Chapter 27: In Time

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Robin spends the next week second guessing every decision he's made since birth.

He's pretty sure he did the right thing, though. Just the few days before Robin went over, Jude was doing great without him, helping out both his parents with their super successful jobs. Robin thinks that without him, Jude would be way better off.

Don't get him wrong, Robin doesn't like Raina. He never has. However, that doesn't mean she's wrong. She wants what's best for her son, understandably, and who would Robin be to hold him back?

Robin has started to look for a different job. He isn't sure if he's going to quit Margo's if he finds one, but he hasn't been getting enough hours there. Also, when he works a lot, it helps to take his mind off things.

Anyway, Robin applies to work at a nearby restaurant, as well as a receptionist job at a local tattoo parlor. If he's being completely honest, he's hoping for the tattoo one. He's always been obsessed with tattoos, he's not even nineteen and he has almost his entire arm covered, as well as one on the back of his neck. He also has a pretty big one on his thigh. He has some small hand tattoos as well, and they all look surprisingly good considering that they were done stick-and-poke by himself.

Robin is currently sitting in his bedroom, ignoring his phone. It's gone off a few times in the last week, and he's elected to not even check it. He knows that if it's Jude, he'll get stressed and probably end up answering. However, if it's not Jude—if the guy once again has not tried to contact him for whatever reason, like before—Robin knows he will get sad, because his emotions make no sense.

Robin has been trying to occupy himself with video games, and he thinks he's done a decent job. He hasn't been thinking about Jude Silas. At all. Of course not. Who cares? Not Robin, that's for sure.

He's not supposed to be seeing Jude anyway, apparently. So whatever.

Robin dies for the umpteenth time, and hears one of his teammates cursing him out on the coms. He rolls his eyes and decides to quit the game, looking for something else. This time he's playing on his computer, headset on and facing away from the door, which is why he doesn't hear Kat knock or see her come in.

When she taps on his shoulder, Robin jumps. He spins around and finds his sister, taking his headset off immediately. She looks nervous.

"Yeah?" he asks, unsure if she said anything. She glances to the side, and doesn't look back at him when she responds.

"Can you take me to Jamie's house?"

Oh. So that's why she's nervous.

Jamie Novak is Miles' little brother. Sadly, he is in Kat's class, and they've always somewhat been friends. Also, their parents like him. She hasn't hung out with him in a long time, though, so Robin kind of assumed they stopped associating.

Kat wants him to take her to Miles' house.

Robin sighs, fully taking off his headset and running a hand through his hair. Words cannot describe how much he doesn't want to do this.

"Yeah," he agrees anyway, because he's weak and hates letting Kat down. She beams at him, and begins thanking him profusely. He gives her a half smile back, though it's obvious that he isn't exactly ecstatic about it.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you—I appreciate this so much, Robin. I can get Mom to pick me up, so you don't even have to worry about that. No big deal."

Robin smiles as they walk out to his car. From what he can tell, Jamie treats her pretty well, which is surprising considering who his brother is. To his knowledge they're only friends, but if anything ever becomes of their relationship in the future... oh, that would suck.

The ride to Miles' house is uneventful, and Robin tries not to feel as scared and nervous and freaked out as he should. He doesn't want to give in, doesn't want to give Miles that power over him. Calm down, Robin, Jude said Miles won't bother you anymore, and when was the last time he was wrong?

Robin has never driven to Miles' house before, so Kat has to give him directions the whole way. When Robin does eventually pull into the driveway, he sees nobody outside. Thank God.

Kat thanks him again, and he smiles at her. She hops out of his truck at the same time the front door opens. Robin holds his breath, but he lets it out when he sees Jamie exit the house. He looks very similar to Miles, just younger, and he smiles when he sees Kat. He looks over at Robin and waves at him in thanks, which Robin was not expecting. That's more of an adult thing.

Robin lifts up his hand, feeling awkward, and watches as Kat and Jamie go inside, her holding onto his wrist. For his own health, Robin continues to assume they're just friends.

Suddenly, Robin's phone begins vibrating. He frowns, looking down. He feels his pulse jump when his eyes land on Jude's name.

Jude hasn't called Robin in a really long time, and Robin frowns. To be completely honest, he was under the impression the guy was actually moving on.

Robin answers. "Jude? Why—"

"What are you doing at Novak's house?"

Robin frowns. Damn, getting straight to the point. Also, that was quick. Robin arrived here like, two minutes ago, and Jude is already calling him? Has the guy been tracking him this whole time? What is even going on anymore?

Robin thinks about telling him the truth, but he feels irritated at the situation. "Oh you didn't hear? We're married now."

"Robin." Jude says in a deeper, warning voice. Robin rolls his eyes. He's so confused. He checks his phone to see if Jude has even texted him since the whole ordeal, and finds a few. They're mostly asking him to call, so maybe this was bound to happen anyway.

"Kat is friends with his brother. Why?"

"Just making sure."

Making sure of what?

"Okay, well," Robin says, unsure what to do now. Don't get him wrong, he's so happy to be talking to Jude. He basically lives in a constant state of missing this guy. However, it's tainted by the fact that he is now fully aware how much better off the guy would be without Robin in his life. "Everything's fine."

"Okay," Jude says as Robin pulls out of the driveway. He doesn't even see Miles' car here, which is good. Jude's call does intrigue him, though. He called so quickly after Robin arrived here, it was almost flattering.

The line is silent for a while, both wanting to talk but neither knowing what to say. Robin tries to just focus on the road and not think about how much he wants to see Jude right now. How much he wants to ask the guy to come over, or go get food with him, or do literally anything. He just wants to be around him.

He can't, though. He's fully convinced that it's for the best. Except...

"We should really talk."

Robin sighs, because this is not a good idea. He should hang up. He absolutely cannot see Jude in person, either. His resolve always crumbles far too easily. Robin needs to be careful about this.

"About what?" Robin asks, which is a dumb question that he asks on purpose.

"What do you think?"

Robin does not want to talk about this. He hates how conflicted he constantly is nowadays. He wants to talk to Jude, but he doesn't want to talk to Jude. He wants to be around Jude, yet at the same time, he doesn't. Robin is starting to think he needs to put an end to this. For good.

Robin doesn't want to. He tried to keep his entire secondary gender from this guy, specifically so that he could keep him in his life. It's crazy how much that changed, now that Robin's convinced he's holding him back.

"I think we should just cut all contact." Robin says simply, and Jude goes silent. He finally arrives back at his home, and just sits in the driveway with his eyes closed. He sees his mom's car here, but as predicted, his parents haven't enforced any of the punishment they came up with.

Robin sits there, waiting for a response. When he does finally get one, though, he begins to panic.

"I'm coming over."

Then, the line is dead, and Robin starts to freak out.

Oh shit, Jude's coming over? Why? Robin thought they could just settle it over the phone! Why come to his house?

Robin hastily makes his way inside, up the stairs and to his bedroom. He sits on his bed, internally trying to figure out what to even do in this situation. Before he knows it, twenty minutes go by, and he hears Jude's—now fixed—car pull into his driveway.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck—Robin has to stand his ground. Jude is way too persuasive and good at getting him to give in. To lose his resolve. He has to keep his head and remember that the entire reason he's doing this is for Jude!

Jude can do better. Robin will hold him back. There's no sugar coating it, and Robin thinks he may have known the entire time. Robin's always been aware of how amazing Jude is, he just never realized that he could be even better. Even more successful, if only he didn't have to carry Robin's dead weight around.

Robin looks up when his door opens, none other than Jude walking through it. He closes his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Jude doesn't even beat around the bush, walking right up to Robin and saying, "look at me."

Robin sighs, reluctantly listening. He finds Jude standing in front of his seated form. The guy has his arms crossed, and he's staring at Robin in dissatisfaction. He's not angry, but he isn't happy either. He appears fed up.

"I've tried to give you your space, but if this is what you're going to do, then forget it."

Robin averts his eyes. He doesn't know what to say right now. Honestly, he's trying to remember how to function. He hasn't seen Jude in so long, and now the guy is right in front of him. Sure, he's upset, but Robin has missed him. Still, Robin tries to focus on the task at hand: convincing Jude to move on, for his own good.

"I just want what's best for you—"

"Stop," Jude says, and Robin meets his eyes. He now looks both frustrated and pissed off. "You're what's best for me. You're all I've ever fucking wanted, Robin. I don't understand why you're doing this."

"Because you deserve better!" Robin replies, exasperated, "and I'm not the only one who thinks so."

Jude moves so he's crouching in front of Robin, eye level. He's giving him a meaningful look. "Nobody would ever be good enough for my parents. I'm not even good enough. It's no reason to ruin this."

"But I'll hold you back—"

"How?" Jude asks, eyebrows raised. That question actually throws Robin for a loop, because he really didn't think about how specifically he would keep Jude from reaching his full potential. Robin just kind of assumed so, due to how he is as a person. "Valedictorian? Ivy League college? All that shit happened when you were in my life, Robin."

Shit. Jude actually has a good point there. See? Robin knew this was a bad idea! Jude's starting to change his mind.

No, no. He needs to stop this. He needs to figure something out, he needs to make sure—

"You make me better, you always have. I'm sorry for making you doubt that."

Robin purses his lips, staring at his lap. Why does Jude have to be so persuasive? Robin is genuinely thinking about giving in right now, which he knew would happen, but it can't! He has to find some way to make sure that Jude lives up to his full potential. They can't be together right now, because with how Jude is, they'll be moved in together within the month.

Robin knows that if he says yes, if he agrees to be with Jude right now, it would be too much of a change. Jude is about to go to college—a college he chose because it's close to Robin, Ivy League or not. Robin still needs to figure out what the hell he's even going to do with his life. They are both at a place in life right now where the best thing to focus on is themselves. Not a relationship.

Finally, Robin comes to a decision. Said decision isn't ideal, and it honestly makes him sad, but he thinks it's their best course of action.

"Maybe we should wait. Get our lives figured out, then worry about each other."

It's silent, and when Robin looks back at Jude's face, he can tell the guy isn't wild about that idea either. Yeah, it's not pleasant to think about losing each other for years. However, Robin's alternative is never seeing each other again, so he thinks this is preferred.

Jude fully stands up, and Robin continues staring at the floor. He is expecting Jude to disagree, in all honesty, which is why he is surprised when the guy responds;

"So if I wait a few years, and find you again, what? You'll finally agree to be mine?"

"Yes," Robin replies, and he's surprised at how much that pains him to say. He's almost positive that Jude will find someone else in that time, mated or not. This isn't pleasant to think about, but Robin reminds himself who he's doing this for, and it's not himself.

"Alright." Jude says after a moment. "Alright, Bird Boy. Deal."

Robin scrunches his face up, glancing up at Jude in confusion. "Did you just call me Bird Boy?"

Why is Jude calling him by Miles' weird insult nickname? That's so random.

Jude tilts his head, before appearing to think about it. "Yeah, I guess it's been a while, huh?"

Robin frowns, but that's when the memories hit him. Jude used to call him that all the time when they were younger. Then, when Miles came into their lives, he stole it as a means to mock them. Robin remembers that Miles used to call him Bird Brain, but changed it specifically to be a douche and ruin it for them.

It's been so long, and the name got so tainted, that Robin eventually forgot.

"It has," Robin agrees, feeling weirdly emotional. A few minutes of complete silence go by, before he feels himself being pulled up from the bed. Jude envelops him completely in his arms, and Robin closes his eyes. He doesn't even have to think before embracing the guy back, basking in the familiar scent that he's grown to love so much.

Jude leans down and kisses the top of his head, before finally pulling away.

"I'll see you later, then." Jude says, and Robin thinks later may be an understatement... if ever. Still, he smiles—though it's a bit sad, and watches as Jude exits the bedroom. Alone once again, Robin deflates back in his bed—laying down fully this time. He closes his eyes as he wonders what the future holds now. If he and Jude will ever be together, or if it's meant to be in the first place.

Robin supposes that he will find out in time.

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IMAGINE IF I JUST LEFT IT LIKE THIS LMFAO


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