c h a p t e r. 8

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"I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough."
—Nicholas Spark

chapter 8

Bar and his friends were slowly getting accommodated to sitting with such lively and carefree people like Fen, Eli, and Clementine seemed to be.

Bar, Law, and Gus had a hard life.

But the little goddess group?

They didn't appear to, but if they did, they haven't allowed it to derail their lives.

They were all so easily happy. They smiled and joked and they were ambitious for life and eagerly wanted to know what would come next. Besides Fen, the group didn't swear much, they didn't have dark senses of humor, and they weren't so hot-tempered.

Bar, Gus, and Law weren't used to that.

They were used to making ostentatious jokes and brushing off bruises; they lived through pain and didn't care if they were uncomfortable― life was uncomfortable, they knew that first hand. They didn't care if anyone heard their jokes about death, swear words, or brassy shows of violence. That's just the way they lived.

The way they always have been.

They've grown insensitive to the hardships of life, numb to other's opinions about them. They didn't care what anyone had to say and if, by chance, they overheard some fucker talking shit about them the answer always resulted in busted knuckles.

But sitting with Clementine, Fen, and Elijah made them... civil, or at least made them want to be civil.

It was easy, joking around at lunch like there wasn't a weight holding down the trio's shoulders.

They liked it.

Law often switched conversation's between everyone, as did Eli. Gus either annoyed his friends, started a fight with Law, or flirted with Fen. And Fen? She ignored him and focused on her hot Cheetos or had a thought-invoking conversation with Eli.

Bar and Clementine usually sat off and talked to one another, as Bar didn't really talk with anyone else, but the little goddess also paid attention to everyone else and talked to them but she was mostly content watching the different waves of conversation and stupidity unfold.

But today was different.

Today― although Gus was in an argument over trees with Law, and Fen was reading while Eli acted as a referee between the fighting teen like any other day― Clementine was literally bouncing in her spot and beaming up at Bar with a tiny blush on her face and she had been giving him this adorable excited look all day.

Bar was confused. He didn't quite know why she was looking at him like that, or if he had done anything to provoke that expression out of her either.

He asked her about it in their classes― they shared everything up until the last two classes of the day when Bar went to his home ec's class and the little goddess went to her gym class before then they switched, same teachers and everything― and Clementine refused to answer, which frustrated Bar and only made him feel really fucking stupid as the expression grew until she was bouncing off the walls when they got to their free 'tutoring' hours. 

Which both of them really just spent goofing around with the other and occasionally doing what they're supposed to.

Bar was just about to ask the little goddess why she was so excited when Gus slammed both hands onto the lunch table and exclaimed "Be my girlfriend!" towards Fen.

Bar raised his eyebrows and frowned, never once in his fucking existence has he ever known Gus to be serious about someone or ever mention the word 'girlfriend' in regards to himself. The damn goof must really like her then, Bar noted, even if she's a hot-headed, sarcastic little shit.

Fen laughed, "For the third time, no."

"Please?" He tries again, Fen shakes her head. "Not even if I do a little dance?"

"You crazy mouse," Fen says. "Why would you dancing change my mind?"

"Because I'm cute," Gus deadpans. "Duh."

"Mhm, sure you are," Fen snorts.

"You're only saying that because you know in your heart we're already dating and I already made you fall in love with me."

"It's only been a week," Fen said, raising a challenging eyebrow."In my heart, there's blood. Nothing else."

"Time doesn't exist and okay, boo. Just keep denying our love. I see you."

"Time does exist and it's kicking all our asses. We don't have love. We aren't dating."

"I didn't know that it was opposite day."

"Please raise your hand if you actually believe this dumbass and I are dating," Fen says, sounding exasperated as she looked around the table. No one moves besides Bar, who raises his hand just to piss her off, and Fen flips him off. Then, she narrows her eyes at her annoyance's next movement. "Gus put down your fucking hand."

"You're no fun!" He pouts in amusement. "Do you all see how mean my girlfriend is! It's abuse." Then he turns to Fen. "Don't you know that domestic violence is a no-no?"

Bar's mind flashes to his father but he quickly pushes the thoughts away.

"Oh my fucking god." Fen plunks her head down on the table. "Take him away, sell him to the circus, I beg you, or a group of barbaric monkeys, please."

"No fucking thanks," Bar gruffed out. "The more he annoys you, the less the bastard bothers me." The little goddess gives Bar a disapproving look but he only winks in reply.

"Annoy Eli, mouse. Not me." Fen begs him, ignoring Bar's words.

"He's not fun to annoy. Be my girlfriend?" Gus replies, joyfully smiling as the girl he wants groans and it makes Clementine laugh quietly.

Fen's instantly glares at her best friend, "You think this is funny, you sentient marshmallow?"

"Y-yes." She cutely nodded.

"You wouldn't say that if you had some fucker flirting with you every time they saw you," Aspen-Faye grumbled, crossing her arms and thanking Elijah when he sympathetically patted her head.

"Excuse me but, but I do," Clementine pointed to Bar and he shook his head at his little goddess's cheekiness. "He c-constantly flirts with m-me."

"But he's not frustrating," Fen whines. "He's only vulgar."

Clementine only shrugs, seeming to be happy that she wasn't in her best friend's position.

"Don't worry, Fen." Elijah sends her a mischievous grin. "I'm sure Gus will be less annoying after you admit to being his girlfriend and in love with him."

"You traitor bitch!" She gasps as everyone laughs. "I'm not his girlfriend and I'm not in love!"

Gus turned to Clementine, "Do all girls so easily deny their feelings?"

"N-not always." Clementine bit her lip and shook her head. Bar would remember that.

The bell rings and Fen abruptly stands up, grabs her bag, and exclaims, "Thank fuck."

"Aw, she's leaving." Gus laughs as she speed walks away from the table. "Guess I'm gonna have to follow her."

Then, he jumps up and runs after her, not even saying goodbye.

Fucking twat, Bar thinks, not even saying bye to his damn friends.

"And I," Law says, grabbing both his and Gus' bag as he stands. "Am going to go return that idiot's bag, bye losers, and OJ."

"OJ?" Clementine questions with a tilt of her head.

"Yeah," Law shrugs. "Cause you're an orange, kind of, and you're wet for Red. Y'know, OJ?"

"What the hell," Bar chuckles lightly, looking bewildered but amused as Clementine's face goes bright pink. "Just walk away before the little orange turns into a tomato."

"But—"

"Come on before he beats your face in for not being the only one that made her blush," Eli grabs Law's arm and his backpack, and calls over his shoulder, "Bye, Tiny, don't combust!"

Clementine had been so flustered by Lawrence's comment that she only managed a mangled groan as she plopped her head onto the table just like Fen had done minutes before.

"Why do embarrassed, sweetheart?" Bar asks once all their friends were out of sight. "No need to be shy."

"I-I hate you."

"Mhm." Bar chuckles, pulling them both up to stand. Clementine glared at him, her button nose adorably scrunching up. "I'm sure you absolutely hate my guts, even if you want me to be so fucking deep inside of you that you can feel me in yours."

"Gah, Oly!" She pouts and lightly shoves Bar away, cheeks burning. "You c-can't just say something like that! What if, if someone hears?"

"Then they'll think 'damn, that shortie should really stop flirting with that fucker all the time'." He grabs their bags, yet again refusing to let the little goddess carry her own and notes that it's oddly heavier.

"You're the, y-you're the one who flirts with me!" Clementine gasps out, narrowing her eyes at a smirking Bar as they walk to the empty gym. "And I'm not a s-shortie, you ladder-person!"

"If I'm a ladder, then you can climb me anytime, sweetheart."

"Ugh!" Clementine pouts, opening the gym doors and sulkily goes to sit on the bleachers. "You're s-shameless."

"Eh." Bar shrugs, sitting next to her. "I want you, I'm not going to be a shy fucker about it."

"We, we already went on a date." The little goddess said, pouting over at Bar. "What m-more do you want?"

She really doesn't get how fucking bad she's desired. Bar raised an eyebrow, "What more do I want? All of you."    

"What?" Clementine blinks.

"I want all of you," Bar repeats. "I want you to be mine, otherwise I wouldn't give two shits about this whole 'me being civil' thing. I wouldn't have asked you out on a date and I sure as hell wouldn't flirt with you the way I do if I didn't want you."

"Good to, good t-to know." Clementine beams at Bar and he ruffles her hair in return.

***

"Okay, that's it," Bar growls, pulling Clementine close enough that he could loom over her with a frown as the little goddess sent him another secret smile. "What's going on, sweetheart?"

"Nothing," Clementine giggles. Bar loved the sound, of course he did, but now it just pissed him the fuck off.

"Tell me." He demanded, eyeing the gym for a second to assure sure no one was in the room with them and there wasn't. "Or I'll do something that makes your cheeks go red."

"You m-make me blush all the time, Oly." The little goddess rolls her goddamn eyes at him. "That threat won't work on, on me."

"Not those cheeks, babygirl." Bar smirked. "So unless you want me to bend you over my lap and spank you raw later, tell me why you keep looking at me like that."

"Hmph," Clementine pouts, flushing a deep red. "I-I wanted to wait until the, the end of sch-school to give it to y-you."

"Give what to me?" Bar asked, pulling back slightly, his eyes looking between both of Clementine's beautiful, minty ones. "And for the record, I could say something really fucking dirty right now but I'm refraining."

"W-well I'm proud of y-you for, um, being able to control yourself, and, ah..." Then, just because he could and as Clementine spoke, Bar leaned towards her and laid a light kiss on her jaw.

He trailed his nose down her neck before moving it right back where he places an open-mouth kiss under her ear, "Continue."

"W-what?" She breathes out, looking dazed.

"Continue with what you were saying, sweetness, or I might just take another taste."

"That's so, that's so unfair." The little goddess squeaks out. Bar's smirk only widens. "And I-I got you gummy bears."

Bar's smirk drops and an instant wide grin forms on his face, "You did?"

No one has ever bought him his favorite candies before.

Clementine nods and then drags her backpack over to her. Bar watches closely as she unzips the bag. Surprisingly, the little goddess takes out a giant, long bag of gummy bears.

Bar blinks and systematically takes the candies from her.

He stares at them, disbelief coloring his sharp features.

"You got me..." Bar frowns. "Ten pounds of gummy bears?"

"Yes!"

"Why that much?"

"Because I-I didn't know how much you, y-you ate."

"So, you got ten pounds?" Bar asks incredulously, not quite believing that someone would do this for him.

"Have you ever h-heard of the say-saying better safe than s-sorry?" Clementine asks, frowning at an unprepared Bar.

Bar couldn't help but notice that her stuttering was a bit worse than usual but didn't think much of it as his next witty comment popped into his head.

"What a nice saying, babygirl." He says. "My favorite is fuck off, but not to you. My favorite saying for you is fuck me."

"Mhm, sure i-it is," Clementine said then gasped as Bar opened the bag and tore a gummy bear's head off. "You can't, y-you can't eat them h-head first! That's b-brutal!"

"Well, in terms of endearment to those delicious squishy little fuckers, if I'm going to murder them why not soften the blow than prolong their death? Hence head first." Bar smirked. "But, of course, if you don't want me to do that, I won't. I could always just give you head instead."

"No t-thanks," Clementine blushes.

"Hm, okay." Bar smirks and asks, "Is that the only reason you got me ten fucking pounds of gummy bears?"

"No, and b-bec-because y-you got me the loli, the loli— the..." Clementine ceased talking, gulping in a breath of air. "T-t-the loli, loli—"

The little goddess clamped her mouth closed and pressed her palms into her eyes as she took a rattling breath in.

"Sweetheart?" Bar frowned, moving closer. "Are you okay?"

Her stuttering got really fucking bad, he noted. Why, is she alright? Did she get too anxious over something? Did something trigger it?

"I-I c-c—" Clementine tried to force the words out buts she couldn't. Tears pricked her eyes and the sight lashed out at Bar's heart, imprinting the sight into his brain.

The little goddess crying always makes him feel horrible and he always remembers why she cried; what she looked like while doing so.

It haunts him and he hates it.

A beautiful soul like Clementine's shouldn't be so upset.

"Hey, it's okay, babygirl." Bar softly spoke and neared her slowly until he was right next to her, sharing their body heat. "You don't have to say anything if it's too difficult, don't push yourself, sweetness."

Clementine nodded and stared up at the ceiling, looking as if she was willing herself not to cry.

It broke Bar's heart.

"Can I hold your hand?" Bar asked, not knowing how to help her or comfort her but also not wanting to push boundaries— especially when she couldn't speak.

Clementine nods.

Gently, Bar grabbed her tiny hands and held them in his, tattooed thumbs brushing over her scarred knuckles.

"Do you want a hug, babygirl?" He said. Quickly, she nodded again. Bar carefully moved so he had the little goddess bundled on his lap and cradled in his arms, his body wrapped around her's protectively.

Clementine turned in his hold and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his neck and her hands into his hair.

Any other time he would've definitely been turned on by how her limber fingers were tugging on his dark strands and how her soft, voluminous body was coddled to his form— but not right now.

Right now, he was simply concerned and focusing on how he could make her comfortable and happy again.

Which is mostly his goal all the time, mixed with wanting to get her as red as possible.

The little goddess clutched him closer and Bar murmured to her softly, none of the words were important or required a response.

He tried his best to soothe her, not knowing if he was doing a good job.

It felt like minutes before Clementine's labored breathing evened out and she fully relaxed against Bar's body. He followed suit and enjoyed holding her, but his worry stayed intact.

Bar wanted to know why she couldn't talk— or, more importantly, why she stuttered.

The little goddess didn't use to do that.

Sure, she was always a sweet, shy, and nervous little thing but she used to be able to talk back to Bar in full on lectures without stumbling over her words once.

But now? Now Clementine couldn't even get a sentence out without a stutter.

Bar had noticed she slipped up on any words with a Y, H, I, or M more than she did anything else.

Bar wanted to know, desperately, if it had anything to do with the scar running across her beautiful face.

But he didn't ask.

He didn't have a right to know.

Bar had only gotten back into Clementine's life— this time, not as a bully— a little over a week ago and they just had their first date.

Yes, they cared for one another and were growing close terrifyingly quick but Bar knew that there were certain boundaries he couldn't ignore.

This felt like a boundary or a sensitive topic; asking about her scar or stutter.

Bar felt as though if he questioned why or spoke his thoughts aloud that the little goddess would slam down a mental wall, keeping him on the other side.

He didn't want her growing distant. He really, really didn't.

So he didn't say anything about her stutter, he just comforted her— and he would do so until she was ready to move or could talk or anything else.

Bar just held her, the way he wished someone would've held him his entire life.

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