"I got all I need when I got you and I                                          I look around me, and see a sweet life"

Sunlight was pouring into my window and the beams seemed to be dancing and prancing all over my face while I groaned hoping to God that the curtains that I'd forgotten to shut last night would magically close themselves. To my dismay, they didn't. It was Saturday, February 17th to be precise. Most people would call this one a "golden" birthday for I was turning 17 today. I, on the other hand, prayed to the angels I was unsure existed above, that either the rest of the household had forgotten to, indulged in their own work during this time of the year; or, they had finally taken a hint after five freaking years that I didn't find my birthday a day for celebration.

I'd tried. Believe me when I say that I've tried. Every single year this dreadful day rolls around and I'm struck by a tsunami of memories and a hurricane of hurt. Every single year I'm hit by the same storm, same tears, screaming at night for the woman who endured extreme pain on this day, but didn't live past 12 years to see it again. Sobbing and shaking at the countless recollections of her tender eyes, her thoughtful smile, and tantalizing mind. Flashing images in my dreams of her beautiful face. Green, wistful eyes, forever begging you upon meeting them to enter her forest, to get lost in her wanderlust of a world.

So yeah, pardon me if I didn't feel like celebrating my existence in this world, especially when the woman who brought me into it, isn't here anymore. Nor is the man who I believed would never ever leave my side, even after my mother did.

Yet, every year on February 17th, Charlotte would insist on doing something, going out, or eating cake, while I argued with treating it like a normal day because to almost everyone else in the world it was a normal day. So, I'd stay in my room, at least once I finished school, I read and played the Piano because I didn't want to feel special, be treated nicely, not when my mom couldn't; it wasn't fair.

Today shouldn't be any different. I hoped it wasn't as I rinsed out my hair and put on some leggings and one of Maddie's bright red crop tops from when she liked other colors besides black and purple. Oh, what a memory. Tentatively creeping down the stairs, I listened for any noise indicating I wasn't the first one up, unfortunately, that hope was diminished when I heard Lettie's soft faint voice. 

Silently pleading she hadn't planned anything, I tiptoed downstairs, peeking into Maddie's room on my way to notice that she, unsurprisingly, was not in it. Instead, I found her, with her head on Lettie's head laying horizontally across the couch while Lettie peacefully read her book. I smiled at the sight because it'd been a while since any of us had seen Maddie show any kind of affection, and this was a possible sign of healing. Due to Maddie's superhuman hearing, she heard me enter the living and jumped up. We met each other in the middle of the living room and she threw her lanky arms around me and whispered a tiny happy birthday in my ear. I smiled and hugged Lettie who had gotten off the couch after Maddie had disrupted her concentration.

"Happy Birthday Val, I know how much you hate us celebrating it, so we'll do whatever you want this year. We can go out and do something or we can just stay in and watch a movie. It's completely up to you, baby girl. I love you and I can't believe you're growing up so fast." I closed my eyes because her words were comforting but they brought back memories of the past years with my mom when we'd have a sleepover with Lily and do all my favorite things. Sometimes it just hurt too much, other times I figured I wasn't who I was without that hurt.

Silently wishing the tears away, I looked up at Lettie who had a couple of tears of her own. We both giggled at each other before she took my hand and pressed an envelope into my palm. Upon noticing my confused expression, she smiled wistfully before leaning in close to whisper,

"Go to your room and read it." She sent me off, and there I went silently climbing the steps looking for an address on the letter or any indication of who it could be from. When I found absolutely nothing, I entered my room. The sunlight streaming in through the window nearly blinded me, as I trudged over to the love sack lying next to my closet. As I sat and pulled a blanket over my cold feet, I delicately opened the envelope, pulling out the letter as gently and delicately as I could.

My eyes flittered across the paper and I couldn't believe my eyes when the handwriting was unmistakably and undoubtedly my mother's. It was a beautiful cursive, reflecting my mother flawlessly.

Dear Valeria, The holder of my heart,

Where do I begin? If you're reading this letter, it means that you've reached your golden birthday. Happy 17th birthday my beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately, if you're reading this letter it also means that I'm gone, by some terrible misfortune. I don't know, my love. But that's the only way you're reading this letter, otherwise, I'd be telling you this as I held you in my arms and softly sang in your ear. If you must know, I'm writing this letter from the Hospital room days after your birth. You're currently sleeping soundly in my arms and puffs of breath are hitting my cheek.

Valeria, my baby, I have never been happier than I am at this moment and I can promise you that. I guess I'll begin with why I named you Valeria. Your name means so many different things, but the moment I saw your resilient face on that bright night of February 17, I knew that you would come to represent all things strong, and brave. I want you to know that. The Doctors had me completely convinced you wouldn't even make it out of the womb, and I'd spend days begging and praying to God that you would He answered my prayers because you fought and you came out perfectly healthy. You've been fearless since you emerged from me, all beauty and glow.

Valeria, you are my miracle child. I promise to always be your best friend. But it seems that I'm not there, so here are a few things that I want to tell you that I learned. You are special, I feel like you've been singing since you came out of my womb with a battle cry that in the most harmonious way was melodic. 

I hope you come to love music and hold it as dear to you as I do. It does not judge, my love. I hope for your father's sake that you love reading and writing all the same. I hope you recognize how wonderful you are, and are sure to become. I don't know if I ever got to tell you this, but my sweet Valeria, if there's one thing I ask you to never do is give up. Please, for my sake. A couple of days ago, I went through the worst pain of my life to get you here, and I hope and pray that you never ever think of yourself so unworthy that you wish to be away from this world. 

I need you to know that I love you, and your father loves you and forever will. Me and you forever. I have such big hopes and dreams for you; I wish to be everything for you that my mother failed to be for me. I hope that I succeed in being selfless when it comes to you, in being the one person who you can always come back to. I've dreamt of this moment, of my future for a long time, Valeria, you are it for me. You are my one true love, and I swear on my life to cherish you for as long as I live.

I'm not with you right now, and I am so sorry you have to go through your teenage years without me. But I and as I've taught you to believe that everything happens for a reason. So that means God has taken me out of your life because he genuinely is sure that you could make it without me. I hope I went in peace, and I need you to know that even if I'm not physically next to you right now, I'm always watching over you, yes, I know how cliche that sounds, cut me a break, I just met the love of my life.

Valeria, as I peer down at you and the light hits your baby face in so many vigilant versatile ways, I pray to God that he never takes you away from me. You're so beautiful and I can only imagine how gorgeous you will grow up to be.

One more thing. You're seventeen, I don't know your life, I wish I did, but I don't. I can only imagine the people you've circled yourself around, the company you keep. But I know that if I raised you the way I dream, then I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I hope one day you find someone who completes you, understands you, appreciates you, respects you, and loves you unconditionally. If there is a perfect boy out there for you, I hope you meet him right away for other boys are not worth your wasted time on. Don't worry about not knowing, because when you meet the right person for you, one whose soul mingles with yours, one who makes your eyes shine, and heart glow, you'll know.

Valeria, I have nothing much else to say, and you've begun to fuss now. Your tiny fingers clasping mine, I swear I will never forget this moment with you. Remember baby, it's you and me against the whole goddamn world, even if I'm not there physically my heart forever rests with yours. 

I wish I could meet the person you are today 17 years from now because I just know you're the type of person that everyone loves. Never forget that kindness is key, you never know what is happening in someone else's life. Remember to always remain strong, you are everything you wish and desire to be, Never let anyone stop you from achieving your goals. Be a wanderer, seek answers, and love yourself.

I'm sorry you have to go through life without me but remember you are never alone, for I am right here. If no one's listening, I swear I am. Be you for whoever doesn't like that isn't in their right mind.

I am proud of you. I love you. Always and forever. Veronica and Valeria. Me and you.

Love you always,

Veronica

My body racked with a sob as I clutched my blanket tighter and held the letter in my hands, the last remnant of my mom, her last words to me. The unspoken words that I'd been dying to hear. The unhealed wounds that had finally been stitched over at this moment. 

Through my loud cries, I hadn't heard the door creek open and Kayden walk in. I only noticed he was here, when he wordlessly wrapped his muscular arms around me, picked me up, and placed me on his lap. Planting a kiss on the side of my forehead, he didn't make a sound. He knew when to speak. At that moment, my mother's words rushed back to me. Don't worry about not knowing, because when you meet the right person for you, one whose soul mingles with yours, one who makes your eyes shine, and heart glow, you'll know.

I know, mom, I know. I found him. And I know you're watching over me, so can you please do me a favor and watch over him too, because I don't know what I'd do without him much rather imagine where I'd be without him. Please. I knew what I had to do. I would write a letter back, and I'd mail it, I'd tell her everything, all the words I never got to say, all the memories I never forget. I knew she wouldn't read it, but I'd place it next to her grave, and finally be at peace with myself and the events of that dreadful night. Me and you forever, mom. I love you.

A/N: Hey Y'all did you cry? Cuz I did. Anywhoo, how'd you like the chapter?

QOTC: Are you close with your mom?

I am, I tell her everything hehe.

I love you guys, 2.3k here we come!

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Signing off for now,