37. A Long-Awaited Night

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"Smile!" my mother calls out as I stand near the rose-bushes outside our home. They're blooming again in swirling colors of red, pink, and white. I've been here before, only about six months ago, but it feels like an eternity since I've relived this moment. The cool air of autumn, the orange leaves that were coating the lawn, are now replaced by warm spring air and blooming flowers in our front yard.

I pose in my long red dress, thinking of all that has changed in the months since that night. My last dance, I met Aurora, and while I despised her at first, or rather despised myself for paying attention to her, the late winter and early spring months in between were beautiful, enlightening, romantic, and even now, I still crave those days.

A month ago, I would have thought Aurora would be standing next to me, wearing the corsage I had especially picked out for her. My parents might not have been okay with it yet, but we would smile, and we'd be happy. I would be happy.

There's no Colton or any equivalent for me to pick up and drive home tonight. I'm relieved to not have a date. I'm sure my parents are as well. I'm not sure how they would have reacted if I'd actually planned on bringing a girl as my date, even if the school would view it as an informal gesture.

I smile. I pose. I take a traditional photo with Fry. I squeeze my siblings close. I pretend to be happy.

This was going to be our night. That's what I had thought.

I try to tell myself there's some fun for me tonight. I have photos with Abigail and Hazel after this. Dinner will be served at prom, so I won't have to worry about paying for food and handling tip. I even plan to go get dessert later tonight. But I still feel empty inside.

"Have fun tonight," my mother says.

"Thanks," I say.

"Luckily you don't have to drive anyone home," my father says, winking at me.

I weakly smile. "Yeah."

I put on the same façade when I arrive at Abigail's house later. I greet her and Hazel with feigned enthusiasm and hope that I will at least appear happy and free-spirited when I look back on these pictures years from now. Perhaps I will not even remember what I was so upset about. But right now, these feelings of sadness are all that consume me.

I have to compose myself in the bathroom before we head out to the school. I hold back tears as I stare at myself in the mirror, thinking of how my makeup will be ruined and how my friends will be easily be able to tell through swollen eyes. I hate feeling this way. I hate missing Aurora like this. I hate thinking of the night I wanted this to be. It's moments like these throughout the night that I wish I had merely stayed home.

Nevertheless, we arrive to the dance itself. The gym looks nicer than normal and certainly a step-up from Homecoming. There are tables neatly aligned for us to eat, as well as an area to dance. It is at this time Juliet joins us. She seems in good spirits, even if the food is mediocre.

As I pick at my food, I catch a glimpse of Aurora's red hair. I stiffen and turn away. I don't want to see her dressed up. I don't want to see her having fun with her friends. And I for sure don't want to see her with a date.

Eventually, dinner ends, and it's time to dance. I weakly dance with my friends. Luckily, I'm such a bad dancer to begin with, that they don't sense anything is wrong when I awkwardly sway my legs back and forth and perform the bare minimum of movement. We take breaks to get water and say hi to some other classmates. I briefly catch glimpse of Allison and her boyfriend trying to grind in the center of the dance floor. She seems to be doing just fine without me.

As the dance continues, I become more tired, especially because I'm frequently scanning the room to make sure I don't run into Aurora.

Then, the slow song comes on. My friends seem content just chilling near the sidelines or dancing in a circle, but I tell them I need a drink of water. I find my way back to our table and just take a seat. Letting out a sigh, I rest my head on my hands, trying my best not to cry. I had visions of Aurora and I during this time. Maybe not slow-dancing in public, but maybe sneaking away into a corner, the bathroom, somewhere, where we could be alone.

I don't know if she's caught sight of me tonight. I've been doing my best to act happy, though I'm not an actress by any means. As much as I want Aurora to think I'm having a good time, it's at a moment like this that I don't quite care anymore.

There's someone sitting at another table nearby. I can just see them out of my peripheral vision. I turn my head, and we unfortunately make eye contact. Aurora is sitting at her table alone, just like me. It's the first time I've caught sight of her the whole night, and honestly speaking, she looks miserable. She doesn't have the cheerful smile on her face like she normally does. Maybe it's just the springtime allergies, but her eyes don't exactly look gleaming and normal. They're slightly puffy.

The moment lasts less than a second, but it seems to linger for me. I quickly turn my head, biting onto my hand to keep from crying, but I can't help but sneak another peek. Aurora looks desperate this time as she stares at me. I don't look away. I should. Her hand twitches, I realize, like she has something to do or say, but can't. Then, I watch the sigh escape her mouth. I see the determination in her eyes as she stares at me, and I see her body shift, as if she's going to get out of her chair.

Is she going to come over toward me? Is she going to ask me to slow dance?

I never find out. A hand extends forward in front of me, and I am greeted by Juliet.

"Come on. Dance with me," Juliet offers.

"Okay," I agree, grasping onto her hand. I sneak a quick glance back over to the table Aurora was sitting at, but the seat is now empty. I begin to wonder if I merely imagined Aurora sitting there.

Juliet lets go of my hand when we get back out into the dance floor.

"Let's slow dance for fun," Juliet suggests.

I agree, not sure what else I'll be doing with my time. Her hands go to my waist, mine to her shoulder. If it were Aurora, I would feel like a flustered mess, but with Juliet, I just feel like I'm having fun, that this is an ironic slow dance to make up for the fact I have no one to dance with.

"You're upset," Juliet says when the silence between us becomes awkward.

"I—"

"You don't have to tell me," Juliet says. "I don't know what you're going through. Clearly. But I know something is troubling you. Again, I don't know what it is, but this is one of the highlights of your high school life, and you should try to have fun. Just dance. Don't worry."

"Okay. I'll try," I agree.

And try I do. After the slow dance ends, merely only a minute later, we meet back up with our friends, and suddenly, I'm in a much better mood. I try to take what Juliet says to heart, and I don't think about Aurora the rest of the night. I just let myself enjoy the moment, and when the dance ends, I have laughed and smiled a lot more than when the night began. I am even excited to go out and get sundaes with my friends even though me a few hours ago would have rather been in bed by now.

As I shovel piles of vanilla icecream coated in hot fudge into my mouth, Abigail and Hazel are arguing over the DJ's choices while Juliet is quietly eating her icecream like me. I look up and make eye contact with her, then briefly smile.

"Hey. Thanks for taking me aside tonight. I think it helped," I tell her. It seems whatever little stump she was in, she has gotten over. Because tonight, she felt like a real friend.

"I'm glad I could help," Juliet says. Lowering her voice, she adds, "Listen, Callie. I'm really sorry for how mean I've been to you since...you know..."

"You haven't been mean!"

"But I haven't been a friend, and that wasn't kind of me. Look, when we became friends, I became friends with you, not your sexuality. I think I was taken aback when you came out. I've never known someone like you, and though I thought I was always prepared to have someone I knew come out to me, I clearly wasn't. I think I said some rude things, and I'm sorry."

I open my mouth, but Juliet continues to speak.

"I think these past few weeks have been a lot of reflection, and I realize I need to make myself a better person. I'm trying my best not to judge people for who they are anymore. You're still my friend deep down, and I want to keep up our friendship. So, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I murmur. "You've been nicer to me than Allison at least."

"To hell with Allison. I never liked her much," Juliet admits. "I guess I'm a little disappointed we can't gossip about boys much, but we can still gossip about our romantic lives."

"There's not much to go off of," I admit, laughing slightly. I think I'm finally starting to accept the end of whatever my relationship was with Aurora. Tonight feels like new beginnings, and though I think I'll probably keep to myself and not date for a while, I have a feeling everything is going to be okay.

I come home in a better mood than when I left it. And when I crawl into bed, I don't let my mind wander into thoughts about Aurora, but instead, I shut my eyes and think about the fond memories I made the latter half of the night, how Juliet is now my friend once more, and how soon, I'll be a senior in high school, and there will be a lot of exciting things coming my way.

No. Tonight wasn't how I wanted it to be. But that's how it always is, isn't it?

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