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Joseph

The aquarium is special to me. It has its own special little place in my heart and no other place will ever compare to that. That magical place holds some of my best ever memories. The old me use to visit that place a lot. The fifteen year old me who'd love nothing more but to spend his weekends with his mom staring at different types of fish. I was a lame kid and as much as it pains me to say this, I grew up pretty fast. Soon the thought of looking at fish started to bore me and I was introduced to a world of sex, alcohol, and wild party's. Curtesy of Richard. Feeding off the thought of having someone to hold even if it was just for only one night. That's not all too, even the sex got me hooked. The pleasure, the feeling, any 15 year olds dream. Richard is to blame for all that though and sometimes I do feel as if it's his fault for turning me gay.

Johnny's different from all the other guys. After taking him to that place, a place that means so much to me, and not having him judge me for acting like a kid, made me respect him a whole lot more. If I'd taken any other of my previous relationships there then I'd be teased and picked on so much. Because Joseph Spellman only cares about sex and drink. Which is not true.

I care about a boy who cuts himself, a mom who wishes her son was straight, and a boy who sells himself every night. It's funny how one person can make you think about the whole universe differently.

Schools out for the summer. This should be a good thing but given the amount of summer assignments I've been handed I doubt I'll even have time to enjoy my summer. Tristan has come over to get a head start on his. Telling me he's going to get it all out the way so he can properly enjoy his time off. Am I following his example? Hell no. I'm going to do as I do every year and leave it all to the last week of break.

As much as my friend tries to get his head down and work there's just something that's been bothering him for the whole time he's been here. How he keeps on checking his phone, the way he struggles to concentrate on his work. Something's not right and I know he's gonna let it out sooner or later.

"Is it that hard?" I ask out of curiosity, looking over at the pages of his work. He hasn't even started anything.

"He's just so difficult, Joseph. Like he can drop things on me and expect me to be ok with that" he rambles, in a frustrated state.

"I was talking about the work..." I cough, leaning away and flipping the page of my playboy magazine.

I hear him sigh, dropping his pencil down and rubbing those tired blue eyes of his. Turning the swivel chair around to face me. Looking up from my magazine I wait for him to talk.

"There's just something about Jason that's a little off...and I can't quite put my finger on it".

"Trouble in paradise?" I chuckle, even though I know all to well what he means.

There's something about the whole lot of that family that doesn't seem to add up. Crazy, maybe. I have the exact same struggle with Johnny. I see where Tristan's coming from. Although I did think things were going great for the two of them. I've never seen anyone make my best smile the way Jason does.

"If I tell you something you gotta promise not to tell Johnny I told you or anyone else for that matter" Tristan breaths, perching himself on the end of my bed.

Furrowing my eyebrows I sit up, wondering as to why he seems so concerned to tell me something.

"I promise, bro" I shrug, crossing my legs Japanese style.

He breaths out, patting his fingers on his lap as he tries to put his words into a sentence. Debating on wether or not he should tell me.

"Jason and all his brothers are incest babies" he blurts out, watching at my expression carefully, "Patrick 'married' his sister".

I blink. Wondering if I should at least try and act as though I'm shocked which I am most certainly not. Tristan's little air commas making me want to laugh. Honestly it no big deal, so Patrick has the hots for his sister. I of all people should know how it's like to love somebody your not suppose to. Yeah it's kinda gross, not to mention they even went on to have kids where they could of just adopted. But who cares? Most of them turned out fine anyway.

"I know. Johnny told me ages ago".

"And you didn't think to tell me?!" He yells, watching me as I rest back into my pillows. Flipping through the pages of my magazine.

"Why are you making this into such a big deal? So Jason just happens to be Johnny's uncle too, who even cares?" I chuckle lightly, looking up from the naked blonde to face a mortified Tristan.

"It's disgusting!".

"Shut your mouth" I hiss, throwing the magazine down and sitting up. Truly offended by him.

Johnny's not disgusting. Tristan has no right to call his family that. In some people's eyes me and Tristan are disgusting. For loving men. I don't like it when people judge me for loving who I want to love so why on earth would I judge others. We can't help who we fall for.

"You know a lot of people relate to us as such" I point out, not entirely pissed with him. He's entitled to his opinion.

We drop the conversation at that. Me leaving him go finish off his work while I got back to my magazine. Tristan still seemed a little agitated by the back story of his lovers family, if he wasn't having such a negative reaction on the subject then I'd off tried to talk things through with him. I hope he doesn't take this whole situation to seriously, after all I really like him and Jason. I couldn't of picked a better boyfriend for him. Even though Tristan's my ex boyfriend that doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him, once I loved him I'll always love him. It would kill me to see him date some idiot who doesn't give a crap about his feelings.

"If you could be an animal, what animal would you be?" I ask randomly, turning to face Johnny in my car seat.

After Tristan finished and left I picked Johnny up from his house. The little bugger doing as I guessed, nothing. Decided on taking him out for something to eat. Even if it is just Mc Donald's drive through at least it got us both out the house.

"A bird, I'd be a bird, so I could fly" he answers.

I roll my eyes at how cliche he can be, popping my hands out the car window and grabbing out food from the worker. Paying with cash and then driving off as I dump the bag in Johnny's lap.

Watching him pick at the fries as I drove on. The heat has gotten to me today and so has Tristan. If my best friend and Jason can't get on then I'd rather they just break up and have done with their relationship. At the end of the day, Jason is just another boy. Sure he's pretty and that accent is to die for but I know Tristan can do better. If he can't accept Jason's background than he shouldn't be with him. I hate it when Tristan's upset, his mood affects mine and now thanks to our little disagreement earlier I feel like shit. I mean maybe he's right. Maybe Johnny's family is too messed up to get involved with. All I know is, I'm 17. It's obvious I'm gonna date guys. Me and Johnny are not a 'forever thing' more of a 'summer fling'.

I drive straight into the parking lot. Abandoning every free space and driving straight onto the green grass that sat on a little bit of a hill. Killing the engine and then lazily flopping my head to the side to face Johnny. Watching him slowly open his eyes, leaning his head up from the window and then frowning.

"Why are we at the zoo?" He scoffs, looking down at the huge posters of animals.

"I thought it nice if we have a picnic here" I smile, taking off my sunglasses and looking outside me car.

He nods, not quite understanding why I came here. His fake smile vanishing as he takes a look at the patch of grass I had found.

"Are we going to the zoo?" He asks, turning to face me. Those blue eyes blinking a couple of times.

"No".

"Why?"

"Because I'm broke as fuck" I admit whilst chuckling, popping my car door open and climbing out. Watching Johnny shoot daggers at me as he followed.

Sighing he sits the bag of food down on the freshly cut grass. Sitting down beside it and pulling out his burger and fries. Unwrapping his food whilst silently muttering to himself.

I join him. Grabbing my food and tucking in. Enjoying the slight breeze that hit us, even if it is warm heat. I love the summer, everything about it. Sun, sex, and sand. I can't wait for the day I leave this town. Move somewhere hot like Spain maybe, move up from my parents statues in life.

My eyes shift from my cheeseburger towards Johnny. Watching him pick at his burger. Pulling off the bread and removing all the salad. Fussy little fucker. He wipes the bead of sweat running down his forehead, huffing as he finally takes a bite of his food.

Part of me does feel sorry for him. Here's me sitting here in nothing but a tank top and pair or shorts enjoying the summers heat. While he sits opposite me sweating like a sinner in church.

A black sweater that is slightly to big for him, brown skinny jeans and some black horse riding boots. Sure he looks cute, just not for this kind of weather.

I get why he's not walking around in a pair of speedos, his skin isn't exactly pleasant to look at. He seems so comfortable at home walking around in t-shirts but on the outside world he's really paranoid on other people's thoughts. I don't exactly get him.

He looks up at me, my eyes instantly shooting away down at the ground. Maybe it's just the heat but I feel my cheeks starting to blush pink and by the way Johnny covers his hands with his sleeves I can tell I made him feel uncomfortable. Even if that wasn't my intention to do so.

"Me and my family use to do this all the time when I was a kid" I say, finding something to talk about to rid the horrible silence that was eating us.

"We weren't always this way. I remember a time when we couldn't afford big houses and fancy cars. My dad was unemployed and my mom would have to work all hours to make ends meet" I sigh, thinking back to my childhood, "things were better back then".

Damn right they were. People grow up, start worshipping material things and forgetting about good old fashioned love and trust. Ever since the day I first stepped foot out of that closet my family has never been the same.

My mom treats me differently, I can no longer talk to her and have a normal mother and son relationship. I know my dad thinks I'm a complete idiot. He's always disappointed with my grades and thinks I can do better than a modelling career. Thing is if he keeps on pressuring me to be a architecture like him then I'm going to go off the rails. That's not me. I'm not him.

I want to have my life spent looking into camera lenses and being told I'm beautiful left, right, and centre. I'm scared that will never get to happen.

"I remember when I was kid" Johnny sparks back up conversation, realising I had gone quite all of a sudden.

"Patrick took me and my triplets for a day out around the zoo. I was only around six. It rained all day and I didn't get to see many animals. Debbie kept on moaning because she wanted to leave and I'm more than sure I caught a cold that day".

I chuckle, what a horrible memory.

"I loved that day so much" he breaths, staring out into space with a tiny smile pressed against his lips.

He presses that dog clicker, the one he has attached to his bracelet and like magic he zones back in on me. I stare, confused with him as to why he feels the need to click that thing from time to time. Shaking his head he throws his mess into the brown paper bag. Picking up my food and throwing it in before walking over to my car to get his drink.

"Wanna try and sneak in?" I chuckle, turning around to look at him sitting inside my car. Sipping on his cola. He doesn't answer me but the sly little look he holds in his eyes kind of tells me he's thinking exactly what I'm thinking.

To my surprise, our devious little plan had worked. Parking the car like two normal people would do. Then walking around the outside of the park until we found a mental fence we could climb over. Myself almost braking my arm in the process of jumping off. We had a look around the zoo, slowly passing our time away. Johnny seeming obsessed with every creature we saw, from the elephants right down to the snakes. Again, I just enjoyed sitting back and looking at the pretty fish I know way to much about. Eventually, security caught up with us and we were thrown out and banned from the park which wasn't too much of a big deal being I actually hate the zoo. Johnny did seem a little embarrassed but apart from that, we had a great day.

Pulling up outside his house I turn off the engine. Looking up at the one light that is left on inside Johnny's home. Patrick peeking through the window blinds and then disappearing as soon as he catches me looking.

"Can I come in?" I ask cheekily, knowing it is pass 12 and I'm after a little more than just a friendly chat.

Johnny's sighs, seeming uncomfortable as he picks my hand off the top of his leg, dropping it down in my lap.

"My parents are home", is his excuse as he looks at the house and then back at me. Smiling lightly.

"Can I come over tomorrow?" I ask, mentally kicking myself for acting so clingy.

His agitated look softens and a small smile presses on to his face. The bright blue sky has finally settled leaving the darks type of blue wash over us. The whole entire moon reflecting in Johnny's eyes, beautiful.

"Of course you can".

I smile with him. Humming a little bit and then biting my lip whilst leaning closer. Pressing a soft gently kiss onto Johnny's lips and for a second he kisses me back before pulling away a little. Realising what he had just done. He kissed me back for a change. It's usually me doing all the work.

"Good night, Joseph" he hums, popping open the door to my car. And just before he jumps out I hear the sweet noise of that clicker.



*****



Sorry this isn't edited very well...

Also I probably won't be updating again until after Christmas. Busy, busy

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This book has reached 9k views which is crazy! Thank u all so much. And I have hit 100 followers, again thanks.

Happy holidays!

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