"i don't wanna die alone right now, but i admit i do sometimes. these drugs are callin' me, do one more line, don't fall asleep. this is the song they played when i crashed into the wall, this is the girl i told that we could have it all."
________

EVELYN

"gus!" i shrieked as he playfully splashed water at me and chased me down the beach.

the sunlight was reflecting off of the ocean water, giving the two of us the most beautiful view. i stopped at the edge of the sand and the waves that continued to come in covered my toes every time.

peep stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my midsection, resting his chin on my shoulder while i attempted to catch my breath.

"it's beautiful." i whispered in awe.

"so are you." he told me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

all of a sudden, i was in shrill, freezing water. for it being the beginning of may it was completely the wrong temperature. i didn't feel gus push me, but he must have.

i kicked my feet to try and propel myself to the top. for pushing me into the shallow water i seem to be pretty far out.

no matter how much i kicked my feet i couldn't reach the top. panic set in and i opened my eyes.

what the fuck?

my toes touched the muddy feeling sand at the bottom of the ocean floor. how did i get down here? what is happening?

looking upward, i seen the tiniest bit of light. my arms grew tired quickly from trying to swim to the top without moving anywhere.

i wasn't budging from my place and holding my breath was become increasingly more difficult. the pain in my lungs made me feel like i was going to explode and the pressure of the water was crushing me.

the freezing water caused me to shiver and considering i was locked in place i know i will have to just wait it out and pray my body temperature adjusts and i become acclimated to the water.

tendrils of my long hair floated in front of my face, looking like purple seaweed cast away into the water to float around alone, forever.

is that what's happening to me?

i stared down at my hands, trying to make sense of how this actually happened. my vision was slightly cloudy from being underwater but i could still see well enough.

although my lungs felt like they could burst at any minute, i was beginning to feel a calming, relaxing, sensation. the freezing water that would no doubt give me hypothermia had numbed my body.

i closed my eyes again, tried to kick myself up once again but i failed—it was worth a shot though.

i sat in silence for a few moments until a loud noise startled me. i whipped my head around to face the direction of the strange sound and would have gasped if i wasn't holding my breath.

a large whale was no more than twenty feet away from me, so close i could swim up and touch it. i could see the details of each and every inch of it's body like it was something that had been etched into my mind forever.

the water was a haunting blue with hints of turquoise, the whale was nearly indigo but with more ashy grey tones so the contrast was unbelievable. it was beautiful.

my face was becoming hot and my lungs were screaming for help, now. it was an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion and anger all combined. how did i get here? how did this happen?

is gus looking for me? does anyone know i am gone?

my ears had popped, the pressure was becoming too much on my body and mind and i knew there was no getting out of this now, i have to accept my fate.

my eyes left the lonely whale and i turned around to face the direction of where i assume the beach had been, although it's no longer there.

i was met with a pair of eyes.

i opened my mouth, attempted to scream but shut it once again and attempted to not drown.

it was gus, staring at me.

"breathe," he told me. "you're safe." i trusted him so i did as i was told.

inhaling deeply in through my nose and exhaling a deep sigh out of my mouth made me realize this was no ordinary day at the beach, this is no ordinary day at all.

"what's happening, peep?" i questioned, unable to move forward and hold him.

"you're drowning."

"why? why is this happening? why can't i move?" there was no holding back my racing thoughts now.

"just wake up." he explained as if though i should know.

"what do you mean? i am awake!" i shouted at him, becoming more frustrated than i had been. he didn't say anything, just gently swayed in the water right in front of me. i reached out to touch him, but when my hand was almost on his shoulder, the imagine of him disappeared completely into the water.

as soon as gus faded away, i started floating very gently to the topside once again. the confusion racked my brain and i didn't understand it a bit.

years—or at least i felt that way—passed by as i tried to rush the process.

once my head broke the surface of the water and i was able to see clearly, my vision was still clouded due to the heavy rainstorm that was pouring down into the ocean water; on top of my head.

the waves were aggressive and completely unsettled, the weather was nasty and it looked like thunder and lighting could start at any moment.

the downpour onto my head from the rain didn't help and the darkened sky made the overall theme of this experience more gloomy. several streams of rain continued to hit my face, so much so that it nearly became painful.

and that's when i woke up, screaming.

my eyes shot open and i looked upward, realizing i was back in the gallery storage closet that i had previously fallen asleep in; with a very confused peep standing above me with an empty bucket.

"what in the actual hell is wrong with you?" he questioned, extended his left hand down to me to help me up. i must have fell off the chair and onto the floor in the middle of my nap.

water must have been what was in the bucket because my entire upper body was soaked in the liquid, but that's ten times better than being cast away at sea.

the dream left me feeling foggy and very confused. why was gustav in it? why was water the enemy? i'm not sure, but i hope to never have that experience again.

thankfully the resting period made me feel better because the affects of the xanax seemed to have wore off. i stood face to face with gustav and just continued to be confused. how did he get here? when did he get here?

also, why the hell did he throw a bucket of water on me?

"what time is it?" i asked the man in front of me, wiping my face off as much as i could with my sleeve and took the hair tie off my wrist to put my soaking purple locks in a bun.

"it's the end of the day, what were you doing in here the whole time? when i got here you were passed out on the floor and completely unresponsive." he explained, stress evident on his beautifully tattooed face.

"i fell asleep." i told him, not bothering to go into details.

"that deep of a sleep? we didn't even stay up that long last night."

"yeah, i guess i don't know. i started taking my medicine again so that's probably what was the matter." i explained, talking with my hands. gustav held the closet door open for me so i could exit in front of him, trailing right behind me.

as i walked through the gallery, guilt started to consume me. my first day of work i get so fucked up i pass out when i'm supposed to be working and sleep the whole day.

"why'd you come here? not that i'm not happy to see you." i asked gus, trying to get an idea as to why it was him waking me up and not someone else working here. it kind of explains why he was in my dream though, attempting to wake me up. maybe i was hearing what he was saying but my brain was translating it differently into my dream.

i removed my soaked cardigan and sighed, folding it up and placing it over my arm to carry it easier.

"well, that's kind of a long story." he sheepishly explained, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"what exactly is that supposed to mean?" i asked with a smirk on my face. he was checking up on me and doesn't want to admit it.

"how 'bout we go talk over a cup of coffee or something?" he suggested and i just smiled, nodding my head; attempting to forget the strange dream and the fact that i'd have a new roommate when i got home so i could fully enjoy my time with gus.