Today in "Stud Muffins": Lazy Boi's fast thinking hopefully saves the day, no thanks to Stars, who only has enough brains to be a Yes-Man.

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To Lazy Boi's horror and relief, the clicking of its mandibles somehow formed into words.

"Ah. I thought I smelled snake beastman."

Lazy Boi instinctively pulled his long body into a spring. The muscles of his mouth began to ache as fangs tensed to strike.

"Tell me, snake, have you ever seen a black panther?"

For a second, Lazy Boi didn't know if his tensed fangs would let him speak. But he also knew it was only this scorpion's question that was keeping him alive.

"One...one lives with my father." He couldn't mention his mother. He'd never mention his mother to this thing.

And yet it's mandibles clicked faster, and it shifted more in his direction.

"Ah, then perhaps is your mother a witch doctor?"

When Lazy Boi only coiled tighter as answer, the thing chuckled, a highly unpleasant sound like pine nuts being thrown around in a bowl.

"Have you not been taught yet? The young of a witch doctor should lead her patients to her. I assure you I mean no harm."

"What brought you here?" If word had gotten out of his mother, he needed to find the source and kill it.

"Oh, through rumors of one traveling towards the sea. I have been searching from the southern sheep village to here. It might be too late, but I had to make sure."

Still, Lazy Boi stayed coiled. The idea of this frightful thing near his soft, delicate mother--

"Yeah! Our mom knows medicine!"

Damn it, Stars! Freckles was right, he really was an idiot!

The thing turned about to see Stars rising up from the ferns on the other side. At the same time, Freckles appeared across the clearing, hissing with profanities at their brother.

"Our new father knows medicine too! He learned at the big city where we were born!" continued Stars.

"Shut up already! If this monster doesn't kill you, I will!" shouted Freckles.

"Oh my, three snakes in the same territory?" The beast sounded completely flummoxed. "And siblings at that?"

Lazy Boi wanted to bury himself in the ground and never see the light of day. Forget being afraid, he was so embarrassed he couldn't even understand it.

While the black monster looked between them all in wonder, Lazy Boi did what he thought he did best--thinking. He really only had two options now that his stupid little brother had popped up. He could either lead this armored monster to his mother and hope he really was a patient--and if not that his father wouldn't kill Lazy Boi after killing the scorpion (because, obviously, his father would win). Or he could attack and hope he and his brothers could somehow overwhelm it. But the prickle across his scales told him that was unlikely. Despite having the same mass as him, this thing was stronger, older, and more experienced. He could just feel it.

Stars at least seemed to realize the damage he had done when the beast scuttled closer to him.

"Lead me to your mother, please. It's for my mate. I need medicine."

When Stars just started to coil up himself for an attack, the things clicking abruptly stopped.

"Or," it said, very low and soft. "I could just kill all three of you. I have three marks. Three babies would be nothing to me."

Freckles and Stars looked to Lazy Boi.

He couldn't help thinking how unfair it was. It wasn't like he was any older than them or had any more experience with this. And if it was his choice, it meant it was his fault if his father killed his brothers along with him. He'd like to die with a clean conscience at the very least.

Urging the tendons of his fangs to relax, he slowly uncurled himself, catching the gaze of the beast.

"Freckles, you're the fastest. Run ahead and let father know. I'll lead it home."

Freckles zipped away, a blur of purple.

"What about me?" piped Stars.

"You've done enough damage. Go throw yourself in the ocean and drown, for all I care."

"What?! No way, what if it decides to attack you?"

"Then I'll just eat you first," clicked the beast.

Stars flinched.

Ignoring the whimpering putters of his smaller brother, Lazy Boi gestured to the beast with his chin and began his steady, reluctant pace towards home.

Hopefully, his Father would just kill him swiftly this time instead of smashing him.