HER PAST

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ANAYA

"You know, as a child you don't always wish for costly gifts and chocolates, you also need a happy family. Mine was never that kind of family. My father always thrived to became a top-class politician. He married my mother not out of love but just to have a family. When I was born, he was happy to have a child because now he can show off to his vote bank that how progressive he is to have only a single child and that too a girl. As the time passed by, my mother came to know that he's having an affair. She was devastated because she loved him with everything she had. I was in middle school when this happened and the day, I knew this was the day my childhood ended. I remember one night my father came home and he had a huge fight with my mother. I was in my room and didn't want to step out of it because I was scared but soon my mother screams started echoing and I couldn't help but run to their room. Through the window I saw that my father was kicking my mother in her stomach. I froze at my place and badly wanted to stop him but I didn't. I didn't because I was scared that he'll beat me too.”

“My mother cried, hugging his legs and whispering all the apologies in the world. I wondered why she's apologising when he's the one to hit her then later I came to realize, she was apologizing for shouting at him because she doesn't want him to leave her. She was madly in love with her. But he didn't stop, he kept on abusing her and beating her. That was the first time when I saw that disgusting side of my father but I had no idea that it was just the start.”

“It became the story of every night, he'll come home drunk and beat her, sometimes with his shoe other times with his leather belt and my mother, she tolerated everything and cooked food for him and did everything which could make him happy. And one day when I had enough, I asked my mother from where did her bruises came from but instead of telling me the truth, she lied that she fell in the bathroom. As the day passed by, I started skipping school and no one would notice, I started neglecting my meals because Mom didn't have enough strength to see if I'm eating food cooked by the maids or not.”

“Every night, I'd cry in my room hearing the screams of my mother. I started staying in my mother's room and took care of her bruises. I would feed her, clean her wounds and massage her head. She somehow realised that I know everything. She loved me, I was sure of it because even though her body was full of bruises, she would make me a bowl of hot Ramen with cheese and egg and serve it to me with cranberry juice. I enjoyed eating the food she made for me and told her stories to make her laugh. She would smile but it'll never reach her eyes. I thought that once I grow up, I'll take my mother far away from my father but before that could happen, one day, my mother hugged me tightly into her arms and cried like there's no tomorrow. She told me that she's going to leave me for now but promised me that she'll return to me one day. She also took a promise from me about something. And with that, she left me. Now I was all alone in the big house. Father would come and ask about my studies and bring me chocolates and gifts but every time I try to look at him, he'll remind me of all the tears that my mother shed. I started despising him and soon after a month, he took her home. The woman who wrecked our house; my step mother. He married her because she was the daughter of an influential family who would help him to make his political dream come true. She hated me and always told me that why I didn't go with my mother.”

“When my father would be not at home, she would hit me and put me locked up in the attic. I remember falling unconscious every time she locked me up there because the place was full of spiders and rats. The rats would bite my feet and when she unlocks the door, I would come out with blood oozing out of my feet's flesh. Then I used to apply ointments to my wounds and cry myself to sleep. She also gave me food only once in two days and when I'd ask more, she'll forcefully stuff my mouth with fish because she knew that I'm allergic to them. I started failing my classes and because of that principle called my father and told him that how irresponsive I'm in school, that how I never do my home works and how I failed in every single tests. My father became angry but didn't say anything to me instead he hired tens of tuition teachers who would teach me for whole day. I had no option but to study because I was scared that once I failed another exam, my father would also hit me like he did to my mother. This tuition teacher thing continued till I reached high school. I was tired of everything. I also lost the hope that my mother would ever return. So finally, I decided to end everything. I decided to end my life but then something happened and thankfully I didn't commit suicide."
I told him. I told him everything. I've never said all this loud to anyone but to him, I shared my worse demons.

And this time I didn't cry. Instead, it felt liberating to share a scarry piece of my childhood that I never told anyone.

"If you want then I can destroy your father's political career and put both your father and step mother behind the bars." He said after a moment of silence which felt like an eternity.

Hearing him, I burst out laughing. Not just a fake one but a genuine laugh. I laughed till my stomach started hurting. All the pain that I had entrapped in my chest, fly away.

He didn't console me that whatever happened with me was sad because honestly, I don't need anyone's pity but even though he was serious when he said about putting them in jail, it felt funny.

"No, please don't. Let them enjoy their lives." I said in between my laugh and then took a bite of lemon cheesecake.

"It's delicious. Try it." I held a spoon full of cake in front of him and he ate it without any reluctance.

"It is good." He said and quickly I feed him another bite of the cake.

"Then why are you not meeting your mother?"

"Because I need to pay for my sins." I whispered under my breath.

"What?" He asked.

"That's the story for some other time."

"You know, I can pay-"

I chuckled. "I know. I know. But we're getting late. Can we go to my friend's birthday party?"

He nodded. 


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