31. | even more secrets

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"Ready?" Ethan asks as he grabs the key to the room from the dusty table near the door and turns around to look at me.

"Yes." I reply as I quickly grab my scarf from the nightstand and walk over to where he's standing. "I should ask you that." I say as I glance up at him with curious, soft eyes.

"Not really." He replies truthfully and darts his tongue out to wet his lips. "But I need to do this nevertheless."

I stop in my tracks and look up at him once again. "Hold up." I speak as I move to stand in front of him, my 5'4 frame nothing compared to his 6'1 towering over me. "You don't need to do this. Only if you're ready, Ethan."

"Well, I don't think I'm ready to face the man that has ruined my mother." He speaks as he sinks his front teeth into his bottom lip, another nervous habit of his. We've already started mirroring each other's behaviors.

"But I want to do this for her. I have to do this to get the answers my mom deserves. And if this is the only way to get them, through meeting him in person without getting my mom involved at all, then so be it. I'm ready." he exhales a shaky breath and runs his fingers through his blonde locks.

I let my eyes wander over his face, empathy dripping from every word I speak. "Okay." I manage to conjure a smile on my face, taking ahold of his face. "I'm here for you, always." I whisper, causing a sigh to fall from his lips, a wave of relaxation washing over him.

"I know." He leans forward, softly placing his lips on mine, sending my heartbeat into a frenzy with the swift yet delicate move. "And I wouldn't want to have it any other way." He murmurs against my lips, letting go of me soon after.

Feeling all tingly with the taste of his lips lingering on mine, I let go of him, only to have him grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers as we walk down the stairs of the motel.

"What about Lexi?" Ethan asks, referring to my best friend that we left behind. I told her we had to meet someone important and she was happy to be able to sleep some more until we returned.

"She'll be fine." I answer with a slight smile as the cold winter air fans over our faces the second we take a step outside, "I don't know if she properly listened to me when I told her, she was half asleep. So, I left a note explaining where we went and when we would be back. Though, she might not even wake up before we return. Depends on how long it'll take us."

Ethan lets out a slight chuckle. "I was wrong about her." He says as we walk towards cab waiting for us in the parking lot. "She really is a good friend. I should stop having trust issues against everyone." He explains himself, opening the door for me. As we step in, I nuzzle into him for the drive, letting Ethan give the address to the driver. We are ready to get some answers.

Still, we were completely unaware of what we had coming our way.

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Ethan orders three coffees while we wait in the place his father is supposed to meet us. It has barely been 5 minutes and he can't help but fumble with his fingers, his nerves becoming quite evident.

I reach out for his hand, rubbing my thumb over the back of it in a slow pace, an attempt to lessen his nerves and somewhat calm him down.

"Ethan?" I speak as I continue the movement.

"Hm?" He responds, his eyes following the path my thumb is creating on his skin.

"When was the last time you've seen your father?"

His body becomes rigid because it remains a difficult topic, but he proceeds to answer.

"He left when I was really young. But he always came back every now and then. Sometimes he stayed for years, sometimes months, sometimes weeks." He begins, staring at the empty wall in front of him while letting his mind wander to the old days.

"I was a kid who didn't know better, so I let my father back in my life. When my mother was pregnant with Lizzie and her illness got worse, he was with us. Not really with us in a supportive way, but he would stay in the house. We left him, we ran away. She was trying to protect me and my unborn sister more than anything. Lizzie is thirteen now and has never met him."

I let my front teeth sink into my bottom lip as I listen to Ethan's story, one who causes tears to appear in my eyes.

The day I met Sara, I could feel how hurt, yet strong she was. She was so down-to-earth and her smile brightened the entire living room but when I stared into her green irisis, I could sense the hurt, the emptiness within them.

She had been hurt, a lot. I do realize Ethan is only telling me the relevant stuff right now, leaving all the details out, but I know better. I wish I could take away all of their hurt, but sadly I can't. Abusive relationships really do drain one's will to live, I'm surprised how much of a fighter Sara was even though she was pregnant, a mother of a young child and ill. My admiration for her is unmeasurable.

I just sincerely hope that one day, soon, we will get our answers and leave it all behind us. Move on and give life another shot, together.

Several minutes pass in silence, only to be interrupted by the sound of the opened café door. I turn my head towards the source and watch as a man steps inside and wanders his curious eyes around the place, clearly looking for someone.

"Ethan?" I mumble, causing him to turn his head and follow my gaze to meet the eyes of the man. Before I have to ask, Ethan answers for me.

"That—" He inhales a sharp breath and stands up. "That's him." Their gazes meet for a few seconds as the man strides towards us.

I eye him cautiously, taking in his appearance. We know little to nothing about this man, and since I don't even trust my own father, I can't trust someone else's.

"Hi." He hesitantly speaks as he reaches us and holds out his hand for Ethan.

Ethan just nods, his uncomfortable demeanour radiating off of him. He shakes his hand, only to pull it back quickly after and taking place in his chair.

His father looks somewhat disappointed. Honestly, he shouldn't expect his son, who hasn't seen him for nearly 14 years, to treat him like a dad.

He turns to me, holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Daniel." He introduces himself while he scans my face. "Brooklyn." I reply and let go to sit next to Ethan again.

Our coffees arrive and I clutch onto mine to warm up my hands, waiting for one of them to begin.

"I thought I asked you to come alone, Ethan." Daniel surprises us both with this question, taking a sip of the coffee afterwards and expecting an explanation from his son.

"I wanted Brooklyn to join me." Ethan answers, "She knows everything about me so whatever you're about to tell me, I want her to know as well."

Daniel nods, only to continue. "She must be your girlfriend then."

I cough as I silently wince in pain for burning my tongue on the hot substance. Ethan scratches the back of his head and grabs my hand with his other, squeezing it lightly.

"I haven't had the time to make it official yet but I will." He replies as he places both of his elbows on the table.

"She looks very familiar," Daniel wonders out loud as he lets his inspecting glare wander over my face. "I wonder if I know her parents."

Ethan sighs and speaks up. "Look dad, or Daniel, or whatever I'm supposed to call you. Brooklyn and I have to return soon so let's just make this quick. Just tell us what you came here for so we can all move on."

"Move on?" Daniel's forced laugh sends shivers down my spine, "I'm sorry to burst your bubble, son, honestly. But this new information will probably confuse you even more."

"I can handle it." Ethan bites back as he raises an expectant brow. "Just, go ahead."

Daniel nods and the look on his face changes, clearly the result of letting his mind take him back to the days he's about to tell us about.

"It was the year of '96, your mom and I were together for a few years and I was planning on proposing to her and start a family. We were happy, we were doing great until one day Sara ended up pregnant—"

"'96? That's three years before me." Ethan interrupts right away.

"Exactly." Daniel patiently confirms his thoughts. "The problem was, I had been working a lot abroad to make more money in order to gather enough for the ring and wedding. Thus, we didn't have any sexual intercourse because I was gone for a little over a month. She told me she was three weeks pregnant, which meant the baby wasn't mine, for sure. I was so devastated, angry."

I gulp as I look at the man in front of me with my eyes slightly wider with surprise. Sara would never do such thing as cheating on her loving boyfriend, I'm sure of it.

"I don't believe you..." Ethan whispers silently, "Who's kid is it? Where's the kid now, did she abort it?" He starts spilling the questions that are tainting not only his, but also my mind.

"I begged for Sara to tell me the truth, even if that would ruin me." Daniel continues, "And she swore she did not cheat on me. She was so confused too, we both were. She did a lot of thinking and then told me about going to a little pub while I was gone, one she visited every now and then when she felt lonely because I wasn't with her. On one particular night, she did not remember how she got to the house and woke up in her own bed with her c-clothes taken off." His voice breaks and I can not longer hold in the tears that have been burning in my eyes.

I take Ethan's hand in mine under the table with a swift move, squeezing it and showing him that I'm here for him.

"I didn't tell her, but I found a short blonde hair on her clothes from the night before and arranged a DNA-test." He inhales a sharp breath, "It turned out to be from one of my friends from high school. One who had been in the same class with both your mother and I."

Ethan gulps as he asks the question that is burning in his mind, the name of the person who has hurt his mother. "What was his name?" He forces out.

His father pulls a hand through his dark blonde hair in frustration and answers the question with a name I'm tired of hearing.

"Ryan," he replies, "the fucking bastard Ryan."

I freeze. It feels as if someone has taken all of my oxygen sources. "R-Ryan who?" I ask, not being able to control my voice.

Daniel looks surprised at my reaction and eyes me again as if he's connecting the pieces. "Ryan Adams." he confirms my thoughts.

"Oh m-my god—" is all I manage to stutter out as I clutch onto Ethan's hand even tighter.

Ethan looks at his father in shock, struggling to find the appropriate words. "So you're saying that Brooklyn's father raped mom? Why do I feel like that's fucking bullshit? Mom would have told me... why would she hide this from me? She has met Brooklyn before, she knows we're going to come see her today, together."

"Brooklyn's father?" Daniel raises his voice in confusion, "I- I knew she looked familiar. Just now I realize she looks so much like her mother. We're all from the same high school, we've lived in the same street for years when you two were just children." He says in a lower tone, looking at my face in utter shock and then turning back to his son again.

"Sara didn't know the results of the DNA-test, because I never told her I got it done. I didn't want her to know who the father of the kid was, I didn't want her to remember the face of her rapist. She just wanted to forget about it, I didn't add to her pain. I had hurt her enough." He admits.

I start breathing heavily as I feel like the walls of the small café are starting to lock me up, suffocate and swallow me. Ethan continues to squeeze my hand, I don't know if it's to comfort me or to withhold himself from exploding. I don't mind it either way.

"She deserves to know what happened to her." Ethan speaks out, rubbing his forehead in frustration and anger, clearly biting back the tears. "What happened to the kid?"

The kid.

Breathe Brooklyn, breathe.

"She kept him." Daniel whispers. "After he was born, she had made a difficult choice. She gave the kid up for adoption because she wanted to give him a better life."

Him.

"But I was a moron and couldn't stay around. I left her and came back two years later. Your mother—" He swallows before he continues, "She was so strong, so loving. She let me in yet again, back in her life. After a few months she became pregnant with you, but I was too intoxicated and way too much into bad business to be a good father so I chickened out, again."

"You're a fucking coward." Ethan mumbles, now rubbing his temples in frustration, all sorts of emotions running through him.

After a few seconds of silence, Ethan's head shoots up as his lips tremble before asking the question he got out of all the information he just had to swallow.

"So if I'm correct," he looks over at me for a mere second, "Brooklyn and I have a halfbrother? We're connected through one sibling out of a damn rape?"

"Actually, no—," Daniel immediately defends, "I don't know why you have never been told about this. It may not be my place to tell you, but Brooklyn..." He turns to me with a pitying look in his eyes.

Honestly, I get it. I pity my situation more than anyone. I pity myself so much by now that I can't even bear to look into the mirror.

And it's getting even worse, even more secrets are being brought to the surface of the water, just when I thought there weren't any left.

"Brooklyn, Ryan is not your biological father."

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A/N; we did not see that one coming, did we?

two years ago, i stopped writing this book after this chapter, just when shit got real. i can't believe some people pushed me so much over the edge, i didn't just take a break. i unpublished every single chapter and disappeared for a year without a word. i have lost so many readers, it's really sad but i guess it just needed to happen. i'm happy i'm here, just four more chapters to go. i'll try my best to update the final 4 chapters as soon as possible.

thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed.
please don't forget to vote & comment, i really enjoy reading every single one of them.

— lyra b.


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