Chapter Forty-Two

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I thought that Kell would never want to go home again, but – thanks to me – he couldn't go to Warren's anymore. He said there were other sofas he could crash on for a while, but that meant being around a load of people who didn't understand what he was going through. He didn't want that.

He was more than welcome to stay with me, regardless of what anyone said about it, but he refused that too. He was stuck at home until he had the money to move out, and that wouldn't be any time soon, so he just had to get used to it. He'd been living with his dad and David for most of his life already; he could stick it out a little longer.

I hated that he had to go back there, but there was nothing I could do.

Except be there for him as much and as often as I could.

Most days after school, we went to our special place in the park. Kell didn't talk about his mum as much as I'd thought, and I really hoped that didn't mean he was bottling it all up inside. Sometimes we hung out with Ella after school, and even though she and Kell got on better than I could have hoped for, we never took her to our place.

That was just for us.

All too soon, the day of his mum's funeral came.

I was in my room, putting on a simple black dress and cardigan, when he called me. The plan had been for me to walk to his house, and then we would go to the funeral from there, so when his name flashed up on my phone, my first thought was that the plan had changed somehow.

But when I answered he didn't say anything. I could hear him breathing, but he didn't say a word.

"Kell?" I said.

"I'm not going," he at last.

"What?" I stared down at my phone. Surely I'd misheard.

"I'm not going," he said again, clearly enunciating each word.

"But . . . you have to."

"Why?"

I floundered, my eyes landing on the toy lion that now lived on my bed. "Because . . . she's your mum."

"My mum's gone. She's not here anymore. I don't need to watch anyone put her body in the ground."

I really didn't have anything to say to that. I always assumed that people had to go to the funerals of their loved ones, but . . . Kell did have a point. I'd gone through my mum's funeral on autopilot – was that so different to not being there at all?

"Besides, all my dad's friends and colleagues are going, and I can't stand being around them. None of them really knew Mum and none of them really know me, but they'll all want to express empty condolences, and shake my hand, and praise my dad and say how lucky I am to still have him, and it's all just such bullshit," Kell said.

He would probably snap again if they said that to him, and he wouldn't risk making a scene at his mum's funeral.

"Do you still want me to come around?" I asked.

I couldn't see him, but I was sure he'd given that sad little smile. "I just want to be alone today."

"Are you sure?" My heart ached at the thought of him in that big house all by himself. Maybe I should go over anyway.

"Please, Laini," he said, quiet but firm. "I really just want to be alone."

"Okay," I mumbled. I desperately wanted to be there for him, but if he wanted to be alone, I had to respect that.

"Whenever you need anything, just text or call. I'll be right here," I told him.

When he spoke again, his voice was faint, like he was moving away from the phone. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Then he was gone.

I stared down at my phone, my chest a ball of pain. He'd been there for me when my mum died, and I wanted to be there for him, but I didn't know how.

I needed advice.

I went to Lori.





"It's just one day," Lori told me, sitting across from me at the breakfast bar. "It's not like you haven't been there for him since she died, and it's not like you won't be there for him in the future. But sometimes people do just need space. It doesn't mean he loves you any less."

I peeked at her under my lashes. "I never told you he said he loves me."

She gave me a duh look. "You don't have to. I see the way he looks at you."

Despite how much my heart was hurting for Kell, I couldn't help a little smile.

"And don't forget that you shut me out when it came to our mum," Lori pointed out.

"But I did that because I thought I was saving you the pain. I was trying to be strong for you, and I realise now how completely wrong that was." I clutched the edge of the breakfast bar. "Oh my god, do you think that's what he's doing now? Do you think he's trying to deal with all this by himself because he thinks he's protecting me somehow?"

I started to get up, but Lori put her hands over mine, holding me still.

"Okay, take a deep breath and calm down. If Kell was shutting you out because he thought he was protecting you, then he would have done it already. Since his mum died, you've been glued to his side every moment you can. If he was trying to protect you in some bullshit way, he would have done it days ago, back when she first died. Everyone needs some space now and then. Don't make more of this than you need to."

She was right, of course she was, but I still worried. Today of all days, I wanted to be there for Kell, but what he wanted absolutely came first.

I did send him a quick text, reminding him that I would always be here for him, whatever he wanted or needed.

But I didn't hear back.





All day I told myself it was nothing to worry about.

Maybe Kell hadn't checked his phone.

Or maybe he had, but he didn't want to respond.

I told myself that he just needed this time to himself, and it wasn't anything to worry about.

But I was worried.

Everything that Lori had said earlier made sense, but there was still something niggling inside me, like a thorn jabbing into my skin – not urgent, but a constant, faint worry.

I'd taken the day off school for the funeral, and even though I hadn't gone to the funeral, there was no way I was going to school. I had to be here in case Kell called.

I occupied myself by meticulously cleaning the house. It didn't really need it, but it kept my hands and my mind busy, especially since Lori had left for work hours ago.

I had just finished mopping the kitchen floor when someone knocked on the front door, and I hurried to answer it, desperately hoping it was Kell.

But it wasn't the Rhodes brother I was expecting.

David stared back at me, his face drawn tight and pale, still wearing the black suit he must have worn to the funeral.

"What are you doing here?" I said, my hand instinctively tightening on the side of the door, ready to slam it in his face if I needed to.

"I need your help," David said. "It's about Kell."

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