35| A Completely Useless Fling

    BY the time Tuesday rolled around, I kind of started to get a bit nervous for dinner with Logan and her parents. I had been so calm and collected about the ordeal up until this morning. I woke up to what seemed like a billion texts from Logan, telling me about how her parents were bombarding her with questions and acting incredibly weird. I knew that her parents had to be crazy to a certain extent, but I didn't want to arrive at dinner with the notion that they were one hundred percent insane.

    It was also crazy to me that I was having dinner with her parents tonight, meeting them for the first time, and Logan and I hadn't exactly made things between us official. Sure, we were seeing each other behind everyone's backs, but that was just the thing. No one knew we were together. So it felt weird that I was going to be meeting her parents when we hadn't even declared what we were. Could I even say that we were dating if Logan and I hadn't even talked about whether we were boyfriend and girlfriend or not?

    "Dude," Troy said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I looked over towards Troy, who was sitting directly beside Zane. Zane, him, and I were all sitting in the library during our off period, since I had promised Troy I would help him study. Zane joined in, too, since he was also needing some extra help.

"You're basically not even here," he said. "It's like you're in another universe. You thinking about something?"

"Nothing important," I lied. "Sorry."

"You know..." Zane started, leaning in over the table and lowering his voice, "...if you're having girl troubles, we're here to listen."

I gulped. "How could you tell I was having girl troubles?"

Zane shrugged. "I'm basically an expert on the subject, Noah," he said, once again leaning back in his chair. "You've been acting all different lately, and not drastically different, but, you know? The kind of different that leads me to believe that you've been seeing someone."

Dammit. "Was it that obvious?"

"Yes," Troy chimed in. "It's definitely obvious."

"You can tell us who it is, too," Zane added. "Clearly you've been keeping it on the DL, cause I have legit no idea who it could be. Do we know her?"

"I, uh..." I paused, thinking of what to say. I couldn't tell them about Logan yet, we hadn't talked about it. And who was I to make that decision when I didn't even really know what we were? "You kind of know her, but we're keeping it to ourselves for now. I'm uh... I'm not really sure where we stand."

"You're not sure where you stand with this girl? What does that mean?" Troy asked.

"It's just complicated, okay?" I said. "Let's not talk about it, alright? Let's just focus on studying."

"No way," Zane said, shutting his textbook. "We can take a minor break from studying to talk about you and this mystery girl. Why are you so conflicted?"

I sighed. "I'm meeting her parents tonight," I admitted, and Troy choked on his water.

"You're meeting her parents?" He asked. "Dude, doesn't that make things between you two totally serious?"

"Not really," I said. "Like I said, it's complicated. Her parents caught us kissing, so they said they wanted to meet me. Except they don't exactly like the idea of her having a boyfriend, and I don't even know if that's what I am to her."

"You don't know if you're her boyfriend?" Zane asked, and I just shook my head.

We had never established what we were. All I knew was that we both liked each other, enjoyed each other's company, and had quite a lot of physical chemistry. Hell, we even had other kinds of chemistry, and I couldn't deny it.

"Well do you want to be?" Zane asked again. "Do you want to be her boyfriend?"

"I— yeah, I do," I answered. "I really like her. It's crazy how much I like her, it's just—"

"Complicated?" Troy asked, finishing my sentence. "You don't have to tell us everything, Noah."

"You should hear my advice," Zane said.

"Go for it, I guess," I said.

"You like her a lot? So don't let go of her," Zane advised. "Even if it's complicated, even if you don't know where you stand with her, you shouldn't let go of her. Just have dinner with her parents and if it goes to shit, so be it."

"That's comforting," I mumbled.

"I do try my best to comfort," Zane joked. "Don't stress about it, okay? Now, let's study some. I am seriously lost."

✯ ✯ ✯

All day, the only thing I could think about was the dinner tonight with Logan's parents. I swear, it was really getting to me. I could barely pay attention last period, and my teacher even called me out for completely zoning out during the lesson. That rarely ever happened to me.

Needless to say, practicing with the girls team tonight was pretty bad for me, too. I was still hitting fine and what not, but my focus was complete and utter ass. There was one point where the ball flew right towards me, and I couldn't even bring myself to move a step forward to pass it. It was pretty humiliating, and when I made eye contact with Logan, she just shook her head at me. She clearly could tell that I was freaking out.

Once practice finished, Logan headed home and I followed directly behind. This was seriously happening right now. And it was goddamn terrifying.

I pulled up to Logan's house and she was waiting for me in front of her garage. I got out of the car and walked over to her, who shot me a very unconvincing smile. That was definitely not a confidence booster.

"I feel like now would be the time to say that there's no need for you to be nervous," Logan drawled. "But that would most likely be a lie, so I'm not gonna say that."

"That makes me feel better," I muttered.

Logan sighed. "I tried to warn you against this," she said matter-of-factly.

"I know you did, but I'm not a wimp. I'll live through it, and so will you," I said.

"Your ego might be crushed. They probably won't like you from the get-go."

I shrugged. "My ego could never be crushed, Pierce. It's yours that worries me."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Time to go. My parents are all about being on time. If you're one second late, they'll spend that extra second scrutinizing you before you even walk through the door."

Logan surprisingly grabbed for my hand and lead me to her front door, where we both walked in. The only thing that was helping my sudden nerves was the fact that Logan's hand was laced with mine. We were in this together, both equally as weirded out about tonight's plans. It boggled my mind that she was nervous, too. These were her own parents. Again, definitely not a confidence booster.

We entered the dining room which was a picture-perfect depiction of a Pinterest dinner party setup, if you know what I mean. Navy cloth napkins folded beautifully with silverware on top, tall unscented candles were lit in the middle of the table on top of the navy blue flower-printed table runner. It was even more intimidating than expected.

Logan lead me to take a seat next to her at the table while her mom came out with the food. "You're here!" Her mom exclaimed, but her tone indicated that she was surprised by that fact. She was expecting us to be late.

I'll take that as a win.

"I made a gorgeous salad with a simple vinaigrette," her mom informed us. "Pasta will be out in just a minute, and your dad should be down as well." Her mom then directed her attention to me and smiled, although it seemed disingenuous. "You must be Noah.

"Yes, it's good to meet you Mrs. Pierce," I said, sending her my best smile.

Although, Mrs. Pierce seemed unaffected. I swear she huffed a bit as she exited towards the kitchen to grab the main dish. I looked over at Logan, who shot me an apologetic look. She leaned into me to whisper something.

"She's not the friendliest sometimes," she said, pulling away from me. Logan placed her hand on top of mine, which rested on my leg, and I smiled over at her.

Her mom and dad then both walked into the dining room. Mrs. Pierce set the pasta down and Mr. Pierce sat across from me, holding out his hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you, Noah."

I reached over to shake his hand. Damn, that is a firm shake. "Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Pierce."

He retracted his hand to start digging into the pasta. "So Noah, you're a volleyball guy, yes?" He asked.

"Yes sir," I answered. I might have been overthinking this whole dinner thing, but I was determined to keep my posture as close to perfect as I could manage.

"He's an outside, too," Logan added. "If you saw him play, you'd be blown away."

She's talking me up. That has never happened before. She must actually like me.

I squeezed Logan's hand under the table. "We'll have to see you play when your season starts, then," Mrs. Pierce said, trying her best to smile at me. I don't know why I felt it was so forced. "Will you be going to state this upcoming weekend?"

I nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I'll be helping them out taking stats on the sideline," I informed her.

"We've just been telling Logan," Mr. Pierce started, taking a pause to down some water, "that we're excited to see her play for her last time at state. We're expecting a win."

"They're really good," I said.

"They are," Mr. Pierce agreed. "But there's always room for improvement. I hope you've been taking practice seriously," he said, directing his attention towards Logan.

"I have," she said. "Believe me, I've been trying my best."

"Trying your best doesn't mean doing your best," her mom said with a light chuckle. "But I'm sure that's what you meant."

"Of course," Logan agreed, smiling half-heartedly.

This was awkward. Right?

"Well, Noah, to be quite frank with you, we've never been fond of our daughters having boyfriends," Mr. Pierce said. "I'm sure you can understand why. It is a huge distraction from the important things in life, like volleyball and school."

I nodded. "I get it," I said, but I really didn't. "Logan and I do a good job of balancing, though. We often study together, and help each other out when needed."

Mr. Pierce raised his eyebrows at me, then looking over at Logan. "You've needed help?" He asked.

I cleared my throat and swallowed a bite of pasta. "No, no, it's more me needing help than her," I lied.

"Not exactly a school oriented guy?" Her mom asked me.

"I think getting good grades is important, and my grades are something I take a great amount of pride in," I said. "But everyone needs help sometimes."

"Surely not Logan," her mom said under her breath, although I was almost positive that she had wanted me to hear her.

"Noah and I are both at the top of our class," Logan interjected. "We've practically been tied for the top spot since Freshman year."

Until now, I thought. Logan didn't know that I was beating her out these days, and now definitely wasn't the time to bring it up. It honestly wasn't a topic I ever wanted to consider bringing up.

Mr. Pierce nodded. "Good for you, then."

The remainder of the dinner was awkward, with Logan's parents staying on pretty much the same 3 topics:

1. Volleyball, and how they expected a win from the girls team at state this weekend.

2. School and school work. They made it very clear how highly they thought of Logan, which I guess was nice. But a lot of the time, their tone was edging on condescending.

3. Their own jobs and work. It seemed that everything for them was work-related. All work, no play. I couldn't imagine living off of a philosophy like that.

Once dinner was finished, I helped Logan and her parents clear the table, taking everything into the kitchen. Logan's parents said that we were allowed to spend some time together alone on the front patio for a bit before I needed to head home. They were very serious about Logan not spending too much time away from her homework.

"Logan, before you go," her mom started, and she stopped in the doorway. I stayed where I was while Logan headed back into the kitchen to see what her mom wanted. I overheard them talking from the corridor. "I just want to make sure that you're staying completely focused."

"This boy isn't bad, but he's not good for you in the long run," her dad added. Ouch. "Just promise us that you're going to focus on your work and perform well at state. If you don't, there are going to be some consequences, most likely dealing with your freedom and hanging out with your friends and your... boyfriend."

"I know, dad," I heard Logan say. "Noah isn't going to distract me, you don't have to worry about it. We're not serious, anyway. It probably isn't going to last, anyway."

Wow. Okay, that hurt. Those words practically stabbed into my gut like a knife. Those words really came out of her mouth.

Logan then appeared in the corridor, smiling at me. "Let's go outside," she said, and lead me to the front patio. Once she closed the door, she turned to face me, but there was no smile on my face.

"So what?" I asked. "Is that what I am to you, Logan? A completely useless fling? Cause we're not going to last, are we? Or, at least, that's what you believe."

Her smile faded. "You overheard," she muttered, then sighing. "Noah—"

"What?" I interrupted. "So you agree with your parents now? You think that I'm not good for you in the long run."

"That's not what I said," she defended.

"It's what was implied," I shot back. "Am I seriously that pointless to you?"

"You're not pointless to me!" Logan exclaimed. "Not at all, Noah. I just had to say that shit to my parents, you know how they are!"

"I do know how they are. You've told me, and I thought that I was helping you realize that they can't control your entire life, but apparently not," I said. "You let them control your life, Logan. You let them make your decisions for you, and you just go along with it! You didn't even try to defend me."

"What, so this is about you?" She asked. "You're mad because I didn't defend you?"

I sighed. "It's not about me, Logan. It's about you. It's about the fact that your parents are making you believe that any sort of fun in your life is a bad thing! That us seeing each other, or you getting to spend time with your friends is practically a sin when it's not!"

"You don't get it," she muttered.

"No, I think I do actually," I said, shaking my head. "I should probably just go. I wouldn't want to distract you from your homework. I wouldn't want to be the reason you're not the best at everything your parents force you to do." Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. "I'll take that as my cue." And so I left.

I spun around on my heel and headed straight to my car, getting in and driving away without once looking back.

Fuck what Zane said about not letting her go. It wasn't my fault that things weren't going to work out between us. I cared about her, and I really liked her. I wanted what was best for her, but I couldn't get through to her, and I had to face the simple fact:

I didn't mean shit to her. I was nothing more than a fling. Someone she could use to get help on homework when she didn't understand something for once, someone she could make out with and use for her own pleasure. It was like I was being manipulated, and I felt like a fool for even thinking that what we had was special. It was all a lie.

Logan Pierce and I were just not meant to be in each other's lives.

✯ ✯ ✯

OKAY IM SORRY!!! I'm so sorry for doing this. I couldn't resist the drama.

If it makes you feel any better, it makes me really sad, too. I feel especially bad for Noah in this case. But either way, I'm sorry I had to do this.

It will be over in due time, I promise. But hey, at least I've updated nearly 3 days in a row now. So there you go! PEACE AND IM SORRY.....