Chapter 115: brought to you by catharsis

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Today on "Don't Lick That Man!": Shay doesn't want to leave the afterglow cuddles. There's blood, but it's just annoying. Warm water. Reassurance to the weird one. We're all broken, okay? We need a chapter with more babies. Who doesn't like the babies? #allthebabies!

....I'm so glad I only have one husband.

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Afterwards, Shay couldn't bring herself to let go of Harvey. Something in her had cracked open, leaving her feeling raw and exposed, and Harvey's clean spice and musk warmth was the only balm for it. He felt like hers. Truly hers. She felt like she had finally hammered in the last stake of home after traveling for a very, very long time.

At the same time, it hurt she had known more about mating than he had. She didn't realize that would have bothered her. But she still found herself wishing they had started out the same, or that Harvey had been her first.

"If I ever have to go back to my world," she whispered. "I have to have you with me."

Harvey's breathing, which he was just catching up to, shook. He kissed the top of her head, long and lingering. He tried to pull away to continue down her face with his lips, but she clung even tighter, burying her wet face into the dip of his collarbone.

"Shay...what's wrong?"

"I...I love you too much. It scares me. I don't know why."

His breath caught again on that. But he squeezed her a little tighter.

"Dearest, it's okay. I'm right here. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm yours to love as much as you want."

She sniffed hard, only because she had to.

The leather door flap rustled.

"You've gotten her covered in blood, cat."

Harvey's arms around her flinched and loosened, but didn't let go of her completely.

"I'll get a bath going."

"Don't bother. I already filled it. It's warming up now. Get the smell of her heat off you before Ryan smells it. He's already been intolerable today. Shay, my love, come here."

Only then did she loosen her arms around Harvey's chest. The raw something within her whined in protest.

As she looked up to meet Harvey's face, she saw his gaze flicker to her chest and everything in his expression go slack. He froze, but seemed to quickly shake himself back to shoot Curtis a wary look. Even as he sat up, Shay could feel the coiled tension in his sinewy muscles, as though readying to leap. Blood from her period caked his groin, thighs, and lower stomach.

Before she could ask what was wrong, or apologize for making a mess of him, Curtis had his arms beneath her knees and waist. In a blink he had her tucked tightly against his chest and had left the bedroom for the bathroom next door.

She had already been feeling vulnerable, but on seeing the tightness about Curtis's eyes a fresh wave of tears pricked her eyes.

"Curtis?"

He looked down at her, and just like Harvey his gaze flickered to her chest. His mouth tightened as well.

Only then did she finally look down.

A golden leopard spread across the entirety of the skin over her heart, from the right side to the center. The roaring black panther's head screamed down at it from the space just above, nestled between the front of her shoulder and collarbone.

A wave of fear, cold and heavy, flooded over her.

"Curtis--Curtis, don't hurt him, please, don't."

His tight expression fell away to something aghast. His smooth brow puckered.

Her first thought was that he was dismayed she had stopped him from doing just that. But after he looked quietly into her eyes, slitted pupils shivering, he said with a heavy voice, "Shay, I would never do that to you. That you would even be afraid--didn't I give him to you?"

"But you're hurt," she was weeping heavily now and her tight throat didn't want to work with her. "I hurt you. I want your mark on my heart too. I--"

"Shh, hush, my love."

"I love you. I really do."

For some reason, those words which he'd always lavished in, seem to pain him.

"I know...as little as I deserve it."

Adjusting her in his arms, he reached out to test the temperature of the water in the great stone tub. A fire burbled merrily beneath it above a white bed of coals. He must have started it the moment Harvey and her had entered the bedroom, or even before that. It grieved her to think that he had predicted this would happen.

At the same time...she couldn't bring herself to regret mating with Harvey. She wanted him that badly, and she couldn't help hating herself for it.

She hugged Curtis hard, even after he carefully slipped her into the water. Her blood had smeared across his arm.

"Why are you crying? He was supposed to make you happy."

"I hurt you. I hurt my precious Curtis."

"Oh, love...love..."

She let him go, since he couldn't be in a comfortable position bent over the stone rim like that, but he still remained there, running his claws very gently through her hair and looking deeply into her eyes. The same tender softness as always was in his gaze, wrapping about her like a familiar, favorite blanket.

"Believe me, my Shay. I am okay. I am more loved than I had ever hoped to dream, even when I still held my plans to keep my mate all to myself. I wanted you to have him, if for nothing else than to make up for my failure to care for you as well as you've cared for me."

At her deeply incredulous look, he chuckled, and if possible, his look softened even more. Could she ever hope to be looked at with so much love?

"You've suffered so much because of me. Because of my ignorance, my selfishness, and my failure to keep you safe, and to still be so loved..." he leaned forward to set his forehead against hers with a quiet sigh. "Even when you didn't even choose me. Allowing you a partner of your choosing at least once is the least I'm obliged to do, if nothing else than because of your mercy to me."

"But that isn't how it works in my world."

"Isn't it? You told me long before that rape was a terrible thing to do to a woman, that it would make you hate me. Isn't that what I did when I forced my mark on you? You with a heart so tender you would give your life to save those who kidnapped you and despicably used you?"

Shay didn't say anything to that. She didn't know if it was Curtis not understanding her, or her not understanding Curtis. She suspected it was a mix of the two.

"Shay,"

Curtis and her glanced around to the doorway, where Harvey had just stepped through the flat, still naked, but not so bloody. His fuzzy speckled leopard ears were low on his head, and his expression held so much compassion she nearly sobbed out loud.

"I know what you're thinking," he said. "And I don't know if you'll ever really get it, but the males of our world aren't like the ones of yours. And, I think I've already said this before," he started forward, but not after getting the nod from Curtis. Harvey knew his manners very well. "But I'm happy and grateful that Curtis and Ryan are your mates. It's only because they are that I can even consider being with you, because I know I can't give you the protection that you need, and you need it."

Curtis looked at Harvey oddly. He even scooted aside to give Harvey some room at the side of the tub, looking half-surprised with himself as he did so.

"Someone like you, who could love someone like me so deeply, would need someone like Ryan and Curtis to even survive in this world. I'm sure you can get that much at least."

She did. Without the strength of Curtis or Ryan, rabbits taking advantage of her fertility would be the least of her concerns.

Rubbing snot off her face, she curled her fists into her eyes to try and force the tears to stop. She felt Curtis pour handfuls of water over her shoulders. He'd gotten the temperature perfectly.

"This tub is amazing," she croaked. And it was. It was huge. Big enough for three people to bathe comfortably, though they'd have to be okay with touching each other.

"Would you like me to join you?" asked Curtis.

She nodded.

Soon she had Curtis's cool form pressed against her back as he held her between his legs in the warm water. She wanted Harvey in as well, but she thought better of it, not wanting to push Curtis. Not to mention it wouldn't be a good idea to push the territorial males of this world into the intimacy of sharing a bath with each other.

Harvey gave her a secret smile, as though he could read her thoughts and was giving her silent approval.

"You're doing okay, dear," he stroked her face. "You're being a good mate."

How had he known those were the exact words she needed to hear. "Am I?"

"Yes. You're being sensitive to our feelings and boundaries and making sure our needs are met. I'll let Ryan know before he comes in, okay?"

She stiffened.

Sensing this, Curtis stroked her arms.

"If he throws a fit, just divorce him," he said.

"No! How could I--"

"He has a point," broke in Harvey with a wry smile.

She splashed him none too kindly.

"How dare you say such a thing! Ryan's mark is right next to yours, you know."

"I didn't suggest it," said Harvey.

"He's a pain to live with," said Curtis with his head turned to the side, as though he knew he was asking for trouble. Even so, the corner of his mouth had softened with relief that Shay seemed to be returning to her usual self. "He makes the jealousy of snakes look like children not wanting to share a particularly nice stick."

"Who knew witch doctor mates would be so spoiled, eh?" said Harvey.

"Indeed. Now," Curtis raised a hand from the warm water to flick at the leopard regally. "Get to it. I'm still the boss and I want my time with my mate."

Harvey nodded, ears flickering, and left. Shay couldn't help but admire the soft leopard's tail swinging lightly over his bare rear as he did so, but quickly looked away before Curtis could notice.

Too late. "Do you like looking at me more with legs?"

"I like you being comfortable more."

"But would you look at my hindquarters like that if I did?"

Still frayed and not wholly comforted, she reacted more strongly than she usually would to his teasing.

"I look at you all the time! Didn't I say you were so sexy I couldn't stand it?"

Violent reaction or not, Curtis gave a low hiss of pleasure so long, she felt his tongue tickle against her shoulder.

"I'm teasing, love. I know how you melt beneath me."

Thankfully, he settled for stroking and washing her, and by the time she left the slightly pink tinged water she had fully rid herself of the sense of raw vulnerability. Harvey came in the moment he heard their feet on the floor, holding her neatly folded dress and Curtis's clothes as well. Curtis gave him an approving nod on finding her clothes, not only in one piece, but clean, unlike a certain horny panther.

Said panther was waiting in the living room for her in his human form, but sitting like a panther squatting on the floor with his black tail wrapped about him and his ears so flat against his head, they all but vanished. He gave her a not-so-concealed pitiful look, which clashed with his broad, masculine visage and proud Roman nose.

"Love me?" he said.

Harvey scowled and Curtis gave a sharp, disapproving hiss, but Shay was already across the room. She threw her arms around her Panther's neck and hugged him with all her strength, which would have probably strangled a normal man.

"I adore you," she said. "And when you all think I've gained enough weight back, I'll make you a litter of beautiful baby panthers."

Instant purrs erupted and he hugged her back so hard, she squeaked. He loosened his embrace, but then went to covering her face with kisses and little licks with the tip of his rough, cat's tongue.

When she started protesting through her giggles, Curtis pulled her back again, this time with his tail.

"You're shameless," he hissed.

Ryan just flashed him a sharp, wicked smirk, his white fangs contrasting beautiful with his chocolate skin.

"Just wait. Cute, warm fuzzy cubs when over slimy snakes any day."

"Seems there's a cat who misses having broken arms."

"Try it this way," said Harvey as he received Shay from the snake's tail. "Ryan, neither of us will let you into the house if you insist on picking fights. It upsets Shay, and we won't stand for anything that upsets her."

Ryan glared at Harvey, but it only was half born. He groaned, huffed, then straightened.

"As long as you don't get too cocky, one-stripe. You're only here because I allowed you into our family as well."

"I understand that. But now that I'm here, I will protect Shay in my own way."

Ryan's black tail lashed back and forth, even as he sighed a "Yes yes." He opened his arms again to Shay with a soft smile and widened, begging gold eyes.

And she was allowed to return to his arms again.

She would never be able to express how relieved and grateful she was to these three men. But she was determined to spend the rest of her life doing her best to do so. She still didn't think she could ever do enough. But by golly was she going to try.

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