Livia's P.O.V.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in a really long time. When I do fall asleep, all I can dream about is Dean. I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at the ceiling until the alarm goes off. I turn and face Shawn. He sleeps so peacefully now. Ever since he found out about Jack, no more nightmares.

I can't do that for myself, there's no other way than to just deal with my problems. I sigh, watching as Shawn breathes evenly, snoring a bit too. It's almost as if nothing bothers him anymore. Not Dean, not my pregnancy loss, not even losing his job. He's so okay with everything now and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. "Are you watching me sleep?" Shawn startles me as his eyes open.

"Yes." I admit.

Shawn takes a deep breath, "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Because I can't."

"Have you tried closing your eyes?" He deadpans.

"Shawn."

"Sorry." Shawn apologizes as he reaches out and grabs me in an attempt to pull me close. I wince at his touch, momentarily forgetting that my body is bruised and battered. "I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." I say, knowing he doesn't want to hurt me. "I'm just frustrated and tired. Go back to sleep." I tell him. I know he has a big day today. He's turning in his two weeks notice after work. He's resigning just like we always feared things would come to. Although it could've been much worse. Putting in a notice is far better than a ruined reputation as a teacher.

Shawn sits up and moves so that he is hovering over me. "Are you just saying that so you don't have to talk anymore?" I can't figure out how he can just read me like that. Has he known me for that long? Or does he just pay attention? He takes my silence as a yes. "I don't want you to sit all alone in the dark, while I have a good night's sleep."

"How are you sleeping so well?"

His eyebrows draw in, "Because I have you with me."

I shake my head. "If I wasn't with you, you would sleep fine. You've dealt with your problems."

I look away from him as he moves back on the bed. "Livia, I'm having a hard time too. I just can't let it get to me or I'll fall apart." His eyes are dark, even with the moon light shining on him.

I sigh. "I know you're going through this too." I really didn't mean to suggest he isn't. "I'm just tired." I say as I turn my head to stare at the ceiling.

Shawn snakes his hand down my arm and down to grab my hand. I close my eyes and listen to him let out a shaky breath. "I used to have to move down to the couch. When changing my location didn't work, I would turn on the tv and watch whatever was on." I open my eyes as he continues. "Most of the time doing that and taking sleeping pills worked. Sometimes though, I'd end up awake the whole night. So uncomfortably awake, I started jogging to tire myself out." I never knew it was so extensive. Just when I think everything that he's been through, he opens up to me.

"The jogging helped?"

Shawn shrugs a shoulder, "If I got back before I had to leave for school, yeah." Without another word, I get out of bed and begin to change. Shawn lifts his head up to watch me with curious eyes. "What? Are you going to run now? It's like three in the morning."

I find some leggings and put them on. "I want to tire myself out or I'll never get a goodnight's rest in."

Shawn gets out of bed and walks over to me, he grabs my arms to stop my movements. "We're not in Colorado anymore, even if we were it's not safe out there this late."

I sigh because I know that Shawn is right. Besides, I still don't know the area well enough to get around. "Maybe you can show me your trail sometime."

"Yeah." Shawn agrees, kissing my forehead and meeting my eyes once more. "We can start tomorrow."

He begins to pull me back to the bed where I snuggle against him and close my eyes. I know I won't be able to sleep for long, but if I don't at least try I'll go crazy.

"Coffee?" Shawn asks as I walk into the kitchen. I nod and make my way over to him. He hands me the mug and then moves to grab his own. "Are you sure you're ready for this? You could call your teachers and get this postponed." I smile, he's always so worried about me. Even when he doesn't need to be.

The truth is I don't know if I'm ready. I may never be, so I might as well go back. I'm already behind a week anyways. "I have to go back, Shawn. School just so happens to be the only normal part of my life."

Shawn nods, he moves around me to grab the bread on the counter. "Toast? It'll calm your nerves."

"What nerves?" I sarcastically reply as Shawn goes ahead and puts the bread in the toaster. He leans with his backside to the counter, with his arms crossed over his chest. I look at his arms. He's always in a collared dress shirt, today is no exception. The burgundy, broadcloth fabric, stretches over his toned biceps and down to his wrists.

He notices me staring and draws his eyebrows in. "You're staring at me." Yeah, I've been doing that lately.

"I'm just admiring." I admit, feeling the tiniest bit of embarrassment. Sometimes when I look at him, I feel like I'm a little girl with a crush. My face heats up and I blush, it's completely uncalled for.

The toaster pops up the bread, causing our moment to wither away as Shawn turns back to grab the toast. He spreads butter on it and then offers it to me on a plate. "Here." He commands softly. I pick up a piece and he watches me take a bite out of it.

"Thanks." I say, taking another bite.

Shawn nods and then checks the time on his watch, "I have to get going, I'll see you tonight?" He kisses my lips, and chuckles, "Mmm butter."

I laugh with him, enjoying this for a moment. "I should be here when you get back."

Shawn rushes to the door, grabs his jacket, and puts his shoes on. "Livia."

I meet his eyes, giving him my undivided attention. "Yeah?"

He pauses all movements and becomes serious, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

By quitting, he means. "I don't know." I wish I had all of the answers, but I don't. I want to be able to tell him that everything between us will work out. I'd like to be certain that things weren't going to get worse for us. That he won't have regrets about quitting today. But I don't know.

Shawn smiles tightly at me and says goodbye before leaving. I stare at the door for a while, lost in my own head. When I snap out of it, I go get dressed and leave for my first day back.

The school is just the same. No one questions my black eye and cut lip, they just assume I got into a fight. I leave my sociology class and immediately run into someone. "Livia?" Seth looks down at me.

I take a step back from him. "Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." I apologize before walking past him to leave.

"Livia, wait." I continue leaving, I've said everything I needed to say. "Please just stop." He calls.

He's desperate, I can hear it in his voice. I can't for the life of me figure out why. Despite my better judgement, I stop and turn back to Seth. "What?" I question.

Seth hesitates, seemingly surprised that I stopped in the first place. That makes two of us. "Come on Livia, when are you going to stop ignoring me? I know you don't like what I did but it was in your best interest." He's trying to make it seem like we're still good friends. When the truth is, we haven't been that way in a really long time.

I take a step closer to him, checking our surroundings. There aren't that many people around, especially in hearing distance. "Are you serious?" I almost scoff. "What if I was still pregnant? You could have ruined Shawn's reputation, labeled him some kind of pervert for the rest of his career." Our child would have grown up to question our relationship, just like everyone else.

Seth runs his fingers through his hair, "I wasn't thinking about what Livia, I was thinking about you. You've been through enough you don't need to be with someone like him."

I laugh dryly, angry at my former friend. "And I should be with who? Someone like you?" It's not a secret he had a crush on me last year. The thought of this being out of jealousy makes things even worse.

He looks taken aback, "You know I'm with Hunter."

"So you can look me in the eyes and tell me with a hundred percent certainty that this isn't about whatever you used to feel for me?" I meet his eyes, daring him to prove me wrong. Hell, I'm hoping he feels nothing but platonic feelings towards me. I hope he really believes I'm better off without Shawn. He holds my gaze for what feels like eternity, just trying to prove me wrong. Then his eyes flicker as he looks away, "That's what I was afraid of." I say, feeling the sting of truth hit me.

Seth only did this out of dormant jealousy. "I love Hunter." Seth says to me, although it sounds more like a plea.

I shake my head, "I never said you didn't."

"I just," He pinches the bridge of his nose. As if it pains him to admit this, "I watched you two in the classroom every day for a semester." He chuckles humorlessly, "I bet you two just laughed about my crush on you."

"Seth." I chastise, "How could you think so low of me?" I take a step back from him, feeling the distance that I had previously ignored. "Shawn and I had conversations about you and his feelings over me. Hell we've fought over it, but I would never laugh at you." I realize now just how long he's liked me, it was obvious day one. I had kept him in the friend zone, never hearing out his feelings. I also just assumed that with Hunter, he had finally found the real thing. It turns out I'm actually a terrible friend. I close the space between us and lift up my arms around him in a hug. "I'm really sorry, Seth." I'm sorry for ignoring him, for keeping him in the dark, for forgetting that it's not always about me and how I feel.

Seth sighs and hugs me back for only a minute. We pull away as he says in a strained voice, "I'm sorry too....I should go." Seth turns around and walks out of my sight. The truth is, I have no idea what will happen with Seth and I. I'm still angry at him for using his old feelings to force Shawn out of his job. But I haven't been there for him either. At the end of the day, it was our risk to take.

Someone clears their throat, and I turn to see Shawn watching me from his classroom doorway. Just like this morning, his arms are crossed over his chest, and he leans against the door frame. I'm not sure how much he saw, I only hope he understands it. When he nods at me, I know he does. I nod my head back, and then leave to get to my next class.