CXVIII- Safety Blanket

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I stare at the ultrasound picture in my hand. I got it at my last doctors appointment. My baby is so small, hardly visible in the picture. She's still a fetus, barely even a baby at all. I didn't think this is where I would be at this point in my life. What's even crazier is, I'm not mad at it. Things might not have gone according to plan but, before I met Shawn, I never even had a plan. I never had the option for a plan.

Now my plans have changed but not necessarily for the worse. I'm happy with Shawn, and despite our circumstances I've always been happy. "I paid a pretty penny for those pictures and you can barely even see her." Shawn says as he looks over my shoulder.

I smile, "Sorry, I had to know if she's really in there."

"You think it's a girl too?" I can hear the happiness in his voice.

Looking up at him I say, "Yeah, I don't know it's just a feeling."

"Me too." Shawn plants a small kiss on my nose before pulling away completely. He places a plate with pancakes, toast, eggs, sausage, and fruit in front of me.

"Um, are you trying to fatten me up so you can cook me later?" I question with a raised eyebrow.

Shawn frowns, "No I-" He pauses, "I see how I could've gone a tad bit overboard here."

I raise my mug filled with coffee, sugar, and cream, "I'm allowed to have a certain amount of caffeine throughout the day and that's this."

"Okay but it shouldn't be your breakfast." Shawn lifts up a piece of toast and hands it to me. I take it and bite into the bread right in front of him. It's really good so I continue eating it. "Maybe some sausage?" He puts a piece up close to my face just like with the toast. This time the smell doesn't agree with me so I drop the toast and rush to the nearest trash can. "No sausage," Shawn says. "Got it."

When I'm done, I groan and rush to the bathroom to brush my teeth before coming back to the kitchen. "I never thought my nose would betray me this much."

Shawn puts the sausage he's cooked in a Tupperware container. "It's to be expected."

I stop, remembering he's done this before. "What was Katherine like?"

Shawn turns to me, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "You don't want to know about that." Then he says, "What about Jenny? You could call her."

"I want to wait a little while longer before telling people. This is still incredibly early." I pick my coffee back up, knowing it won't betray me. "I promise I won't get mad, please tell me."

Finally, he agrees. "Okay well, Katherine was a mess. She cried all of the time, when she wasn't crying she was yelling. She didn't get morning sickness as much, in fact, her appetite increased. Her boobs were always sore and swo-"

"Okay, I get it." He stops talking.

So far, it's not as helpful considering we tend to be different. "I have to get to class." Shawn says, he walks over to me and kisses my forehead. "I'll see you tonight?"

"I'll be here." After Shawn leaves, I pick up the picture and begin staring at it again.

A knock on the door, causes me to jump. I'm not supposed to be here, so I slowly creep up to look through the peephole. It's just Hunter. "Hey." I say, opening the door wide enough for him to enter. "I figured you'd be a lot more hungover after last night." I admit to him, seeing as he looks fresh as a daisy.

"I'm in college, my tolerance is high." I had almost forgotten.

"Clearly." I move to sit down on the sofa, gesturing for Hunter to take a seat across from me. "Is this about last night?"

He nods sharply, "Yes. I haven't figured out if I'm mad at you or not."

I'm not surprised. "Because of Seth or because I'm pregnant?"

"Both." He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees and looking over at me. "It's just, the longer you wait to tell Seth, the worse he's going to take it." I understand completely, but there's something he has to understand first.

"Hunter, I kind of have a lot going on right now. I promised you I would tell Seth, there are more pressing issues at the moment." Like how I'm going to get through this pregnancy as quietly as possible.

Hunter rubs the back of his neck before returning to his previous position. "I know. I'll respect that but I can't keep him in the dark forever." I agree with him. Seth has been nothing but kind and genuine to me. For someone who is constantly going through changes, I really hate change. "As for your situation, what are you going to do?"

"It's still too early to think about it. I'm only six weeks pregnant." I take a breath. "I mean, I'm keeping it but aside from that I have no idea."

"You're keeping it? Livia this is going to hurt the both of you more than I think you realize." No one realizes it more than me. It's just that I don't care. I'm sick of maneuvering around my life over and over again. Shawn and I will work this out, we always do. After a moment Hunter seems to take my silence as a sign of offense. "I just don't want your relationship to go up in flames. After everything that's happened it...it would be a shame."

I reach over and place my hand on top of his, "I appreciate you Hunter."

He seems momentarily stunned by this but I'm not sure why. Perhaps he's felt guilty for so long over last year. I don't want him too, I want him to just be my friend. "You do?"

I smile, "Of course, you've always been there for me." Even when I didn't know it. I never knew Hunter would have such a big impact on my life. "Do you want to hang out today? I'm feeling a spa day."

Hunter chuckles, "Yeah, I'd like that."

We stand up and head towards the door. I put my shoes and coat on as we make our way to the door. "Do you want a pedicure or a-"

"Livia watch out!" Hunter grabs my arm to stop me from walking over a small vase of flowers in front of the door.

As soon as I notice them, Hunter let's go of me. I bend down and pick them up. "How did Ty know I'd be here?" I question more to myself. The card is the same as last time, only saying my name in bold print.

Hunter takes the vase and looks over the flowers, "Someone really likes you." He says.

"Yeah, it's Ty. I keep meaning to call him." He has my number, I know money doesn't mean much to him, but this is a lot more expensive than sending a text. Hunter sets the vase down on the counter as we continue leaving the apartment.

"Isn't Ty the guy you almost had sex with?" Hunter questions.

I had almost forgotten about that but, "Yes. I apologized and we haven't really talked since." I know the flowers aren't really a big deal but it's strange that it's coming so out of the blue. "Oh well." I decide. "Ready?"

Hunter nods as we leave to start our day.



I drop Hunter off at his apartment on my way back to Shawn's. It's dinner time so I'm bringing back pizza. "Honey, I'm home!" I mock as I walk in. "And I got my nails done."

"Cute." Jack plays along. He's in the living room with a drink in his hand and a fresh suit on.

I set the food on the counter and take my coat off, "You're not Shawn." I mention the obvious.

Jack smirks, "No, I'm not. Shawn is in his office. He got a work call."

"Did you eat already? It's not five star but it's food." I point to the pizza as I move to take my shoes off at the door.

"I like pizza more than any five star restaurant around here. However, I did eat already, so I'm going to pass." he leans back on the couch, looking more and more comfortable. I'm beginning to think Shawn and Jack are starting to become friends. "Congratulations, by the way." I walk into the kitchen and grab two plates. The apartment is an open concept so I can still see Jack clearly. "On the baby."

I stop and look over my shoulder to him, "How did you-?" He points to the ultrasound I left on the counter this morning. "Oh, thanks."

"It's hard to believe I'm going to be an uncle."

"I barely believe it myself." I admit to him just as Shawn walks in. "I brought home pizza."

Shawn walks up to me and kisses me. "Thank you." He says as he pulls away.

I hand him a plate, "How was work?" It's times like this that I almost feel normal. Shawn invited his brother over for a drink, while I brought home dinner and ask him about his day.

"Boring, reading college assignments is like trying to find a plagiarist needle in a haystack of papers." He opens the box and grabs a slice as he continues. "What about you?"

I shrug. "Just a spa day with Hunter, he came over right after you left."

"Did he bring these?" Shawn points to the flowers.

"No, those are from Ty." This perks both Shawn and Jack's ears. "He sent flowers to my dorm last week too."

I grab my food and sit on the couch with Jack. Shawn joins momentarily. "I wouldn't worry about it." Jack tells mainly Shawn. "It's Ty's calling card. He's a lover of dramatics."

I nod, agreeing with Jack. "I'll call him tomorrow and see what's up." As for right now, I'd like to enjoy the rest of my night. Jack and Shawn seem to be getting along and it's not something I'm used to, but support fully. I decide to change the conversation up. "Where's Katie tonight?"

"What time is it?"

Shawn looks at the watch on his wrist. The one I gave him on Christmas, "A quarter to six."

"Then she's still at the diner." Jack's eyes narrow on Shawn's watch. He lifts his finger up to point at it, "Is that...dad's?" Hearing him call Shawn's father dad was weird for me, but I ignore it.

Shawn drops his arm in his lap. "Um, yeah, Dianne got it fixed and Livia gave it to me for Christmas." The amount of tension in this room begins to build between the two.

Normally by now I would act as a buffer, but I'm going to enjoy my pizza and let this one play out. "I just haven't seen it in so long. It's kind of the only thing dad loved more than us."

"I wouldn't know." Shawn replies sharply. He remembers the significance of the watch. How it's practically the last thing from his dad. Beyond that, he was too young to know much of anything else.

Jack seems to catch on to Shawn's passive aggressiveness. "Right." He counters, not wanting to regress. Jack claps his hands together and stands up. "I should get going, Katie will be off of work soon." I know he's rushing to leave to avoid any further awkwardness between himself and Shawn. Jack shakes Shawn's hand before standing before me on the chair. He lowers his hands very hesitantly on my stomach. It's a strange feeling, but brief. "Sorry I just...I'm really happy for you."

"It's okay." I manage, "Thanks."

"I'll uh-see you two around." He dismissed himself quickly after that.

I lift up my pizza slice and take a bite out of it, "That was odd." Shawn notices.

"Which part?" I counter with my eyebrows raised in his direction.

Shawn looks down at his watch and sighs. "Good point." Then he says, "Do you think we're trying too hard? Jack and I?"

The look he's giving me is almost insecurity. It's strange coming from Shawn, "No, I think it's good you two are trying to get to know each other. You haven't seen each other in eighteen years, nothing is going to happen overnight." I set the rest of my food on the table beside me. "How do you feel about everything?"

He's reluctant to answer me, I can see the strain on him. "I feel uncomfortable with the whole situation."
"Tell him that, because I'm sure you're not the only one."

He smiles, "Yeah, thanks Livia." Shawn walks over to me and kisses my forehead. It's hard to believe his progress over the past few weeks. The first time he found out who Jack was, he freaked out. Now he's asking for my advice.

Shawn and I move to sit on the couch together and watch movies for the rest of the night. The way he draws me in and holds me close never gets old. "Hey." I whisper, distracting him from the movie. "I'm really happy here, with you."

The way he looks back at me is so pure. Like he truly feels the same way. Shawn lifts his hand up to my face, caressing me softly. My eyes flutter at the feeling. "I would do anything for you." He whispers, somehow multiplying the meaning behind each word.

We kiss once, soft and slow. When we pull away I know I nuzzle back into his chest. I cherish this feeling of safety and love. I know our child will feel that just as much, if not ten times more. "I know it's still really early but have you thought about names yet?" I ask Shawn, still ignoring the movie.

"Yeah actually. I've always liked the name Ava for a girl. If you don't like it then-"

"No." I interrupt. "I love that name."

He looks surprised. "You do?"

I laugh, "Yeah, and for a boy I've always liked Smith."

"As a first name?" I nod. "Hm, Smith Morgan." He sounds out.

"Or Gardner since we're not married." I remind him.

Shawn places his hand on my stomach. "I don't care what our baby's last name is."

Well that's good because, "Neither do I." I think this is the moment that I finally accept what is happening. That I'm pregnant with Shawn's baby and I'm happy.

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