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It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. - Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

A Couple Days Later...

Zee...

I sit on the examination table, kicking my feet as I chew on my lip nervously. I made an appointment to see if I'm really pregnant because I took two test the other day, one read not pregnant and the other read pregnant so I got confused. I needed to know and I needed to know now. Am I or aren't I? I got my blood drawn to see and I should know in few minutes.

"Mrs. Gomez..." Dr. Bradley sings. If she cheery, there's my answer.

"Yes." I reply shyly, looking down in my lap.

"Why so glum, you should be happy you're pregnant and healthy at 3 in a half weeks. Also your hormone levels are high." She laughs, laying the papers down beside me.

"Hormone levels high, is that bad?" I question confused.

"Well that usually happens when having twins, but it's too early to tell. You would have to wait like the 7th to 10th week. We start ultrasounds around the 10th to the 13th week mark. Which is not too far since you're 3 weeks in." I shake my head, sighing at thought of having twins. It's not even for certain and I'm already panicked.

"I'm sure Mr. Gomez will be very ecstatic. Is this you guys first?" I shake my head no.

"Aww you had a boy or a girl?" I shake my head no again.

"I had an abortion." I mumble, sighing after. I didn't check that box because I was afraid too. Also I thought it wasn't her business, but it might of been important since this isn't my first pregnancy. Dr. Bradley looked at me funny. And honestly I could careless what she thinks right about now.

She doesn't know my life, she wasn't there when I had to do something I regretted. I wanted his baby, but I couldn't bring a baby into a house where I wasn't wanted myself. It hurt me both ways, because neither one of was safe, but if I would of told Jefe his family would of took us in.

Dr. Bradley's whole attitude changes towards me. She didn't say anything after I told her about the abortion. She just hand me my prescriptions for my prenatal vitamins and left. I hop down off the table, putting my stuff in my bag, making my way out to my car. As soon as I hit the parking lot, I gag throwing up by the side of my car.

I'm so sick of throwing up its ridiculous. I can't keep nothing down, I'm always hungry, light headed, and tired. And I can't eve fit half my clothes. Hopefully Bricks is in a good mood today so I can tell him the "good" news.

If not then I have no one to talk to. The one that I need to talk to at least. After an hour drive, I pull in the driveway next to Bricks' car. I park, locking up while entering the house. I smell food being cooked, making my way up the steps to the living room.

I sit my bag down on the couch, making my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once done, I join Bricks in the kitchen. I take a seat at the island as he cooks at the stove. His back toward me.

"Where you been all morning? It's 11:25." He informs.

"I went to the doctor." I mumble.

"For what?" He questions putting his attention on me. I could feel the lump in my throat, swallowing nervously while turning around in the stool. I walk over to my purse on the couch, taking out the results.

I hand Bricks the papers, standing in front of him shaken. He furrows his brows in confusion, opening the papers and my heart raced even more than it already it is. Bricks reads the papers smiling from ear to ear.

"You're pregnant." He chuckles. I nod, wiping the tears as I sniff. "What's the matter this is good news baby."

Bricks...

I walk over to Zee and she breaks down, hugging me around my neck while I rub her back. Honestly I already knew. I noticed the constant eating, sleeping half the day and throwing up constantly the last two days we've been around one another. I was just waiting on her to tell me, but I have a feeling having happiness is not going to subdue.

"I'm scared Bricks." She sobs in my chest, hugging me tight around my torso.

"Why are you scared Zee?"

"Because, my parents put me through so much. I'm scared I just might do the same Bricks." She cries.

"You're not going to be like them Zee."

"You don't know that Bricks!" She exclaims pushing herself away from me.

"What if when he or she cries, I lash out for no reason, or I hit them for no reason, or when they get hurt from someone else and I just don't give a damn about it. I can't have that on my hands Bricks... I can't." She crocks, holding her stomach.

"I'm telling you, you won't do anything of that nature, because once you see how precious having a child is all that will change. You don't have that in your heart Zee, you might go through your moments here and there, but you're not capable of hurting any one unless they hurt you Zee. And my babies aren't going to hurt you." I assure her kissing her forehead.

"You sure?" She sniffs, looking up at me. I move her hair behind her ear, cupping her face in my hands. I wipe the single tears, nodding.

"I know you better then you know yourself Zee. You do hate, but it's towards the people that hurt you not love you baby. And this baby is going to love you. I love you." I tell her. She nods, sniffing again.

"I just wanna be a perfect mother Bricks. I wanna be way better than my parents."

"No such thing as a perfect mother Zee. As a woman you do what's best, and our kids will appreciate it. No one is perfect." I assure her.

"You're perfect." She pouts.

"I'm not perfect." I chuckle.

"Yes you are, for me." I smack my lips, laughing. Zee laughs with me, standing her tippy toes to kiss me. I bite her bottom lip for entrance. She gives it to me making our tongues wrestle. I slide my hands down her back, palming both cheeks at a time. Zee pulls back, laughing pecking my lips for a seal.

"You perfect for me too baby." I smile as she squeals into laughter.

"We're having a baby." She excites. I couldn't help but smile. Just to know that all she needs is a little guidance makes me happy. I know she thought of the worst, but we gone be good. I promise.

"I know baby. You hungry?" I walk over to the kitchen making plates.

"Yea, what did you cook?" She questions, following behind me.

"A burrito bowl with extra sour cream and cheese for you."

"Yaaaaaassssss. I've had a taste for a burrito for the last two days." She chuckles, as we make our way to the table under the window. I sit our plates down, Zee joins me with the cups of lemonade. We sit down, saying grace and digging in afterward.

"So you feel a little better now that we talked?" She nods, covering her mouth as she chewed.

"Yea. I mean I know I couldn't talk to any one but you. You the only one that keeps my head leveled. So when I came home yesterday and you were upset, it kind of upset me even more than I already was." I nod, swallowing my food.

"I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't let what's going on at work interfere our home. That's my fault, you don't have to worry about that happening again." Zee nods in understanding.

"I understand. I mean this is new for the both of us, it's a work in progress baby so I'm not holding you against it."

"Look at you, feeding off my energy again." I smirk as we hi- five. Zee blushes covering her mouth while laughing. We learn from each other each and every day since we've been married. It makes me fall in love with her even more.

"I know we have a while before I give birth, but what do you want the baby to be?" I smile, bringing the food up to my lips.

"Honestly, a little girl so I can teach her the good and the bad in this world. Let her know she's a queen and should be treated like one, like her mother." Zee smile and blushes, looking down in her plate. I laugh.

"What about you?" She taps her chin, looking up at the ceiling.

"I say a girl too. Just to treat her like I wish I was treated with love and spoil her to my heart's content. I could dress her up, and she could be twinning just like me." She bats her eyes, flipping her hair over her shoulder. I burst into laughter, gulping my lemonade down.

"Mmm! Now what if you have twins, you know they run on my side of the family." She raises her brows, forking some food.

"Two boys or one girl and one boy." She smiles.

"One girl and one boy if it's possible. I think we only have twins with one gender though, but any thing is possible." I shrug. After eating, I wash the dishes as Zee goes to lay down and pick a movie for us to watch.

I'm happy she's happy about the pregnancy now, everything is good. We haven't had any trouble since Tahiti, but with my pop's shit you'll never know. I just hope by the time our baby is born, all the shit with my pops and Zee is over. If not, Zee and I will have to move, and I have no problem with that. I know Zee won't either.

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