A X E L

I once had a dream i was sinking in deep water, and no matter how hard i tried to swim up i kept getting pulled down. Eventually i was so far down everything was dark, and i couldn't see or breathe, and finally when i looked down to see who was holding me down. I woke up.

I had that dream almost ever time i fell asleep, it scared me so much i stopped sleeping after a while. Sometimes my body just gave out on me and i would fall asleep, and then when i woke up from the nightmare i'd regret letting my body do that.

I spent so long having nightmares, eventually it was the only thing i knew sleep to be.

So you could imagine the confusion painted on my face when i woke up in Bella's bed with her on top of me. And when i realised that i slept, but there was no nightmare. Instead, it was just one of the comfiest sleeps i've had in a while.

Her hair was spread out on my chest and on one side of her face, giving me a clear view of the other side. Her back rose and fell in her sleep as she hugged my naked torso. I trailed her body with my eyes, trying to figure out how to get out of this.

Her long legs where intertwined with mine, her large t-shirt was rode up all the way to her stomach revealing her in nothing but underwear.

And although i could stare at her like this all day, because she was truly a sight for sore eyes. I couldn't help but wonder if we fucked.

Because fuck id be pissed if we did and i didn't remember anything.

I felt her hot breath on my chest, her plump lips where slightly pouted and after a moment she rubbed herself more into me, slightly stretching her legs out and intertwining them with mine even more in the process.

I groaned, as the only thing i could see was her ass in the air, and all i could smell was her lavender shampoo. It was addicting and i couldn't take my eyes off her.

After a good minute, i finally decided to get her off and get out before she woke up.

I slowly moved to her arms and moved them off me, before holding onto her back and letting her fall back gently on the mattress. After, i pulled my legs out of hers and sat up on the bed.

My head all of a sudden pounded as i stood up, i turned to Bella who was now spread on the bed and still asleep. I felt bad leaving her, she was too nice for her own good. But, if i fucked her it's best i leave now, she can't get attached. I don't need that and i sure as hell don't want that.

I reached over her, pulling the covers on top of her and moving her hair gently out her face. If she was any other girl, i would just pick up my shit and get out of here. But she wasn't any other girl. She was Bella.

Fragile little Bella

I slowly moved to look for my shirt, i trailed my eyes around her slightly messy room until i spotted it. I reached over to pick it up, my once clean navy coloured t-shirt was now covered in shit and blood.

What the fuck happened and how did i even get here?

I pulled the shirt over my head and body, my face scrunching in disgusting in the process as i smelt it. I then began to slide my shoes back on.

"Leaving so soon?" I already knew who's voice it was.

I paused what i was doing, but i didn't dare look back at her instead i said "Yeah"

"At least let me wash your shirt, what will people think seeing you covered in blood and dirt?" I heard her sit up behind me.

My mind is fucking spiralling.

"I don't care what others think of me." I exhale harshly, continuing to put on my shoes.

"Well," Bella pauses "I'm still not letting you leave the house with a dirty shirt, so pass it here."

I sigh, standing up and finally turning to look at her. She was now also stood but on the other side of the bed, her hand was placed out and reaching towards me indicating to pass her my shirt.

I look at her hand, and then i look at her "Did we fuck?" I finally ask the question that was itching at me to find out. Bella drops her hand, her smirk following after.

"No!" Bella chokes out, i trail her body noticing she now has shorts on. She started at me like i was crazy.

"You don't remember anything from last night?" She adds, i shake my head, digging my hands into my pockets for the search of my phone.

"I should've guessed, i mean you were very drunk!" Bella awkward giggled as she rushed to my side of the bed.

She was fucking energetic today. But it was more in the nervous type of way.

She stood in-front of me before continuing "You lost a fight, got drunk, came here, and passed out on my bed." She breathed.

Fuck i lost a fight.

The room was soon filled with awkwardness and tension as i stared in silence. I must've been mixing alcohol with drugs pretty heavily if i don't remember anything. I usually remember everything when i'm drunk.

"Let me wash your shirt for you, then i promise i'll let you go and we won't ever have to speak again." She broke the silence, her voice a soft and fragile whisper.

I frowned, never talk to her again?

"Fuck Bella, if you wanted too see me shirtless that bad you could've just asked." I smirked, ignoring her previous comments and taking my shirt off in the process.

Bella's face flushed and her eyes widened before she began to blush. I placed my shirt in her hand as i stood in front of her half naked, she kept her eyes away from my chest and focused on other objects in the room.

"Ill go put it in the wash." She quickly announced before rushing out her room.

I looked around her semi-messy room, the walls were a beige colour that had black and white posters taped to it. She had a long shelf that traveled from the ceiling right to the floor, and inside was books and novels organised neatly. Beside the bookshelf was a window with long white curtains and green vines wrapped around them that revealed a small amount of the city and it's busy streets.

She had a desk with a mirror and a lot of makeup scattered all over it, along with a small keyboard in the corner of the room. Bella's room was full of candles and plants and it seemed like a room that fit her just perfectly.

I began to walk around and get a closer look of things, her collection of books was impressive and so was her sticker collection considering she has so many on her laptop. Her room brought a odd and unfamiliar comfort to me, the more i walked through it the more it felt like it belonged to Bella.

She had a few frames sitting with plants around them like it was it's own little corner.

I took a step closer and looked at the photos, it was a younger Bella with two adults hugging her at what seemed like a beach. I looked at the women and from her face i could tell it was Bella's mother, they looked identical.

I peeled my eyes off the picture and walked back to my previous spot when i heard Bella's foot steps.

She walked into the room, her cheeks turning red when she realised i was still shirtless.

She then continued walking and walked into her bathroom and when i realised she wasn't going to close the door i followed her in.

I was met with a mirror and my bruised face along with a stitched upper cheek that reflected from it. I leaned forward gripping onto the bathroom sink as i looked at myself before turning my head to Bella. She was rummaging through her drawers, before standing up.

"Who stitched me up?" I asked, i hated when people touched me, i did just hate people in general. But there was always something about getting touched that bugged me, so i learnt to stitch and clean up myself.

Bella stood up straight, a few things in her hands as her eyes met mine, her face clueless but in a curious way.

"I did, why is it bad? I mean i did sort of do it in the dark-"

All of a sudden i didn't mind being touched that much.

"It's good, darling, where did you learn to do that." I asked, genuinely curious. I have noticed that with her i tend to be... nicer... it's weird but it's become like a reflex that i'm not sure how to feel about.

Bella placed her supplies on the counter and leaned onto her elbow that was resting on the sink.

"My mum used to be a nurse." She smiled, the thought of her mother clearly having a special effect on her.

I nodded in understanding and decided to not push it any further and instead stay quiet.

"Let me check you're stitches." Her soft voice suddenly spoke up. I twisted my head in her direction once again and let go of the grip on the counter before straightening my posture.

She looked up at me as i took a few short steps towards her, and although Bella was tall she still couldn't quite reach my face.

I looked down at her, she had a are-you-serious  face and her eyebrows arched up but i still noticed the smile threatening to come through.

I sighed and bent down until i was face to face with her. Her soft fingers made contact with my skin and she's turned my face by the chin to get a better look. I stared at us through the mirror as she firmly held my face.

"I don't think it's going to get infected, but i would still get it checked out by a doctor." She stated, like hell i was going to a fucking doctor.

I felt her apply something cold and wet on my stitches before it started to slightly sting, and when she was done whipping it she nodded once indicating i can stand up straight again.

I watched her clean the bathroom before following her out.

"Are you hungry?" She asked as i followed her around like a lost puppy.

"No."

"Ill take that as a yes." She looked back at me for a second and i didn't miss the grin she had plastered on her face as she turned to look forward again.

"Last time i checked no means no." I ran a hand through my hair before sitting down on a stool by the mini island in the kitchen.

Bella pulled open her fridge door taking out milk and setting it on the island.

"Let me at least make you cereal, i don't want you leaving on a empty stomach." She had that motherly voice again as she smiled sweetly at me. The same sweet smile that almost forced me to smile.

Before i could protest she was already pushing a bowl of cereal towards me. I lazily picked up the spoon and ate the cereal, she had a pleased expression on her face as she ate hers.

All of this felt weird, i'm not used to hanging out like this especially with her.

I pulled my phone out my pocket,remembering it existed. Surprisingly there was no notification from Ronan or anyone important so i set the phone on the table before digging my hands back in my pockets and pulling out a cigarette from the packet.

Bella's eyes were narrowed as she watched me light it and bring it to my lips, i inhaled blowing the smoke out after, already satisfied with the relief it brings me.

"You know, those aren't good for you." She pointed at me with her spoon, i glanced at it and then at her.

"Good thing you don't smoke then." i scowled, i have been told that comment so much times i was running out of responses.

I could tell Bella wanted to say something, but i cut her off before she could. "You seem to care about other peoples lives more than your own."

Bella's mouth shut, i could tell she took the comment as a insult. I blew out some smoke, not breaking the eye contact with her as it fogged my vision.

"Must you be so rude all the time?" She bit back "I mean, i did let you sleep here and i took care of you."

I scoffed "I never asked you too." I brought the cigarette to my lips once again, inhaling and then blowing out the smoke. "If i'm so rude, then why did you help me?" I raised my eyebrows, cocking my head to the side.

"Well there's not much one can do when someone pretty much barrages into your home all hurt other than help." She snatched the bowl from me and placed both mine and hers in the sink, i watched her aggressively start to scrub the bowls.

I could tell i was pissing Bella off, and i fucking loved it.

She was hot when she was angry.

I hummed a small chuckle leaving my lips before i stood up from my seat, the cigarette still in between my teeth as i made my way toward her.

I caged her in when i brought both arms on either side of her from behind. She stopped washing the dishes when she felt my presence.

"Am i pissing you off, baby?" I whispered into her hair, taking another drag of the cigarette.

She stayed silent, and then ignored my question when she began to scrub the bowls again.

I grabbed her hands, letting mine get wet and soapy in the process. "Answer my question."

"A little yes." She admitted, i was impressed by how quickly she could calm down. Her voice was now much softer and her muscles were back to relaxed. I could pretty much smell the guilt of her, Bella hated being even remotely rude.

She was so easy to read sometimes i worried that about others taking advantage of that.

I hummed, letting go of her hands and grabbing her upper arms making them wet and soapy in the process. I spinned her around so she was facing me, and when our eyes met, hers pretty much screamed guilty.

Bella didn't care how much someone was mistreating or disrespecting her, she would still apologise for lashing out. And that was her weakness.

"Don't say sorry." I quickly demanded, when i noticed her mouth opening to speak. She quickly shut it and obeyed.

Her lavender scent tickled my nostrils, as she looked up at me through her long eyelashes, her lips slightly pouted and her eyes all innocent. Her sun-kissed skin had some faint blush painted on her cheeks.

I knew she was examining me when she managed to maintain eye contact. I broke it when i looked down at her plump lips, they looked as good as they sounded.

The sound of the washing machine stopped indicating it was finished and all of a sudden i was pulled back to reality. I took a step back from Bella, realising i was getting to comfortable and too close to my liking.

Bella hurried out the room, i heard her footsteps and noises as she was busy in another room. I took in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose.

I needed to get the fuck out of here, and i need some fucking drugs.

Inhaling one last time from the cigarette, i burnt it out on a dirty plate before throwing it out.

It didn't take long for Bella to stroll back in, she slowly made her way towards a stool and awkward sat on it.

"It's just in the dryer, will only take a few minutes." I looked back to where she was sat and sent her a quick and firm nod.

Everything including me was all over the place today, and i wanted nothing more than to find some of that white powder that i loved so much.

I stood on my phone as we waited for that stupid fucking t-shirt. The atmosphere in the room was awkward and built with tension.

I felt Bella behind me, but i didn't bother to look at what she was doing.

Then i felt her exit the room and come back shortly after, she hesitantly came towards me. I pulled my attention off my phone to look down at her. She handed my t-shirt slowly, her eyes looking at everything but me.

I took it from her muttering a quick thank you as i pulled the fabric over my head, and when it brushed my nose all i could smell was her. That lavender smell was now on my shirt, and it smelt fucking good.

"Why are you grinning?" Bella finally spoke up, my eyes met hers and i didn't respond for a second, probably because i hadn't realised i was even grinning.

"Thanks for your help, i've got to go."

Bella nodded like it was something she expected to hear from me, i glanced at her for a second longer expecting something more before i left.

"Bye, sweetheart." She smiled. Her pink lips curved, her rosy cheeks glowed. A irresistible, tender, captivating smile on her face that she carries around like a weapon that kills at sight.

And it's always that stupid nickname that makes me forget about everything else i had planned and instead makes me want to ask her to call me it again.

But i don't instead i respond with "Bye Bella." A stupid fucking grin that i couldn't control no matter how hard i tried plastered on my face.

I forced myself to turn around and head for the door, and i forced myself not to look back when i opened it and stepped out. I forced myself to shut it behind me and get the fuck out of this apartment building before she caught me in her spell.

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Im sorry if this chapter is ass or if it's messy, i've had bad writers block!

I'm so sorry for updating so late i've been very busy!!

I might rewrite it but i hope you enjoyed this chapter!!