"I don't wanna think about you, every time I think about you—I swear I fall in love again,
I remember everything you said"
___________

EVELYN

I just kept replaying it in my head.

Bexey. The kiss. It's like unpacking a room full of things that didn't belong to me. Confusing; I don't know where anything goes. Maybe that's not the best analogy, but I just feel like I don't belong to myself anymore. I'm some trophy, an item to be won.

I whipped into the parking lot of the gas station with tears running down my eyes. Pulling into the parking space on the left side of the store, I sat there for a few moments. I can't believe what just happened.

I'm not necessarily personally offended about the kiss. Bex is just emotional and confused. Gus on the other hand has plenty of opportunities to tell me they were going on tour—I didn't know it would be this soon.

I hit my head gently against the steering wheel a few times, once I accidentally missed and hit the horn and got startled when it went off. I looked up to see if somebody was watching me. There was.

A thirty-something year old lady stared at me like I was crazy. I rolled my window down.

"You never seen someone have a mental breakdown before?!" I shouted, to which she rolled her eyes in response and went into the gas station. "Jeez," I mumbled to myself.

I don't know why I'm so worked up over this. None of this is my fault. Maybe I led Bexey on. Did I?

I took the keys out of the ignition and slammed the drivers side door behind me. I jumped over the curb and then I walked into the gas station, taking a deep breath before I entered the store. I stalked around the aisles with my shoulders slumped, sighing probably too much for the other customers liking.

I grabbed a bag of chips and a pink lemonade Brisk, taking my items up to the counter. When I got there, I eyed the scratch-off tickets in many different colors and designs lining the wall.

"Can I get a $10 one please?" I pointed to the pink ones that had a shiny silver '10' printed on them.

"Sure thing," I ignored the footsteps behind me that were leading up to the counter, assuming it was just another random customer on their way home from work or whatever things normal people do around this time.

"Funny meeting you here," A familiar voice said from behind me. I turned around and was met with an annoying face I had hoped to never see again. The infamous Benjamin. Somehow I'm just never able to escape him, he is just everywhere.

Since the last time I saw him, he's gotten a haircut, shaved his face and has no bruises or marks all over him from anything. He's wearing an actually expensive dress shirt and a clean pair of khakis. Something is off about him, but maybe a positive kind of off.

"Yeah," I scoffed, still not entirely happy with the sequence of events that took place regarding him. The problems I've had most recently have actually had a lot to do with him and I know almost nothing about the guy aside from details about his grandmother.

I hoped he didn't see the mascara stains running down my face, I probably should have checked for that before I even came in the store. I handed the cashier the money and tried to escape from Benjamin's presence as soon as possible. He's like a disease or a roach that infests most aspects of my life as of late. I mean, it's not really his fault he just happened to see me here but he didn't have to speak to me.

Once the cashier handed me my change and items back I just looked down at the ground, carefully avoiding eye contact with him anymore. A chuckle left his lips and I just huffed in frustration.

The next thing I saw just put the cherry on top of the shit sundae.

My back right tire was popped.

"What the fuck?!" I groaned frustratedly. Of all nights, of course, this stupid shit had to happen. How hadn't I noticed the tire deflating? Wouldn't I have heard the tire or noticed one side of the car is lower than the other side? Apparently not.

Then, I did what anyone else would do when they realized their tire popped (not really.) I sat down next to it and began to cry relentlessly. I don't know what my problem is really aside from the fact that my anxiety makes me irritable and any little thing can set me off. Ever since I passed out in the practical utility closet at my work off of Xanax, I've tried to avoid taking them—Maybe I really could live without them.

But not right now. Definitely not right now.

I unlocked the driver's side door and gently sat my items in the passenger seat, then I reached

for the small pill bottle with no label on it that I kept my extra backup pills in from the center console.

I took out two and sighed, staring at them in my hand.

Then I decided to take one more out.

I swallowed them down with a drink of my Brisk and just shook my head. Should I tell Peep about this?

"Need a hand?" My eyes rolled so hard they could have gotten stuck.

"No, Benjamin. I don't need any help. Thank you," I lied. I did need help, I just didn't want it from him.

"C'mon, I have a spare tire in the trunk of my car. I know how to change a tire too. . . It's the least I can do—I mean—You did sit in the hospital with me to make sure I was alright." I sighed and turned around to face him.

"Fine. . ." He smiled "Thank you." My pride isn't going to ruin this for me. I need the help, I should take it, but why do I feel so angry about it? From this perspective, one could be fooled into thinking he cleaned his act up by the wardrobe change and the haircut. I should be happy for him, but because of what he's done I don't want to be.

"And I just want to say thank you," He started "I didn't deserve your kindness, honestly. I wasn't very good to you in our first couple encounters and I really just want to say I'm sorry." I stared at him, barely blinking. He looked shy, an awkward smile adorning his face. Maybe he has changed.

"I forgive you," I surprised myself. He nodded, the awkward smile being replaced with a beaming look of happiness. Was my forgiveness really that important to him?

"Be right back," He told me and took off to the other side of the parking lot, getting into the trunk of the same car that I drove him to the hospital in that night. Benjamin pulled the tire out of the trunk and slipped his arm through the hole and just carried it like a purse.

I watched him curiously as he began changing the tire for me. He's ruining his perfectly nice clothes—especially pants—by getting down on the ground. Why?

It didn't take as long as I had imagined it to and when I checked the time on my phone I realized it only took about ten minutes. Once he stood up, he brushed the dirt off of his knees and let out a triumphant sigh.

"Well, there ya go," He said.

"Thank you," I repeated.

"Don't worry about it. Consider it an IOU. Anyways. . . I've been going to these NA meetings recently. . ." He trailed off, studying my face. "I was thinking maybe you'd want to join me sometime."

Somehow I didn't know how to take that. "What makes you think I'd want to do that?" I questioned curiously. He lifted his hands up in defense.

"Listen, I seen you swallow those pills and I've sold to you before. I'm not saying you have a problem but if you do—" He pulled out a business card that had his name and number on it written under his grandmother's catering business and handed it to me. "—Just give me a call." I took the card from him and shoved it in my back pocket.

"Yeah. Okay," I said, going to go get in my car to go home.

"Drive safe." He said to me, waved and walked back to his car.

"You too." I replied. Once I got in the car, I pulled out the card from my back pocket and stared at it, reading his number over and over again. Maybe I should try out one of these meetings. . . It couldn't hurt, could it?

I drove home in a little bit of a hurry so I didn't have to explain to my parents why I was gone so late and once I finally stood outside of my home, I realized there was only one light on inside which was coming from Sarah's room.

Honestly, I need a girl friend and I also need to tell somebody who isn't one of Peep's friends about this crazy shit. Maybe she'll get some entertainment out of it, who knows. I didn't bother to make any stops as I walked into the house, I just walked straight to her room and knocked on the closed door.

"Coming," I heard her say before opening the door. "Oh, hey Evelyn!" She greeted me with a smile.

"Hey, Sarah. Um, I was kind of wondering maybe if I could come in and talk to you? I know we don't know each other that well yet but the craziest shit just happened and I really need to talk to someone about it."

"Of course," She replied, stepping to the side to let me enter her room. I came in and sat on the computer chair that was next to her desk and waited for her to get settled back on her bed again and contemplated how I should even start this story.

She shut the door, then came back to sit on her bed. "So, what is the crazy shit?" She questioned.

"Well. . . This may be a really long story. Should I start from the beginning?"

"Yes, totally. I wanna hear all the details." I grinned at her, happy that someone was actually interested in the crazy events of my life that my parents essentially turned a blind eye to.

"Okay, it all started one day not too long ago when my parents basically forced me to go to the mall to possibly make some friends. . ."

I told her all about meeting Bexey, him introducing me to Peep and some of the other GBC members, going back to Peep's house and the party. Next was Bexey, Peep and I ditching the party to sleep/hang out at the park and stare at the stars, randomly showing up to Peep's house, the cliff fiasco, getting fucked up off Benjamin's pills and even about what I could remember from Bexey taking care of me that night while Peep was high on coke. I included meeting Lil Xan and the fist fight between Gustav and Ben the next morning.

Making sure not to leave out all the little details, I explained to her how Gus didn't really like me at first because I didn't acknowledge his comments about me and him taking care of me after he basically told me to jump off a cliff by stitching me up terribly.

(A/N: he's trying his best you bitch)

The first kiss, all the other kisses, wearing his clothes, my semi-good birthday that ended with me taking Ben to the hospital. Dying my hair, painting Gus's nails, the strange moments with Bexey when I should have noticed the jealousy and pretty much everything else in between.

Then, I explained tonight in full detail from getting the call from Bex, showing up to the hotel, listening to him tell me he liked me and then him kissing me. When I told her I stormed out of there, a look of sympathy flashed in her eyes.

"I. . . Wow, honestly. I don't quite know what to say to all of that," She pondered her thoughts for a moment. "Do you think there's a possibility you might have feelings for Bexey as well?"

"No, not at all. He's just a good friend who was supposed to stay that way but he didn't. Gus on the other hand. . . I think I love him." I confessed to Sarah and a shocked but happy look spread across her face.

I love Gustav Elijah Åhr.

Fuck.