Love and Pain

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Have you ever seen the exact moment when someone's heart breaks? The look in their eyes, their face of shock and disbelief. The instantaneous feeling of guilt.

I knew I had hurt him, more than once and that this, might very well be the last straw. Everything he would do to me, I knew that deep down I deserved it all and no matter what, I couldn't hate him for it.

His vengeance was the only way he showed me that he actually cared, that I had actually made him feel something. Something besides emptiness, something besides gratification from his sadistic actions. I made him feel something deeper, more intricate, something that he's never felt before, and it showed.

He felt the exact same way I felt about him. He showed it in every temper tantrum he threw. I loved him and I could no longer deny it, but it wasn't a pure and innocent unconditional love. This love was like fire, destructive. But as fire was consuming, it also brought about light, and warmth. I could only hope that this love would bring light and love.

I wanted to compromise with him, but it's a little too late for that now. I'm sure the hatred he feels for me right now overpowers the love he once had.

As I lay on the cold concrete floor with tear stained cheeks, I rubbed my my now tender hair. He stared at me, sadness and guilt flashing in his eyes. "I want to forgive you, but you just won't let me. I want to love you, but you make it so hard."

Looking up from my tear stained eye lashes, I looked at him in disbelief. Forgive, love... those weren't words I've ever heard come out of his mouth. "I want to hurt you so bad, I want to make you scream and cry but I-" he ran his fingers through his soft blonde hair and let out a growl of frustration, dropping to his knees.

"What are you doing to me? You're making me go insane..." he sounded so broken. So lost. It hurt to see him like that, I couldn't stand by to watch him slowly deteriorate all because of me. We wanted each other, and he was trying to show me but I kept messing it up.

I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was tense to my touch at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around me, putting his head on my shoulder. I was tired of being scared. Scared to take a chance, scared to love, scared to give in to him. Enough.

"Calix, Im in love with you." He stayed quiet for a few seconds, holding me tight. "I love you too." His words were quiet and barely audible, but I heard them nonetheless.

An immediate peace washed over me. We had a lot to figure out. He didn't even know about me trying to sell him out to Edward, but I'm sure he would eventually. I just hoped and prayed that by the time he did find out, our relationship would be strong enough to handle it.

"Please don't betray me anymore, no more pulling guns out on me, no more flirting with other guys, just stay with me Eleanor."

I held him tighter as I whispered in his ear, "I promise I won't, I love you Calix, I love you so much." I felt his lips raise into a smile as they were pressed against my ear. "I love you too, my beautiful Eleanor."

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