Next Saturday, after an intense week of work, I found myself entering Lex's building to get the Benz's keys. It had been a month since the last time I'd been there, and everything felt estranged. I recognized the concierge at his desk, but he apparently needed a quick reminder as he asked me my name and who I was visiting.

On my way up in the elevator, I tried to prepare myself mentally, knowing it would be hard to see Lex's place. We'd spent so many wonderful moments there, being reminded of them was bound to hurt greatly. The numbers on the screen above the door went up until halting on his floor. Then the doors slid open, revealing the hallways I knew well.

As I walked to his door, I was reminded of the first time I'd been here, anxious, confused, and frankly horny, questioning if I would really let it happen and have sex with my boss. If past Andy had had the faintest idea of the whirlwind of events that would follow, she might have backed out of it. Maybe it would have been a good thing since it meant Lex would be free to continue his life, untouched by the influence I'd had on his life.

Upon seeing his door, I recalled standing there, waiting for the man the building manager had contracted to finish repairing it. As soon as he'd been done, I'd exited the apartment, locked the door, and left. I hadn't been back ever since.

My hands shook as I looked for my keys in my backpack, and I struggled to fit it into the slot, my gestures unstable. One turn, two turns, and the door was open, the heavy bolts unlocked. A deep and soothing breath later, I pushed on the panel, revealing the familiar interior.

Oh, no... How could I forget? The feds had pillaged the place, and I hadn't had the heart to clean it all up, only rearranging a few things before leaving. With a sigh, I entered the ransacked space, closing the door behind me.

"Good afternoon, Andrea," Mary greeted me. "It has been long since I last saw someone."

"Hey, Mary," I answered, surprised she'd guess who was here. "How do you know it's me? I thought Lex didn't have security cameras."

"There are two cameras oriented toward the entry points—the main door, and the door that leads to the terrasse. But there are sensors everywhere, to allow me to keep track of what's happening." Oh, that made sense. It was definitely smart to have a visual in case potential intruders made their way in.

"So... there are no cameras in the bedroom?" I insisted, slightly relieved.

"No, there aren't any. Nor in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the office—"

"Alright, you can stop with the slut-shaming," I cut her, feeling my cheeks warm up.

She compliantly stopped enumerating the places Lex and I had had sex, and I looked around at the mess. It felt wrong to leave it like this. Lex's apartment had been our oasis of happiness, the center of so many wonderful moments, I couldn't possibly leave it in this awful state.

Because I didn't have anything planned for the day other than work, I decided to take a moment to clean up. After dropping my bag by the entrance and removing my raincoat, I took a moment to assess the situation and decide what I should start with.

The living room was a mess, but one that would be relatively easy to clear up. I started there, rearranging the pillows on the couch, putting the books back in their places, returning the small furniture that had been moved around back to their places. As I entered Lex's home office, I stopped in my tracks, shocked once more by the wreck they had left behind them. The computer was gone, and everything had been touched, not a single stone left unturned.

Since I didn't know what went where, I decided to organize the mess, instead of trying to guess which drawers or shelves things went on. Every time I found something regarding Kelex, my heart ached a little. Earlier this week, Lex had officially been pushed out of his own company, for the sake of it. Kevin now owned his shares, and a press conference had been held, where he'd explained how Alexander Coleman was now Kelex's past.

It has been painful to watch as Kev was forced to disavow his best friend, but I knew it had been even harder for him. This entire situation wasn't fair, and we both hoped to God everything would be back to normal soon. Lex's exit had apparently been enough to put things back on track, and while the shares weren't going up yet, the decrease in their value had stalled. Luckily for the company, people didn't really know what Lex's role in it was. Had they known the brain of the operation was out, everything would have crumbled even faster. But instead, Kevin was the face of Kelex, the facade everyone relied on, and Lex was an enigmatic part of it whose functions were just as mysterious.

I was trying to organize the main drawer of his desk when a glimpse at my own handwriting surprised me. Lex's handwriting was rather messy and intelligible, so there was no doubt it was mine. Perplexed, I took the piece of paper out, reading the two words on it over and over. The note was crumpled as if it had been turned into a tight ball of paper and then flattened again. It only said 'Thank you', and it took me a few seconds to remember when I'd written it.

It was from our first night together. Short for words and in a hurry to leave before he woke up, I'd written this, hoping it would be sufficient. The procedures regarding one-night stands weren't known to me back then–still not to this day, actually. Given the state of the note, it was easy to imagine Lex waking up alone in his bed, only to find that the woman he'd been obsessed with had vanished during his sleep. He'd probably crushed the piece of paper out of anger and frustration, before deciding to keep it. Maybe as a memento, a warning, a reminder... That, only he could know. But still, these unsatisfactory two words were right here, on the top drawer of his desk.

With a trembling hand, I put it back in its place, unsure Lex would want me to know this very personal detail. We shared everything, but he was still allowed some secrets.

To my relief, Lex's geeky collection was nearly untouched. Whoever had supervised the team going through had probably realized the amount of money all of this cost, and had made sure they wouldn't ruin their department with damages and compensation.

It took me nearly two hours to finish cleaning up the place. Or almost all of it, at least, as I'd kept his bedroom for last. It would be the hardest, but now that I'd done the whole apartment, I'd built up enough strength to go through with it.

The massive bed was a mess, covers and pillows scattered all over it. Because I knew how comfortable it was, the urge to lie on it became impossible to fight. Kicking my shoes out, I didn't resist its tempting call and crawled onto it, in the middle of the chaos that was the room. A familiar scent came to my nostrils, and I grabbed a pillow to shove my face in it, breathing in its smell. It wasn't that one, so I picked another one, giving it the same treatment.

There... It smelled of Lex...

The trace was faint, but it was here, so I breathed into the pillow, hugging it tightly against me. I missed him so fucking much. I missed holding him, waking up against him, hearing him talk, laugh, or be a nerd and explain some random facts to me. I missed him, and how he made me feel, who I was around him. I missed what we had, the connection, the easiness... It was all gone right now, but we would get it back. If he came out, we would.

I remained there for a long time, reminiscing about the past, holding his pillow against me, staring at the wall in front of me. Only when I noticed that the sky was getting darker did I remember I didn't have all day. I needed to finish this up before taking the car and heading down to Portland.

Reluctantly, I dug my way out of the cover, setting the Lex-scented pillow in a recognizable spot. This was coming home with me.

Although I was telling myself this was for when he came out, so he didn't find his place rampaged, I knew deep down this was cathartic. Cleaning up had always been a good way for me to fight stress, but this was more than that. I was fixing a wrong, making things right again after they'd been wronged. It was some strange atonement, something I had to go through.

The bedroom was faster to rearrange than I'd thought, but upon entering his wardrobe, I grimaced. What the fuck were they hoping to find in his underwear drawers and shirts? This was easier to organize than the rest since it was easy to guess everything's place. I worked strategically and efficiently, folding what needed to be refolded, making neat piles, putting stuff on hangers...

The content of the chest of drawers dedicated to his underwear was piled on the floor, and I bent to grab as many of them as I could, to set them higher so I could start folding. As I moved up, something small and solid fell off my armful of undies, but I ignored it to settle everything on my improvised folding table instead. When I turned around, my breath caught in my throat as I glimpsed at the small object on the floor.

The small blue box on the floor seemed to stare back at me while I tried to understand what was happening. Petrified where I stood, I let my brain run wild with questions and theories, attempting and failing at reasoning my own mind. The blue was particularly easy to recognize, and even if I'd never shopped there, I knew Tiffany & Co were renowned for their engagement rings.

I did nothing for an entire minute, my eyes locked on the box that seemed to dare me to pick it up and check what laid inside. It could be earrings, a pin, a very small bracelet... But then, why would Lex keep that hidden with his underwear?

The image of him shuffling through those very drawers on New Year's Eve made its way into my mind. Drunk off his face and only wearing his boxers, he'd told me he was "looking for the thing." Could it be that? Had he been trying to find that small blue box? Would he seriously have proposed to me, almost naked and inebriated to the point he could barely stand?

Reminding myself this might very well not be a ring, I chased the thought away. For all I knew, this was maybe not even for me. Maybe it was something he'd been holding onto for a while, maybe it was a thing of his past, something he'd intended to gift to someone but never did... I drew a deep breath meant to give me courage, and took three steps to pick up the object of my torments. I gazed at the box as if I could see through it and guess its content, a faint attempt at preserving Lex's privacy.

It was a lost cause, and I caved in pretty quickly, sending an impatient hand to lift the lead. Okay, fuck. It wasn't earrings. It definitely was an engagement ring.

The ring, sitting on its tiny cushion, had a huge diamond mounted on a silvery band covered in tiny diamonds all around. The stone was so clear, so limpid, it caught the artificial light of the dressing room, glimmering as if a star was trapped inside.

Holy shit... Holy fucking shit...

Lex had an engagement ring, hidden in his underwear. He really did. This wasn't a drill. There was an actual, huge, beautiful, insane ring, especially designed for a man to ask a woman to marry him.

The box nearly dropped from my fingers as the truth of it sunk in. We'd talked about it, I knew he'd asked my dad, I knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. This wasn't entirely a surprise, but at the same time, it was.

The underlying meaning of all this struck me almost like a hammer. Subconsciously, I'd put all thoughts of our future together on hold, because the reality that we might not have one was too painful to face. But this right there was the proof that we were supposed to have one. We very much had a life to go through together, and Lex couldn't be convicted. He needed to get out of there and proceed with the plan.

The familiar dizziness that came when I was spiraling grew impossible to ignore, and I went to sit on a cushioned bench in the middle of the dressing room, the ring in my hands. I needed to calm down. Maybe this wasn't even for me. Maybe it was Evora's ring, and she gave it back to Lex, who never got rid of it.

Yeah, it was possible.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, but it took me a moment to notice it. Clapping the ring's box close, I fished my cell out of my pants, hurrying before it went to voicemail. It was Kevin calling.

"Hi," I greeted him as I picked up.

"Hey, Andy. I was wondering if you were on your way to Portland already."

"No, not yet. I had to stop by Lex's first, and I ended up cleaning the mess the feds left behind them."

"Ah, I was thinking we needed to handle that, yes. I can have his cleaning lady come by, so she can finish up if you want."

"Yeah, why not. I'll tell you whenever I'm ready to go back at it."

"Are you okay, doll? You sound a little off."

There was a brief pause during which I stared at the blue box. Kevin would know what it was, right? Of all the people, he knew Lex the best, so he'd know if it was Eva's old ring, or if Lex had bought it for me.

"Yes, I... I found something in his dressing room, and... Actually, it's okay. Don't worry about it," I said instead, changing my mind.

"You can tell me, Andy. What did you find?"

"It's... a ring." The words took some strength to come out, the revelation quite heavy. Since he wasn't answering right away, I felt compelled to specify, "An engagement ring."

"Is it from Tiffany's?"

"Yes, I think so."

"That insolent bastard," Kevin mumbled with amusement.

Confused, I frowned, wondering what this was about. "Sorry?"

"Oh, excuse me. Lex called me a while back, asking where I'd bought Michelle's ring. I told him Tiffany's and then I teased him, asking if he was that whipped he'd propose after such a short time. He told me to piss off, that Juliet was the one wondering since they were looking to buy one for her."

"Oh... Do you think the one here could be Juliet's?" I wondered.

"Oh no, I'm confident Lex was only trying to get me off his back. I know his sister and her partner are taking the leap soon, but I can't see why he'd have her ring at his place."

"Could it be Eva's old ring?"

"No, hers was a family heirloom her father gave Lex. Her great-grandmother's, I believe. She still wears it, but on the other hand."

"So... This ring was for me?" I asked, my voice breaking. Fuck, Lex had really wanted to marry me in the near future. That made my heart swell and ache at the same time.

"Darling, don't cry," Kevin's soothing voice said. "It is still for you. Lex is going to come out, and he'll ask you, and everything will be alright."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"He will. They can't possibly condemn him, they don't have enough evidence."

"All they need is a convinced jury, Kev. And the media has been beating it into people's skulls so hard, they'll all believe he's Nammota before even being picked for jury duty."

"Fuck," he groaned. "Andy, you can't let your worries take the upper hand. They'll eat you alive if you do. Lex is coming out. There's a solid justice system in this country, and we don't send people to jail over flimsy, circumstantial evidence."

I wanted to remind him that the American justice would be right to send Lex to prison, but I held back. Since we didn't know who was listening to our phone calls, we never spoke about it like this.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Kev. I'm going to be okay, this just... made me melancholic. It's all good."

"You're sure? I don't want to leave you alone if you're going to keep worrying like this. You know you're always welcome to drop by, so feel free to come and see us if you want."

"No, I'm all good, I swear," I lied. "I need to head to my parents' anyway, but thanks for the offer."

"Of course, doll. Promise you'll call if any of those thoughts come back to you."

"I promise, Kev. Thank you for being there, really."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Only looking out for my best bud's lady. Also, I kind of like you as a person."

His words made me laugh softly, and when he spoke again, I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'll see you soon, Andy. Enjoy your weekend and say hi to Lex for me."

"Shall do. And I'll see you on Tuesday."

After we hung up, I remained seated there, the box in my hands, in what I could only describe as a light state of shock. It took my phone buzzing again to take me out of it, and this time, it was my mom, asking if I had an idea when I'd be there.

That got me to get back to reality, and within two minutes, I was getting out of the apartment, grabbing the key on my way out, leaving the ring behind, on the chest of drawers it used to be hidden in.

Some part of me wished I'd never found it, because of how tormenting the knowledge of its existence was. But another pessimistic part knew this might have been the only way to know Lex meant to propose.