Chapter Twenty Three~Rudolph?

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                         "A little time to show you I'm worth it
                           I know that I can be a difficult person"

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

Her voice was harsh, her stare was cold. She wouldn't even look at me, meet my eyes. One of my favorite things about Valeria was that she would never talk to you without eye contact. Her eyes would always meet yours, filled with interest in all you were saying. Now it felt like she put a wall up, keeping me from reaching her. 

That was the worst. I wanted to get to her, to apologize, but I knew that an apology wouldn't do anything but put more distance between us.

I needed to do something else. Something that I'd been avoiding to do since I had met her. I had to tell her everything and ask her something.

It was quiet for a while. Us finding a sense of peace in the whistling wind, the blowing trees, and the birds chirping through the fading day. I have always despised silence with V, we had so much to say to each other that each moment gone wordless had me thinking it was wasted. Now, though, it felt like the silence was needed, necessary to get my point across to her.

I took a moment to look at her. Really look at her. Her auburn hair blowing in her face, her eyes avoided all contact with me, the tip of her ears a bright shade of crimson, her rosy cheeks glowing from the cold, and finally her marveled face which was tilted towards the sky as if she wanted nothing to with me.

 It was at that moment that I finally noticed the deep eye bags under her eyes, and instantly felt regret fill my heart hoping that I hadn't done that even if I had known that I had.

I licked my dry lips and opened my mouth after the everlasting moment of tranquility.

"Valeria." That's all I said. I wanted her to look at me, to see how genuinely sorry I was for everything that came out of my mouth that hollow evening of my father's return. She finally looked at me, her head tilted upwards, and her green eyes hit me harder than a train ever could have. Sparkling under the setting sun and glowing specks scattered all over. 

They held a sense of calmness now, in contrast to her aloof stare earlier. They softened when I tentatively took her hand in mine and tugged to pull her closer to my body. I was surprised when she didn't try to pull her hand away, instead, her fingers curled around mine and intertwined them. My heart sped up at her touch, as it always did, reminding me how important this girl was to me.

Bringing myself back to reality, I once again attempted to find my voice,

"I want to take you somewhere, but before that, I want to apologize. I didn't mean anything I said to you. The only reason, I said what I said, was because.." I stopped contemplating how I wanted to do this. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and told myself that V wasn't one to judge.

"Because, my dad was behind me, I hadn't seen him in years. You don't understand V, I don't know who he was, for I could've known, he could've done something to you. Said something that I hadn't told you nor ready to explain. My life is messed up. I know yours is too. But I think that I--think that I'm finally ready to tell you, everything. I feel like it's something I need to do because I think we both know that this isn't just a friendship. 

At least, I know that I feel for you something way deeper than that. This is why I want to start this, whatever it is, with the truth and no lies." I let out, her fingers stopped playing with mine, and I hadn't even realized that we had begun walking. She looked up at me, I braced myself for the worst. For judgment, hatred, or even worse, pity. 

But I didn't see that, I saw admiration, forgiveness. That's all I ever wished for. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times before she finally pulled me towards the ground to sit in the middle of the snow.

"I never ever blamed you for your words. I know you, I know we've only known each other for a couple of months, but Kay, it really feels like years. I love that about us. It hurt, I won't lie, but after a while, it occurred to me that there just had to be a reason, that your pure soul could never utter those words to anyone, let alone me. 

You're just not that type of person, and I've had the pleasure of knowing that Kayden. So, you have nothing to apologize for because I never took any of it to heart." I digested her words, wondering how someone could be unbelievably understanding, kind, accepting. She never failed to surprise me, I guess the surprise element of us, kept us who we were. Valeria and Kayden.

We were in the middle of the park now. It was quiet, too cold for children to be outside playing now. The trees were frosted with snow, the trees stretching their arms for help as they withered and died in the cold, dark, nights of winter in New York. As we sat down she didn't let go of my hand, instead sat in front of me, connecting us to each other through our hands. 

I couldn't help but think about how adorable she looked sitting in front of me, her head resting on her knees and her free arm wrapped around her legs. Her brighter than bright green eyes screwing with my heart in insane ways. 

This time her voice broke the silence. It was a whisper through the now dusk atmosphere, the sky colored in a myriad of shades, painted with a streak of red, yellow, pink, blue.

"Tell me." Her voice laced with a promise to not judge and to accept. A tone of comfort was all I needed and she gifted me that.

So I did. I did something I hadn't done since, well, Parker. That was years ago. I told her about my childhood, which I cherished and craved more than anything now that it was gone. My mouth was unstoppable, she listened to all my stupid stories about saving Jayden from trouble and pulling painstakingly idiotic pranks with Parker on our families. I told her about my father, about how I never even knew him until a week ago.

 How I didn't how to find it in myself to forgive him for everything he put my mom, Jay, and I through. The years of money problems, of Jay and I telling our mom that it was okay if we couldn't pay for the school trip, it was okay if we couldn't go to play our school was putting on because we couldn't pay for it.

 The years of missing out on the latest trends and convincing ourselves that it was okay, it was selfish to ask for more than we already got. I told her about my mom's diagnosis, I explained the reason I pushed everyone away, not wanting their worthless pity. Told her about art becoming my outlet through it all. 

The stares, the sympathy, not being able to take all of it. I told her about my migraine condition. I told her about working instead of going to school to pay for my mom's treatment. I told her every single thing going through my mind lately. All except for one.

She was an unbelievably good listener. She squeezed my hand for support when I choked up or paused for a minute. It took her a moment before speaking,

"I hope you know that I do not pity you. I'm so in awe of how strong you are after everything you've gone through. So elated to have met the person you have become. You inspire me every day, to keep being who I am. But I've been keeping so much from you. The way you told me your life today, I wanna tell you mine. But...I'm not nearly as strong as you. There are some things that I've been through, I don't feel comfortable telling you about. But I want you to know everything I can tell you right now. Because I want to be proud of who I am and I don't want you to find out from someone else."

I nodded understanding better than anyone, where she was coming from. I moved myself to sit beside her, trying to comfort her in every way possible. Putting my arm around her I pulled her into my arms and she buried her face in my chest making my heart fly out the window of my chest and become one with the beats of her heart. I have no idea when it will be returned and for my sake and hers, I hope it won't be.

So I listened, listened as she conveyed to me the way her jerk of her dad ditched her after her mother's death which I had no idea about either. She told me how she lied about Charlotte being her mom and how she was actually her aunt. I listened as she told me about living at the orphanage, laughing with her as she told me about each of her sisters, the other girls at the orphanage. 

Especially hard when she told me about how much Maddie reminded her of me. She seemed like a character for sure. I admired the way she stayed strong, keeping her cool through the entire time, we ended on a good note. Laughing, joking with each other about our childhood, to making fun of Lily and Jayden's crazy complicated undefined relationship.

Laughing with V, felt like a new normal, I loved the feeling, the sound of her laugh like ringing bells. We even made a deal, that she would have to show me one of her songs if I promised to show her one of my art pieces. We roasted each other's music taste by a longshot and she mocked me for how little I knew about music. 

We flirted, well, I flirted with her, loving the way her blush deepened to a blood-red from a blush. Finally, when it was pitch dark outside and we had begun to use our phones as light to be able to see each other's faces, we decided it was time to head back. I found out that V was petrified of the dark, which I personally found very cute.

She made me hold her hand and everything on our way back to Lilly's, from where she had agreed to finally let me drive her home for the first time now that I knew what it was. I wasn't complaining though, how could you when you had the best girl in the world clutching your hand like if she let go she'd fly away?

The streetlights provided enough light for us to finally be able to turn off our phones and just walk in silence. It was when we neared Lilly's house that I finally built up the internal fortitude to tell her the one thing I hadn't been able to tell her before.

I stopped her under a streetlight so I could see her face, and adored the furrow of her eyebrows in confusion as to why we stopped. Her nose was a shade of the brightest red reminded me of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer; and, just like Santa Clause picked him that night to lead the sleigh, I would choose Valeria to lead my heart. Her illuminated face comforted me and caused an eruption of zoo animals to run wild in my stomach. It was complicated.

Damn. I was nervous, I haven't been this nervous in a while. Obviously, confident Kayden wasn't answering the goddamned phone today, clearly, he was too busy to help out an old friend. She was looking at me with a confounded look. I took her hand and rubbed it against mine in an attempt to warm both of them up, also an attempt to stall for time. But it was cold, and I had to hurry up.

"Valeria, I think I've already admitted how I feel about you. You already know that my feelings for you go way deeper than friends. So I wanted to formally ask you if you would go on a date with me Friday night?" I questioned. She gave me a shocked look followed by the most beautiful smile ever known to humankind. 

She stole my breath away like she stole the mask of my fake happiness that I carried around praying no one would ever notice. She squealed before throwing her arms around me in a hug, I smiled at her and squeezed her back. Her body felt so good collided with mine.

"I still don't have an answer...come on it's not that hard V, it's a two-choice question!" I exclaimed, taunting her. She giggled before looking up at me, she gave me a cute small smile before speaking,

"Yes! You idiot, it's about time you know." I mock glared at her and took her hand in mine as we began to walk towards Lilly's place which could be seen in the distance. 

The endless night didn't feel like discomfort anymore, more like a constant reminder that day would erupt once again in a couple of hours, the light would come, and everything would turn out okay. It always did, and just like the moon has the sun to help accomplish that, I would have Valeria. 

A/N: AND SHE'S BACK!! Hi guys, just came to say thank you for 1k reads and to apologize for a missed week for the chapter. Made this one EXTRA special for you guys to make up for that. Sometimes, writing without motivation is hard and only wanting to put out amazing chapters for you guys can be a little stressful. BUT, we back on that grind, so be ready. 

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