"ripped jeans, big screens, bad bitch and she eighteen. she could be my lady, you could be my lady. hate me, everybody hate me. every day i wake up, everything achin."
_____________

Gustav's POV

I popped my fourth Xanny bar and swallowed it down with a swig of Hennessy from the bottle. The warnings on the pill bottle didn't scare me anymore, not like they used to.

There's no reason to be afraid at this point.

It's been a long time since I have been scared of death. To be honest, the last time I was is now really a distant memory that I can't recall. Sometimes I wish I could be reminded of it, though.

Look, my life means a lot to me and I'd never purposely end it but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing what I want to because I'm scared.

Missed calls from my mother flooded my phone. Clearing the notifications, I sighed deeply. She deserves a better son. I know I could just pick up the phone and call her back but I also know I don't have much to say and it would be relatively pointless to talk now. It will be the same, "Hey, how are you? Good, that's great. I have to go, bye."

Sure, she gets increasingly worried as the time goes by and her calls go unanswered but thankfully I update my Instagram quite often otherwise I'm sure she'd think I was dead.

Deciding to be a little better than usual, I sent her a text.

(a/n: let's just say this is his constant name in her phone)

peepers ❤️ : hey mom. today is going to be a super busy day but i'm ok and will call soon. xoxo

Maybe the next time I call her I'll talk to her about Evie. Ever since Layla has been out of my life, my mother has been respectful of not pushing me to be into another relationship. My mental health is more important to her than grandkids, although she still really wants some of those.

Not saying I want to have kids with Evie, let me clarify.

I mean, I like her. That's obvious. But having kids is something I don't really want to think about. Another one of me running around? Bad idea. Plus I'm way too irresponsible.. and.. Evie is young. She has finally turned eighteen today, but I'm a whopping 21 years old. Really it's not that much of an age difference but a part of me thinks I should have thought about it sooner.

Sooner than making out with her in my bedroom and telling her to call me daddy—Which let me just say, was one of the best experiences of my life. I will never say that I regret it because that feeling will never ever happen, I just wish that maybe I had waited a little longer.. that's all.

My darling Evie is clearly a virgin, though.

That's not a bad thing, but it's more obvious than she probably thinks and that kind of makes me laugh on the inside, although I'd never admit that to her.

I wanted to roast her a little bit just to lighten the mood at that time but, let's be honest, I wasn't really thinking with the head on my shoulders.. If you're picking up what I'm putting down.

When she wasn't replying to me, I just figured she had regretted it which kind of tore me up on the inside. Yes, I did blow up her phone repeatedly at first—Then I finally decided to give her space, until I seen her post on Instagram. Whether I fucked up personally or not, I just couldn't let a girl like that slip through my fingers.

It's been two days since sorta kinda ambushing Evie at her parents grand opening celebration without an invitation and I had more questions than I did before I walked through the damn door. Like, why was she with Benjamin?

I didn't bring it up to her that night. Maybe because we were enjoying our time back 'together' and I didn't want to ruin it with bringing up a negative experience that her and I both went through (aka me beating the shit out of Ben) but to see them both together afterwards made me mildly uncomfortable to say the least.

Unfortunately I've known Benny boy for a little longer than I'd like to admit to and I know deep down he cares but I also know from first hand experiences he's only capable of hurting other people and himself. His parents pretty much abandoned him so his grandma stepped in and all he did to return the favor was basically spit in her face for years.

He's just an ungrateful little bitch.

Evelyn probably has a good explanation for it, so there's really no need to freak out. Like her mom said, as soon as her eyes laid on me she literally sprinted towards me; jumping into my arms. I've never gotten a reaction to my presence like that before and it made me feel important, special even.

Regardless of my status in the world, sometimes I don't feel like I'm anyone's first priority but maybe that's because I tend to push everyone as far away as I can. Who knows.

Today should be a good day, though. Debbie, Evie's mom, invited me over to the little celebration they're having for her. I'm going to ask Wiggy if I can bring him along so I don't have to be one hundred percent on my own there.

"Yo," I caught the attention of my friend.

"Yo yo." He responded, still staring down at his phone.

"Will you come to Evelyn's sort-of-kind-of birthday party with me today?" He finally looked up from the device.

"Yeah, but don't you think it might be a little weird? I've never met her before, you should ask in advance."

"Well she didn't invite me, her mom did. It's supposed to be like a surprise or something. And you have to help me look for a birthday present for her—by the way."

"Jesus, when did I get promoted?" Wiggy joked around.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"I mean, I just figured that you might ask someone else. We haven't really talked that much lately." Sadly, he's right. I've kind of failed in making efforts to reach out lately and it's definitely not his fault considering he's been traveling a lot.

"I just kind of figured you would have been busy. I'm sorry if I made you feel neglected at all," I tried lightening the awkwardness of the conversation. He didn't seem mad, my mind just translates things differently. "This will give us some time to catch up."

"Alright, deal."

Wiggy and I hung around the house for a little while longer before we got the motivation to get up and go anywhere. Evie's mom told me to be at their house at six o'clock PM and it's currently four, so there isn't much of a rush but I really have zero ideas.

The only females I've bought gifts for are my mom, grandma, Emma and Layla. All of those women were very easy to read and very vocal about the things they liked so it wasn't hard to pick out their presents.

Out of the time we've spent together and the time I've spent stalking her social media's I had to have stumbled upon something she clearly liked, right?

I parked in a spot close to the entrance of the mall and turned the truck off, taking the keys out of the ignition. "You ready?" I asked Wiggy, which he nodded in response to.

This is the same mall that I had originally first met her in. But I didn't find her, Bexey did.

Holy shit. Why didn't I think of that?

Snatching my phone quickly out of my back pocket, I immediately began dialing his number. The phone rang three times before he picked up.

"Ello?"

"Hey, Bex. Quick question, do you have any good birthday present ideas for Evelyn? I want to get her something but I'm honestly drawing a blank here."

"A new sketchbook," He stated immediately. "She doesn't have any room in her old one. And some new Prismacolor colored pencils. The big pack."

"Oh, uh, wow. Thanks for your help man. Anything else?"

"Fuzzy socks."

"Damn, thanks. You're a life saver, bruh."

"No problem bruva." And then the line went dead.

Wiggy stared at me with a questioning look. I brushed it off and didn't want to dwell on the fact that Bexey could answer a question I've been thinking about all day. No big deal, right?

It only took around an hour to find all the items in random stores in the mall and pay for them. We chatted about all the things he did while he was away from California, and I tried to catch him up on all of this Evelyn stuff.

"That's a lot of crazy shit, bro. You guys have been through so much already and you've only known each other for what? A month?"

"A month and a few days but yeah."

"Oh look at you Gus, counting the days like a teenage girl. Speaking of which, how old is she turning anyways?"

"Eighteen." Directly after exiting the mall, I slid the plastic bag handle up to the crook of my elbow so I could light up a cigarette.

"Wait what?" I rolled my eyes.

"Listen it's not a big deal."

"I didn't say it was a big deal, did I?" A deep sigh left my lips and then I took a long drag off of the cigarette, hurting my lungs a just little bit.

Instead of just standing in front of the mall like a bunch of weirdos we went and sat on the bench.. like some weirdos.

Wiggy took a seat next to me, wiping his hands on his jeans and leaning back.

"So what's your intentions with her? Clearly you're not just smashing if you're buying her a birthday present."

"Yeah, clearly," I rubbed my forehead with my left hand. Thinking about all of this is kind of stressful. I just want to be with her and have fun, not being forced to ponder over all the technicalities. "I don't know man. I met her mom."

"You met her mom?" He dramatically did a spit take with his Pepsi, making himself laugh harder than he should have and covering the sidewalk with the sticky drink. Wiggy's happiness is contagious though, so I couldn't help but let out a few chuckles. "Come on. Cheer up. She sounds great, what's there to be overthinking about? Clearly she likes you, so what's the problem?"

"Ya know, I really wish I could tell you. I'm not feeling negatively about this, I'm just like scared I might fuck it up... Plus, I'm probably the worst influence in the world." Referencing towards my drug habits, which Wiggy knew all about.

"She's a big girl, Gussie. You're not making her do anything, so if she chooses to stay don't push her away."

"You should be a therapist," I told him. I casually looked down and checked my watch, the sun glistening off the real diamonds inside of it. The time read 5:30 PM, so we need to leave like right now. "Thank you for listening."

"No need to thank me, I know you'd do the same for me." And he was right.

The directions Evie's mom gave me to their house were kind of fucked up and I'm ninety percent sure it was because she was a little tipsy at the time so it took me around fifteen minutes with Wiggy's help to find the place.

This is where she lives?

Holy shit.

"Her parents must be loaded."

When I parked my truck at the top of the driveway, (which is extensively long and for what reason I don't know) I was hesitant to get out.

"What's wrong?"

I looked down at myself.

(a/n: imagine he's wearing what he is in this photo ight)

I looked presentable at best. Sometimes I act a little cocky, but trust me, I'm pretty insecure when it comes to this kind of shit. I'm about to stroll on in there and meet the parents. As far as they know Evie and I are just friends (from what I'm assuming) so there probably won't be a 'what are your intentions with my daughter?' conversation with her father, but I still felt.. odd.

Even as a kid I never really had a whole lot of money. My mom made sure my brother and I always had what we needed but there was times she had to scrape up every last penny she had just to get through the day.

This house is what's really intimidating. There's no denying that. I feel like I'm out of place, like there's something wrong here. Like I'm not supposed to be there, with Evelyn. Maybe.. Maybe her parents won't think I'm good enough for her.

Clearly when I got loads of face tattoos it was a very obvious sign I didn't really give a shit about what people thought about me. Or after shaving off my eyebrows.. Or dying my hair a billion different colors. This doesn't change anything, but I know I'm going to be a little sad if that's what comes between us.

"Listen Peep, her parents are artists. I really don't think they're gonna give two shits about what you look like as long as you're not an asshole. You think too much."

Did I just say all of that out load? Fuck.

"Let's just go." I grabbed Evie's gifts from the backseat and got out of the vehicle, while Wiggy did as well.

Looking down at the doorbell, I realized I was too anxious to muster up the courage to ring it.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Uh..." It was my turn to wipe my sweaty hands on my pants. What the hell is wrong with me? It feels like I just sniffed a line of coke, my heart is beating so fast.

"If you don't ring it I will." I pointedly looked at him and just groaned. But when I reached my hand up to ring the bell, the door swung open before I could get there.

"Hello, Gustav," This had to be her father. "And Gustav's friend." He had a shy smile, and it was weird to see on an at least forty year old man's face. He stuck his hand out awkwardly for me to shake.

"Hey, uh, just call me Gus. Or Peep, whatever you prefer. And this is my good friend, Wiggy." Wiggy smiles goofily while Evie's dad shook his hand as well.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Tom, Evelyn's father." Thick black framed glasses sat comfortably on his nose and I immediately connected who she got her looks from. The similarities are uncanny.

Tom. Just Tom? Short for Tomothy?

I didn't bother to ask.

"Hey, dad? Do you have any idea where my school books are? It's either they are somewhere in this house or I blacked out and chucked them out of the car window in a blind rage and I'm really hoping it wasn't the latter—"

Evelyn had been carrying on speaking—staring down at her phone, not paying attention—while walking into the living room and hadn't noticed we were here until just now.

"Oh! Gus! Hi!" She coyly smiled, putting her left hand on her hip, trying to play it cool. I smirked at her. She's quite the character.

She slipped her phone into her large hoodie pocket and shuffled over to us, in large fluffy grey slippers that were mostly covered by her long dress.

Her outfit was so strange. The Eminem jacket was nearly two sizes too big for her and the dress she was wearing underneath probably cost more than one months rent for me. It was made out of some strange lace material, and some skin was visible underneath of it.

The long brown hair that I usually saw down and free flowing was tied tightly up into a slicked back bun and the amount of makeup she was wearing was slightly crazy to me. She didn't look bad and it's her choice to wear makeup but I can't see her freckles that I love so much.

And yes, I love her freckles. Regardless, she's the most attractive woman I've laid eyes on and I've laid my eyes on women from all over the world. Who knew that the girl I was looking for lived 15 minutes away from me the entire time.

"I u-uh, I—" I stuttered, trying to regain my thoughts and blood flow back to my brain.

"Hi, and you must be Wiggy. I'm Evelyn." She introduced herself.

"I've heard good things about you." He said. She turned to face me, trying to keep herself from full out grinning. When she does this, the corners of her mouth twitch ever so subtly but for some creepy reason I notice it every time.

"S-So, what are you all dressed up for?" I am clearly not fooling anyone, I am nothing but an insecure eel.

😭

"I assumed that because my mom invited you that she would have told you that we're going out to some fancy restaurant thing, I don't know why but she's the one who picked this dress." She raised her hands in pretend defense.

"You look amazing." The words blurted out of my mouth before I even had a chance to stop them. I heard Wiggy chuckle from behind me and a rose tinted blush arose on my face, I silently hoped she wouldn't be able to tell.

"Thank you, Gus." The sweet tone of her voice was like a siren drawing unsuspecting sailors into her deadly clutches. Anyone could get lost in the way she speaks, like it was a maze of complicated layers and complex emotions that all came together to make a truly amazing human being at the end.

"Oh—This is for you." I handed her the bags, I couldn't be bothered to wrap them before coming here. Waste of paper if you ask me.

"You didn't have to get me anything!" Although she looked like she wanted to protest, she took the bags to her dining table and opened them up. "Holy shit, this is exactly what I wanted, and these socks look super comfortable! How did you know about this stuff?" She sat her things back down after carefully looking over them and walked towards me.

She embraced me in a hug, pulling me tight to her body—pressing her chest up against mine. All I could do was melt into her touch, let my arms wrap around her body comfortably and breathe in the smooth lavender scent of her hair and skin.

When she released me, I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. "Uh, Bex kind of helped me out."

"What's he doing today?"

"Him and Wicca went out to do something together earlier, I'm not sure what though." The look on her face made it seem like she was disappointed.

The sound of heels clicking down the stairs echoed off the walls and it alerted me to her mother coming to join us. Somehow I didn't notice Tom disappear though.

We went over the introductions again, and thankfully Evie's mother is a master at social situations otherwise I probably would have exploded.

"Go grab your other shoes, and please take that jacket off. You practically live in that thing." Debbie directed her daughter with a smile, which creeped me out because I didn't know she was capable of doing that.

Evelyn just nodded and disappeared up the