Thirty-Four

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Thirty-Four: Numb Me

      Jace's hands grip down on my thighs, keeping me stable on top of him. I spread my legs wider so that the weight of my body is on my knees instead of on Jace. Reaching my hands back, I pull the elastic band out of my hair, letting the wavy locks of hair fall loosely over my bare shoulders.

      Jace bites down on his lip, looking up at me from his laying down position. He is looking at me with so much admiration and need.

       I wish I could look at him with the same feelings.

       "You didn't cry last night," Jace comments. "That's a week straight."

        Finally. A week straight without crying at night. Add that to the month and a half that I have been crying and maybe a week without crying would seem normal.

       "Making process," I sigh as I get off of Jace and sit beside him on the bed.

       "Hey," he whispers, grabbing ahold of my hand. "You'll get there eventually," he assures me.

       Eventually.

       "I need to get ready for work," I tell him, letting go of his hand.

       He reaches for it again and pulls me back, making me tip over and fall on top of his bare chest. He grabs ahold of my face and kisses my lips.

      "We still on for lunch?" He asks me after he breaks away from the kiss.

      I smile and nod as I stand up from the bed and go to the closet, ready to put on my work outfit.

      "I could never get tired of waking up to you," Jace says from behind me.

       I hear him shuffle around behind me as I button my top up and I know he is getting dressed himself. The rattle of his belt buckle sounds and I hear the zip of his zipper before the belt sounds seize.

Just as I finish buttoning my blouse, Jace wraps his arms around my waist and presses a kiss onto my neck.

"Jace," I say, drawing out the ending of his name. "I can't be late. I have a meeting today," I remind him.

"I'm sorry," he pouts, dropping his arms from my waist.

I immediately feel bad and turn to face him. I peck his lips and he smiles, feeling a bit better from my affection.

The both of us finish dressing and I lead us out of my bedroom and into the living room.

       When I walk in, I spot Haley doing her morning yoga in the middle of the living room. Instead of morning gym sessions, she has taken it upon herself to do home yoga instead. She even went as far as buying different colored yoga mats to match with whatever attire she's wearing for that session.

      I'm just proud of her for doing something to physically and mentally help her cope with things, meanwhile I've put all my coping into Jace.

      I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for Jace. He has been helpful and comforting this past month and a half. It's different than the Jace I'm used to.

This Jace isn't afraid to show me that he loves me.

Haley unbends from here twisted up position and pauses her yoga video that she had been following along with. When she spots me, still wearing my clothes from last night she sighs.

"Oh, Jace. You're here again," Haley comments

Here we go again.

"Hello, Haley," Jace says to her

Despite Haley being the one to want Jace and I together so bad, she's been negative about our current relationship.

I walk Jace to the door and see him out. The entire time I can feel Haley's eyes burning a hole in my back.

"He stayed the night again. It's no big deal," I shrug it off.

"It is a big deal. All you are doing is distracting yourself and the second Jace leaves you're going to fall apart worse than before," she declares.

I scoff and march back into my bedroom, ready to do my hair and makeup.

"You sure would know that. Who are you on this week? Will or Evan?" I coldly ask.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that for the sake of our friendship and because you're going through shit right now."

I could hear how angry she was when she replied and I immediately regret what I said.

"I'm sorry," I apologize.

"Octavia, you know damn well nobody has wanted you and Jace together more than me, but this isn't it. You're only with him to replace Tyler," she points out.

"Just because we became close after Tyler left me doesn't mean that I am replacing him with Jace. I actually do like Jace. We've been good friends for a long time and he treats me well," I defend.

"Jace is using you to feel the void of Kristen. I don't care if he left her for you. That relationship was going to end with or without you being involved. You are doing the same thing. Tyler left you so you go to Jace."

I hated that everything she is saying is right. Jace and Kristen we're doomed even if he didn't fall for me. Their flame burnt out a long time ago. I could see Jace's effort and love for Kristen die out and eventually it was just commitment with no feelings. Even if I never met Jace, they wouldn't have lasted.

"I need to go to work," I say, not wanting to continue arguing with her.

"You need to get over Tyler," Haley counters back.

"Don't you think I'm trying? I know I may not be going about it in the best of ways but when I'm with Jace I forget about all the pain I'm going through. He makes me feel something."

I don't know what that something is, but it's better than the numb feeling that I feel when he isn't around.

"Yet, you still can't go to sleep without crying for Tyler even if Jace is around," she points out.

I sigh, feeling defeated. While it has been a week since I cried in my sleep, it still happened. Every time it happened Jace would wrap his arms around me and shush me, promising me it was going to be okay and every time I felt nothing but guilt.

I love Jace. I really do. I may not be in love with him, but I do have a love for him.

I know that every time I cry over Tyler it breaks Jace's heart more and more. I tell myself that we both will get through it and that he can overcome my baggage, but I don't think that's the case.

"Have you heard from Tyler?" Haley asks and I shake my head and sit down on the bed.

"Not a word since he told me to get out. I've tried texting, but he doesn't reply. I showed up at his house, but he didn't answer. I've really lost him, Haley," I gloomily replied.

I run my fingers through my hair and groan in frustration before falling back on the bed. I wouldn't allow myself to cry, knowing I didn't need the looks of pity everyone at the station gave me.

There looks of pity were always replaced worth smirks and laughter when Jace was around and I hated how the both of us have been the talk of the station. I hate how quickly rumors start up and gossip is spread, but it can't be changed.

I know if the roles were reversed I would want to hear all the details of the situation.

"I know you don't want to hear this because it never helps, but it will get better."

I frown, knowing she's right. It will get better; but not the way I want it to.

It will get better because eventually I won't think of Tyler every time something happens. It will get better because I will stop missing him completely. It will get better because I can spend my weekends alone and not think about what it would have been like if Tyler was with me. It will get better because I will move on from Tyler, even though that's the last thing I want.

I'm happy with Jace. Jace is all I need. I'll be alright with him.

*

The eyes of everyone in the lobby follow me as I make my way towards the stair case. They watch me as if they are watching a movie, ready for the next scene to unfold.

I guess my life is as interesting as a movie. If falling for my best friend and a top murder suspect isn't interesting enough, I'm sure the fact that one of the richest men in America sending me threatening letters and ruining my relationship with the man I love is.

My meeting with Tom today is over the search warrant for Kensley and Nathan. Tom wanted to personally deliver the news to me, so I am hoping it's good news.

When I walk into his office, he's standing with his back to me, looking out the large, glass windows that overlook downtown Madison. His hands are tucked deep into his suit pockets, and I already know without having to see his face that he is in deep thought.

Though Tom can be hateful and rude at times, this case has brought us closer together. He's taken a father like role in my life and is always looking out for me.

"Octavia, take a seat," he says to me.

He didn't even have to turn around to know it was me. I guess my tendency to always be on time has paid off to both of our advantages.

"Unfortunately, to my knowledge the search warrants we conducted on John Kensley did not turn up with anything. However, we only searched one residence of his and are working on getting warrants for his other residences," He starts with.

I frown at the news. I wanted Kensley to be caught with something, even if it didn't tie into the case.

"It's never too late to file harassment charges against him," Tom reminds me.

The last thing I wanted to do was provoke John Kensley even more than I already have. I'm sure with how rich he is that he has the best lawyers. I wouldn't even stand a chance in court.

"I'm good," I assure him.

I'm actually far from good.

"Nathan did come back. We found a gun of the same model that we believe killed the staff. We have it at the forensics lab right now to see if anything comes back to prove it is the gun used in the multiple homicide."

      I breathe a sigh of relief. It isn't the news I exactly wanted, but it could lead to proving that Nathan was the one to commit the murders.

     "We're going to be bringing him in for questioning tomorrow," he informs me.

      "Do you think he will confess anything?" I ask.

     "He may, but he probably won't. He is our top suspect at the moment."

      That means Tyler isn't anymore.

      "Why don't you take tomorrow off? It's suppose to be nice weather. I can get Jace a day off and the two of you can make a date out of it," Tom says, his pitch raising an octave.

I cross my leg over the other and my arms mimic them. I raise an eyebrow at Tom, knowing he is hiding something from me.

"What's going on tomorrow?" I ask.

Tom sighs and rests his elbows on the desk before leaning his head against his propped up hand.

"Tyler Watson will be here tomorrow. With your cover blown, we need to move forward with the case and try and question him," He tells me, voice barely above a whisper.

My body nearly freezes when he says Tyler's name. Nobody has said his full name around me in a long time. Nobody besides Haley and Jace even bring Tyler up around me and when they do it's in hushed tones and caution, as if the name alone will break me even more.

"I'll be fine," I assure Tom.

"Octavia, are you sure? I've already put you through enough," he replies to me.

"I'm a grown woman, Tom. I can handle seeing an ex," I promise him.

Though, I'm not entirely sure I can handle seeing Tyler.

*

The sound of my heels click as I travel through the lobby of the station. Once again, eyes are on me. Word spread that Tyler is here today, and now people are waiting for something to happen.

"Are you sure you want to watch?" Jace asks me, following along with me as I travel down the halls of the station to the room I have watched many interviews conducted in.

It's usually my job to watch the questioning process and see if I can catch them lying or a hint of mental illness. I know Tyler is mentally healthy, but I also know when he's lying. Too bad it isn't my job to point it out this time.

Tom brought in Jared just for this purpose, babying me even more. He fought me on letting me watch, but I eventually got my way.

I fling open the door, seeing Jared and Tom already standing in the room. They both look to me and give me a nod and I look at the large window that looks into the room.

Tyler wouldn't be able to see me, but I would be able to see him. It's better that way. We didn't need to come into contact.

My knees grow weak and I nearly collapse when I see Tyler walk into the room. He sits down in the stair, directly across from me and looks around, his eyes settling on the window in front of him. I'm sure he knows someone is back here, but he probably doesn't know that I'm that someone.

"Tavi, are you sure?" Jace asks, repeating his question from earlier than I never answered.

I nod and he sighs, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"I'll be fine," I assure him and he nods before leaving the room.

Tom pats my back before heading into the other room, ready to begin the questioning process.

My eyes fixated on Tyler, who is focused on the words coming out of Tom's mouth. I've sounded the sound of Tom out, not caring what he had to say. I only care about Tyler in this moment.

He looks good. His hair is combed to the side and his stubble is at the length that I always love. He looks paler than usual, but that may just be from nerves. He's dressed nice in black jeans and a black jacket, a simple look that I have always loved.

"I met with him that day and tried to convince him one last time to sell the bar to me, but he stood his ground. He said he would rather die than sell," Tyler explains.

"So, you killed him because he wouldn't sell?" Tom asks and Tyler shakes his head.

I can tell he's frustrated. His hands are moving frantically as he talks, and I want nothing more to walk in there and comfort him.

"I didn't kill anybody. He said no. I went home. That's all that happened," Tyler answers.

"How did you get involved with John Kensley?" Tom asks, changing the subject.

"When I bought Oliver's, he was there with Brown, the seller. Said he saw potential in me as a great businessman and offered his guidance. I took him up on it and he's helped me nearly triple my money," Tyler tells him.

"By having you invest in his businesses?" Tom asks and Tyler nods. "And you put your money into his businesses despite the rumors and speculations he is a running drugs?"

"There's no way John is running a drug trade. I've sat in on countless meetings with him and never has any of that came up," Tyler defends.

"And you really believe that the wealthiest man in the state earns his income from a hotel chain?"

Tyler falls silent and I can tell that he's thinking. His eyebrows are drawn together and he is avoiding eye contact with Tom. For a second, he looks long and hard at the window where I'm standing and I know that he can't see me and has no idea I'm watching, but his eyes seem as if they are focused on me.

I stop focusing on the conversation being held between Tyler and Tom and soon enough the light on the other side of the room shuts off and the two of them exit the room.

Without thinking, I rush out of the room and come colliding into the front of Tyler's body.

"I am so sorry," I say, barely even processing what I just did.

"Octavia?" He asks as if he is unsure it's really me.

Tyler looks me up and down and I feel vulnerable. It has been so long since he last seen me that I fear how this interaction would go.

"Hey," I squeak out.

Before Tyler could say anything else to me, he's being pulled away and out of the hallway where we both stood, leaving me alone with only my thoughts.

A/N: i haven't updated in so long because I'm on vacation and this chapter is honestly trash so bare with me until I get back on schedule with life and get this story popping again

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