A/N: This is NOT the last chapter of the book, don't worry and don't be mad. There is a method to the madness and this book has been planned out for a really long time so don't worry! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the next chapter!

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I go to school just like normal. Only things are never normal for me. As I'm passing by Professor Sam's classroom, I stop. He's talking to Katie, smiling down at her as he speaks. The level of happiness he's in leads me to believe he doesn't know about Katherine. I force myself to keep walking, It's not my place. Besides, I still haven't confronted him about what Dean had told him in the library.

"Hey Livia!" Katie's voice calls, stopping me. I turn to her and force a smile on my face, "I was just talking to Sam about a paper on the justice system. I'm almost done and then we can walk together?" The desperation in her voice tells me it's important to her, so I accept. Sam's eyes are on me, I pretend not to notice. "Great! So anyway-" I don't hear the rest of what she says to him, but it's brief. Soon Katie dismisses herself and catches up to me. We begin walking in unison as Katie leans in and quietly says, "Don't look now, but I think Professor Sam is staring at you." I don't look, I have no desire to.

I shrug and continue walking to the cafeteria with Katie. "That's because he thinks I'm having a secret love affair with Shawn."

Katie chuckles, "Please, that was so last year." I find this funny and laugh alongside Katie. "Speaking of secret love affairs, how are you two?"

I open my mouth to tell her just as I shoulder check someone. They were walking out of the cafeteria at the same time we went to walk in. "Hunter?" I ask. I'm not sure where we stand since I ended Seth and I's friendship. I can't blame him for sticking with his boyfriend, afterall that's what I did.

Taking in Hunter's appearance, his hair is disheveled, and light stubble is growing on his normally clean shaven face. "Livia."

He says just as Seth walks out of the cafeteria, examining the ingredients written in sharpie on his coffee. "I'm not sure if they put in the extra espresso like I-" Seth stops as he notices all three of us looking awkwardly at him. "Oh."

"Well this is awkward." Katie openly deadpans.

Hunter ignores her to ask me, "How are you?"

"Babe we don't have time." Seth doesn't even spare me a glance as he grabs Hunter's hand and begins walking away.

I wave at Hunter, "Bye."

Hunter offers me a weary nod before completely turning away from me. Once they're out of earshot Katie sighs. "Come on or we'll be late too."

I agree and walk inside the cafeteria with her. It's always crowded around this time but we manage to get our food and find a table quickly. "When was the last time you talked to Hunter?"

"Honestly I don't remember." I feel as though we both might need more time. I miss him though, he's always had the best intentions. Even if they humiliate me in front of an entire town. I shake my head and steer the conversation in a different direction. "I think Shawn and I are going to break up." I begin strong and then add the details. "Last night a lawyer stopped by the apartment. She said that Katherine had died and she had put Shawn down in her will as Matthew's legal guardian." Katie only met Katherine when I hit her at the party. Even then, it wasn't an actual meet but an observation. Then she read all about her in my journal, but I don't know what she remembers.

Katie swallows and softly replies with, "Wait, she has a son?" I nod. "Holy shit."

"Yep." I agree, popping the 'P'. "Shawn wants to take Matthew in but I..." I trail off, sick of repeating the words I'm not ready.

Katie reaches over and puts her hand on my arm. "You don't have to explain yourself, I get it." I sigh in relief. "What about the father?"

"There isn't one on the birth certificate."

Katie sits back in her chair, she plays with the lid of her coffee cup. It's distracting but I don't say anything. "That's insane. Like, real lifetime shit-insane."

"God, I know." I groan, laying my head in my arms on the table.

I hear my friend take a drink and swallow before responding. "Okay, here me out." I curiously look up at her, giving Katie my full attention. "Maybe you need to go back to normal for a while."

Raising an eyebrow, I question her. "How do you suggest I do that?"

"Well, you could take your mother up on her offer?" Her offer was to go home. To heal in the house that I was abused in, in the first place. I think back to my room makeover last year and shake my head. It's not the same house anymore, it's safer.

Katie is right, I'll never be ready to be a mom again if I can't go back to normal and find myself again. "Do you really think I should?" When is a good time to leave? If I should leave at all? I have more questions than I do answers.

"Absolutely." Katie replies with so much certainty. "Look, I read your journal remember? Not to mention I've been here with you the whole year. What you need right now is your home. Your friends, your family. Not a baby that's going to remind you of what you lost every time you look at him." I never thought about it that way. How I'd feel personally about Matthew once he gets here. How I never got to self reflect and figure out myself outside of Shawn or Dean. Even when Shawn and I broke up the last time, I ended up in a closet with Ty.

"You're completely right." I decide. "I think I should go home." For a little while at least. I'll talk to my mom and counselors today. I'll see what I can do for myself, and then I'll have to do that hardest part and leave Shawn.

"I'll miss you." Katie tells me with a small smile. I'll miss her too, but I'll be back.

After my meeting with my counselor, I go back to Shawn's and walk into the apartment. I'm not sure if I'll ever be back in here, so I look around and walk over to the pictures in frames. The pictures of Shawn's life before me, and Shawn's life with me. I wish so many things had gone differently. Then maybe we wouldn't be here today.

I make my way to our room and towards the bed. My fingers graze over the bed post. When I realize I've been staring at the comforter for too long, I walk over to the closet. I only have one suitcase, in the corner. I pull it out and begin to pack with the clothes I've worn the most of. Some flannel shirts, band merch, jeans, shoes, and underwear. I even manage to fit one of Shawn's black tees and a pair of his sweats. They still smell like him, and even if it's wrong I want to remember how he smells. As if laundry detergent and cologne can never be created again.

This all feels like it's happening so fast but that's life. Just a bunch of last minute decisions that lead to this moment.

When I'm finished, I zip up the suitcase and set it by the door. I want to leave now and save the heartache, but I can't. Shawn deserves more than that. So I sit down on one of the barstools, and wait.

Half an hour later, Shawn walks through the front door. I'm the first thing he notices, the suitcase is the second. "Are you going somewhere?"

He walks into the living room, I jump off of the bar stool to walk over to him. "I'm going back to Brookview for awhile." I skipped my next class after talking with Katie to talk to my mom. I wasn't sure how long I should've waited to leave, but prolonging the inevitable felt wrong to me.

His eyebrows draw in together, "Wait how long is a while?"

I look away, "I don't know yet. Maybe the semester." That's the problem with last minute decisions, you often miss a few important details.

Shawn looks taken aback, "You need time from...me?"

Tears start to fall down my face, I wipe them away but they only continue. I thought I could hold myself together longer than two minutes. I was mistaken. The last few months play in my head, making me only fear that I've made the right decision today. We have to be apart, truly apart. "I'm sorry, Shawn. I wish I could get over everything that's happened like it's okay but it's not. I am broken, and I can see that you are too." It's been written all over his face since I woke up from the hospital. He's always been so good at pretending for me but, I don't want him to anymore.

Shawn takes a step closer to me, simultaneously setting down his things on the counter. "I don't understand I-I thought we were getting through this?"

"Whatever we're doing it's not to get through what happened. We're just going through the motions and I can't keep doing that." I think about when we got back together, how he told me he never wanted to lose me again. It's happening now but for the right reasons this time. I walk towards him, he's so close that I almost want to stay. "You know we've never had the right timing."

Shawn looks away for a moment, maybe to gather his thoughts. "Let me come with you to Brookview. I can stay at my place and we can-"

"No." I say firmly. He's still looking away so I cup his face and make him look at me. "You know that won't work." We can't be in the same state as each other, or this cycle will repeat itself. We can't afford to repeat history again. Not to mention Matthew needs him.

His eyes start to water, I catch his tears with the pad of my thumb. "Yeah," He cries, "I know."

I force a soft smile because he rarely cries in front of me. For him, my tears are nothing new. For me, it shows just how much he's hurting inside. "What was that cheesy thing that you said to me last year?" When I remember I continue, "Oh yeah! Fate will bring us back together." I chuckle softly. This doesn't feel like fate anymore though. Not to me anyway, it feels like a domino effect. Like last year someone tipped over the first domino and we're finally nearing the end.

"So corny." Shawn replies. "I love you, Livia." The way my name rolls off of his tongue is like the difference between night and day.

I sniffle, "I love you, Shawn."

"Do you want me to take you to the airport?" Just like that he understands that I have to leave. It reminds me how truly perfect he is.

I shake my head, pieces of hair fall in my face so I move them away. "I have to take my car."

I reach up and press my lips against his. Shawn's lips are soft and inviting, after everything, there's still that electrical spark when we touch. It's something I'll never feel with someone else. We pull away, so I move past him to grab my suitcase. Shawn turns around to face me. "This is really it this time isn't it?"

Those words alone break my heart. Mostly because the answer is, "Yes." We met at the wrong place, wrong time. The two of us fit so perfectly together but we're too broken to work. If I had stayed, things only would've gotten worse between us. We have to leave on a high note. If we ever run into each other again, I hope I'm a better person. I hope he's healed. I hope we're happy.

Shawn walks up to me and grabs my face to pull me in. We kiss, hard and desperate. His tongue slowly meets mine, and he wraps his arm around me to press me closer to him. I moan in his mouth, as I force myself to pull away first. We're both breathing heavy now, as he leans his forehead against mine. "I know, you have to go now."

I just don't understand how I could find someone so perfect and it be so wrong at the same time. "Goodbye Shawn."

I grab the handle of my suitcase and open the front door. "Goodbye Livia." Before I chicken out I force my feet over the threshold and leave.

When the door shuts behind me I feel lost and free at the same time. Lost because now it's up to me to heal. Free because I have the chance. I turn around, the door is closed and most likely locked. But what if it's not? No, I can't run into his arms, pretending that I'm okay.

My hand hovers over the handle. The door opens to reveal Shawn. "I thought you were-"

"I was." I shake my head, "I am." He gives me a puzzling look. Meanwhile, all I can think about is how we went from sneaking around in a classroom, to living with each other, to this. "It just doesn't quite feel like the end for us does it?"

The way he looks at me, I could drown in his emerald green eyes. Especially when he looks at me like I'm a necessity to live and breathe. "No, it doesn't."

We stare at each other for what feels like an hour. I try to memorize his face, but it doesn't bring me to the big conclusion of us. I cross the threshold inside the apartment. Shawn is standing so close to me that I can smell his cologne. I can practically hear his heart beating. Shawn grabs my hand and pulls me in until I'm against his chest. The door shuts behind me as his hand curls up to my face, brushing softly, sensually even. I close my eyes, unsure of how I'm supposed to feel or act now that we've broken up again. "What are you..." I trail off when his lips find mine.

God, his lips. They practically mold with my own. Butterflies in my stomach are fluttering more than they have in a long time. I reach my hand up and run my fingers through his hair. I pull slightly at the ends, he moans in my mouth. Shawn grabs my waist and bites the bottom of my lip. I feel so out of control, like I'm untamed, like I'm being reckless with my own feelings. Yet there isn't a single urge to stop.

Shawn begins to feel my body, grabbing my ass, reaching up to cup my breasts. He lowers his mouth and begins kissing my neck. I lean my head back and give into the feeling of his hot mouth leaving tiny kisses on my body.

We haven't had sex since before I got pregnant. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be touched so aimlessly. That must be it, our passions have been going for a while based on hormones, maybe even pheromones. Either way I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to. Shawn lowers himself and grabs the back of my thighs, lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as we kiss again. He starts walking, and I know we're headed to the bedroom.

Shawn kisses me as he lays me gently on the bed. He now hovers over me, breaking to study my face. I think he's going to say something, tell me to stay and never leave. Of course we both know that can't happen. Shawn leans in and begins to kiss my neck. Fuck it, I think to myself as I shut my brain off and enjoy the feeling of his lips on my body. I want to drown in every sensation he offers me. My eyes flutter as he sucks on my neck, sure to leave a mark. That's something he's never done before but I understand the need now. It's to remind me of what's for me here in New York, him.

Oh, his fingers. They trail down to the bottom of my shirt, lifting the fabric up and helping me take it off. I sit up on my elbows while he continues kissing and sucking my chest and stomach. My head falls back as I moan, pressure begins to build in my stomach and I'm ready to tear his clothes off.

Only he stays in control, going as slow as he can because it very well might be the last time. Then again, we've said that before. My shoes and pants are off next, he slides my jeans off smoothly before beginning his assaults on the inside of my thighs. It's torture, the tension between us is too strong not to be infused in this.

After he feels I've endured enough, Shawn slides his hand up my leg and grabs my inner thigh gently. He leans in with his mouth, a piece of his hair falls in front of his face. We make eye contact, breathing erratically, and messy as he pushes my panties over to the side and presses his mouth against me.

I suck in a deep breath and lean back. Shawn's right hand is still on my thigh, while his left lands on my stomach to keep me in place. I moan his name under my breath as he sucks and licks, lightly at first. Then, he pulls back and uses his hand to rub small circles on my clit.

The pressure builds in my stomach, just like time and time before. Shawn continues, only adding his fingers to the mix. I finish quickly, gripping onto the sheet in my hands. "Mmm." Shawn hums as he stands up. "Wait here." He says, going over to one of his drawers and pulling out a condom. "Better safe than sorry."

I only nod, slightly remembering what brought us to this point in the first place. I ignore it and stand up to go back to him. "Let me." I say, holding my hand out for the-now opened- condom.

I slowly take the rest of his clothes off, as well as mine. It all blends together on the floor, I look down at his hard on. I push down and insecurities I might have and do what I want to him. I squat down and place one of my hands on the base of his dick. He watches me, looking down while I center him to my mouth and take him in. He sucks in a sharp breath, groaning softly. I want to make him feel good, exactly how he makes me feel.

I now understand the power that comes from making your partner feel good. It's as though I could accomplish anything. So I take as much of him in as I can manage. I move my hands up and down the base of him while letting my mouth take in the rest. His head rolls back and his hand finds my hair. Then he looks down at me, stopping me. "Stand up." He orders. I do as I'm told and take the condom from him.

Slowly, and without breaking eye contact, I roll the condom onto him. There's a special kind of intimacy there, something I've never quite understood until now. I'll over think that later, for now, I just want him. Shawn kisses me, grabbing me by the hair and pulling me in. It's all gentle and yet satisfying at the same time. As if he needs me more than anything or anyone.

We make it back to the bed, Shawn hovers over me. I run my hands down his torso and let him center himself. It takes only a couple of seconds for him to start off slow, pumping at a nice even pace. He's taking his time because he doesn't want this to end. I don't blame him, besides, it feels good. "Shawn..." I trail off, and wrap my arms around his neck. We hold each other close like that for a while. Not really getting anywhere, but not willing to let go.

This particular intimacy is something I haven't experienced before. Deep down it's because we're both hurting. We're not ready to stop this but we don't have any other options. I shake my head and focus on the feeling of Shawn. He stands up and drags me by my legs to the end of the bed.

He holds my legs as he begins to go harder. I move with him, matching his thrusts. I moan and lie back on the bed. Shawn leans down and kisses me, it's sloppy but hot because he doesn't stop.

Shawn takes a second to flip me over, I'm bent over now. He grabs my aass and guides himself back inside of me. This is my favorite position, "Fuck." Shawn groans from behind me. I know I'm close, so I revel in all of the feelings he's giving me and orgasm within minutes.

Shawn keeps going, not yet ready to be done. I come one more time before he finishes and lays on the bed beside me. "Wow." I say, staring at the ceiling.

"Agreed." Shawn says with a confident chuckle. Shawn removes the condom and comes back to bed.

I find the sheet and wrap myself before turning to him. "I'm sorry that things are like this...between us." What are we going to do though? Ignore it and regret each other later on? That's not what I want from us. In fact that's