Friday...

    "Hey, wake up." I whisper, nudging Shawn's shoulder. His eyes open up and he lifts his head. "Good morning." I say with a small smile.

His arms that are on either side of my torso hold me a little more. He makes a soft groaning sound, "Good morning." He responds.

I lift up and run my fingers through his hair. "How did you sleep?"

Shawn's eyes close momentarily before opening back up again. "Much better now that you're with me. I wish I could wake up to you every morning." I'm surprised by his words.

"You do?" I question.

I move my hand down to rub small circles on Shawn's back. "If I had it my way you would live here, with me. That way I can wake up to you every morning." Did he just...ask me to move in with him? I don't know how to respond, first he wants me to be his girlfriend and that was already a big step in itself. Now he's talking about living together. "Or not..." He rolls over and gets out of bed, taking my silence as a no.

I sit up, "No, it's...it's unexpected." This isn't something I can just decide on in the moment.

Shawn rubs his hand over his face and sighs, "I don't know why. It's no secret that I love you and we both feel safer with each other." I have to think this through, not say yes on a whim.

"Of course I feel safe with you, but a month and a half ago I thought we'd never see each other again. Now you're my teacher again and things are complicated, again." If we're being honest, our situation hasn't changed at all. "Let's say I say yes and move in, how are we going to explain that to my roommate? Or my parents when they find out I stopped living in the dorms? My friends and family are bound to ask questions and I just what? Lie to them?" I don't want to turn down his offer but we have to be smart about this. Not to mention I already lie to everyone except for Hunter.

He crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs. "Tell them."

"Tell them?" I repeat.

"Yes, tell your parents, and your roommate, and fucking Becca, and Jenny for all I care. Tell anyone you want to tell." I can't believe what he's saying to me.

I get out of bed and chuckle humorlessly, "You don't know what you're telling me to do."

Shawn walks over to me and grabs my shoulders so that we're making eye contact. "I know that when I go to bed at night, I want you there. I know that when I wake up I want you there. It doesn't matter where I am, I want you with me, Livia. So yes, tell whoever you have to tell to sleep better at night. As long as it's me you're going to bed with." I want to say yes and let the whole world know. My brain is screaming at me that this is going to blow up in my face.

If we're going to stay a secret, then we have to be smart. "I can't." I whisper, getting out of his grasp and getting my things. "I'll see you in class, Mr. Morgan."

The pained look on his face when I leave absolutely kills me inside. I wanted more than anything to listen to my heart but it's not that easy. It's never that easy.

I thought we made progress last night, he was finally talking to me about his past. Today was a setback, I'm worried he's going to close himself off again. I shake my head, I can't think about that right now. I'm supposed to be meeting Hunter for coffee, maybe he can tell me what I should do.

By the time I get back to my dorm, Katie is gone. I quickly get ready and make my way out to the coffee shop inside the cafeteria. I don't see Hunter at first so I go ahead and get in line. It's a good thing I know his order because he doesn't show up until after I've already paid. "You owe me five bucks." I say, handing him his iced latte.

"Put it on my tab." We move to sit down at a table. My class with Shawn doesn't start for another forty-five minutes. "You look like hell." Hunter bluntly says.

I drink my coffee. "I was up most of the night making sure Shawn slept okay."

His eyebrows draw in, "Shawn has troubles sleeping now?"

"He always has, it's just been bad recently. I don't really know much but this morning, he asked me to move in with him." I watch as my friend almost chokes on his coffee. "There's more." I add. "He suggested that I tell my parents and friends about us."

Hunter is the only one I can talk to about this. He's the only reason I haven't slipped up before, because it's not bottled up inside. "Livia...are you going to do it?"

I pay attention to my cup, it's plastic and cold. Little drops of water fall down the sides. "I don't know. I told him I can't and said I'd see him in class. I feel terrible but he just wasn't thinking."

"Maybe he was." I look up at him questionably. "Think about it Livia, you two have tried the push and pull and it didn't work. He's probably sick of fighting for your relationship and instead, has decided to go all in." I didn't think about it that way.

He didn't tell me he was moving here to me. Then when I find out, he asks me to be his girlfriend, and now he wants me to move in. It makes perfect sense that he's given up fighting to be apart. I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I still have to think about our future. "Shawn is living in the now. I get it and I love him for it, but I can't." If I do then I'll lose everything. I might even lose him.

Hunter nods, moving his straw around to mix the coffee a bit better. "Just tell him that." He looks at his apple watch, "We still have twenty-minutes."

I chuckle, "You sound like a therapist...hey, you should be a therapist." He's always given me such great advice.

"I'll look into it." He's been undecided as long as we've talked about college. I don't want to pressure him but he's smarter than anyone I know. Becoming a therapist would be cake walk for him.

    We spend the rest of our time talking about my weekend plans with Katie. It takes my mind off of Shawn long enough for me to enjoy the rest of my coffee. I probably hurt his feelings earlier but I hope he's not mad at me. If he is, we'll work it out, we always do. I tell Hunter goodbye and make my way into his classroom.

    Most of the class has piled in, except for the teacher. I sit in the back like always. My eyes are peeled to the blurred window of his office door, waiting for him to come out. A few minutes go by and the door handle opens. "Good morning, class." He doesn't look at me once, the whole time he begins class. "Just a friendly reminder that your assignment for the week is due on Monday. Every day after that it gets turned in, it will lose ten points..." I try to listen to him, to pay attention to my teacher not my boyfriend. It proves to be a little more difficult than normal but I get through it.

    When he dismisses everyone, I stay behind to talk to him. "Can I help you with something?" I frown, he's talking to me like I'm just another student.

    I walk over and shut the door before turning to him. "Listen, about this morning I-"

    "If it's not about school then save it." His words surprise me but what's worse is that he doesn't even seem mad. His voice is calm and his body is relaxed, he's not mad...he's sad.

    I want to hug him and tell him I'm sorry but I'm not sorry. One of us needs to keep a clear head, I just never thought it would be me. "I do love you, Shawn."

He looks up at me, his eyes watering. Is he about to cry? "This was a mistake. Please leave."

I'm taken aback by his words. The last thing I want to do is leave. "Shawn I-"

"Leave!" He yells.

I'm momentarily stunned, just watching the love of my life falling apart before my eyes. What the hell is going on? Because I don't think this is just about me anymore. "No." I say.

"No?"

"No." I repeat. "I'm not going anywhere. There's something else going on here and you're trying to compensate by asking me to move in with you. It's not going to work because running away from your problems doesn't work." Shawn walks up to me, so close and yet so far away. He's different here, in New York. This place is hurting him and he doesn't even realize it. "Talk to me." I whisper. I lift my hand up to touch his face but he flinches away. "Talk to me, please." I'm not going to judge him, I need him to be okay. "I'm not the only one with issues Shawn, talk to me."

He leans in, I can feel his breath on my face and hear his heart beating. "Get out of my classroom." He demands through his teeth.

I take a step back without taking my eyes off of him. Right now he's dealing with something that I don't understand. I'm not giving up on him, but he needs some space. So I turn around and leave.

Saturday...

At six o'clock sharp, a car pulls up in front of our dorms. The windows are tinted and Jack Briers steps out of the passenger side. Katie and I move from the window and meet him outside. He smiles when he sees Katie, and when we get to the car he opens the door for her. "I didn't realize I would be the third wheel." I joke as we get in the back.

She waves me off, "You're not the third wheel, he's being nice." I roll my eyes at how innocent she's acting towards his actions. Anyone with eyes could see how he looks at her. To her, it might've been a one night stand. To him, he might like her.

We drive for about twenty minutes before we pull into a place that says: New York Tailor and Shoppe.

"Are you going to give us a makeover?" I ask.

Jack turns back to look at us and nods, "This place is the best. You're going to love it." We get out and walk up to the entrance. There isn't an open sign but Jack just walks in, holding the door for the both of us to go through. "After you." He says.

There are two sides to this shop. One side has fitting rooms and tailors for men's suits. From the looks of it, this is where Jack gets his clothes from. The other side has dresses all the way from clubbing dresses to wedding gowns. "Jack!" An older woman calls as she rushes up to him. She's much older than him, and very short. Jack has to lean down pretty far to give her a hug. When they pull away she asks, "Do you need a suit for tonight? It's an important event."

He shakes his head and gestures to the two of us. "They're the ones that need dresses. I ordered my suit about a month back so I just need to pick it up."

She pats him on his arm a few times, "You know my husband doesn't tell me anything anymore. I think his memory is going bad. Anyway, let's take a look at you two." She walks over to us with a measuring tape.

"Hello, I'm Livia and this is Katie." I introduce as she's measuring my bust.

"My name is Ruth, it's nice to meet you. Arms up please." I raise my arms. Soon she moves on to Katie and writes down her measurements. "Alright, let's get you in the fitting rooms and see what we can find. Livia I'm thinking your color is red." She looks back at Jack, "What are you thinking for Katie, maybe black?"

Jack nods at the same time Katie asks, "For a charity event?"

He steps in, "It's not that type of party. Yes, it's a charity event but it's held at a club." The only charity events I've ever been to were my parents New Year's party. We wear fancy dresses and look as nice as possible.

This will be quite an adjustment but I'm not necessarily complaining. I hate wearing those big dresses. Ruth brings us to the dress side of the shop. Jack told us he would meet us over there, he just had to pick up his suit. "After this, we'll send you up to my daughter Claire. She's a hairdresser and has her own salon upstairs." This must be a family business.

Katie and I are handed about five dresses to go try on. To most people this is supposed to be a fun time, but I'm stressed out. Shawn hasn't talked to me since yesterday. Now I'm supposed to dress up and play an outgoing college student when I'm not. "What do you think of this one?" Katie asks, walking into my dressing room. Her dress is a black bodycon with a square cut chest.

"It's pretty but it looks uncomfortable."

She sighs, "You're right." Katie walks up to me and turns her back so that I can help her unzip. Then she looks down at my dress. "That's hot, seriously. Red really is your color." I offer her a smile before she leaves and look at myself in the mirror. The dress has thin straps and a split down the leg. The material is a velvet like material, very comfortable and sexy at the same time.

I leave it on and walk outside with my regular clothes in my arms. "That's the one, I'll grab you a bag and shoes. Then you can go on down to Claire."Ruth walks off, while I stand there awkwardly trying to adjust my dress.

"How is it going in there?" I ask Katie.

When there's only a muffled response, I walk into her dressing room. "Oh, wow." Her dress comes down just above her knees. The bottom half looks like silk while the top half is lace. "That one has my vote."

She laughs lightly, "I agree but the zipper got stuck." I walk up to her, pinching the fabric together so that the zipper fixes itself. When I get it all the way up I notice a very big scar on her left shoulder. I bite my tongue that wants to ask what happened. It's none of my business.

"You're all set." I say instead.

She pulls it down some, "Great thanks." We both walk out of the room at the same time Ruth comes back with two pairs of black heels. I've never been much of a heel person but I take them regardless.

"Claire is on the second floor, Jack should meet you there."  We walk to the elevator together and go up to the second floor. The doors open to reveal a salon and a beautiful blonde woman about Jack's age.

"You must be Livia and Katie, come on in and have a seat." Katie and I take a seat right beside each other. "You have so many split ends." She says about my hair. "Can I trim it some?"

I nod, "I don't keep up with it very well."

She lifts some scissors. "No problem, that's what my job is for." She gets done with me fairly quick, with a trim and a straightener. Soon she's onto Katie's hair with a curling iron.

"So," Katie begins, "How do you know Jack?"

Claire smiles, "We went to college together. We dated off and on but really we were just really great friends. Plus, I finally came out as a lesbian so it's no wonder we never worked out."

"What about me?" Jack asks as he joins us.

Claire stops curling Katie's hair and jumps into Jack's arms. "Hey stranger." She greets as he wraps his arms tightly around her. They look like they have a lot of history between each other. When they pull away she mumbles an apology to Katie and returns to finish her hair.

"Wow, you two look great."

Claire combs out her curls and puts hairspray on it before announcing that she's finished. "They're ready to go, too. Just promise me that you'll come back and catch up with me sometime?"

Jack goes up to her and kisses her cheek, "Of course."

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