TW Guys, this chapter is rough.

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Right around the middle of the movie, Dean falls asleep with his head on my shoulder. I look around, seeing that my bag has been placed on the floor beside the couch. I slowly move my shoulder from under Dean's head and make sure there's a pillow to rest his head back on.

I turn my body to the side of the bed. My legs dangle over the edge and I reach down until my feet touch the floor. As quiet and slowly as I can, I stand up. I look over my shoulder to make sure Dean is still fast asleep. When I notice that he is, I tip toe across the room until I'm within reaching distance of my bag. I reach down and open it up, my phone is turned off in the inside pocket. The zipper takes me a while to do silently but as soon as it's open, my phone is in my hand.

Making sure my phone is on silent, I hold down on the power button. When the apple logo appears, I turn back to see Dean. He's still fast asleep, which means I might actually pull this off.

Within fifteen seconds, my phone is back on. I immediately message Shawn, sharing my location with the room number attached in a separate message. Dean stirs behind me so I put my phone back in my bag and stand up. "Liv? What are you doing?"

I turn around and smile, "I-have to use the bathroom." Looking down, I notice that the knife is in his hands. He's sitting up, playing with it.

His blonde hair is messy but his blue eyes are clear. "Don't lie to me. I'm not stupid, you were trying to message Morgan." Dean gets out of bed and walks over to me. I can't see through him anymore, which means his next move is completely unknown to me. "He's brainwashed you, baby. You think he loves you but he doesn't. That man just wanted a warm place to put his dick." It's ironic, considering that's all he could think about when we were together.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Dean." He couldn't be more wrong. Dean brainwashed me to believe I deserve nothing less than what he could offer. He made me think love went hand in hand with fear. He still does.

Dean smiles down at me. All I can focus on is the feeling of his hand caressing my face. "You know what? I don't want to fight about our past. Let's just move on from it."

I nod my head, "Okay."

Dean let's go of me, grabbing the knife and putting it back in his pocket. "I got something for us to try." Dean walks to the other side of the bed, he pulls out his suitcase from underneath the bed. I can't see what he's grabbing, so I stand there quietly. He pops back up momentarily, holding a Ziploc bag with two rolled up joints inside. "I sort of picked it up in California, since weed is legal there."

Dean walks back over to me, he gestures for me to sit on the couch. "When did you start smoking weed?" He sits next to me on the couch, so close to me that our legs are touching.

"When a few college buddies of mine did it. It's not hard you just have to-"

"I know how." I interrupt, knowing if we get into it, he'll expect me to try it with him.

Dean looks at me questionably. "Was it with Morgan?" I can tell he's asking out of jealousy.

I shake my head, "No, I was at a Halloween party. I don't like it."

Dean shrugs and begins to light it. As if saying, "More for me."

I watch as he smokes it, he looks so calm and casual. I notice how he inhales slowly and takes it in. Then he blows the smoke out, it smells like a skunk so I wave it away from me. Dean coughs and sits back in his chair. "This is all the medication I need."

"I didn't realize you were such a stoner." I notice.

Dean smiles at me as he takes in another hit. "It's just the only thing that really makes me feel better. I just sit back, listen to music, and think about things."

I turn to him, "What do you think about?"

Dean takes one last hit before putting it out completely. He talks while putting it away, "Mostly I think about you. I think about how things went down between us and how I could make it up to you."

"And you think this is it?" Because it's far from getting me back. Then again nothing he did or said would make me leave Shawn for him.

Dean scoffs, "No but what else was I supposed to do? You don't trust me so I had to push you a little bit. Look," He reaches into his pocket and sets the knife on the coffee table. "No more threatening okay?"

"Okay." I agree. "Let's just talk."

Dean groans, "I don't want to do that either. There's nothing to say." I don't respond for fear of saying the wrong thing. "I know." Without another word Dean grabs my hand and drags me to the bathroom.

We stand just over the doorway. "What are we doing here?"

He turns me around so that my back is against him. I look at him through the mirror just as he looks back at me. Dean's calloused hands find the hem of my shirt. "Well, I wanted to take a shower and then I thought, why not take you with me?"

My jaw hardens as I attempt to gain control of myself. "What happened to no funny business?" I can't tell if he's acting like this because he's high, or because he genuinely thinks it's a good idea.

Dean's hands tighten around my skin. Not in a mean way but in a controlling one. "I won't do anything." He whispers in my ear. "But we have an opportunity here." He begins to smell my hair, I close my eyes and stand still.

"For what?" I dare to ask.

In one move, Dean turns me around to face him. His hands fall on my waist, "For us to be vulnerable. Just you and me, here and alone." I know the situation I'm in. If I go along with it, he'll think I'm in love with him. If I pull away, he could hurt me. It's a lose lose. My only way out is hoping Shawn got my message and is on his way over right now.

So I stall, "Dean, I don't think we should. I thought we were starting over?"

"You know, I think that was a big part of our problem too. You always wanted to wait. To slow down." His finger wraps around the front of my jeans, he pulls me in. I squirm but his other arm wraps around me to stop my movements. "With you this close to me, how do you not feel how much I love you?"

Because whatever he's feeling, it's not love. Probably THC and a hormone imbalance from being off of his meds. "I know how you feel about me." I say instead. I'm beginning to think he's incapable of truly loving someone.

Dean's finger maneuvers to the button of my jeans. The second his arm moves from my back I move, my back now against the sink. "Always playing hard to get. Some things never change." Dean turns around and turns the shower on, his eyes on me the entire time. Steam from the hot water rolls outside of the shower. He grabs my arm, pulling me away from the sink and flush against him. "I hate playing your games."

Dean leans in and presses his lips against mine. I stay still, unable to move. When I don't kiss him back, he attempts to pull my shirt up over my head. "Dean." I say. "Please, don't make me do this." I plead with him because it's all I have left.

"Fine." He decides. "I'll go first." Dean pulls his shirt up and off of him. It falls on the bathroom floor quietly. "See, now you." Dean grabs me, trying to get my clothes off. I shift as much as I can to stop his advances. He only falters and gets impatient with me. "Goddammit Livia!" He screams, causing me to jump back. I'm scared as I watch him attempt to calm himself down. Dean closes his eyes and takes a few breaths. When he opens them again, he looks ready to try again.

The steam has covered the mirror now. He watches me while I give in and lift my shirt up and over my head. Dean eyes my bare body, "Your boobs are bigger."

I nod, "I know." Maybe this is it, my chance to be vulnerable with him. If I tell him the truth, he won't hurt me. "Dean I'm...I'm pregnant."

His eyes snap to mine. "You're lying to me."

I make a bold move and take a step toward him. "It's the truth. I found out after Christmas."

Dean's eyes begin to water as tears pool in his eyes. I'm confused at his reaction. "It's Morgan's isn't it?" I nod slowly. Dean scoffs, "You're pregnant?" I didn't answer him this time, noting that he said it more to himself.

"Dean I-"

He takes a step back from me, "Don't you dare say anything else. You've ruined everything!" Tears fall down his cheeks as he cries in anger. "How could you do this to us?"

"To us?" I point to my chest, "I was happy before you came along."

Dean runs his fingers through his hair and begins pacing. "We can fix this, it's still early. I can take you to a clinic and-"

"No!" I yell as he continues crying. "I'm keeping my baby, Dean." That's non negotiable.

Dean stops pacing at my words. He looks at me for a long moment, judging my eyes, face, body. I try to calculate his facial expression but fall short. I don't know his next move, I don't know him anymore. "It's for us, Livia. Don't you get that?" His tears have stopped, leaving only a clenched jaw in its wake.

I feel cornered, like anything I say will be the wrong thing. So I stay silent and attempt to run right past him to the door. The door is locked so he catches me, I scream as I'm being thrown back. I land on the floor, looking up at him. "You can't make me get rid of my baby just like you can't make me love you!" How does he not see the consequences of his actions? How does he only see in red?

Dean gets on top of me, He straddles my body as he holds me down to the ground. "I'll just have to do it myself." Dean says but it's more to himself than to me. As if he's thinking out loud.

I squirm from underneath him, praying for Shawn to walk through that door any second. "Do what yourself? Dean, stop it you're scaring me."

Dean grabs my face, "You should be scared. You really fucked up and now I have to fix your mistake." The way he talks makes him sound completely innocent. Like it's my fault for getting pregnant and ruining our plans together. I never truly understood how insane he is until now.

Without thinking, I lift my knee up to kick him. Dean groans as he holds his manhood and writhes on top of me. I get him off of me and stand up. For once, I'm the one looking down at him. "You can't hurt me you sick bastard!" I scream, kicking him while he's already down. Dean rolls over on his back in pain. "It doesn't feel so good does it?" I kick him again, this time in the ribs.

Dean coughs, and groans, all very similar to the things I used to do. Suddenly I stop, not in the mood to play the role of Dean Cooper. My breathing is heavy so I try to calm down and turn to grab my shirt off of the floor. I put it on and look at Dean, still on the floor with his hand over his ribs. He laughs at me, "You're going to wish you never did that to me." He warns as he forces himself up off of the ground. I look at the knife on the table, Dean eyes it at the same time. I get to it first, gripping my hand around it and moving around Dean.

By now, I'm rushing back to the door and unlocking it. I open it to make it out into the hallway. Dean is right behind me, so I just start running. I find an elevator a few doors down and hastily press the button. It takes too long and I can hear Dean's footsteps as he runs to find me. "Fuck." I cuss as I move to the stairwell.

I run as fast as I can down the stairs, no one is following me so I feel confident in my escape. I make it to the first floor and open the door into the hallway. I stop, Dean is right in front of me, with the elevator doors open. I open my mouth to scream, he puts his hand over it to stop me and pulls me into the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors close, Dean presses our floor number. "You really fucking hurt me." He says through his teeth. Anger radiates off of him as he curls his hand into a fist. "I think you need to start treating me with some goddamn respect!" Dean yells, I block my face as he pulls his arm back. He goes for my stomach the same time I cut him with the knife. The small blade causes blood to seep down from Dean's arm. I barely made a dent in him. Dean hits the knife out of my hand. It slams against the elevator door with a loud banging sound.

Dean grabs me by the back of my head, I don't have time to shield my face before he hits me. My breath gets caught in my throat and I'm momentarily stunned before the pain hits and I curl up into a ball on the cold floor. Dean gets on top of me, uncurling me, just to hit me again. "This is your fault you selfish bitch!" My ears are pounding so hard that I barely hear him.

He lowers himself and starts to hit my stomach. "Stop." I make out, moving my hands to shield myself.

Dean continues to hit me, punching my arms for getting in the way, my face, my stomach. Anything he can do to hurt me and each time hurts more and more, until I begin to throw up. The doors open on our floor, but my eyes are closed. I'm not sure how many times I've been hit or if he's still going. All I can focus on is the end, how eventually, someone will stop him.

My vision gets blurry and then it happens, "Dude what are you-oh my God, get off of her!" I don't recognize the voice, probably just a stranger looking for a peaceful night in a four star hotel. Dean gets off of me, either because he was pushed off or because he was caught. Either way the pain doesn't go away.

Another voice sounds and It's Shawn. "Livia! Call an ambulance now!"

I curl up again but can't move much more than that. My body suddenly feels light, and I pass out on the ground.

My name is Livia Jade Gardner, and I ruin everything. I ruin the friendships I'm in. Take Hunter and Seth for example. I always thought I was doing the right thing by not telling Seth about my past. It turned out to be my downfall, he found out about me through my ex-boyfriend. Seth thought I was a monster, and he gave my address to a real monster.

I ruin people's lives. I always thought that not pressing charges against Dean would be a good idea. I thought he'd realize that he's a monster, and change his ways. Then I ruined that too when I let him follow me on Instagram. Who knew such a lowlife would follow me across the country over a DM left on read. Now it's ruined my life, and I have to find a way out of this mess I've gotten myself into.

I ruin relationships. Shawn is never going to forgive himself, and neither will Jack. It's important for them to know it's not their fault. Whatever happens to me, is on me. I take full responsibility for how this goes down. If it ruins my relationship with the most important man in my life, then it's because of me.

Most importantly, I killed my unborn baby. Or maybe, like me, she never even stood a chance.