Chapter 34

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I wake up in the middle of the night.

Not from a bad dream, but because Killian is tossing and turning.

Usually when I wake up, I'm locked in his arms, but he's a foot away from me. I see beads of sweat dripping down his face, which is contorted in pain.

He's having one of his nightmares.

I freeze, unsure of what do to. Do I wake him up? Would it be worse if I did that? I have no idea what to do in this situation. Have never been in a situation like this.

He groans, his skin pale. "No, please."

Shit, shit, shit.

For some reason, I'm panicked. I don't like seeing him like this. I don't know how to help.

And my Sight doesn't tell me what to do.

So I stay frozen solid.

"Katrina," he moans, like he's in agony.

For a moment, I think he's awake, but his eyes are squeezed shut, and he's breathing heavily, distress etched on his visage.

"Killian," I whisper, and shake him slightly.

Immediately, his eyes fly open, and I'm pinned underneath him, his hand around my neck.

"Killian, it's me," I choke out, his hand squeezing my throat tightly. "You had a bad dream."

"Katrina," he breathes, and releases my neck, and I gasp for air.

"Fuck, Katrina, I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I-I thought..."

"It's fine," I reassure him, resisting the need to cough up blood.

"It's not fine." His eyes shine in horror. "You... I..."

"Killian-"

"Get out."

"What?"

"You can't sleep in here anymore. Leave," he orders, but his voice cracks on the last word.

"I'm not leaving."

"Katrina, for once, do as your told," Killian begs. "It's not safe for you to sleep with me anymore."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving," I insist.

"Do you understand that I almost killed you?" He asks angrily.

"No," I argue. "You didn't. A little light choking never killed anyone. I thought you liked it rough."

Killian freezes. "Are you seriously trying to make a sex joke now of all times?"

"Maybe. Is it working?"

"Katrina, please leave before I hurt you more." His pleads grow in desperation.

"No," I tell him, and cup his warm face with my hand. "You're there for me when I have mine. I'm not leaving when you have yours."

He's quiet for a moment. "I could hurt you, Katrina."

"I don't care."

"I do," he snarls. "Get out before I throw you out."

"You wouldn't."

"You have no idea how far I'd go to keep you safe."

"I'm safest when I'm with you."

I don't realize how true those words are until I say them out loud.

Killian, Alpha of Crimson Shadow, the Ultimum Viatorem, indisputably one of the strongest people on the planet, who could quite literally kill me without much effort on his part.

But he had never hurt me, would never hurt me.

Would tear apart anyone in any dimension who would.

The sudden realization nearly knocks the wind out of me.

"Katrina..." Killian says, his voice strained.

"Please, Killian. Don't make me leave. I don't want to." I don't want to leave him. Not at all.

"Don't beg," he pleads. "Please. I can't— you—please."

"Then don't force me to," I tell him, and since he's still hovering over me, I wrap my arms around his neck.

His body stiffens. "Katrina..."

"Please, Killian. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't want you to. Especially when I didn't want you to," I point out.

"It's not the same thing," He says, but his voice is barely above a whisper.

"It's exactly the same thing. Let me be there for you. Symbiosis, remember?" I grin, and try to pull him closer, but he's much stronger, and resists easily.

"I seem to recall you calling it parasitism," he mutters, but I've gotten good at recognizing the smile in his voice, even the small ones. Despite that, he's still clearly distressed, not wanting to be near me. Even I can see that, and as he always tells me, I'm completely blind when it comes to understanding people.

Just tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it, I'll make it better.

Those words replay in my head, and I wonder how true they are.

"Killian, I'm cold," I say suddenly, and fake-shiver.

Instantly, he flips us so that I'm laying on top of him, and his arms wrap around me.

He worships the ground you walk on.

I swallow hard.

"Is that better?" Killian asks, concern laced in every word.

"Yes," I croak.

"Good. Go to bed."

I roll my eyes.

"I know you just rolled your eyes, darling."

"You can't possibly know that."

"Then how did I?"

"Go to bed," I grumble, and he chuckles slightly.

We lay in silence for awhile, but I can tell that he's not asleep. His breathing is too shallow, and he's too still.

I wondered when I started picking up on those kinds of cues.

I almost ask him why he's not going to sleep, but remember what he said earlier in the night.

You're relying on your Sight. Figure it out, Katrina.

So, I resolve to figure it out on my own. Here is what I know: Killian won't sleep, Killian had a bad dream, Killian wants me out of his bed because he almost killed me.

He's not relaxed because he's worried he's going to hurt me.

Solution: I need to get him to relax.

What's worked in the past?

I can't recall a time where I was able to get him to relax when he was mad. I can't even remember a time where I've comforted him.

I'm really bad at symbiosis.

But he has comforted me. Gotten me to relax when I'm upset.

I remember how fast I fall asleep when he strokes my hair, how he does it every night and sleep finds me instantly, how even when he was arguing with Leo, I still stayed mostly asleep because he was playing with my hair. I wondered if he even realized he was doing it.

I shift upwards so my head is in the crook of his neck, lifting the arm I'm not laying on and resting it high up on his chest, close enough to his head so that I can run my fingers through his hair.

When I do, he groans slightly, just like he did when I bit him.

"What are you doing, Katrina?" He says, his voice terse.

"Symbiosis," I respond, but suddenly lacking confidence about the solution I decided on.

Until his breathing gets deeper, and I hear him sigh as his arms relax ever-so-slightly around me.

I grin in the darkness.

Symbiosis.

****

When I wake up, light streams through the window, but Killian, for once, is still asleep.

I look up at him, and his face is completely smooth, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.

For some reason, I continue to look at him.

Usually, I'm so preoccupied with not giving Killian attention to make him mad, I don't really see him.

With his face free of an annoying smirk, and I can't see the irritating tinge of amusement in his eyes, he looks so much younger. More innocent.

His jawline is sharp, so much so that it's borderline threatening, and his lips are full. Pink, and they look... soft.

I stare at Killian in morbid fascination, like he's an alien creature. And I realize why.

Killian is kind of... handsome.

Really handsome.

In the striking kind of way that makes you not able to pull your eyes off of him.

I'm considering how terrifying and disgusting that is when Killian stirs slightly, his breathing picking up, and I quickly shut my eyes.

A few seconds go by and his arms tighten around me, and he begins to play with one of my curls.

After a few minutes go by, I open my eyes slowly, like I'm just waking up.

"Morning," Killian greets cheerfully.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask hesitantly.

His smile slackens at the question. "Fine, after..."

"Yeah," I say quickly. He doesn't need to finish that.

Killian's eyes dart to my neck. And then they turn completely black.

"Fuck," He swears under his breath, and tilts my chin up to get a better look, which just produces a whole other outpour of cursing.

I scowl, hitting his hand away. "It's fine. Doesn't even hurt. Quit being a mother hen."

His eyes fill with remorse. "I'm so sorry, Katrina," he whispers. "I promise, I would never hurt you intentionally. It was an accident, I-"

"Shut up, Killian." I roll my eyes. "I told you it didn't hurt. I'm not mad."

"You should be," he insists.

"Fine. I am."

His eyes widen, and his mouth trembles slightly.

I sigh. "That was a joke, Killian."

"It's not funny."

"Your jokes are never funny, yet you still subject me to them. Consider this justice."

"Justice would be you not ever sleeping with me again."

I pause, unsure. "Did you... Did you not actually sleep well after you woke up last night?"

He sighs, and cups my face. "I did sleep well, Katrina. That's why it isn't justice for what I did to you."

Ugh, he's so stubborn, and it drives me insane.

"Can I ask you something?" I say suddenly.

"Anything."

"Promise you'll answer."

"I promise." Wow, he really does feel guilty if he's not proposing I take off my clothes in order to get a serious answer out of him.

"What was your dream about?" I ask, recalling that he said my name.

He clenches his jaw. "Not that question."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I heard you say my name," I admit.

The tips of his ears turn pink, and if this wasn't a serious conversation, I would have teased him for it.

"Katrina, it's not a happy dream. Just let it go, okay? You don't want to know," He says wearily.

"Yes, I do. That's why I asked."

He sighs. "Are you going to annoy me about this all day if I don't tell you?"

"All week."

He sighs again. "Katrina, it was just a bad dream. You don't need to know the specifics."

"I'm just curious," I say, and I am. It's eating me alive. "Just tell me, and I won't mention it again."

He groans. "You are so fucking stubborn."

"So are you."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, and I almost think I lost this argument when he quietly says, "It was like your vision, the one you drew. But you were one of the stolen wolves."

"Oh," I say.

"Oh," he echoes grimly.

"Is that why you were in a bad mood yesterday, before we went to Dorian's?" I ask in realization. "Did you... Did you have a bad dream about me?"

He looks surprised. "You... You're getting better at not using your Sight."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, Katrina." He sighs.

I didn't know what to do with this information now that I have it. I felt even more guilty knowing that I would be dying in possibly a just as brutal way as whatever he dreamed of.

"Is... Is there something I can do to stop them?" I ask hesitantly.

"Stop putting yourself in danger so I quit worrying about you all the time," he says, completely serious.

"Really? All the time? And here I thought you just spend all day standing in front of the mirror admiring yourself," I tease.

He rolls his eyes. "Cute, darling. Very cute."

I laugh at my own joke, which just makes him roll his eyes again.

"Yeah, yeah," Killian says, a smile tugging on his lips. "Go get ready, we're going to be late to Dorian's because you couldn't stop flirting with me."

I scoff before leaving his room, but as I get ready for Dorian's, there's something floating around in my head that deeply disturbs me.

I can't wait to be back in his bed tonight.

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