"He was obscurely terrified lest she should cease to be something he could feel himself unworthy of."
—Aldous Huxley

chapter 21

Are you mine?

The question seemed so simple.

But Clementine was staring at Bar like he spoke complete and utter gibberish.

He understood the hesitation a second after he realized what he had said.

Bar asked her if she was his.

He asked the girl whom he cared about, whom he was sure he wanted, whom he would always protect, if she was his.

But Clementine wasn't just his little goddess, no, she was also the girl he had bullied.

Bad made her life hell and here he was, asking if he could be apart of her life all over again— but this time to make it feel like heaven.

Why did he think she'd say yes? That she would be sure about him just like Bar was sure about her?

Why? What lead him to that ideal belief?

Bar had no answer.

Their bodies were pressed together, faces right before the other. Bar could read her expression completely.

And she looked shocked.

Why? Bar wanted to ask but he knew, he knew that she probably had way too many thoughts making a circus in her mind.

Her ex-bully was asking her something that will change the dynamic of both of their lives and he was doing so after one hell of a fucked up weekend.

Bar almost groaned at that thought, realizing he probably put too much on her shoulders in two, long days.

First, they go to a boring ass party, then Clementine got upset over that rainbow chick and Lils— Bar didn't like it when his goddess felt bad. Next, Bar got roofied by that fucking prick.

And now?

Now, Clementine just learned that he not only hurt himself but that he tried to commit suicide multiple times— and Bar had the gulls to ask her to be his.

What is wrong with me? Bar thought, then continued on sardonically. Literally fucking everything.

"I..." Bar swallowed thickly, moving so his forehead was pressed against the base of Clementine's neck, hiding there as his nose nudged against her collarbone. "I shouldn't have told you all that like this, I'm sorry, babygirl."

"Shut u-up," Clementine breathed out and, without warning, she switched their positions. Straddling a shocked Bar's hips, she sat on his lap, grabbed his face in her slightly cold hands, and kissed him.

Bar barely had time to realize what happened before Clementine moved her lips off of his— instantly making the brute miss the contact and started to trail them over the rest of his face as she spoke.

"I'm yours," She giggled out, kissing his nose before going across his cheek and down to his jaw. "Of c-course, I'll be yours, Oly. Please don't, please don't apologize. I-I want to know you, even t-the painful parts. I want you to, to be happy and safe and, and n-not to have another bad month."

Bar, for what felt like the first time in years, smiled.

A real, breathtaking smile that he could feel in his tightening jaw, that he could feel in the way his dimples dug into his cheeks deeper, and the way that his eyes crinkled in the corners— his eyelashes encasing his vision for a second before Clementine beamed back at him.

"Your smile is literally the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life," Clementine squealed, starting right at his lips as her fingers trace an invisible path over his features.

"Really?" Bar cocks his head to the side, teeth nipping at her finger. "Then you must not look in the mirrors much, huh?"

Clementine squished his cheeks together in response and cooed about how 'cute' he was.

Bar rolled his eyes and— while staying gentle— flipped their positions and hovered over Clementine, a small smile still stuck upon his lips.

The little goddess was his. All his.

"I won't ever be good enough for you," Bar murmurs. "But I will always try."

"You're al-already good enough," Clementine told him, brushing her lithe fingers through his hair, happily bringing their bodies closer together.

"No need to lie to me, babygirl."

"I'm not, I'm not lying!" Clementine squeaked out indignatiously.

"Yes, you are." Bar nips at her jaw then his smile widened as he remembers something. "Was I promised gummy bears last night?"

This question made Clementine pause and then groan, her dainty hands running down the brute's relaxed shoulders and gently held to his forearms.

"Yes but do y-you have any idea," She said. "How fru-frustrating you were last night?"

Bar frowned— which made Clementine silently protest since his smile went away as she poked his cheek— and eased himself to lay down next to her so they were side to side.

"What do you mean, babygirl?" Bar froze in horror as a rather disturbing thought ate away at his mind. He sat up, alarmed. "I didn't do anything to you, did I? Fuck, I'm so sorry. I don't even remember what I did and—"

"Oly," Clementine giggled, climbing precariously into his lap for the second time that morning. "You didn't, you didn't do anything wrong. You were j-just too nice, even while high."

"Too nice?" Bar questioned, arms going around his girl's waist. "How the fuck can I be too nice?"

"I was t-trying to get you to bed—

"Naughty little minx," Bar said, finding an opportunity to tease as he gently pinched her sides, making her squeak. "Trying to take me to bed intoxicated."

"I, I was doing n-no such thing!" Clementine denied, cheeks flushing. "You just, you just wanted t-to sleep on the couch but, but—"

"Relax, sweetheart." Bar said, now rubbing her shoulders and smirking. "I was only joking, I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry I was frustrating, babygirl, being 'too nice' and for anything else I did."

Bar then looked over the little goddess, his hands playing out across her back as he tugs on the fabric.

"And why— and not that I mind, because you look gorgeous, as per usual— are you wearing my clothes?"

"You gave t-them to me," Clementine explained. "While being re-really cute."

"Cute?"

"Yeah! Y-you had this adorable grin and you, and you looked so p-proud."

"Shit," Bar laughs in surprise. "I must've made a damn fool of myself."

Clementine laughed too and quipped, "Only a baby b-bit of foolishness."

"Oh, phew." Bar faked an exhausted sigh, rubbing his nose against the little goddess's smaller one. "Thank fuck that it wasn't an adult bit of foolishness."

"Yes but, i-it could be worse," Clementine played along. "It could, it could be a teenager bit of foolishness."

"Yeah, teenagers suck." Bar replied, not missing a beat.

Clementine's stomach growled in reply which made the brute repress a grin, seeing how the goddess's flush hid her freckles with embarrassment.

"Y-you're gonna make us get up to, to feed me, aren't you?" Clementine asks, pouting when Bar nodded.

"I'll feed myself too, don't worry, babygirl." Bar's hands skimmed her bare thighs. A wicked grin pulling at his lips when the little goddess shudders, and he makes her legs wrap around his waist before he stands, his arms keeping her warm body against him. "What do you want to eat?"

"What are the opt-options?"

"Anything."

"Anything?" Clementine repeated, resting her head on his shoulder, playing with the hair on Bar's nape. "Chinese food?"

"Sure, we could order takeout and have Chinese food for breakfast." Bar said. "It's always good to switch things around a bit."

"Chinese food is pe-perfectly acceptable for breakfast," She chided. "Just like chicken nuggets."

"I'd usually say that nuggets are a lunch food," Bar said. "And that Chinese food is more appropriate for dinner, but I also respect your opinion on the foods and would rather not argue. Even if you're wrong."

"I, I am not wrong." Clementine bopped Bar on his nose. "And food should n-not have designated meals. Besides spaghetti. Spaghetti is a d-dinner food."

"That," He says. "We can agree on."

"Good," Clementine smiles at him, and Bar could feel his heart fucking flutter like some goddamn middle schooler holding hands with their crush for the first time. "What a-about eggs?"

"Then I'd say no because you don't like eggs." Bar brushed his lips against the base of her ear, making Clementine's fingers tighten into his silky strands.

"What i-if I wanted eggs because I, I know you like eggs?"

"Then I'd still say no," Bar's voice was deep and gruff as he said this. "Because I wouldn't like the eggs knowing your taste buds wouldn't be enjoying themselves in a likewise sense. And I'd prefer my girl to like what she eats for breakfast."

Clementine's face went a light pink, "Your girl? I-I like being yours and what if, what if I wanted to eat chocolate?"

"Perfect, because I like you being mine, too. And if you said that, then I'd feed you chocolate." Bar said, standing and moving towards his door. "But also something nutritious."

"Ew, healthy food."

"I'm slowly starting to believe you don't eat properly when I'm not around you." Bar said, shouldering his door closed behind him as the brute carries his girl towards the kitchen. "Really, babygirl, it's worrying. I know you have a sweet tooth but please tell me you don't only eat sweets or junk food.

"Um..." She hid her face against his neck. "I eat... oranges?"

"Okay, I'm going to start making you food from now on. Proper food." Bar said, depositing Clementine gently on the counter, making sure she was comfortable before he slowly started to pull away. "Now, yet again, what would you like to eat?"

"Chocolate and Chinese food"

"Great combo, babygirl." Bar chuckled.

Clementine narrowed her eyes playfully and pulled Bar closer by the strings on his sweatpants, "Are you making fun of m-me, Oly?"

"Me? Making fun of you?" Bar gave a fake little gasp, hands squeaking her hips. "I would never. You know I think you're perfect, babygirl."

"Perfect t-to tease, maybe."

"Don't be a smartass," Bar leaned closer and gently bit her earlobe. "That's my job."

Clementine rolled her eyes, earning her thigh a harsh squeeze, and then Bar set out to grab the chocolate for his little goddess and place their order at a Chinese restaurant.

After their food arrived, they settled into the living room, mostly goofing around with one another and enjoying the other's company.

Bar, quite honestly, felt rather ecstatic.

Clementine and him... together, it felt more like a dream than anything. But it also felt absurdly real, more real than a lot of titles and names and things.

It felt right.

Clementine was his girlfriend.

She was his.

Bar loved that fact rather immensely.

He could tell that Clementine was happy, too, and that just boosted his spirits more.

He felt— smiley.

Which rarely, no, it never happened but it was now and Bar actually enjoyed the feeling.

Even if the preceding moments were caused by some arrogant asshole spiking Bar's drink and then the brute himself making the mistake of showing her his scars.

Bar wondered— as Clementine stood in the corner of his living room, looking over his different books— what she thought about his scars.

He wondered if the little goddess thought Bar was weak now that she knew how he succumbed to something like self-harm, to suicide, to depression.

He felt weak— he felt ashamed.

Bar cocks his head to the left and the movement catches Clementine's eyes. The brute, quickly thinking of a way to make her blush, gave the goddess a wink. Clementine didn't miss the spark of mischief in his brown ones and raised a slim eyebrow.

"Why are y-you looking at, at me like that, Oly?" She asks, voice shaking just a little.

With a very slight smirk gracing his lips, Bar makes steady eye contact with his little goddess.

"You wanted me to be more polite when flirting, right, babygirl?" His question catches Clementine off guard but she's quick to nod her agreement.

"Great, how do you politely tell someone that you want them naked and on top of you?"

"Oly!"

"What?" He laughs, leaning away from where she gingerly throws one of the spare pillows at him. "I wanna know!"

"No, you don't." Clementine scowls but Bar could see the corners of her lips trying to pull up into a smile. "You just want to get me a-all flustered— which, by the way, didn't work."

In seconds, Bar has her back against the wall, his chest pressed against hers as one of his thick thighs going between her legs, the thin material of their clothes letting Clementine's heated skin soak Bar's colder body in warmth.

Bar bends down, his lips skimming underneath her jaw, his tongue following the same path that his teeth quickly make use of, causing her to shudder.

Bar could hear the goddess's heart pounding— that makes two of them, then, with out-of-control races going on in their chests.

"Imagine if there weren't any clothes between us, sweetness," Bar whispers against her ear, hearing her take in a trembling breath. "Or better yet, imagine me slowly taking off your clothes... one by one," He drags his warm fingers down the length of her side, feeling her soft stomach tense slightly. "Until I could see all of you. Until I could feel all of you. Until I had you quivering and begging for me to give you release. God, I can imagine just what you’d look like right now, lips parted, whining for me. How loud do you think I could get you? How satisfied? I could do so thoroughly and after I ravish you completely— and only after— could you be on top of me. Unless, of course, you prefer to be bottom. I'm not picky."

With that, Bar leaned back and watched the red-faced Clementine struggle to get a sentence out.

She always got like this, so easy to blush. A sick part of him greatly enjoyed it, knowing that she reacted like that to him.

Him of all people— the town's beast.

And, newly titled, her boyfriend.

"Uh-huh, tell me now," Bar let a wide smirk creep onto his face. "Is it working?"

"S-stop smirking at me, at me l-like that," Clementine said as she puffed out a breath of air. "I'm already a t-tomato."

Bar paused for a moment, then let his smirk widen, "Make me."

And she did so with a kiss— a kiss that they let their feelings flow through passionately, affectionately, and longingly.

It was a kiss that made both of them never want to stop. So, for the rest of the morning, they didn't.

It was just the two of them, sharing a beautifully deserved kiss as they reminisced about their newfound relationship in the morning light.