Chapter 3: brought to you by ammonia, the je ne sais quoi of pee

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Today on "Who's that Mary Sue!" : Politics in a caveman household. Baby leopards!!! A confession of love, because announcing to the world that a chick might be infertile is a call for such a thing. And a grouchy dumpster truck!

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Calvin frowned at her cowering form. "Did I displease you with my words?"

"Just...make me the clothes...or give it to me so I can do it." She sniffed her hair. "Everything smells like urine here..."

Calvin nodded and stitched the clothes. The pattern on the fur was unfamiliar, but the fabric was sturdy and baggy enough she didn't mind wearing it. The skirt was a little short, but at least she had her underwear. He frowned when she refused to remove her bra.

"I'm not going to get completely naked while you're here."

The door opened and Shay marched through the door followed by a sulking Parker. "Neara, I'm going to pop. Also, why are you wearing different clothes?"

"Pop? And he said these stick out too much, so he made me some different ones."

"I just realized we can't go to the bathroom in this world." She sat down and gingerly lifted her leg onto the bed. "Also my weaksauce ankle is sprained and spices are medicine here. And I can see your bra straps, so he didn't do a great job."

Neara grabbed her shoulders. "I'll add sleeves later, and I saw him rubbing ginger on your foot, but I thought it was..."

"Fe...Shay... I wanted to carry you." Parker's bottom lip stuck out and he pouted by the fire. "You are in pain and I need to take care of you."

"Not after what you did." She turned away from him and pointedly looked at Neara. "He saw my boobs and tried to poke them."

"Ick! Did you punch him?" Neara circled her arms around herself and flinched in sympathy.

"I tried, but he's basically solid rock in muscle form. Then I hurt my hand. Anyway, I figured we'd need some flavoring for the meat, so I asked the doctor for spices and he said we could have as much as we want." A small green packet in her hands smelled fragrant and Neara's mouth watered.

"We should use it on the meat tonight. Obviously they don't have vegetables... also, does everything smell like urine to you?" Neara whispered. "It smells like it to me." The two men were arguing about something trivial by the fire, the muscles glistened in the flickering light. Their legs were strong and thick...and surprisingly hairless. In fact, most of their bodies were hairless except for their heads and...

"Yeah...I think I might have stepped in something. I should probably soak my ankle." Shay's fingers moved to the top of her sock and lightly pressed the tender flesh. "I don't think they have any running water, though I think I saw a river."

"Maybe the cool water will reduce the swelling in your ankle. I could stand watch for you so the leopards don't look." Neara jumped when Calvin grabbed her arm.

"I won't allow you down to the river. The idea of other beastmen looking at your naked body fills me with an unspeakable rage." His voice was low and his lips brushed her ear.

"Wow, 'unspeakable rage,' he says," said Shay snidely.

Neara stiffened and her face flushed.

Shay looked past her friend and scowled. "Then you better bring some water here so we can bathe."

Parker stood and smiled. "I will bring water for our bath."

"Excuse me, 'our?'"

But he and Calvin had already vanished, returning to fill a large wooden tub they pulled in from outside. Their efforts stalled in the beginning when Shay insisted they scrub the tub first. When they looked at her in confusion, she rolled her eyes and used her sock. Neara found more of the furs and started stitching together an outfit for her.

"Why do we need different clothes?" She squeezed dirty water from the sock. "It isn't like my pants are so out there."

"I don't have a chance with my glasses, but maybe you can blend in. Trust me though, you don't want them to 'measure' you."

"Measure... ew. That explains the bra straps..."

"I didn't strip in front of him, but I didn't want him to do it by force either." Neara held up two pieces of black and white fabric. "Everyone here wears tube tops and mini skirts... all the girls anyway. We can add sleeves later if you want. I tried to make the skirt longer but the furs he has here are really small..."

Parker, standing in the corner, jolted forward, his cat ears bristling. "I had to get rid of the furs that have teeth marks in them! Do you want to wear clothes with holes in them?"

"Technically, they have big holes through the middle of them." Shay said, gesturing to the openings. Parker opened his mouth, but Shay continued, "Anyway, the tub should be scrubbed by now, so you can bring the water in."

Calvin went to the door. "As you wish, Shay and Neara."

Parker ran out carrying a small vase. "I want to be the first with the water!"

Neara looked at Shay and gestured to the clothes. "Are they really ok?"

"I mean, probably. I don't like the idea of being all exposed but I guess if they were going to do something, they would have done it already." She held up the skirt and sighed. "I don't know how it's going to fit over my butt though."

"I made it a little bigger than I figured you would be, so if we have to sew it a little more shut, we can."

"I didn't know you sewed."

"Kind of. My mom taught me. What do you think we'll use for towels?"

Shay looked around the small room and laughed. "Ha! I bet they just go outside and shake like dogs or something."

Parker burst through the door and sloshed water across the floor. "I'm back!" He poured the water into the tub and turned around, almost colliding with Calvin. "I beat you!"

"Only because you didn't fill your vase all the way." Calvin, indeed, had more water.

"I'll bring so much water this trip, it will fill the tub!"

Both men jostled out the door and Shay laughed again. "They're so ridiculous here! Like, I know they have to be at least our age since anything younger would be creepy, but they act like little kids!"

"Probably. Do you think we could invent electricity or something?"

"Um, I read about making electricity, but I don't even know where to begin on how to make something that uses it. I think we'd have a better time making their farming more efficient--I mean, if they're killing themselves farming it's probably not top notch."

"Maybe if we found cotton, we could invent cloth and have real clothes?"

"If they have cotton, they probably know it by some other name, like how ginger is called golden root and it's a medicine, not a spice."

"Did Harvey tell you that?"

"Yeah. He's kind of cute. And brains here are the new muscles, so..."

Calvin raced in and deposited his supply, barely making it out the door before Parker. "This time, I might let you win. You seem a little tired."

"I'm never tired!" Parker yowled, his tail lashing behind him. "I can run for days!"

Shay sighed and stirred the water with her fingers. "It's so cold... I wish Parker had a pot or something to heat it up with."

Within the hour, the tub was filled and both men stood proudly by it. Shay looked it over and nodded. "Thanks, boys. Though...it would have been easier to just let us go to the river. Now go outside so we can bathe."

Parker scowled. "We're a couple! What kind of a couple would we be if we don't take a bath together?"

"Ugh! Just get out!" Shay pushed them both outside and slammed the door shut. "Didn't think a hut like this would be so dark. Thought there'd be more cracks."

They disrobed and began scrubbing the accumulated filth from their bodies. The sound of water dripping echoed through the dark room. Long extinguished, the fire lent a smoky smell to the pungent aroma of urine and dry meat. The energy of the room suddenly changed, as though they were in danger. Neara looked around until she spotted two yellow eyes from under the door. She shrieked and jumped from the tub.

Shay screamed and used her hands to cover herself. "WHAT? What's the matter? Why are we screaming?"

"They're looking at us through the door!" The eyes vanished and Neara threw on her clothes. "Perverts!"

Shay's hand gingerly felt around. "Neara, I can't find my clothes. Could you... thanks." Neara handed her a bundle of furs. "Ugh, if it wasn't so darn cold I'd sink into the water and never come out. Do you think they saw anything?"

"Cats see in the dark... I'd be surprised if they didn't."

After a few tense minutes, the girls lit a fire, opened the door, and pushed out the tub. The water inside swirled on the grass before sinking into the earth. Shay watched it disappear with a frown. "Neara, I know we're going to be ok, and I'm being silly by asking this, but tell me anyway. Are we going to make it back?"

"I think so." Neara stood near her friend and squinted around. "Whatever sent us here can't keep us here forever. We know too much."

"That's probably true. We'd end up setting off the Industrial Revolution or something and messing everything up. It'd turn into a steampunk world then."

A bit more light hearted now, they returned inside and started a small fire, then another fire. They started a few more before it stuck and they added more wood until it became large enough to cook with.

"We have returned with food." Calvin and Parker walked through the door, each holding a bundle of meat. "We smelled the fire." Parker knelt before Shay and dropped the meat to the floor. He took her hands and examined them closely. "Your hands are so impossibly soft. You should be careful when starting fires. You could get a sliver, or be burned."

Shay jerked her hands from his grasp. "And if I did, I'd live."

Neara accepted the meat from Calvin and tried to wedge the rotisserie stick inside of it. "This. Is. Too. Difficult." She breathed heavily and finally used her full weight on it. The stick slammed through the carcass and Neara flipped over. Calvin caught her and brought her close.

"Females do not prepare the food in our clan. You are too delicate and soft for this kind of work. Let me take care of you." He smiled and the catch seemed to turn into an almost-inappropriate embrace, despite his hands not moving.

"I can take care of them too!" Parker took the stick and speared the second animal before he returned it to the fire. "I don't mind rotating the meat so it cooks evenly. I will take care of Shay very well."

"I suppose." Calvin finally set Neara down, who scooted closer to Shay.

When the meat finished cooking, Shay crushed the packet of spices and sprinkled a little on her meat. She took a bite despite the questioning stares of the men and smiled. "Oh yeah, this tastes much better." She passed the packet to Neara, who copied her friend.

"Shay, what are you doing with the medicine?" Calvin asked, cocking his head to the side.

"It adds flavor." She took another bite and licked her lips.

Parker gestured to the fire. "But I made sure we only had pine wood. Isn't that enough flavor?"

"Here, pass me your meat. I'll add it for you." She sprinkled a small amount on their different cuts and returned them.

Calvin sniffed and his ears flattened against his head. Parker took a bite and his eyes widened. "This is delicious! This is the best meat I've ever had in my life!" He swallowed the rest of the meat quickly and grabbed another chunk from the fire. He held it out to Shay, who added more spice, before he made short work of it. He smiled and laid back, stomach bulging. "I've never eaten so much!" He rolled onto his side. "Thank you, Shay. I didn't know meat could taste so wonderful."

Shay paid him a pitying look. "Now that's just sad."

Neara yawned and looked outside. The starlight freckled the floor directly beneath the window, though it stopped well short of the dying embers.

"We should hit the sack." Parker flailed to his feet. Calvin sighed and put his meat down by the fire.

"Where are we sleeping?" Shay asked.

Parker gestured to a large pile of straw in the corner covered with several furs. "That's the straw mattress I made. It's soft and comfy." He picked up Shay and started walking towards it. She squirmed uncomfortably, then relaxed when he put her down. His arms pushed her down to her side and he pulled her against him.

"Wait, we are NOT sleeping together! Let go of me!"

"You still don't have feelings for me. We'll have to work on that. But don't worry; I won't reproduce with you yet."

"I'm not reproducing with anybody!" His arms tightened on her and she cried out. "Neara!"

Neara ran to her side and pushed at Parker. "Get off of her! She doesn't want to sleep with you! Calvin, help me!"

Parker growled threateningly as Calvin wrenched him from Shay and pushed him closer to the fire. Neara grabbed her friend tightly and they cowered in the corner. "Shay doesn't want to reproduce with you. Leave her alone."

"She's my female, Calvin! Why are you interfering?" Parker stayed crouched, his nails growing longer and fur slowly covering his face.

"Neara asked me to. And whatever Neara asks is my command." Calvin moved closer to the bed and sat at the edge of it. "Don't worry, Neara. I won't touch you. It looks like you're afraid of me and I don't want that."

Parker sat by the fire and folded his arms. "The nights are cold, Calvin, and I don't have enough furs to use as blankets. Are they going to freeze and get sick because they don't trust us to control ourselves?"

"That's a good point." Neara whispered to Shay. "We're barely wearing anything."

Shay nestled closer to her friend. "Ugh..."

"What if you and I are in the middle so I can punch Parker if he tries anything and you can punch Calvin?"

Shay looked past her friend's head at Calvin's back, then nodded. "Yeah, if I wake up I'll punch him for you. But you got to scream like banshee, because I sleep like the dead." In a louder voice, she said, "Okay, we'll sleep on the condition that Neara and I are in the middle of the huddle with Parker on one side and Calvin on the other."

The shuffle of bodies was awkward and eventually everyone settled. Neara and Shay's arms twined around each other and their respective 'partners' lay on either side of them. "Good night, Shay."

"Good night, Neara."

"Good night Parker!" he said to himself.

Sunlight slashed through the window and seemed to drill a hole through their eyelids. Neara was the first awake, blinking blearily at the sun and trying to rise to her feet. A firm fellow reminded her, embarrassingly, of what she'd slept next to. She tried disentangling herself from Calvin's muscular arms.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Shay screamed and slammed into Neara. "That hurts!"

"What happened?" Fear drove the sleep from her eyes and she coiled reflexively into Calvin.

"Parker licked me!" She pointed a finger at his smirking, randomly naked, form.

"Your skin is so soft, it turned red from a single lick..."

"What the crap is your tongue made of? Why are you naked? When did you--Auck!" Shay closed her eyes and pressed her palms against her eyes. Parker shrugged and stood up.

Calvin smiled against the skin of Neara's neck. "I suppose you want me to get dressed as well?"

Neara flushed, the heat of her skin matching the searing heat from his. "I..."

Cool air flooded her skin as he pulled his own clothes on. "I don't like to sleep with furs on. It stifles me. But I liked sleeping next to someone cool and soft."

The door opened and Parker stepped out. "I need to get more mud for you, Shay. We're leaving for the village soon."

"If you just want me to cover my face, I think I have a better solution that doesn't involve sticking mud on my face."

Parker turned, eyes curious. "What method?"

Shay held up a liquid eyeliner pencil she'd found in her pants pocket. "I got this earlier on a shopping trip. I'm usually not a big makeup girl, but..." She dotted her face and looked at Neara. "How does it look?"

"I mean, it looks like you just put black dots on your face, but it doesn't really..."

"That's good! You're way too ugly now. I'm sure that no one would want you." Parker said with a smile. He held out his hand. "I have nothing to worry about now that you look like that. Let's go; I'll show you around the village."

Shay smirked. "I figured it a little mud on my cheeks made them think I was ugly, freckles would make me hideous. This place makes no sense."

Calvin adjusted Neara's glasses. "I'm glad these are only a little disfiguring. I like looking at your face. And your figure." His appreciative glance explored her body and she turned. They eventually made it out the door, Shay leaning on Parker's arm a little for balance. The village seemed to whisper around them and Neara could catch bits of the conversations when they passed.

"It's the females Calvin and Parker brought yesterday..."

"They're so pale..."

"They have good figures... it's a shame they're so ugly."

Neara stopped listening after that last part. Calvin's arm linked in hers lent her a sense of security. He had one more mark on his face than others in the village, and nobody talked down to him that she could see. Maybe the marks were a source of respect, or power, or hunting trophies? She noticed a group of females ahead and motioned to Calvin. "Could I go speak to the other females? I promise I won't wander off."

Calvin smiled. "You may do anything you desire, Neara. Would you like me to inform Shay of your decision?"

"I can tell her myself, thanks." Neara jogged up to Shay, regretted her decision, and slowed to a walk so things wouldn't jiggle their way into freedom. "Shay, I think we should go talk to the females over there. We can ask them questions about this world."

Shay nodded and linked arms. "Parker, don't freak out, I'll be over there with Neara." They walked over to the small group and introduced themselves.

A shorter woman with a basket of furs smiled. "I'm Eve. That's Eudora." She pointed to the frumpy woman from before, sitting on a male with another male at each limb. Eudora's limbs were relaxed, yet she glared at the girls when they looked at her. It was hard not to stare at the ugliest female either one of them had seen. Her eyes were small and her nose was pointy, almost like a rat with a beer gut. The features of her face seemed so out of proportion and mismatched to the rest of her body that it was as if someone had hit 'Random' on a Sims generator. Her bulging stomach fell over her skirt like a large tongue, the fat pooling in such a way that her hip bones had crows' feet. Small brown leopard tattoos studded her orange limbs and chest, although the area around her heart was conspicuously blank. Her thick hair barely scratched her shoulder and Neara thought it resembled dead straw more than anything that could come from an organic creature. The sheer audacity of her presence sent a ripple of shock through their systems, a wakeup call to the sublime depths Mother Nature will plumb when organizing her creation.

"She kind of looks like a mistress, doesn't she?" Shay whispered to Neara when she regained the ability to speak. "All those guys falling over her."

Neara giggled until Eudora brushed past them and made a beeline for Parker.

"Parker, it's my estrous cycle right now, as long as you're willing." She placed a large brown

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