if you can't tell, the past two chapters have been on the same day and in the same situation. this chapter will also be focused on the same day/same situation, just in another different pov.

"She said I'm a crybaby, I can't be up lately. Girl, you drive me crazy, AMG Mercedes. Speedin' down the highway, lookin' at the street lights. Geekin' on a Friday, I can never sleep right. Knowin' I hurt you, I don't deserve you. I shoulda curved you, I know I'm the worst, boo"
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BEXEY

"i'm leaving, i'm gonna go stop by the gallery and see how evie's doing since it's her first day and all." gus told me, i only nodded in response and took another sip of the codeine concoction. i'm not really the type of guy to be doing it, but honestly today i don't give a fuck.

this morning, i walked in on evelyn painting gus's nails. it seems like a simple situation, no big deal, they are kind of a couple now i guess. she just seemed off, though, like i wasn't supposed to be here. it irritated me, because i thought we were friends.

i've been getting pissed about this situation longer than just a few days, though. ever since evelyn and i met each other, it's just been all about gus. i'm the reason they even know each other, i didn't have to introduce her to the rest of the guys.

i wonder if he's even told her we're going back to london in a few weeks. that's where my place is, anyway—with gus. he might go to his moms, though. the come over when you're sober tour starts soon and i'm not sure if the poor girl even knows that—it hasn't been released to the public yet, he would have to be the one to tell her.

sure, i have no idea what they talk about necessarily. but the walls are thin in this place, so i hear a lot more than i probably should. i just thank god that they haven't been doing the diddly because i have no idea how i would deal with that.

looking down at the styrofoam cup in my hand, i started growing more and more angry. the purple hue in the drink reminded me of evelyn's new hair, and the picture they posted on snapchat together.

i'm not jealous.

i just think it's funny how i introduced them and i really get no credit for it. the two of them rarely even talk to me anymore, kind of after the whole benjamin thing happened, which i'm still pissed about. that brings me back to the whole night before, how evelyn was so fucked up she could barely stand on her own and peep was nowhere to be found.

she slept in my bed, not his.

after sipping what was left of the drink, i crushed the styrofoam in my hands. the drugs would probably have me knocked out soon so going to my room is probably the best idea.

moving in slow motion towards the stairs, i stared at the area where the framed picture of gus and i used to be. i almost rehung up after that awful day, but i didn't and he hasn't said a single thing about it being missing.

my room isn't much different than the rest of the guys. i don't have as much stuff in here though, it's because my home base is london and there's really nowhere else i would want to call home. i miss it so much, being out here with peep and little contact with my family drives me nuts sometimes.

that was until evelyn came into the picture, now it's just spiraling even worse. i'm not sure what to be more angry about, that my best friend has practically ditched me for a girl or the fact that my best friend got the girl i had been insta-stalking for months. little did she know, i followed her on a fake account so she wouldn't know it was me—and she thought i never followed her.

from the very moment he laid eyes on her it was over. they had an attraction that was undeniable from their very first interaction. although he was a dick at first, she still fell for him. how? after he was undeniably rude to her and wasn't immediately supportive?

maybe i should just stop bitching, i do have lilly. she's the light of my life and although i have had straying thoughts about evelyn, i still have a girl waiting for me back home to pull my head out of my ass and realize that i'm in love with her, instead of running off to america the day after she tells me she's in love with me.

i know it's going to be a problem when i get back. my mother is already hounding me about it—angry that i didn't choose the girl i had been around for ages. she's more angry that i'm pining after a girl that's obviously involved with someone else, and slightly mad that it's taking me so long to come home.

i explained to her that i'm a musician and these things take time. i'm not just mixing beats or editing videos in her basement anymore, i'm actually out here with gus doing what i want with my life. sure, maybe i'm not a billionaire but those things take time too and i have enough social media presence that people know who i am, besides the strange people from my hometown.

considering i am the tattooed blue-haired freak, you'd think i'd have no room to call people strange, but these people are so. . . emotionally void. their clothes are all either beige or grey. they don't jump, sing or dance along with music or even really laugh all that much. i think maybe it's just how they are, how they were raised to be.

unlike lilly and myself.

when i found someone just as unique as me i wanted to sob my eyes out. it was such a special occasion that i had met someone who didn't look the same as the last forty people i met, so i can say i was pretty excited.

there has been no contact between her and i since i've flown overseas and a wave of guilt washes over me like a current, dragging me out to sea.

it's like nothing is going my way, like i fuck everything up. i'm so tired of having to keep dealing with everything that's been going on lately, i wanna take some action now and then.

my eyelids slowly became heavier and heavier as i continued to blink. the drugs were kicking in and thankfully i made the choice of my soft comfortable bed to crash in. usually people get fucked up and party, but today, i'm having a pity part of one with zero music or any from of excitement at all.

i'm sure evelyn and gus are off doing something cute, something that couples do. why can't i have that? it doesn't even have to be with her necessarily, i just don't want to feel romantically doomed for the rest of my life.

before i knew it, my eyes closed for the last time and i fell fast asleep.

»«

later on, i woke up to a loud slam of our front door. my body still felt similar to that of lead, so i stayed still; not bothering to check and see who could possibly be robbing/murdering us.

wicca, tracy, gus and sometimes wiggy (including myself) all share a place here or just crash on the floor wherever it's convenient, so it honestly could probably be one of the other guys.

but it i'm lucky, it's the grim reaper coming to embrace me with the sweet release of death.

just kidding. . .

quick, loud footsteps up the stairs gave me a clue to who it was. as i said, the walls are thin here and it gives you a lot of time to hear many distinct sounds and match them to a certain person. the heavy boots coming up the steps was most definitely peep.

there was no reason to dread my best friend, but for some reason, looking at him made me anxious. whether it's over evelyn or just after really what he's been doing the past couple of weeks, he seems to be different.

i wouldn't even say a bad different. if i'm being honest, i'm the asshole. he's seemed to have eased up on the drugs—coke at least—so why am i complaining?

three gentle taps on my door felt like a kick to the chest and i internally groaned but tried to mask the uncomfortable tone in my voice. "yeah, come in."

the tall lanky man threw the door open and greeted me with a giant grin, like he was a fifteen year old girl who just kissed the most popular guy in class.

"bex, you won't believe this."

"try me." i said, with a generally monotone voice.

"i have the craziest idea and i know you're gonna think i'm nuts but honestly i have never felt this way for a person before in my life." his words were coming out so fast that most of the sentence was jumbled, but i got a pretty good understanding of who he was talking about.

"what might that be?" and with that question, gustav began explaining to me the most fucked up, insane epiphany that he had on the drive home from hanging out with evelyn.

he told me what happened when he arrived at the gallery, the coffee shop, the kiss—and then the three distinct billboards that all had the same advertisement on it in a row.

he stared at me once he finished explaining his idiotic plan, waiting for a response, smile still on his face.

i blinked a few times trying to collect my thoughts. he's so happy right now that if i told him how i really feel he would be absolutely crushed. this seems to be extremely important to him so i don't want to be the one to shut him down.

"well, gus. . . i say go ahead. follow your dreams." i suggested with a forced smile.

this will come back to haunt me later, but for now as long as he and evelyn are happy, i need to stay out of it.

"dude, you're the fucking best," he sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me into a tight bear hug. a few of my broken pieces started to fit back together.

he's still turning to me for advice, he still values my opinion. i just hope evelyn does the same, because i hope maybe i can talk some more sense into her than him.

"i know." i joked and he released me.

"well, i'm gonna go take wicca to the airport, he's gonna go visit his family for a couple weeks. i'll see you when i get back." he informed me and i just nodded and waited patiently for him to leave.

once i heard the front door our place slam again, i stared across the room into a full length mirror.

overwhelming rage took over me. i lunged across the room in practically one step, snatching up the heavy mirror in both my hands and smashing it against any surface i could hit; the bed post, the dresser, the shelves.

once the whole thing had been pretty much obliterated, i chucked the frame of the mirror outside of my bedroom window. that wasn't the end of my rampage, though.

the next item i picked up was unknown when my hand touched it, but i picked it up and threw it with my eyes closed; causing a loud crash. when i opened them again, i seen that it had been my most expensive watch, that i had chucked at my very expensive tv.

a deep growl from the very bottom of my soul came out and it was near animalistic. the cracked television set pissed me off more, so i picked it up from the middle and brought it to the window sill. i looked down at the ground below and was happy that no one was watching me lose my fucking marbles. the tv went out of the window next.

after a few seconds of running my fingers through my bowl cut, i started tugging and roughly pulling at the roots. there's so much pain inside of me, i don't know how to let it out.

finding a spot in the corner of the room to sit in, i put my face in my hands and rested my elbows on my crossed legs.

i have got to do something.

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