I kicked the wet gravel under my winter boots, creating a crunching sound as the pebbles tumbled and rolled in all directions. It had been raining for a few days, which forced me to stay inside the guest room at my mom's apartment. Even if we had good days, I would've still refused to leave my old bed and fluffy blanket. Because what was the point? I was here only for the talk, after all.

I'd been holding myself together to stay sane during our long-distance relationship, but enough was enough. It was time to admit that this just didn't work. I didn't need to pretend I was that strong.

Our distance had threatened to shatter the dream we shared into pieces. The only thing that could glue them back together was our proximity, and if Blake thought we still could wait, I'd just call it a day because I wouldn't survive it. And then, the years of being together, the tears we shared, and the promises we said were for nothing.

I looked at the grey sky, welcoming the chill breeze stroking my face. My nostril inhaled the saltiness in the air as the sound of rolling waves growled in the background. The ocean was dark blue, almost black, reflecting the shade of the sky, or maybe the color of my mood too. It was when I heard someone approaching from behind me. I didn't have to look back to know who the person was; I knew those footsteps too well.

"What the hell, Jennifer?" Blake's deep voice matched the growl from the ocean. "You've been here in town, but didn't bother to tell me?"

I turned around and forced a smile. "Hi, Blake."

"How long have you been staying at your mom's?"

I shrugged. "A few days."

On normal days, he would stride to me and pull me into his arms, but he knew this was not one of those days. Blake was too attentive to miss that something was up. "Why?"

I hugged my faux fur coat tighter to my torso as a gust of wind swept through. It was convenient that my wool scarf swallowed almost half of my face. "I needed to think, and I wanted to be home when I made the decision."

"What decision?" He took a few steps forward. From the tension on his face, I knew he was aware of where I was going with this talk.

"I can't continue with this. With us." It was supposed to be an easy line to say, but my chest tightened up, making it hard for me to breathe.

"Jennifer..."

"It's been two years, Blake, but we're still a thousand miles apart. And we can't find a way how to fix this. This is not a relationship we both wanted."

He sighed. "I never said it would be easy, but I promised you I would make my way to you."

"How?"

"I don't know yet. But I will," he said, repeating the familiar line.

"I still can go back home and restart a life here with you."

"No. You have asked this too many times already, but the answer is still no. I don't want you to give up your life there. It's nothing here for you."

"You're here."

He frowned at my reply. "You know what I meant."

"Then leave everything behind and come with me. We'll start fresh."

"I won't be able to provide for us how I wanted it."

"And I told you so many times already that I don't care."

Blake brushed his fingers through his overgrown wavy hair, frustration written on his face. "And have my family laugh at me? I haven't succumbed to my father's game because I need to show him he can't fuck with my life." He wrapped my face in his palms, forcing me to look up at him. "It may take longer, but we will make it. You just need to trust me."

"How much longer? Months? Years? Or until you realize that this just doesn't work?" I swallowed the tears that threatened to rebel. When he couldn't answer me, I added, "You barely talk to me about what's happening. Daphne knows more about your struggles than I do. Even your sister has more updated news about you. It makes me feel like a fool and second-guessing myself about what I am to you."

"I just want you not to worry about us. I just want you to focus on your new life."

I groaned. "Bullshit. You shut me out because you're too scared."

"That's not true."

"Liar. Admit that you're too scared, Blake. You're scared about me dropping off my career to make us work because deep down, you don't want to be blamed if we still don't work. And you also can't back down from the war with your family because your pride is on the line. You're too scared of being vulnerable. You're too scared of believing in us. Where does this leave me?" I said, my voice trembling. "I don't want to be where I am anymore."

He leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine, his warm breath caressing my lips. "Please, Jennifer..."

I sighed and closed my eyes before abruptly pulling away. If I let him too close like now, I was afraid I would give in and fall back into the same dark hole again. I turned around and trudged to the furthest spot on the cliff, watching the ocean being teased by the wind. In the next minute, which felt like forever, he followed and stood beside me.

"You're right. You're right about all of that." He dropped his head in defeat. "I guess this is me now, Jennifer. I'm at the crossroad, and I don't know which road to take. As much as I want you to be near me, how will I face you and your parents if I pick a wrong turn? Hell, I will blame myself for that."

He didn't even deny all the things I just threw at him. I was hoping he would at least assure me he wasn't too scared to believe in us. He was the one who said that he loved me too much to let me go. Did he even mean it?

I slipped my hands into my pocket, staring at the pair of my wet boots. "That's why I want to make it easy for you. You can focus on your own life from now on. No need to force yourself to fit me in. You don't need to lie or find excuses when you don't want me to worry about you. You don't need to blame yourself if we don't work. I'm letting you free, Blake."

He didn't reply to me right away, but I knew he heard me loud and clear. And whatever was going on in his head, he must have agreed with me. "Does it have to be like this?" he asked after a long silence between us.

No, if you fight harder than this. "Yes. Or we would end up hating each other because we knew we couldn't survive this."

Flashing lights blinked from afar where the sky and ocean met, as though they connected the two elements. In the next five seconds, the rumbling sound followed, reminding us that the rain would be pouring again soon. The universe didn't seem to be in a celebrating moment either, but at least, the sun would reappear eventually. And there would be hope again.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer."

A tear fell down my cheek, but I bit back my sobs. "Me too."