1- The one with the flat tire

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My hands tremble as I look blankly at the white wall in-front of me. I try to control my tremors but it is no use. They are refusing to listen to me. The clock ticks at me tauntingly, a painful reminder at how slow this hour was going.

My therapist, Claudia sighs, 'You have been coming here for three months Autumn, and I'm yet to hear you actually discuss how you actually feel.'

I shrug, 'I told you, I'm fine.'

'If you were fine, would you really be sitting in my office?'

'I don't choose to come.' I state dryly.

'But the people around you feel as if it's important that you do.'

I nearly scoff at her comment, what people around me? The only person I've really got left is my mother. And even then, she's only half in the picture. Before all of this happened, I didn't have enough fingers to count the friends I had.

'I'm fine, honestly. There is nothing to talk about.'

'Well, how are you feeling about your return to school?'

I squirm at her question, but only slightly, I didn't want her to psychoanalyse my reaction, the last thing I needed was her to report to my mom was that I needed more sessions.

'Neutral. I mean I'm not thrilled, but what kid enjoys school?'

'You're going into your senior year, very exciting.'

It was.

Senior year used to be the one thing I dreamed about, the parties, my last year as cheer-captain, spending time with my boyfriend before we left for college, finally graduating from that hell-hole.

But now all I felt was numb.

'Do you think you'll return to cheer? From what your mother told me, it used to be a large part of your life.'

I shake my head, 'No.'

'It's natural to lose interest in things when you are struggling with your mental health-'

I cut her off harshly, 'I told you I'm fine, I'm not struggling.'

Claudia nods before she turns her head towards the clock, 'Well, our hour is up.'

I quickly grab my bag and stand up, 'Thanks.'

I race towards the door, the moment my hand touches the handle, I hear her say something else.

'Autumn, I hope that your transition back to school goes smoothly.'

It won't.

'I'm sure it will.' I mutter.

The second I step out of her office, I'm overcome with a sense of relief, I can finally breathe without feeling judged or pressured. I keep my head low as I walk past her waiting room, in-fact I keep it low until I get outside and reach my car.

The last thing I needed was anyone who knew me, to see me sitting in a therapist's office. That would make the rumours worse, if that was even possible.

Once I'm inside the car, I check my phone, even though it was pointless, no-one was going to reach out to me. The only notification I had was from my mom, telling me that she would be home late for dinner and I needed to sort my own food out. I remember that there was a time where my phone would constantly be buzzing. And I found it so irritating, and now I kind of miss it.

Actually, I don't even know if I do.

I don't think I have the capacity to feel anything anymore.

Fuck, I don't even think I want to feel anything. It was pointless, the good feelings fade and the bad ones stick.

I close my eyes before letting out a deep breath, I peak an eye open as I hear someone knock on my window. I raise an eyebrow when I see Scarlett Summer's looking back at me.

What the fuck was 'Slutty Scarlett' doing knocking on my window?

Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with the term 'slut', a woman can do whatever she wants with her body, it's none of my business. But one of my friends called her that at a party after Scarlett kissed the guy she liked and it stuck. Everyone has called it her ever since.

I hesitantly roll it down, 'Can I help you?'

Her cheeks flush slightly at the harshness in my tone, 'S-Sorry, I didn't realise it was you Autumn, it's just you have a flat tire. I thought you'd want to know before you start driving.'

I groan loudly as I slam my hands against my steering wheel, 'Fuck my life.'

'D-Do you want a ride?'

I let out a laugh, 'Do you really think I'd get a ride from you?'

The pink-haired girls looks around the parking lot, 'I don't see anyone else offering you a ride, and I heard that you are your friends don't really speak anymore so-'

I narrow my eyes, 'Who did you hear that from?'

She gulps, 'E-Everyone has been talking about it.'

Fucking great.

Just what I fucking needed to hear right not.

'Fine.' I hiss as I grab my bag and climb out of my car, 'But you tell anyone about this and your dead.'

Scarlett gives me a funny look, 'Autumn, the people who I hang out with don't care about you and your friends.'

'Ex-friends.' I correct.

I wrinkle my nose as she stops in-front of some beaten down car, it looks as if it was barely hanging together, she gives me a small smile before motioning for me to get inside.

'Are you sure this thing is drivable?'

She laughs, 'Penny hasn't failed me yet.'

'You named your car?'

'Doesn't everybody.'

'Well, normal people don't.' I mutter as I fasten my seatbelt.

'D-Do you still live at your old address? I remember I came round once for a party.'

'Yup.'

'You haven't been at school for a while, have you switched or something?'

'Are you always so fucking nosy?'

'S-Sorry, I was just trying to make conversation.'

I let out a loud sigh, 'No, I've just been travelling, my mom works abroad a lot. But I'm back on Monday.'

I try to not wince at the jumbled way my words came out when I forced out my lie.

'Oh that's cool, I wish I could travel more. I'm lucky if we make it down to Florida to see my grams.'

I nod silently, as I stare out the window, the grey clouds finally fall as rain begins to patter against the car.  I've always preferred the rain over the sun, the sun was too bright, too happy. The rain was calming, soothing almost.

'You know, if you need somewhere to sit at lunch, you'd be welcome to sit with me and my friends.'

I'd rather drop dead.

'Thanks but no thanks.'

'I know, we aren't your usual crowd but I promise, we'd always make you feel welcomed.'

I nearly snorted, I didn't know the meaning of the word welcome. Nothing about my life so far has been welcoming.

'I think I'll be fine.'

'I like your hair by the way, I thought you'd stay blonde forever! The brunette really helps make your eyes pop.'

So did I. I never imagined that my blonde locks would be taken away from me, they were a part of my identity. But that version of me was dead and I didn't want to look anything like her.

'Thanks, I guess.'

I close my eyes in ease when I notice us pulling up my driveway, I've never been more thankful to get out of a car in my entire life.

'Your house is so pretty! By the way, if you need someone to fix your tire, my dad works with cars, I'm sure he'd help you.'

I look over at her in confusion, what was wrong with this girl? Why was she being so kind to me? Did she have memory loss and not remember the amount of insults I've yelled at her throughout the years?

'It's fine, but thanks. And thanks for the ride.'

'No problem, do you want me to wait until your inside safely?'

I shake my head, 'I'm not a child, I know how to get into a house.'

'Okay, well have a good weekend! See you Monday!' She chirps as I climb out of her car.

I turn on my heel and don't look back, that encounter was far too strange for my liking. I just need the solace of my bedroom and netflix.


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