begun to take up all of his thoughts. Of course, the alpha has always occupied a good majority of the space in his head. However, now he's laid claim to Robin's entire waking mind. Jude has never been this upset with him and Robin can't take it anymore.

So, Jude acts like this the entire week, and once the weekend hits... Robin breaks.

It's late at night, though still in the PM, and Robin finally gives in. He tracks Jude.

It shows that he's at a 24 hour fast food place near his house, and Robin calls him.

Jude doesn't answer, so Robin calls him again. Again, no answer. Robin calls him at least ten more times, Jude hanging up each one. He lets out a shaky sigh, setting his phone on the bed. He sees that Jude is back driving on the interstate, and somewhere in the back of his mind Robin takes note that he's going the wrong way.

Robin curls himself up into a ball, wrapping his blanket around himself. Omegas are more emotional, naturally. Usually his medicine helps with this, but he just took it so it's going to be at least another hour or so before it fully kicks in. This means that he's at his most emotional.

He blames the medicine for his eyes tearing up. Robin typically doesn't feel so much, but the combination of his best friend ignoring him and said medicine has him resting his head on his knees.

He's aware that there are tears escaping his eyes, but he refuses to give in. He's only human, and all the changes in his life recently, as well as his lack of sleep, are finally starting to take their toll. Robin hasn't cried in over a year, it's not a common thing for him.

Jude wouldn't even pick up the phone. What if Robin was in trouble? The guy really just doesn't care. Are they even friends anymore? What is Robin supposed to do here? He hasn't a clue, all he knows is that his life sucks currently and the only thing he can think of to do is cry about it, because he's a productive adult.

If Jude is just going to hate him anyway, Robin should give up on this stupid deal he has with Miles. Let Jude beat the shit out of him, since evidently Robin loses either way. Robin is so close to throwing an entire fucking pity party, that's how upset he is right now. That's how sick he is of living like this. Why couldn't he have at least been a beta? This fucking sucks.

Robin rubs at his eyes, because he hates crying and he wants to erase all traces of it. How is he even going to sleep tonight? Normally he'd be playing video games, but he's way too upset to do so right now. He'd just suck immensely and fuck over his team.

Okay, Robin, stop crying. You're better than this. You've been aware that your life was going to suck since you were fifteen, this is not a surprise.

He was still hopeful, though. Once he met Jude and they became best friends, fully convinced the both of them would be alphas and rule the world, he thought the rest of his days would be amazing. In this society, being an alpha is the key to success. Even when Robin figured out that secondary genders aren't a choice, he was still fully convinced he'd be an alpha.

When he presented as an omega at fifteen, he couldn't let the dream go. His parents were ashamed of him, whether they'd admit it or not, so they were pretty agreeable about covering it up. He was still optimistic, if Jude didn't know then they could keep the dream alive. He could keep his best friend.

At least Jude still doesn't know, but Robin's starting to get the sense that it doesn't really matter anymore. It appears Jude hates him anyway, so maybe he should just make peace with that.

Robin's very upset, and he's starting to realize it's more from loneliness than anything.

Robin's not sure how long he sits there, feeling like shit, but he does know that not long after the loneliness begins to really set in, he hears noises.

Robin pokes his head out from the blankets he has wrapped around himself, so that only his eyes are showing. He finds his window open, and as he tries to remember if he caused that, he notices someone stand up from the floor and close it.

Oh.

"Jude?" Robin asks, noticing the guy turn around. It's pitch black in here, but Robin can tell it's him by the faint scent as well as his silhouette against the moonlight leaking through the window.

"Why did you call me twelve times?"

Robin blinks. Damn, how is he even supposed to respond to that? He knows the answer, though, it's because he misses Jude. He doesn't want to say that, however, at the risk of sounding pathetic.

"Uh, it was an accident," Robin gives him the worst and least believable excuse possible. Jude begins to walk towards the bed.

"Really? Twelve times?"

"Well why did you hang up twelve times?"

Jude sits down at Robin's feet, leaning over to flick his lamp on. Robin hides his face even more, hopeful that Jude can't tell he'd been crying. Jude just stares at him.

"I figured it's time we talk, and I didn't want to do it over the phone."

"Why not?" Robin asks, because he's happy to be around Jude, but at the same time... he doesn't want this guy to see how upset he is. To see how much his absence affected him. This would be so much easier on the phone, so Jude didn't have to look at his face.

Robin doesn't plan on allowing Jude to see his whole face during this entire visit. Robin knows he must look pitiful right now.

"Wanted to see you," Jude says. "It's harder to read you on a phone call."

Robin doesn't want to be read. He huddles further in his blankets.

"Okay, well I'm sorry that I kept you from fighting Miles and all that but I don't know what you want me to—"

"I think Miles is blackmailing you."

It's honestly so unfair. How smart Jude is, it's downright ridiculous. Robin wonders for the umpteenth time why this guy even hangs out with him. Robin is such a mess, and Jude clearly has his shit together. Maybe Jude isn't that smart, because if he was, he'd have a best friend more suited for him.

"What?" Is the only thing Robin can come up with to say to that.

"I can't think of another reason why you'd care so much about me beating the shit out of him."

There's probably more that lead to Jude's conclusion than that, if Robin were to guess. He doesn't know what to do anymore. At this point, should he even deny it? He's so sick of lying to his best friend, no matter how necessary it may be.

Robin decides that he's going to be as truthful as possible, without risking the loss of his best friend. He's so unbelievably sick of constantly lying to this guy, and having to keep track of said lies on top of that. It's exhausting, and he's way too tired for this.

"Fine. You're right."

Jude raises his eyebrows, clearly expecting Robin to disagree. The guy is pretty close to him right now, which is slightly distracting. Robin is all curled up in his blankets, and Robin isn't exactly a large person. Jude is sitting at his feet. This means that Jude is—at the very most—two feet away. It's beginning to make Robin nervous. Why can't the guy sit in Robin's desk chair like he usually does?

Robin would be lying if he said he hated it, though. He's really missed this guy. The proximity and smell of Jude are helping his mental state quite a bit right now

"What does he have over you?"

Robin frowns, glancing off to the side. He really doesn't want to talk about this. He missed his best friend, he wants to play video games together or something, not discuss Miles.

"He just... it's nothing. But please don't get in fights with him, at least until this blows over." God Robin hopes it blows over, right now it feels never ending.

"Robin, what does he have over you?"

Robin glances up to meet Jude's eyes. Jude, who is studying him. What happened to respecting Robin's privacy and assuming he has a good reason or whatever?

"My secret. The one I won't tell you." Robin replies, and Jude just keeps staring at him. It's making Robin self conscious. Jude begins to look irritated, and it's really not helping the situation at all.

"You know, if you told me, I could help." Jude says, and Robin frowns. Now that Robin thinks about it, there's no way Jude was so upset the entire week all because of Miles. No, Robin's secret is definitely getting to him. He doesn't feel trusted.

That makes a lot more sense. It also makes this ten times harder.

Maybe if Robin explains why Jude can't know, it will redeem him a bit.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I can't risk losing you."

Jude frowns, appearing to not understand. Robin doesn't know what's not to get. This secret could really fuck up his life.

"What?"

"It... it already made my parents hate me. You can't find out, I just..." the blanket drops from Robin's face as he begins to get emotional again. Thank god he isn't crying, though. He looks Jude dead on, hoping the guy will just let it go. "I can't lose you too—you're everything, and if you hated me... I—I couldn't handle that."

Robin's voice cracks, and he takes a deep breath to make sure he doesn't cry again. He hates it when he gets like this, and now Jude looks concerned. He scoots closer to Robin, who tenses up at the proximity—as well as the increasing intensity of Jude's scent. Which, for some reason, has been harder and harder to ignore lately.

"Robin—Hey, look at me." It takes him a second, but he does finally meet Jude's eyes. Jude, who looks quite serious right now. "There's nothing that could make me hate you."

Robin doesn't trust it for a second. He shakes his head, looking off to the side. He wishes he could believe that, but the risk is just too high. If he knew for a fact that Jude wouldn't care, he'd tell him. No hesitation.

But he doesn't. Jude can't promise that.

Robin feels a hand on his face. Jude is cradling his jaw, and due to the fact that his hands are not small by any means, his fingers and thumb are on either side of Robin's face. He has complete control of the omega's head, and he leans forward.

They're almost nose to nose like this, and Robin is starting to forget how to breathe. The scents of Jude and alpha are beginning to take over his senses, and he tries to think straight.

"Nothing, Robin. Especially if it's something you can't control."

Robin is seriously trying to remember how to function. He really wishes that he'd have taken those behavioral suppressants, but he's pretty sure Miles took them because he can't find them anywhere. That, or he accidentally threw them out. Or he lost them. That's more likely. Jude is hypnotizing. He makes Robin want to spill all his secrets.

Robin won't, though. Sure, he can't control his secondary gender, but still. No.

Robin's eyes dilate, and his cheeks flush, just like weeks ago in Jude's bedroom. The scent isn't as strong, but it's having the same effect. He's not used to being so close to Jude so often. Also, this guy has been basically ignoring him. He's been deprived, so he can't be held accountable for what he does next.

Last time, Robin remembers wanting to touch Jude. He stopped himself just in time, though. Now? Now he just can't take it. He couldn't resist the urge if he wanted to, like a starving man brought water.

Robin reaches out and runs his fingers through Jude's soft brown hair, before gripping it so he can manipulate the guy's head. Jude looks confused.

Robin tilts Jude's head, and leans forward so he can bury his face in the alpha's neck.

It's like heaven, and Robin inhales. The smell is so much stronger like this, probably due to Jude's scent glands which are right there. Robin ignores the possible consequences of his actions and makes a mental note to take his medicine earlier tomorrow.

Jude kind of freezes, and Robin places a hand on his shoulder to help keep him in place, though it's not needed. It may be more to stabilize himself.

"Uh, R-Robin?"

Robin hums in acknowledgement. He doesn't even realize that he's doing it, but he begins to climb into Jude's lap. Jude, who leans backward and places his hands behind himself for stability. Robin is half straddling him, laying his head on Jude's shoulder and basking in the pheromones of his best friend.

Robin is pretty sure he's going to regret this and feel awkward about it later, but for now he doesn't care. He missed Jude.

"What... what are you doing?"

"You smell good," Robin mumbles against his neck.

When it comes down to it, this isn't even Robin's fault. This is all Jude, always getting close to him and smelling so amazing all the time. Robin can't be blamed for finally giving in to his craving for more.

"Robin, are you okay?" Jude asks, and his voice sounds a bit strained.

Robin hums an affirmative, closing his eyes and breathing in Jude's scent for as long as he can get away with. Jude is completely still, clearly unsure of what to do in this situation. This is weirdly intimate, huh? Robin and Jude typically aren't super touchy like this. Well, okay, they're a little touchy, but Robin basically sitting in Jude's lap? Even that's pushing it.

"Sorry for calling you Judah," Robin apologizes after a minute, thinking back to how much that pissed Jude off. He knew it would, he just needed a way to redirect the guy's rage. Of course, Robin has never actually called Jude by his full name before. However, everyone that has was met with anger so Robin's not surprised that he wasn't any different.

"I don't care if you call me Judah." Jude says, and Robin was not expecting that. It's enough to get him to pull away, still not fully registering their compromising position.

"What? But you always get mad." Robin says, meeting Jude's eyes in confusion. Once he can really take in Jude's face, he kind of... pauses.

Jude's cheeks are slightly flushed, but he's keeping his composure pretty well. Still, Robin has known this guy long enough to tell when he's distracted. He appears a bit... sweaty, though it's not super noticeable. What's going on with him?

"Yeah, with everyone else. I only got mad at you because of the circumstances." Jude says, and it's clear that the guy is making a conscious effort to keep his voice steady.

Robin tilts his head a bit. "Well which circumstances should I call you Judah in, then?"

Jude averts his eyes, and Robin is starting to feel so confused. Why is Jude acting all weird? It's like there's a billion things on his mind. He keeps shifting around and looking at the door.

"Not that one. Robin, I should really—I should go." Jude's breathing is uneven, and Robin takes note that his pheromones are getting stronger. Like, the scent right now is almost as strong as it was when Robin's face was actually in Jude's neck.

"Why? You ignored me all week. You should stay the night." Robin says, and he's got a point there. He missed this guy! Wait... did Jude not miss him too? Actually, he probably didn't. He seemed totally unbothered all week, Robin remembers now.

"I-I can't. I'll stay the night another time. I really—fuck." Yeah, Jude is definitely breathing heavier. That doesn't really process in Robin's mind, though. He's too focused on the fact that Jude totally didn't miss him.

Robin moves so that he's fully straddling Jude's lap, ensuring that he can gauge Jude's expressions and reactions the best possible way. Jude's jaw is clenched as Robin does so, and this dude is having a rough time. Robin has no clue why, though.

"Did you not miss me? Because you seemed completely fine all week, but I missed you so much and if you actually didn't even care then—"

Robin's face is being grabbed by both of Jude's hands, forcing them to meet each other's eyes. Jude's scent begins to change a bit, and Robin tries to figure out why.

"I missed you." Jude says, staring into Robin's eyes. "I will stay the night in a few days, okay?"

Robin scrunches up his face. "Why not tomorrow?"

"Please, Robin, holy shit—" Jude bends forward a bit, reaching down to grasp Robin's shirt. He takes a deep breath, and Robin starts to actually feel concerned. What is wrong with Jude? Why is he all...

Wait.

Jude finally snaps, grabbing Robin and standing up. He tosses Robin onto the bed, whose eyes widen at the abrupt change in scenery, as well as the urgent look in Jude's eyes. The guy is definitely sweating now, face noticeably flushed. Robin is starting to get an idea of what may be happening right now.

"Jude?" Robin asks, wondering if he should even ask. This is so random, what the hell could have caused Jude's rut so abruptly? He usually doesn't get these until like... the end of the month. They're in mid May right now.

Jude starts to get his things together. He grabs his wallet and phone, before beginning to make his way across the room. Robin grabs Jude's hand so he can get the guy's attention, just for a second.

"I'll see you in a few days." Robin says quietly.

Jude just nods, avoiding eye contact and grabbing his keys off Robin's dresser before walking out the door. Wow, this guy isn't even using the window. It's a good thing Robin can hear his parents asleep in the next room, or this would have been a difficult scene to explain.

Robin listens as Jude's car start up a minute later, and both hears and gets a notification as the guy leaves his house. That was kind of insane, the only time Robin has ever seen Jude like that was when the guy presented.

Normally Jude is really good about keeping track of his ruts and making arrangements accordingly. Honestly, Jude seemed just as surprised as Robin about the situation. So, there's no doubt that that was completely unexpected. Jude is off schedule. Something had to have caused it.

Well, he was totally fine until Robin started basically scenting him, so... maybe that did it? No, it had to have just been a coincidence. No way Robin threw him into a rut, that's ridiculous.

Robin sighs, running a hand through his hair. He'd be lying if he were to say Jude coming to see him didn't make him feel a lot better, though.

Robin lays back down, and doesn't fall asleep until Jude texts him goodnight.

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