It is as though some old part of yourself wakes up in you, terrified, useless in the life you have, its skills and habits destructive but intact, and what is left of the present you, the person you have become, wilts and shrivels in sadness or despair: the person you have become is only a thin shell over this other, more electric and endangered self. The strongest, the least digested parts of your experience can rise up and put you back where you were when they occurred; all the rest of you stands back and weeps. - Peter Straub, The Throat

A Few Hours Later...

Zee...

After getting the bullet removed from my arm, Bricks and I traveled back to the bungalow, packing our things. We were suppose to stay for a week, but with that shit happening at the club Bricks bought tickets to leave immediately. He hasn't said a word to me since we left the hospital.

After a boat ride to shore, we waited for a helicopter to pick us up and take us to the Hawaiian Airport. It's one that comes every two hours and we just missed one, so we're going to out here for a while. I sit my suitcase down, sitting on it. My arm starts to throb, so I pop two of my pain pills to stop it. Bricks sits besides me, turning his hat backwards. He leans in his lap, looking over his shoulder at me turning his attention back to the scene in front of him.

"Why'd you do it Zee?" He questions. I zip um my hoodie from the chilly winds. At night and by the water it's always cold.

"I didn't want you to get shot Bricks, that's why." I simply reply, he nods.

"Was that the guy from Envy that chased after you last night?" I nod, zoning out as I thought of that night. That face was haunting and I could never forget it. Just like I can't forget Dimitri's. It was an installation my memory bank that I can't delete.

"I know you love me Bricks and I'm your prized possession and all, you can't show me off anymore. At least not right now. It's too much shit going on you know." He nods, running his hands down his face. I pick with my engagement ring, tears brewing in my eyes.

"Can we get married here before we leave?" I blurt out. Bricks slowly turns toward me with furrowed brows.

"You don't want the big wedding, with the church and family and a white dress?" I shake my head no, smiling in tears.

"All I want is you Bricks, that's it." I laugh, wiping my tears. He smiles pecking my lips, taking my hands in his. He pulls back, squatting down in front of me smiling.

"We can't do that here, because we don't have any witnesses plus we're American citizens. But when we get home, we can go to the courthouse and become husband and wife. I guarantee that." He assures me. I nod, cupping his face in my hands kissing him. I guess I should of known that, but I'm really ready to say I do. I have been since he proposed to me a couple nights ago. Bricks on the other hand has probably been waiting forever.

°°₩°° 

3 Weeks Later... 

"Turn your head this way, look at me." The photographer orders. I was on my last shot of the day with Piper. She's launching her bathing suit, hair extensions and clothing line today and I had to model. Its my first day on the job, and honestly I was loving this modeling thing. It's about as much money being earned when I worked at Envy. But Bricks didn't seem to mind me doing this.

Speaking of him, we're now married. We got married the next day after returning from Tahiti. We went to the courthouse downtown, exchanged vows in a chapel and said our I do's. Bricks' family came to support and be witnesses. It was romantic enough for me, I'm happy and so is Bricks and everyone else's opinions don't matter. Never did.

"Ok and that's a wrap. You can go get changed." I nod smiling at Piper as she smiles back. I've known Piper since diaper days. We were always close, she's actually like a sister to me. She always has advice when I'm going through something, if I didn't have Bricks I did have her.

"Good job baby! I'm so proud of you!" Piper squeals as she hugs me. We're looking at some of her photos and mine that were taken today. I can honestly say I would of never thought I would look good on camera. But with this hair and from mini shoots while working at Envy, kind of gave me to confidence if I say so my self.

"Ok Kidd, I really want these photos on my website when you edit them. Also I need to set up another photoshoot with you in say...two weeks?" Piper says.

I furrow my eyebrows, holding my stomach feeling the food I ate come up. I head straight to the bathroom vomiting into the toilet bowl. Piper grabs my hair, and I throw up again coughing afterward.

"You good Zee?" She questions, everything slows down as random thoughts puncture my mind.

"So you having sex is more important than your damn family!" "I was at Jefe's house." "I'm sorry." "Fuck around and turn out to be just like your hoe ass mother." "Pregnant? No...no." "You so fucking stupid! You not bringing no fucking baby in here! If I have to beat it out you, I will!" "Zee you ok?...you ok?...ok?" The last thought echoes.

"Zee...Zee? Girl you good?" Piper questions as I snap back to reality. I nod, standing straight wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as the tears streamed.

"Yea. I'm hungry though." We both laugh as Piper raises a brow at me.

"You just threw up, and you hungry again? Weird appetite. Get cleaned up though, it's a Chipotle not too far from here." She leaves the stall as I look down at my stomach, wanting to ball up. The last time Bricks and I had sex was on our honeymoon in France and that was three weeks ago. I had forgot to get my shot, and the loving was just too good that I didn't want him to pull out. I couldn't bring myself to say it. 

After changing my clothes and brushing my teeth with my emergency toothbrush, I meet Piper outside of the studio. We get in her cocaine white i8, pulling off once she cranked it. The drive between her and I is silent, with Rihanna - Desperado plays softly.

"So...what do you want it to be?" Piper questions. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

"What?" I chuckle nervously. Piper laughs, shaking her head.

"Don't play dumb with me Zee, constant eating, fatigue, gaining of weight and the glow. I know pregnant when I see it. Just like that time in the locker room, gone holla about some damn cramps." She laughs and I slightly smile, looking down in my lap.

"So...I ask again, what do you want it to be." I sigh, shaking my head.

"I don't think I want it Piper nor am I sure that I'm pregnant." I mumble, just thinking about it. I don't know shit about being a mother, and my mom wasn't a mother to me to even teach me how to be one.

"Well it's not just your decision Zee, you're married now. You and Jefe have to come to some sort of agreement, and you aborting his baby for the second time, is not going to be an option. He's going to want this baby." Piper assures, catching my attention.

I shake my head, looking ahead out the windshield. At this point I didn't even have an appetite anymore. I just wanted to go to get these few test, go home, and cook dinner before Bricks comes home from work. I don't even know how Ima tell him if I am. 

Piper drops me off, I wave as she drives down the street honking. I see Bricks' car in the driveway, looking at my watch to see its 4:15. I thought I would beat him home considering he gets home around 5:30, 6:00 everyday. I wonder why he's home so early today.

"Hey." I say as I enter the house. I witness Bricks on the couch with a rag on his face, and blood on his white button up. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as he sits up sighing.

"What happen to you?" I question, sitting down beside him.

"I got fired." He grumbles.

"What? Why?" I question. He shakes his head, licking his lips.

"I got into another fight at work, and it was with a coworker of mine. He was saying some real disrespectful about you so I handled his ass." He shrugs. I sigh, shaking my head. This is the third fight this week, all because somebody said something about me.

The first time was this guy that noticed the picture of Bricks and I on his desk. We had sex once, and he thought it would be funny to run that shit in Bricks face. They fought of course. The guy got fired but Brick was warned. The second time, a guy said he would love to taste me they got a warning. Now I don't know what happen, but I know Bricks got his last strike.

"So now what?" I sigh. He takes the rag off his eye, sitting back. I seen he doesn't have a busted lip or anything so it must be the others guy blood. He just has a black eye.

"I only had the job to keep money in my pocket honestly. I really didn't need it because I am wealthy thanks to my parents. Obviously somebody else needed the job, things happen for a reason b." He sighs, turning on the flat screen. I get up, leaving to the bedroom because I'm tired and I have a headache. I didn't really feel like being bothered. And obviously neither did he.

°°₩°°

Later That Night... 

I remove Bricks arm from around me, running to the bathroom. I vomit once again as the tears stream, and my stomach clenches. I hear my Dimitri and Sirod's voices yelling vulgar things. I hold my head, curling up in the corner as I cry hysterically. 

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it." I sob to myself.

Bricks...

I sit up, wiping the sleep out my eyes hearing Zee crying hysterically. I sigh heavily, pulling the covers off. I enter the bathroom seeing Zee curled up in a corner crying. I noticed her attitude today, but I figured I let her be.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." She sobs. I pick her up, taking her in the room and laying her down. Climbing in the bed myself. I pull her close to me, rubbing her back as she sniffs.

After a few sniffles later, she finally drifts off back to sleep snuggling up against me. I know it's something she's not telling me, I'm itching to know what it is but Ima relax. She'll tell me when she's ready.