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We are braver and wiser because they existed, those strong women and strong men... We are who we are because they were who they were. It's wise to know where you come from, who called your name. -Maya Angelou

Tacara Ameen...

After talking business with Zee at the diner, I picked up Sani from daycare and drove home. I live with my mother because the two part time jobs I have doesn't pay me enough to move out. I'm 23 years old with a one year old struggling to make a dollar. The reason why I have the money to go to college is because of my three scholarships. I'm majoring Nursing and Biomedical Engineering at one of the top colleges in Maryland, Morgan State University of course.

I was suppose to finish a year ago, but being pregnant with Sani set me back a year. I don't mind though, she didn't ask to be here and she is my heart. Nothing comes before her, not even myself. Her father was good to her as well. I didn't have a problem with him doing things for Sani. I just didn't like where the money was coming from.

Xavier and I started out as friends, I was 18 when I met him making him 21. I met him at a college party and we clicked instantly and exchanged numbers. He told me about the lifestyle he lives and I wasn't liking it. He seemed sweet and innocent, but I was told when he's 'working' he's a whole different person. Not to mention all the groupies that was flocking to him. About a year later, we got real close. It was basically I was feeling him but he wasn't feeling me.

He just wanted one thing, and I didn't give him any until I turned 22. Surprisingly he stuck around even after, but he told me we couldn't be exclusive because of his flips. So I had to break it off with him, and haven't said shit to him till after Sani was born. I actually loved that man, but I wasn't about to be that female that sits around and have his baby, and worry where he was and who he was sleeping with. I know my worth, and he didn't deserve me. I knew that and regretted that, but I don't regret my daughter. I couldn't dare.

After feeding Sani the last of stage 3 baby food, I hear my Aretha's bedroom door open. A man walks out buckling his pants as he smirks at me. I just look at him in disgust. I watch as he leaves, sending a head nod in my direction as to say bye. I shake my head in disgust watching the door close.

"Problem?" Aretha laughs, smoking a cig while leaning on the door frame. I could see her running mascara from here with her small body wrapped in a silk robe. Aretha is my mother, but I haven't called my mom since I was 9 years old.

She was never physically abusive towards me, but verbally for sure. I basically stop giving her the respect because her lifestyle disgusted me. She sleeps with random men for money, and she's been doing this since she was 16. And that's when she got pregnant with me. Making her 39.

I remember asking her why I didn't have a father like all the other kids in school. And she simply told me she didn't know who my father was. It hurt, because at the time I didn't understand how she didn't know until I got older and realized it.

I know I want better for my daughter, and I don't know why I keep standing my ground here but as of tonight I'm tired. My daughter is never left with her. I take her to a daycare that my friend owns and because she knows my struggle, I don't have to pay for her to stay.

"Hey I'm talking to you!" Aretha snarls. I pick up Sani out her high chair, taking her with me to the kitchen to put the dish in the sink.

"Oh so now you don't hear me all of a sudden?" Aretha sasses. I ignore her, making my way to Sani's and I room in the back. I sit Sani in the middle of the bed, packing my bookbag with my laptop and books I need for school. I grab the duffle bag that has Sani's and I clothes already packed, putting it on my shoulder with my bookbag as well.

"Where are you going with my grandchild Tacara? You don't have no where to run." Aretha chuckles. I smile at Sani, picking her up. I push pass Aretha, walking down the hall as I grab the umbrellas by the door.

"Tacara you can't leave, you have no where to go." Aretha scolds. I turn to her, laughing while opening the door.

"I can't do this anymore, and I've had enough. I have a child to think about, and staying here is not healthy for her. I'm not like you, I care about my child's safety. She doesn't need to be around all this or see you like this."

"Oh you ain't no damn good mother! Hell I raised you, I taught you everything!" She argues. I laugh and nod.

"Yea you taught me not to be like you. Thanks, I appreciate that." Her face turns sour as I walk out the door down the long apartment corridor with Sani on my hip. I guess Aretha really thought I was going to stick around and watch her slowly die until she's nothing left, but I can't. Sani doesn't need to see that, or be traumatized by it. My baby deserves better.

"You're a nobody Tacara and a whore! It's your fault your father is gone! Not mine." I sigh deeply shaking it off as I jog down the steps. Now all of a sudden it's my fault, I guess when we don't even know who he his.

°°°°

At around 10:20, I pull up at my Aunt Kendra's house parking in the drive way. I cut the engine, grabbing my bags and taking a sleeping Sani out the car seat, closing and locking the doors after.

I take the key out that Aunt Kendra gave me years back, putting it into the knob and unlocking the door. She told me if I ever get tired of her sister's way to use it.

Aunt Kendra actually did something with her life, other then my mother, and Aunt Kendra was more of a mother then my own mother that gave birth. I lock the door back once I enter and head up the steps to the third floor.

I pass the closed bedroom doors, heading into the guest room that's already set for us. I guess she knew I was coming and cleaned it up for me.

I lay Sani down, taking her rain coat off, laying them in the tub with mine. I go to the closet, taking out Carmello's old playpen for Sani to sleep in. Once it's up, I pad it up real good laying her down in it. I kiss her forehead, telling her I love her.

I get in the bed, pulling the covers up to my neck. I could hear my aunt moaning through the wall, with the headboard knocking against it and I knew I wasn't getting any sleep no time soon. I sigh, laying on my back as I twirled my hair looking up at the ceiling.

I want what's best for my daughter, and I need help. I usually don't ask for it, because well I'm prideful and independent. I like doing things on my own, but times is tough being a single parent. Since I don't have anything to do tomorrow, I'll just see what other jobs are hiring that pay over minimum wage. Sani deserves better.

°°°°

Meanwhile at Our Lady of Lords Hospital...

Zee...

I flutter my eyes open to the nurse, as she sticks the needle in the crease of my arm . The percs are hitting me harder then that car that hit me earlier. I keep going in and out of sleep, but I'm trying to stay up to see Bricks.

I got here not too long ago and I'm still in the ER. I have a fractured rib, a broken wrist and a gash over my right eyebrow. I'm glad I'm came out ok though, it could of been much worst. They have yet to put me in a room and honestly I just wanna go home. I'm not gone sit here in this fucking hospital.

"Where is she!" I hear Bricks voice call.

"Sir you have to cal-"

"Fuck all that shit! Zee! Baby where you at I don't wanna have to get locked up for whooping some ass b!" I shake my head telling the nurse to tell him I'm right here. I can barely say anything I'm in so much pain. I doze off feeling Bricks kiss my temple down my neck. I sigh deeply, turning my attention to him while opening my eyes.

"Why are you so crazy?" I question, sitting up.

"I'm Hispanic and black with a little Arabian in me b. I think that answers your question." He chuckles. I smile, hissing once they attach the needle to the vein in my hand.

"Watch that shit b." Bricks warns sternly.

"Baby she's just doing her job, calm down." I tell him grabbing his hand. I tell the nurse thank you as she says they'll be moving me in a room. I didn't want to be in one, but I have to get examined and everything to make sure I don't have any damages to my organs since my ribs are fractured. I hope I don't.

"What happen yo?" Bricks questioned me. I was about to tell him but officers approach my bedside. Well a detective and a officer.

"Are you Zee Banks?" The detective questions.

"They sent y'all back here to where she was correct?" Bricks smartly answers. I look at him like he's crazy.

"Excuse me?" The officer scowls putting his hands on his cuffs, the detective shakes his head holding him back.

"You heard me. I mean if he came here and asked for Zee and they told him where she was, why the fuck would you ask if it's her? That's just dumb as fuck."

"Bricks." I call screw face. He shrugs standing to his feet, leaning down kissing me.

"Ima wait for them to put you in a room because I'm getting irritated with their stupidity at the moment." He tells me, giving me one lingering peck before leaving out. I sit up as best as I can while the nurse fluffs the pillow behind my back. I look at the men nodding for confirmation to speak. I just wanted to answer their questions so I could relax.

"Well I guess we should start over. My name is Detective Roy and this is Officer Floydd. We were given your name by the source Malik Woods. Or Blade as you guys call him. He said the shooters were requesting for your where abouts but he didn't give you up." Detective Roy confirms. I furrow my eyebrows confused.

"Isn't he dead? I heard them shoot him." I conclude.

"No he survived the shooting. He said he played dead until the people left. They shot him in the abdomen and unfortunately he's paralyzed from the waist down." Damn that's karma from sleeping with all them all them random women.

"Damn. This is just crazy." I mumble to myself.

"Indeed. Mrs. Banks do you know any one who would want to see you hurt?" I sigh laying my head back, shaking my head no. Then I remembered Tay. That little rat ass nigga think he slick.

"I didn't see any faces because it was dark, and of course they had on mask. But this guy that lives in my building he was there. I don't know his last name though. Damn." I curse my self.

"Well just tell us the address and the apartment number and we'll go question him right away." I nod telling them everything then they leave. After about 15 minutes I get put in a room. A nurse comes in with Bricks following right behind.

I get hooked up to the IV and she connects it to the catheter. I just look at Bricks as he sat down in the far corner shaking his leg. I know he's pissed and wants to hurt whoever did this to me but I don't need him doing all that.

"The doctor should be in shortly." The nurse says leaving out. I nod telling Bricks to come here but he shakes his head no, leaning back while playing with his beard.

"What happen yo." He grumbles.

"When you dropped me off, I walked in and heard arguing then gunshots. I heard two guys nearing me so I hid for a minute. I heard one of them was looking for me and I don't know who they are or what they want. When the coast was clear I escaped tripping of course because I forgot to step down when I got out the locker. Tay was waiting right for me when I walked out the door. He opened his mouth to say some shit, but I punched him unconscious. Two guys saw me and I started running as they shot at me. I get hit by a car and here I am." I hiss holding my side.

"Why didn't you call me b?!" He questions irritated.

"Oh so you wanted me to call you so you can get hurt too?" I question sarcastically. He runs his hands down his face annoyed.

"At least it would of been me in that bed and not you!" He argues, standing to his feet.

"Then I would feel guilty for getting you the fuck hurt! Damn you wanna protect me, I get it, but if you get hurt or worst killed then who do I have left!" I exclaim as tears fill my eyes. Bricks sighs in frustration, taking a seat.

"Then who will I have when you get hurt?" He questions with attitude while clenching his jaw. I scoff shaking my head.

"You have family Bricks I don't! All I have is you?! Or did you forget?" I scowl, as the tears fall. Bricks hangs his head, running his hands over top of it. I wipe my tears, shaking my head. It wasn't like I was lying, I don't have anybody but him.

"I'm sorry aight." He sighs. I nod and sniff as a soft knock is placed on the door. The doctor walks in with a small smile, I return the favor.

"Mrs. Banks correct how do you feel?" She questions, putting pressure on my mid section causing me to hiss.

"Pain. Ow." I retort, screw face. Bricks gets up sitting beside me on the bed holding my hand while caressing my knuckles.

"I'm sorry, I have to make sure nothing is punctured from the fractured rib but you're fine. Tell me can you feel your legs?" She taps my knees with a reflex hammer.

"I just feel that tingling feeling when your foot falls a sleep." I sigh. She nods saying, "Hmm." I look up at Bricks as he leans down kissing my forehead.

"When the car hit you, were you unable to move?" I nod. She nods, writing down the information.

"Um excuse me..."

"Jefe." Bricks sighs.

"Jefe, can you please help her sit up." Bricks holds my hands standing in front of me. I wanted to cry my ribs hurt so bad but I held my own.

"Can you feel that?" The doctor questions. I shake my head no, breathing hard.

"I-I can't breathe." I pant.

"Yo can I lay her back?" Bricks questions in concern.

"Yes you can lay her back." Bricks lets my hands go, and the doctor says she'd be back to run test in a solemn tone. I just sighed and lay back on the bed. Bricks climbs in next to me intertwining our fingers. I stare at the ceiling just thinking the worst. I could be paralyzed my damn self.

"Baby." I call.

"If you about to say some negative shit I don't wanna hear it. You gone be good baby don't think of the worst." He grumbles. I sigh and nod.

"Can I say something though?"

"Nope." He sighs.

"Well Ima say it anyway. I love you." He kisses my temple, turning my head toward him.

"I love you too." He mumbles into kisses. I really don't know what I do without this man. I lost almost everyone from my past and present but Bricks was the only one that stuck by me no mater the cause.

"You gone get through this aight." He assures me, pulling back. I looking into his eyes nodding as he caresses my face. I hope so.

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