Nadia's POV

"She doesn't want to see you, Mateo. The answer hasn't changed,"

I listened to Grace tell Mateo off while I stood in her kitchen. He has been coming here for the past week. Each time Grace would tell him off but he's becoming more persistent.

"I want to talk to her Grace. Just for five minutes, please," he begged and my heart tugged hearing the pain in his voice.

"I can't. I'm sorry,"

"Okay, please give these to her," I heard the shuffling of a wrapper before the door closed.

I heard Grace approach the kitchen and walk in. I busied myself with my mug of hot chocolate to avoid looking at her.

"Are you going to talk to the man or do I need to put up a sign in front of my door?" Grace asked placing down a bouquet of white roses on the table.

Every time he's been here, he's brought flowers, chocolates and gifts. There wasn't a day when he showed up empty-handed. Although I was touched by the gesture, giving me gifts won't win my heart back. He tried calling and sent numerous texts to my phone, which didn't help the conflict going on in my thoughts.

"I don't know," I truthfully answered.

A part of me wants nothing more than to run after him, hug him and tell him that I forgive him. Tell him that the past week hurt more than I expected it to.

A greater and more hurt part however keeps me hiding in the kitchen when he comes around. The triggered part of me is hesitant to trust him again.

"Can I ask you something? You need to answer me truthfully though," Grace asked and I raised my eyes before nodding.

"Do you love him? Like actually love him?"

I nodded once more as I gazed down at my nearly empty mug.

"Then why are you moping around my apartment instead of talking it out?"

"I'm not moping," I defended but Grace raised an eyebrow at me.

"I love you but you look like shit," she laughed and I rolled my eyes.

I saw a reflection of myself on the fridge's mirrored surface as I stood up to put my mug and our breakfast dishes into the dishwasher.

Grace was right. I looked like shit. The dark circles under my eyes made my eyes look sunken in. My eyes were red from all the crying I'd been doing. My skin looked dull. My hair was knotted and dry.

"Look, I'm not rushing your healing process but I am saying that you'd both benefit if you sat down to talk things through," she suggested and I sighed.

"I'll go over after I do Christmas shopping,"

Josh was taking Grace to meet his parents tomorrow, so we had an early Christmas eve meal today. Chris and Jess were unable to attend because they were spending Christmas with her family in Miami. Isabel and Nathan are already in Cuba for Christmas. I'm even surprised that Mateo hasn't left yet.

I detangled my hair and did a quick wash before putting it into large plaits after I blow-dried it. I decided to put Flexi rods in when I got back. It was almost lunchtime so I set out to go get groceries.

I looked out of my room's window and saw the snow settling on the ground so I needed to dress accordingly.

I wore stockings with black winter performance leggings on top, a sports bra for comfort, a beige long sleeve shirt, and a gray oversized hoodie with a black puffer jacket layered on top. I threw on an extra pair of socks before wearing sherpa-lined boots. Of course, I'd be dumb if I left without a beanie and gloves so I grabbed those on my way out of the room.

"You ready?" Grace asked when I entered her room.

I nodded and we set off to the grocery store. She was the designated driver for today so she pushed the shopping cart while I put in everything I needed for dinner.

Thirty minutes later we were walking back to her car with our hands full of grocery bags.

"Okay, so am I going to drop you off at his place now?" Grace asked once we were both seated in her car.

Shit, I almost forgot about that part of today.

"Yeah, I'll Uber back in time for dinner,"

She gave a nod before driving. Just to my luck, the grocery store was closer to his apartment than I would've liked.

"You'll be fine. Just say how you feel," Grace reassured me and I left the car.

My legs wobbled as I walked in and to the elevator. I swiped the key card and entered the code before the elevator jolted to life. 

I felt my stomach turn with nerves when the elevator got closer to his floor. It didn't feel better when it opened in his apartment.

The apartment was cold and dark despite it still being daytime. I pulled my puffer closer to my chest and walked into the apartment. 

Cassandra's journal still lay on the couch where Mateo had sat that day. The book was still open on the entry.

The coffee table held empty bottles of whiskey and wine.

"Mateo," I called out and got no answer. 

The apartment was quiet but I had a feeling that he was around here somewhere. 

His office.

I went in the direction of the room and opened the slightly ajar door.

There he was. He sat in one of the chairs staring off into space with a bottle of wine in hand.

The office was a mess. It had papers and files flung around.

"Mateo," it came out barely above a whisper but his head turned in my direction.

He looked miserable. His eyes were bloodshot and broken. His stubble grew and formed a dark shadow around his face and neck. His suit was open and his tie lay loosely around his slightly opened shirt.

"Nadia?" he asked in a confused tone. It was as if he couldn't believe that I was here.

"Hi," I replied and walked toward him.

I sat down on the other side of the couch and faced him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept that from you. It wasn't my place and if I knew that I would end up losing you, I wouldn't have done it. Please forgive me," He fell at my feet and I was shocked by his movements.

If you told me when I met Mateo that he would fall at my feet, begging for forgiveness, I would have laughed in your face.

"Was it real?" I asked nearly in tears from emotions.

"Was what real?" 

"Your feelings for me. Our relationship. Our friendship. Was all of that real to you? Because it was to me. That's why I was so hurt finding out that you took care of me just because you wanted to fulfil your wish to my dying sister. You made me feel something but now it seems like a figment of my imagination. A fantasy I created," I was crying now but I couldn't care less.

I needed to get that off my chest.

"Of course it was. Why would you think that? Do you know how much you mean to me? I couldn't sleep, eat or function properly knowing I hurt you. I tried day after day to reach you. I called, texted and showed up at Grace's apartment and it hurt when I didn't hear from you. I didn't fully realise how impactful your presence in my life was until then. The past week made me realise how much I love you," Mateo was almost shouting and I sat shocked staring up at him.

"You love me?" I asked to make sure I heard right.

"I love you so fucking much Nadia. I don't know why it took me so long to realise but I do. I can't see my life without you and I don't want to live it like that. Please forgive me," 

I shot up and flung my arms around him to hug him. He fell to his knees and held me as I cried from an overwhelm of emotions. Most of my tears are happy tears.

Mateo just said that he loves me and I don't know how to process everything right now. 

"Do you forgive me?" he asked and I nodded frantically on his shoulder.

We spoke for a bit more after that before I had to take an Uber back to Grace's apartment to prepare dinner. Mateo would meet us at Grace's later and I was already excited to see him.

He really loves me.

Shit, I didn't say it back

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