【21】One and Only

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By the time I arrived at the Kelex building, I was positive being away all day would be beneficial. Lex would get more space, and I'd get to decompress, surrounded by friends and colleagues. As it so happened, Lex would also get to unwind sometime today, since he'd meet with his shrink.

Maybe when I'd get home tonight, he would finally be ready to talk, and we'd be able to have the conversation we so desperately needed.

That, or he would have had all the locks changed and taken me out from his visitors' list. No, he wouldn't... Even if he wasn't willing to admit it, he wanted me there, and he knew it deep down.

Quickly after I'd stepped onto the Kelex floor, it became rather clear that this wouldn't, indeed, be relaxing or comforting. As soon as they saw me, a few people rushed toward me. While their intentions were good, they also happened to be very much unwanted.

They had about a thousand questions about Lex, how he was doing, when would he come back, how happy was I that he'd been freed... I had no idea what to answer to most of these, so I remained vague and generic.

I couldn't tell them that Lex wasn't exactly home yet. Because while his physical self was freed, an important part of him hadn't come home yet, locked away in a mental prison of his own fabrication. That was exactly what it was. The old Lex was still missing, somehow, and I was starting to believe that getting that part of him freed might take longer than getting the charges against him dropped.

Eventually, I reached the break room, despite being stopped so many times on my way there, and busied myself with my morning coffee.

"Sis, how are you even standing up?" Mason's voice said next to me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me further, where no one would hear us. "Your man just got out of prison, and from everything you've told me, you should be in a wheelchair, girl."

"I guess we kept it reasonable," I argued, eager to move on from this line of questioning."

"Ah, was homeboy missing his prison wife?"

"Mace," I warned softly, shaking my head.

"Sorry, boo. I was just trying to lighten up the mood. You look like you need it. What's going on, Dee?"

Looking around to make sure no one could hear, I sighed and offered him a pained look. "He isn't doing well. Everything just... really took a toll on him."

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, bestie. And you, how are you doing with all this?"

"Not very well, either. But I'm staying strong. If I break just like he broke, I don't think there'll be an 'us' to salvage anymore by the time we're doing better."

Mace seemed to grasp the extent of my struggles, and how tenuous this whole situation was. His eyes turned compassionate, and he gave me a supportive smile. "God prolly made you a strong ass bitch just for that. I just know you can hold on cause you're a fierce queen. But girl, you gotta think about yourself too."

"I am, I promise."

"You better. I know you wanna be there for him, but who's there for you?"

His question made me realize how lonely I was in this. I wanted to believe that Lex was there for me. But was he? He was home, yes, but given his reluctance to be with me, he probably wouldn't look after me and show the same support I was showing him. Kate was helping with the moral support, but she was over three hours away. I didn't know Death enough to confide my deepest worries to them, and going to Oli for relationship advice seemed weird. But I had to be careful with my own mental state, and not let this whole mess ruin it any further. A mental breakdown was the last thing I needed right now.

Given my lack of answer, Mason figured out himself that I really had no one to watch over me. "If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here for you, boo, right? And I promise, the gossip bitch in me will behave if you ever want to confide stuff."

"Are you sure she can behave?" I asked with a cheeky smile.

"When it's important, she can. And I'm way too involved in this ship to mess it up."

He was being sassy and light, which I knew was to cheer me up. It worked to some extent, and I gave him a quick and grateful hug. "Thanks, Mace. I really appreciate that."

"No problem, boo. You were here when I had to vent about Fabien," he replied, gently patting my back. I pulled away, offering him a wince.

"How are things, by the way?"

"Oh, hell no, sis. You have enough drama going on as it is. I ain't about to lay more of it on you."

Fabien, who was Mason's fling turned boyfriend, turned ex, turned fling again, was now a complicated thing. After rekindling their romance during the Christmas holidays, they were both trying to find a way to make things work, despite over two thousand and six hundred miles separating them. Fabien was in Atlanta, where Mace came from, and he didn't seem ready to move here.

"So I take it he's still not quitting his job?" I asked with a pout.

"Girl, I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. He better make a decision fast, because there's no way I'll wait three months for him to get his ass over here."

From what I'd heard, he might actually give him more than that, since he was convinced Fabien was the love of his life. While things were complicated for them right now, it didn't mean they wouldn't work out. I had to believe any issue could be worked on and salvaged.

Of course, the nerds in the Troll's Lair had even more questions than the rest of Kelex. My first ten minutes there were spent answering them the best I could until we all started working. As I struggled to get into the various scripts that needed my attention, my mind kept drifting back to Lex, as I wondered what he was doing, if he'd gone to his therapist, how long he would stay...

Clearly, I wasn't the only one with the man on my mind, because Kev sent me a text shortly before lunch, to ask if I could come up to see him. If Lex was closed off with me when I was living there, I didn't even want to imagine what the others got. Kev probably hadn't heard a thing from his best friend since dropping him off on Friday.

With my phone in hand, I went upstairs to Kev's office. He invited me in right after I'd knocked, and I put a brave smile on my face before entering the room. I found him seated at his desk, working on his Mac. He turned to me, and a friendly grin spread across his face. "Hi, doll," he greeted me as I made my way to him.

"Hi, Kev. How are you?"

"Good. Great, actually. I have an amazing daughter, a lovely wife, and my best man is out of jail."

"I guess life is treating you well," I humored.

"It really is. I wanted to check how it was treating you. Lex always changes topics when I ask how your reunion was."

Lex dismissing the topic of me was such a painful reminder, it took me a second to grasp the implication of his words. "You two have spoken since Friday?" I asked.

"Yes, a few times. On the phone or via texting. Why?"

Fuck... So, the problem really was just me. Lex wasn't as closed off as I'd thought if he'd taken the time to talk to Kevin. He only was hermetic for me and refused to communicate with me.

Kev caught on my dismay, and a crease formed between his eyebrows. "Wait, is he not talking to you?"

"Not really, no."

A disapproving growl rolled in his chest. "That would be why he's always switching topics when I ask. I thought it was modesty, but he was just being sneaky. Is he pissed at you for what you did?"

"Pissed doesn't even begin to cover it."

"I see... I'll talk to him and tell him to stop being a stubborn asshole. I'm sorry you have to deal with him on top of everything you already went through."

"He went through much more," I defended Lex, despite appreciating the tough love Kev intended to inflict on him.

"Because you think his experience was worse doesn't mean yours matters less or is insignificant. I'll have a chat with him and remind him you also suffered a lot."

For the second time today, someone was actively looking after me, making sure my own wellbeing was cared for. Having such supportive friends made me slightly emotional, and a veil of tears covered my eyes. "That's very considerate of you, Kev. Thank you."

"Being married to Michelle, I know how important mental health can be. You may feel strong enough now, but everything you endure is just stacking up on top of the rest. But it can all crumble like a house of cards, so be careful, Andrea."

The nod I gave him was more to reassure him than to promise I would. Life had taught me I was much stronger than I looked. And my love for Lex, the love we shared, made me the strongest I'd ever been. For him, I could bear so much more than I'd ever imagined possible. The fact that I hadn't broken down already was proof of it. He'd get better soon, and it was all I needed for my own sake; to see him healthy and happy again.

Kev kindly offered to take me out for lunch, but I politely refused. If we ate together, I'd have to answer more questions, including some I wasn't ready to answer yet. So instead, I bought a sandwich from the machine and ate it downstairs with the guys. Or some of it, at least, and Steven finished the rest.

By the time I returned home, a little before six, my thoughts were conflicted. I hoped to find Lex doing better, since he'd gone to his therapist today, but I kept reminding myself that one session wouldn't be enough to heal him fully. He'd still be closed off and distant, regardless of how much improvement there would be.

When I passed the lobby, I was relieved to see I still had access, since the concierge didn't stop me. Good, Lex hadn't gone completely mad, and he hadn't pushed me out of his life entirely. My hand was shaking as I opened the door to his apartment, but I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders before entering. Be strong...

He was nowhere in sight, so I got rid of my things, settled them on the rack by the entrance, and went to find him. He wasn't in his home office nor in his cave. Maybe he hadn't come home yet?

Just as I was about to ask Mary where he was, a movement to my right caught my attention. My eyes fell on him, and my jaw dropped slightly, bewildered by the sight he offered. He was clearly coming back from his home gym, and his top was resting on his shoulder, drenched in sweat. His impressive torso was acting like a magnet for my gaze, and I couldn't stop looking at the muscles there. How was he even fitter than before? Once more, was it the effect of his beard, or was it an actual fact?

Exercising had probably been one of the few ways he'd had to kill time while in jail. Between that and the bad food, Lex had very little body fat left. Holy shit. His arms were impressive, and a few sinuous veins ran over them, the rigid muscles underneath making them pop out. He'd probably been lifting a lot in there. A shame he wouldn't lift me here...

Confusion crossed his face when he saw I was here, and he checked on his watch before mumbling something into his beard. Ah, literally... He grabbed the tank on his shoulder and arranged it before slipping it on, the wet fabric rendering the enterprise more complicated than it should have been.

Once all eight of his abs were out of my sight, the blood stopped going to what must have been the female equivalent of an erection, and my brain got enough of it to function properly again. Shit, I was so fucking slex-deprived, it was pathetic.

"Hi," I breathed out. His lack of answer confirmed my worries, but at least he nodded. "How was your day?"

"It was okay."

Saying no more, he made his way to the kitchen, and I followed suit. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge as I hauled myself up on the counter, on the very spot where we'd made love a few times before. He most certainly noticed, as there was a brief pause in his gestures when he glanced at me.

"My day was okay too. Thanks for asking," I declared with patience. Pulling the necklace from under my shirt, I took the hidden ring and slipped it on my finger. I couldn't wait for this to be official, so I wouldn't need to keep taking it off when in public. "People had a lot of questions about you. The entire office wants to know when you'll come back."

"I don't know yet," he mumbled after a few sips of cold water. His eyes were on the diamond at my finger, and given his expression, I could tell a reproach was coming my way.

"The app is doing so good. Steve and Oli have set a date for the second wave of beta testing, and I think we'll be ready even before that. I'll show you our advances, it's really—"

"You shouldn't be wearing that," Lex cut me, still glaring at the ring.

Even though I'd anticipated it, it stung greatly, like a needle lodging itself in my heart. "Why? You bought it for me, didn't you?"

"But I didn't offer it. Because it was meant for you doesn't mean you're entitled to it."

"Stop being so fucking dramatic," I warned, not fooled by his obvious attempt at hurting me. "We both know this became mine the day you bought it. And anyway, you almost gave it to me on New Year's Eve, didn't you?"

His frustration at being so easily called out almost made me smile with pride, but I held back. The man needed a reality check, and I was more than glad to give it to him. Even if it didn't feel like it at the moment, he knew, deep down, that I was the only woman he'd ever want to marry. I was his one and only, and I wouldn't let his momentary confusion take that away from me; from us.

"It's beautiful, by the way. I really like it," I added, admiring the jewel. Despite all the time I'd spent wearing it, I still wasn't used to how pure and clear the diamond was.

Lex resorted to more silence, and we remained there as he finished his bottle, awkwardly together but not. Once he was done, he crushed the bottle flat, screwed the cap on, and went to toss it in the recycling bin. I thought he'd leave without another word, but he unexpectedly turned to me.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't drag my own best friend in this, Andrea."

Ah, fuck... So Kev had spoken to him, but the conversation hadn't had the desired effect. On the contrary, Lex had taken it as a further affront from me.

"I didn't drag him into it. He kindly asked how I was doing, and then decided you weren't treating me well on his own, and said he'd talk to you. If you want to know the truth, I even defended you in there. So, please, stop assuming the worst from me, Lex. It's getting offensive, and I only have so much patience. I get that you're hurt, and I get that you need time."

I paused long enough to read the doubts laced in his gaze. "But I also know you want me here, despite everything you say. You would have had the locks changed otherwise when I was gone. I'm here for you, but don't push me too far, because, at some point, I might not find my way back to you."

It wasn't a warning or a threat, but a statement. Like anyone else, I had my limits to what I could endure. Some lines mustn't be crossed, and he needed to be aware of that. None of us wanted to see what would happen if he went beyond the lines of what I could tolerate.

He didn't answer, and we both knew it was because I was right. I'd just called him out on his bullshit, and he couldn't argue with my statement.

"I'll stop trying to initiate contact because you clearly don't want it. I'll leave it up to you to tell me when you're ready, Lex."

To stress my words further and give him something to think about, I didn't say anything more, slipped down from my spot, and left him there in the middle of his kitchen. Mace and Kev had been right. I needed to look out for myself, too, and I couldn't let him keep hurting me. God knew for how much longer I'd be able to take it, but I didn't want to get to the day I'd have enough.

• • •

While the situation between us hadn't exactly improved, it hadn't worsened, either.

Lex was more careful around me, and despite the lack of communication and the way he continued to ignore me, he wasn't purposefully hurting me anymore. Because the cat was out of the box and we both knew he wanted me there, he wasn't hinting toward my departure, and wasn't being hostile to my presence. When I entered a room he was in, he didn't flee it like he used to, and we were able to live in relative harmony.

It was small, but I took it as progress. He was a complicated man, but he was working on himself, and it was all I could ask for.

During the days, I was off to work, and these few hours apart allowed us to recharge, getting ready for the next time we'd be together. That time out surely helped us so we wouldn't explode at each other.

The weekend came, though, and I was slightly worried about our cohabitation for these two full days together. Lex had been working a lot since he'd been back, either in his cave or in his home office, which meant I wouldn't see much of him, anyway.

On Saturday, I was in the kitchen, cooking something for both of us. Hopefully, we'd be able to have lunch together, and maybe we'd finally talk. The man was a fucking brick wall, and his strong determination, which I'd loved so much in the past, was getting on my nerves.

I was just done putting the lasagna in the oven when the doorbell rung, its soft melody echoing in the apartment. Wondering who it could be, I made my way to the main door. Lex came into the room as well, just as confused as I was. Since it was better for him to handle it, I stayed where I was while he walked up to the door. As he was reaching it, it was blown open with a deafening crash.

Frozen with fright and dread, I remained still as a group of armed men entered the apartment, shouting and pointing their weapons at us. Their black uniforms and the FBI white letters strapped on them brought me back to months ago, when I'd been through the worst experience of my life.

No, not again!

My limbs refused to obey my brain, shaking helplessly, and when the men shouted at me to get on my knees, I couldn't comply. I watched, desperate, as they forced Lex down, kicking him behind the knee.

No. I can't survive this again.

The men with Lex told him he was under arrest, their heavy artillery pointed straight at his head. They told him he had been confirmed as Nammota, and it was over for him. Just as they were done with him, the ones with me gave me the same treatment, forcing me on the ground and harshly pulling my arms back to handcuff me.

Fuck, this can't be happening.

"Andrea Walker, you're under arrest for assisting and impersonating a wanted criminal. You and Alexander Coleman are going to spend the rest of your life in prison, hundreds of miles away from one another. This is the last time you'll see him, so get a good look," the man ordered, fisting a handful of my curls to pull my head up, forcing me to look at Lex.

Our silent exchange was desperate, as tears filled my eyes, robbing me of his beloved features, depriving me of these last moments of seeing him. No, this couldn't be real. This wasn't the end of us.

I refused to accept it. It was too

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