Chapter 143: brought to you by therapy

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What A Girl Wants: Kisses and Therapy. So.... so much therapy.

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Strong hands threaded through her hair, the softest pull waking her up. Neara reached a hand to her eyes and Winston's lips descended on hers, soft and warm in the chill of morning. She kissed him back, her energy too spent to do the things she wanted to do to him... again.

"I heard you talking in your sleep." His voice growled through her and she snuggled closer, turning her face to his chest.

"Did I say anything funny?"

"Not unless you count nonsense as funny. 'Orange chicken samples! Fresh rolled sushi!'"

She winced against the painful memory slicing through her and tried to press herself through Winston, maybe hiding in his body. "Sushi is seaweed wrapped around rice and raw fish."

"Sounds delicious."

"I'll make it for you when we get to the sea."

They lay in content silence for a long time, counting their breaths. Every minute that passed was another minute Neara put off talking until the mountain of moments prevented her from saying anything; the silence too thick to crack.

Her stomach rumbled.

"I'll make you breakfast." His eyes narrowed as he rolled away, propping himself on one shaky arm as he moved towards the fire.

"You're still hurt and exhausted; it's ok."

A smile gently curved his face as he looked over his shoulder. "You have given me everything. I will spend my strength serving you."

With a blush, she let her arm fall and sat up to watch him, conscious of her nakedness and rolling the hide around her until only her toes burned in the warmth of the glowing coals.

His strong arms mesmerized her as they stoked the fire and skinned the meat, preparing it carefully for frying. The cracked branches sputtered on the hot stone as he sliced the meat into strips, laying them on the homemade griddle. His long silver hair, gathered in a leather strap behind his head, gleamed in the sunlight.

Who would've thought, two years ago, she'd be 'married' to four men, all of them studs, and be a mom? A sense of dread enveloped her and she gulped down tears. She was only 19/20! At least, she thought she had to be that old, but who knew how long years or months or whatever was here? She might still be 18! Shay, dead under a mountain, her children without a mom, her mates dead themselves or even more feral than before, their families worried sick in the other world and she just horned it up with another guy...

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Orson?"

The angry Sheep burst through the trees, ignoring Winston's raised eyebrow. He pointed to Neara, "You. Stop it. Right now."

"What's happening?" Winston started to rise, his leg buckling before he could.

"Can I see Neara yet?" Tony poked his head out from behind a tree, waving cheerfully at Neara when she noticed him. "Neara! You look so happy!"

"What?" She pulled herself deeper into the hide, embarrassed at her vulnerability. They'd all seen her naked, but they hadn't all seen her naked at the same time and she wasn't interested in whatever that might entail.

"You know damn well what. Stop moping and overthinking everything. I thought you'd be happy to get this mating drama over with, but you're still doubting yourself." With an enormous sigh, he drew his hand forcefully across his eyebrows. "Nobody here is going to hurt you or leave you."

"I'm not... I'm not worried about that." Shielding her face with the hide, she couldn't stop the tears from leaking out.

"Is it feeling like you're betraying us? I told you to take as many mates as strike your fancy, although if you like Benny-boy, we might have issues..."

"He's just a friend!"

"So what's the problem?"

"It's not about Winston, it's just that..."

"Ah ah," he wagged his finger, "those are your stalling words."

"Orson, let her speak." Winston's voice erupted forcefully into the chaos and radiated silence. He scowled at Orson, pulling himself up using a large branch, which bowed beneath his weight. "Neara has a right to her privacy. We are lucky to be her mates and should respect whenever she..."

"Yeah, yeah." Orson waved his hand dismissively, cutting Winston off. "We get it, you're the total package, meat-breath. This isn't about you and her, this is about her destroying herself from the inside because she doesn't think she deserves nice things or people being nice to her. So," he turned back to Neara, green eyes blazing, "are you going to admit what the problem is or do I have to find you another mate who'll give you the world?"

"I..."

"Does she want the world? I'll give it to her. Neara!" Tony called, carefully edging around Orson's short but fierce presence, "I'll take over the whole world for you. Just say anything and I'll go."

"I don't want the world, Tony, but thank you," she grumbled from underneath the hide, wishing everyone would go away and leave her to sort her thoughts out. Then again, if they all left, she'd be alone again, but this time without Shay.

"Then what do you want?" Orson's face held no expression; probably to compensate for his venom-laced voice. "Who do I have to kill, what do I have to do, for you to see?"

Neara sensed a monologue coming on, one negatively directed at her, and stayed silent.

A terrifying aura filled the clearing, Tony dropping to his knees in fright, though he huddled around Neara protectively while Winston stayed put, though his trembling increased substantially.

"All other males: leave before I throw you out of here." His voice growled, a low rumble that seemed no less threatening coming from a man shorter than the other two.

"What are you going to do to her," Winston snarled, baring his teeth against the assault.

"We're going to talk." And before Neara could stop him, Orson picked up Tony and Winston and ran, reappearing before she could catch her breath. He sank into a crouch in front of her, staring directly into her eyes, green on brown.

Neara stared at him right back, more afraid at the sudden anger in herself than him.

"Why do you think I'm stupid? I understand about those two, they're predators, but why do you think a six-stripe would waste their time on a woman they didn't love?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She thought she did, but assuming would make her wrong and she wasn't about to lose another fight.

"Gah, I knew you were attractive, but I didn't think it was your only quality." He shook his head slightly and let himself fall backward. "Let me ask you a serious question: Why do you think Tony mated with you?"

"Because I'm the only female who accepted him." She shuffled further into her hide and buried her head completely beneath it.

"Are you going to hide until I get you some clothes?" Without waiting for an answer, he stood and walked away. Neara listened to the soft sounds of him moving around the campsite and moving something heavy. Something, probably the clothes, landed on her head and slid down the hide to fall at her feet.

"Go ahead; get dressed. I promise I won't look."

Trusting him, but not trusting the woods around them, she dressed under the blanket and let it fall off. "Done," she said, not wanting the interrogation to continue.

"Ok. So why did Winston mate with you?"

"Same reason." She forced herself to match his gaze, although all she wanted was to twist her fingers into knots until the earth collapsed around her. Captain's broken body flickered before her eyes and she squeezed them tight against the image.

"Ok, so one of them because he was desperate, and one of them because he was desperate and ugly. Last question: Why, honestly, do you think I mated with you?"

Neara remained silent. No good could come from answering honestly, and he had to have known that.

"I'm a sixer sworn to celibacy. All I wanted was to help women. Honestly, you're the worst thing to ever happen to me. I'm consumed with worry about you all the time. I think about you constantly, wondering if you're doing another predator-brained thing or coming up with an invention that's going to kill you. I think even putting you in a stone room wouldn't help because you'd find some way to collapse the structure."

"If you're so worried about me, why don't you try it and see how that works out? Imprison me, like Curtis wanted to do to Shay, shut me out from the world and keep everyone else out." She hated crying, but she hated angry crying even more and she swatted at her cheeks with the hide, not caring how much it scratched.

"Because I will never control you. And I'm not stupid enough to try reading your mind either."

"Who tries reading my mind?"

"Tony and Winston, for one and two. Any male unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of your smile and the way one perfectly brown eye closes more than the other; gods help them if you laugh."

"This sounds suspiciously nice. What's the catch? Why don't you try reading my mind if it's so important to everyone else?"

"Because I'm not your servant; I'm your partner. A servant anticipates the needs of their master, but a partner is communicated with and trusted to uphold their end of the bargain."

Her cheeks stained and she looked down. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Technically nothing. But I've watched your other males run around and try to give you everything. You never feel worthy, so you think they've made a mistake in choosing you and giving you nice things, like you don't deserve it. When you ask for something and I give it to you, you can trust that I'm going to fulfill your wants. You ask for more, I give you more and you believe that you're worth it, that you're not unreasonable for having desires.The more you trust yourself to have needs..."

"I know I have needs..."

"Needs beyond food and water and sleep. You can't be cuddled to sleep, you won't eat raw meat, although I can't say I blame you, you'd rather starve than eat before someone else, and you put everyone ahead of yourself because you're scared if you don't, someone will call your bluff, put you back in your place, remind you that you're not actually important. And that, my lamb, is why I wait for you to voice your needs."

Neara's hand moved over her heart. Tears bit her cheeks as she considered what he'd said.

He took a deep breath, then grasped her hands, placing them flat on his chest. His green eyes bore into hers as he continued, " Watching you love yourself and helping to grow that relationship, watching you truly become happy, is the greatest accomplishment of my life."

Well, she didn't have anything to say to that. Even feeling the bones of his sternum beneath her fingers sucked all the air from her lungs.

"If you ever doubt yourself again, I'm going to gather the beastmen in a circle and have everyone say five nice things about you until you dissolve into a puddle of salt and blood."

"Charming." She pulled gently at her hands, but they proved immovable.

"I thought so. Now, are you going to play nice? You just mated a tetra; be proud of yourself. That's quite an accomplishment for a woman who brings nothing to the table but fluttering eyelashes."

"Hey, who showed you how to build fireplaces and bread?"

"A broken fence will keep in one or two sheep." He let go of her hands and she fell backwards. A smile crinkled his eyes. "We're going to have to stay here for a few more days until Mr. Stripes gets his strength back. I know you won't mind, but Tony's been pining after you ever since I made him leave."

"Yeah... by the way, what happened to his hair?"

"He pissed off the wrong person."

She raised an eyebrow. "You?"

Cue self-satisfied smirk. "Me."


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