34

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

I S A B E L L A

Ronan sat in his car, i noticed him park by the cafe and watched him through the window. His head hung low as he looked at his phone. He ran a hand over his face, he looked exhausted. A moment later he got out his car and lingered into the cafe.

His frown disappeared so fast and was disguised with a smile. He scanned the place and when he noticed me his smile grew, his eyes softened. He rushed over to the table and sat down. It felt odd, acting like a customer instead of working here. But after all, the cafe was my safe place and i needed time out by myself.

"Hey princess" He kissed me on the forehead, and circled his arm around my shoulders.

"Hey." I replied with a smile, Ronan felt like a breath of fresh air, i've grown so attached to his presence, to his comfort and hyper behaviour that now I can't imagine life without this goofball. He meant so much more to me than he thought.

I turned my head back to look out the clean window, i watched people who walked past the shop. People rushed to their duties, some in a hurry to get home, others clearly on the way to work. I could see the main road from here and the brightness of the streetlights, the allure of the beckoning city, seemingly saving people like me.

"How have you been?" He asked as he kept a hold of me, i turned my attention back to him.

"How have you been?" I flipped the question, he kept a smile on his face but i could tell he knew i was asking about that night.

"I'm good." He breathed and took a sip of my coffee.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, he shrugged his shoulders and placed the cup back onto the table.

"I wanted to see you, Isabells."

This brought to me a sense of deja vu, and somehow those 6 simple words had brought me back to one of the nights at the beach house.

"Dance with me, pretty girl."  Ronan smirked at me, shouting over the loud music. The club lights shined on his face, his red hair became somewhat brighter under these lights. Or maybe it was my drunk mind seeing stuff.

I threw my head back to laugh and placed my hand in his. Ronan pulled me from my seat and away from our friends. His hands landed on my waist as he swayed me to the music. He kept me close to him, away from all the bodies dancing around us.

He spun me around, i heard him laugh as i almost tripped. This man danced with so much energy, i was seconds away from being sick.

"You have too much energy, i'm already tired!" I laughed, gripping onto his shoulders as i caught my breath.

"Suck it up, buttercup." He replied, but i still noticed how we had slowed down. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Ronan." I yelled over the music, he looked down at me and raised his eyebrows for me to continue.

"I love you, you know."  It was my drunk self speaking, but i hope he remembers these words. Because I truly meant them.

Ronan let out a chuckle, his smile grew. "No, i love you!"

"I'm being serious, carrots."

"So am i, isabells." He replied, and i believed him.

"Why are you so amazing? To me, to everyone." Ronan's eyes softened, they smiled at me.

"I think you underestimate just how amazing you are, Isabella. I think of you and i smile. You are wonderful, you bring light into the world, you are everything and more pretty girl." His drunk thoughts and slurred words brought tears to my eyes.

"See, you are so amazing." I replied, he looked down at me and then looked away.

"You're gonna make me cry, stop that." He laughed, bringing a hand up to my mouth. I pushed his hand down.

"It's true! Without you life would be boring."

Ronan nodded "Yeah, i'm too much fun." He smirked and then spun me round again before swaying me more to the music again.

"You know Isabella, whenever life feels like shit i just want to see you."

"You good?" Ronan waved a hand in my face, and i found myself back in the cafe with Ronan's arm around my shoulder.

I smiled at him and nodded, i liked that memory, it was a good memory. I wondered if he remembered that night.

"Have you spoken to Axel?" I asked, catching him taking more sips of my coffee. He swallowed, cleared his throat and places the mug back down onto the table right in front of me.

"No." He leaned back, pushing his hips up to adjust himself.

"What even happened?"

Ronan locked eyes with mine, his smile was now gone, he rolled his tongue against the instead of his cheek.

"I was drunk, lost my temper." His voice was low, but somewhat not convincing.

"You're not usually like that."  I found myself matching my tone to his, he shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm not usually like that."

"Then what happened?" I pushed, even tho it wasn't any of my business, i wanted to know.

And i think i already knew the answer to my own question, maybe i just didn't want to admit to myself that i was right, maybe i was hoping for Ronan to tell me something different, to prove me wrong but i think anyone who payed enough attention to it would have figured it out by now. And i guess i was afraid i have.

Ronan looked at me, my eyes pleaded for him to tell me the truth, everything else hoped for him to lie.

He was going to say no but i stopped him. "Please Ronan, what's going on?" I begged, it took everything in him not to stop himself and i watched as he gave in and was finally prepared to talk.

"I can't remember the last time Axel was sober." Ronan began, his body heavy, his tone hard and his heart falling into a black abyss.

I frowned, my eyes searching for answers in his  face, his tone, his eyes, his body language. Anything. I was confused.

"That's how you know when it getting bad, that's how you know when they have been sucked in." Ronan stared into a plain wall in front of us, he avoided eye contact.

"I remember when i first offered him a pill i had crushed up myself, it was my first time trying. Axel was next to me the whole time. I remember turning to him and asking if he wanted to try, he shook his head and said 'My mama would kill me if she found out i even had one near me.' I tried to convince him, because i thought it would be fun but he refused every time."  Ronan played with his fingers, his red hair falling in front of his face blocking my view of his expression.

"I think it was a few weeks after his mothers death that he had asked me to try. At first i was hesitant, he rejected them for long and now he finally wanted to? But i ended up giving him them anyways. His life seemed good, he was getting on well, he earned good money, he did well in fights, he seemed fine despite how pissy he can be."

I listened, i took in each and every word, i focused my attention on Ronan, i forgot the people around us, i blocked out every noise but his voice.

Ronan took a moment, his chest rose up and down, he swallowed, he blinked, he paused and then he did it all over again.

"And as Axel won more fights, more races, earned more money. We partied even more, we took more drugs, all different types. I even supplied him with them, gave him my dealers number too. We used them only during some parties and special occasions, it wasn't like we used them every time we saw each other. And i didn't think anything of it because Axel rarely used them around us." Ronan spoke, he took in another sharp breath and with glossy eyes he continued.

"I think it was always right before my eyes, the constant shaking, the random anger outbursts, when he randomly left for long periods of time and came back, when he began loosing fights, even turning some down, the exhausted zombie look on his face he wears every day. The amount of weight he was loosing.  All those things they were right in front of my face and i didn't really begin to notice them until the beach house." 

The first tear fell. It rolled down Ronan's cheek but he wiped it off before it could fall off.

I felt heavy, every time i moved i felt heavy, even blinking felt heavy. I heard as my heart thumped fast, i felt how hard it was to breathe.

"I finally began to realise when i noticed him secretly taking them, it was never a secret that we all used them but even Axel knew it wasn't normal how much he consumed them. The same night he grabbed me at the table, i got a call from Lincoln. Our dealer, he's a great guy, always looked out for me. He told me Axel is buying to much to fast. He'd buy all different kinds of shit and come back not even 2 days later. Lincoln warned me, told me not to let him get used to that stuff, but i think he knew before me that he already was."

No

No

No

No

No. I wanted to scream.

I knew where this was leading. I was getting told exactly what i didn't want to hear. I knew this was the truth, i had already figured it out yet my heart still couldn't take it, it shattered into pieces. For Ronan, for me, for Axel.

I figured it out yet i denied it, i denied it because i was scared i was right. And now i don't want to know anymore, i want to go back to being clueless, i want to go back to wondering what's going on.

"The day we left the beach house, Axel left earlier than the rest of us and when he went to Lincoln and he refused to give him anymore he came to my house and banged at my door. He shouted at me because he knew i had told Lincoln not to supply him anymore. He was ballistic, out of his mind, i think that was the first time ever i was truly scared of Axel." Ronan took another pause, he rubbed his eyes and then let his hands fall onto the table.

I reached for his hand, i held it tight, it was the only thing i could do.

The cafe was going to close, but yet nobody had noticed us in this silent corner as we both cried.

I squeezed his hand and gave him the courage to continue speaking. "He calmed down eventually, and when i let him in he apologised and apologised. Fuck, at that moment i realised he needed help. I realised that this may be my fault, i could have done this to him. I felt so guilty at that moment that all i could do is ask for him to quit. Axel only denied and told me he's fine, that he takes them because they calm him. I still didn't let Lincoln supply him with pills, but he found another way to get them and we went on with life like it didn't happen.  I tried to speak to him, i tried to stop him, he ignored me each time, he ran away from me, he avoided me like the plague and let it get worse."

I grabbed his shoulder, he turned to me. Tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes, a sad smile. It had only made me want to cry harder.

"It is not you're fault." I tried to keep myself under control, i tried not to cry. But i cared about Axel so much all i could think about is him.

Ronan turned away, avoiding me. I breathed in through my nose, tried to pull myself together. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me.

"It is not you're fault. Stop blaming yourself." I told him, it was the most i could do, the only think i could say at the moment.

It was ironic that i was saying these words, because here i was blaming myself too. What if it is my fault? What if i could have helped him? Everything was right in front of me yet i brushed it off each time.

"I think you may be the only thing keeping him alive. Axel is not okay, and not just because he is probably an addict but also because he is stuck in his own dark world. Axel is so sad, that he realises on drugs to save him and now when you're around he refuses to let go because you are that little hope he will get better. He knows he is addicted, he just won't admit it to himself." Ronan smiled at me even as he didn't want to, even as he was falling apart for his best friend himself.

I brought a hand up to my mouth, and let out at small muffled sob. Ronan wrapped his arms around me, kissed me on the forehead and told me.

"You are allowed to cry, let it out." And then i did, i let it out because it was the only thing i could do at this moment. Cry.

"I couldn't tell you for a while because quite frankly, i hate myself. I'm scared i did this to him. But you deserve to know, even if you may hate me now." Ronan's voice cracked, he hugged me tighter like he was scared i'd leave.

"I could never hate you."

I didn't expect my day to go like this, to be a utter chaos full of denial and tears. But i needed this wake up call, i needed to know so i could help. So i could pull myself together and help my Axel

I have to step up right now or loose him forever, try to show him that life is worth living, show that i would die for him, suffer for him, yet ultimately, live for him.

~~~
Heavy and short chapter this week.

Axel is a raw and in his own ways beautiful character that i had grown attached to whilst writing this book. Please keep you hurtful and rude comments to yourself, addiction is not something that should be joked about. It is okay to have your opinions on him, but it is not okay to comment nasty stuff about any form of addiction.

Moving on from that, the character 'Lincoln' in this chapter has his own book that is written by my good friend  tpwkharryP called 'Daisy Mae' the book is so amazing and definitely deserves more recognition. It also features Axel in one of the chapters, make sure to o check it out.;))

Thank you for reading lovelies <333


You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net