Nadia's POV

"You blame yourself because you're used to being blamed. Nothing that happened was your fault. You can't control anything that happens in life. You can only control your reaction,"

I sat on the couch opposite my therapist. I have been in therapy for about two weeks and it has been conversations like this during all my sessions.

Today, I spoke about the guilt I've been carrying my whole life. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, persistent depressive disorder, major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

Starting medication has been hard but it's only been a week. The side effects have been horrendous but I want to get back on track with life.

Mallika, my therapist, is a wonderful woman. She's a tall, slender, black woman. I've been adamant about having a black therapist because I didn't need someone pushing happy thoughts and not understanding the generational trauma of being a woman of colour.

"How's your love life?" Mallika asked and I shifted in my seat, shrugging my shoulders.

"Do you have a partner?"

My mind immediately went to Mateo before I chewed my inner cheek. I can't even call him a partner, he's a friend and most importantly, my boss.

I shook my head no.

"What about the man in the lobby? You seem to have an intimate relationship with him,"

I knew she meant Mateo. He had dropped me off and walked me in. I may or may not have run off the first time I was dropped off here.

Mateo has been dropping me off since and leaving once Mallika came out to call me from the waiting area.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend," I replied and shifted in my seat.

"Do you like him?" She asked and my eyes shot out of my head.

I stumbled on my words and shook my head no. I wasn't sure whether I was telling the truth or not but it was what came out at the moment.

Mallika hummed and noted something down into my file. She looked up at me and continued writing.

"Tell me about your last relationship,"

Great, just what I needed to bring up right now.

"My last relationship was almost six years ago. We dated for three years and I thought I was happy. In the beginning, he showered me with gifts and even convinced me to allow him to move in with me. He started slacking off on little things like cleaning up and cooking, eventually he started asking for money from me to go out. When I wouldn't give him any, he'd steal it. He would..."

I felt myself choking up on my words and the tears started pouring down my cheeks.

Mallika passed me the box of tissues and I took some to blow my nose.

"He would what Nadia? It's okay, talking about is the first step to healing," Mallika spoke softly and I shook my head.

I couldn't, I felt like I was going to be sick.

The memories of all he did came flooding back and I started hyperventilating.

"Nadia, I need you to breathe. Come on, in through your nose, out through your mouth. You're okay, go to your safe space,"

I inhaled and let my mind wander to a place safe enough to slow my heartbeat.

My head was resting on Mateo's chest, his arms enveloping me in their warmth. He rubbed small circles down my spine and he placed an occasional kiss on my forehead.

My breathing calms and I'm able to continue talking.

"He would rape me whenever we were home alone. One day, I've had enough and ended things. I've never been the same after that. He took so much from me during that time. I couldn't trust someone like that ever again," I stopped myself there because I felt like I'd said more than enough.

Mallika nodded and finished off her notes.

"I can tell it took a lot from you to even speak about this. I know from personal experience how hard that must have been on you. Our way forward now is to get you to trust again. To get you to forgive yourself. What he did to you, was not your fault. You weren't too trusting. You weren't naive. You didn't know it would end that way. We'll start from there next session," she got up and rubbed my shoulder on our way out to the main area.

"I'll see you next time. Take care of yourself and don't forget what I told you,"

Mateo stood leaning on the car. He looked so handsome just standing there. He wore a brown suit with a long black coat and a scarf.

One of his hands was in his coat pocket and the other was raised to his ear. He was on a call of some nature.

I stepped out of the practice and pulled my own coat tighter around my frame. It was nearing winter and it was becoming cold out. Most of my outfits now consist of stockings or boots.

He noticed me and ended his call.

"Hi," I greeted smiling up at him.

He reached for my hand with his warm one and rubbed it.

"Hi," he smiled back and I marvelled at the sight.

He has a captivating smile.

"Can we go? I don't want to be late," I asked and Mateo opened the passenger side door for me.

I slid in and watched him move across the car.

This man just moves with so much elegance.

Mateo started driving to our destination. The ceremony starts in an hour but I didn't want to be late.

Pulling into the driveway, Mateo shut off the car and I exhaled. My nerves were getting the best of me and all my emotions were resurfacing again.

Looking around I felt my eyes water watching all the teens in their gowns.

"We can just sit here for a while if you want. There's no rush," Mateo spoke rubbing my thigh in comfort.

I did my breathing exercises and composed myself enough to leave the car.

Mateo was by my side and held my hand the whole way through.

From speaking with Cassandra's old school principal to accepting Cassandra's certificate and hearing the school's speech and memorial video of Cassandra.

I broke down when I reached Mateo's apartment. He held me and let me cry into his chest.

I couldn't go home today. I needed someone with me right now. I needed Mateo.

Once my sobs had softened I lifted my head. I knew my eyes were puffy and I looked like a mess.

Mateo wiped my tear-stained cheeks with so much care. He looked like he was afraid to break me and handled me with so much care.

"Are you okay?" He asked once my sniffles had stopped and I was back to my normal state.

I nodded and pulled my bottom lip into my teeth. My eyes trailed down Mateo's worried face and stopped at his lips.

I raised my eyes back to his and did the unimaginable, I kissed him.