XXII- Welcome to Regretville

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Livia's P.O.V.

My eyes open slowly to adjust to the light. "What time is it?" I ask myself, my voice is hoarse so I clear my throat. I reach for my phone on the nightstand when I realize that this isn't my nightstand. The memories from last night come rushing back as I look around Shawn's room. He's not in here and I look down to see that I am completely naked under the sheet. "Oh my God." I say. I don't even remember falling asleep.

I stand up from the bed and look around. All of my clothes are downstairs so I find one of his shirts and put it on, it reaches my upper thighs thank God. I open the door and look down the hallway, there's no one there. Maybe he left? Just as I think that I hear shuffling coming from downstairs.

I make my way down to where the sound is coming from in the kitchen. "Good morning." Shawn says just as he turns to me. He eyes me up and down, I lower his shirt.

"Sorry, I didn't want to come down here naked." I admit awkwardly.

He waves me off, pouring a cup of coffee, "Cream or sugar?"

"Uh, both." I say. When he's done he hands me the mug. I thank him and blow on it so it cools down.

He makes up his coffee and then leans against the counter, "I washed your clothes. They should be done."

"Thank you..." I tell him, finally taking a drink of the coffee. I can't look him in the eyes. I feel too weird so I keep my attention to the mug in my hand. "I should go home."

I hear him set down his cup, "Livia look at me."

When I don't do what he says he comes up to me and lifts my chin so that I have to meet his gaze, "There's no need to be embarrassed about last night." His reassurance is nice but it doesn't change how I feel.

"Last night was wrong." He moves my hair behind my ear and then leans in to kiss me. I don't miss how perfectly our mouths move together but I force myself to take a step back anyway. "I can't." I whisper as I set my cup down beside his.

"Then tell me why you could last night?" He's slightly angry with me I can tell yet his face remains calm as ever.

My arm falls to my side hastily, "What do you want me to say? I'm just a dumb teenager with an abusive boyfr-" My hand flies up to my mouth at what I just said.

I know that he knows about Dean but it's so different saying it out loud. "Is that why you came here? He hurt you again?" I stay silent as realization hits him, "Your waist." Shawn whispers as he remembers my wince at his touch last night.

Shawn closes the space between us as he grabs the hem of my shirt and lifts it up to look at my waist. When his fists clench at the fabric I know what he sees. At his reaction I pull away and find the nearest bathroom.

I lift up the shirt in the mirror and gasp at the bruises that had formed overnight. They're a dark purple in the shape of his hands. "Shit." I breathe as I examine them.

Shawn walks in behind me, looking at me through the mirror he says, "Dean did that to you." There was no question about it.

"I know." I snap, lowering the shirt and leaning on the wall behind me with a sigh.

Shawn steps out and walks back in with my bra and panties and what looks like a pair of his sweatpants. "Here, change into this." He says as he hands them to me. He doesn't watch me as I change, I don't know if it's to be polite or because he can't stand to see the bruises.

When I'm done Shawn looks back at me, "What happened last night?"

I shake my head and walk out of the bathroom and into the living room, "It was an accident." I lie.

"Bullshit."

"Bullshit?"

"We're past the point where it's an accident and you know it." Shawn deadpans.

I can't argue with him because I know he's right. Shawn knows everything at this point, and there's nothing he can do.

Shawn sits down on the couch and gestures for me to sit beside him. Once I do he looks over at me tentatively, "Last night when you told me to help you forget, is that what you meant?" He asks.

I nod, "We got into a fight, he was mad because I didn't want to..." I trail off. I can't tell him I didn't want to mess around with Dean.

Somehow he already knew, "I see."

"I feel like such an idiot." How could I have zero self control and come here like I did? How could I not want Dean but every fiber in my being wants Shawn?
Shawn takes my hand, "You're not an idiot. He hurts you, Livia. You have every right not to feel that way about him."

I don't want to but when tears prick the back of my eyes, I start to cry, "I'm just scared."

I hesitate to continue so he says, "You can tell me." With such sincerity as he wipes my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm not going to judge you, Livia."

For the first time, I just talk to him about what's really going on. "The last time we were alone together we were kissing and I couldn't stop comparing him to you. Then he wanted to have sex and I stopped him but he didn't really want to take no for an answer. He held me down and took my clothes off and I thought he was going to force me. Eventually he relented and got off of me but I don't trust him." I remember last night when Shawn asked me for permission and asked if I had trusted him. That's the biggest difference between Dean and Shawn...trust.

Shawn is silent for a while, his jaw is clenched and I know he's angry. "Livia I promise you, that I would never do anything you don't want me to."

I nod and place my hand on his cheek, "I know that, I told you last night that I trust you...I meant it." I pull my hand back and stand up, "With that being said, we can't do this again. I need to make things work with Dean. If I try to end things I don't know what will happen to me. Plus you're my teacher, this thing between us it isn't real."

Shawn stands up in front of me, "You know that that's not true."

"Maybe, but you could lose your job. I don't think that's something either of us want to risk. You're kind of my favorite teacher." I smile.

To my surprise Shawn smiles back, "If you ever want me to make you forget again let me know." He says softly before walking to the laundry room and grabbing my dress from last night, "Here, your phone is on the table, I'll take you home." Shawn walks to the door and grabs his keys before putting shoes on and opening the door for me. I walk out in front of him and make my way to his car.

The ride home is fairly silent and Shawn parks a few houses down just in case someone is home. I tell him goodbye and make my way to my house. To my surprise, my mom's car is in the driveway. She didn't tell me they would be home today.

"Oh my God she's alive." I hear my dad say as I walk in.

I make my way to the kitchen where my parents are tag teaming breakfast. "Morning."

"Good morning, how was the dance last night?" My mom asks as she comes up to me to give me a hug.

She pulls away quickly to go back to making breakfast. I shrug, "It was okay...nothing too crazy."

Just then my dad looks me up and down, "Why are you in men's clothes?"

I look down at and mentally slap myself, "It's Becca's, she finds men's clothes more comfortable to sleep in so she buys them. I borrowed these when I forgot to bring pajamas."

My dad nods and doesn't ask me any further questions. I feel dirty though, I need a shower, "Breakfast is almost ready." My mom announces with a smile similar to mine.

"Thanks but I need to wash my hair. Save me some." I say before rushing up the stairs.

Stepping into the shower I begin to think about the events that just occurred. How could I cheat on Dean? How could I let my teacher out of all people go down on me? The worst part is that it was the best experience of my life. Shawn really made me feel things that Dean could never. I wonder, if Dean ever wanted to do that instead of rushing into sex would I let him? Could he even compare? I don't think Dean could make me feel any better than Shawn. There's so much heat and electricity between us that intensifies everything. The memories from last night still makes me shiver. It leaves me questioning how I could do something like that to someone that I love?

That's it though isn't it? Maybe I don't love Dean anymore. I thought I did, I used to think he was the only person out there for me. I know I don't love Shawn but I'm so confused about everything. I do know that if Dean can't figure out a way to stop then I'm going to have to end things with him. As for Shawn I already ended things, whatever was going through my mind last night will never happen again.

Once I'm finally clean I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I wipe the mirror so that I can see my reflection. My towel drops to the ground as I examine the bruises on my waist. They're really bad this time, not to mention the pain in my back from hitting the car. He was drunk. I remind myself...maybe he didn't mean it.

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