In the past week alone, Aurora and I have rarely gotten glimpses of each other. Life at school has been hectic, with exams, projects, and preparation for finals and AP exams. It doesn't help that I'm still continually reminded by my friends that prom is only in a few weeks. The semester is rushing by so quickly, I almost want time to slow. I'm not sure if I'm ready to become a senior just yet.

Allison avoids me entirely, which is what I desired, and thankfully, I haven't noticed or heard any new rumors about me, though I'm not sure the initial rumors about my sexuality have stopped being spread. Some girls eye me strangely in the hall, and the lesbians from The Corner are awfully friendly to me, which I appreciate, but life still feels weird. I hope these feelings will dissipate over the summer months and everyone will find something else to gossip about.

Juliet has also been avoiding our lunch group, though she at least still makes eye contact and quietly says hi from time to time in the small times we cross paths. I suppose I haven't written her off entirely. I am not sure where our friendship stands this day and age. Abigail and Hazel, of course, are still by my side, just where I expected them to stay.

And then there's Aurora. I've barely had time to tell her about all that has happened in my friend group recently. We've spent a limited amount of time together lately, and I'm growing desperate to see her again. After all, it's been over a week since the last time I kissed her, and I'm growing antsy. I just want a hug at least.

Finally, it seems we are set to walk home together. We mostly speak about school, but wanting to talk to her more, I suggest we stop off at the park.

"The park? Won't there be kids playing?" Aurora mumbles.

"We can just go stand under that big oak tree and talk. I'm not going to kiss you, if that's what you're worried about," I tell her, even if I desperately want to. The longer I go without seeing her, the more I desire her.

"Well, okay. But we shouldn't stay long. I have a lot of homework to do, and I'm sure you do as well."

"Agreed," I say.

The park is only a few blocks extra from our homes. There are only a few kids out playing while their parents or babysitters watch from afar. I walk with her across the lawn, toward where the large oak tree stands. It's near the fence, far away from most other people in the park. No one should be able to hear our conversation over here. Normally, I would offer for her to come home with me, but I doubt I'll have any privacy there, and I don't want to beg Aurora to let me come over to her house again.

"I found out which one of my friends spread the rumors," I admit as I lean my body against the trunk of the tree.

"Who?" she asks.

"Allison. The blonde one. I should've known. We haven't been getting along well in the last few months, and when I told her...she didn't take it well. I just thought I at least knew her better than that," I admit.

"I'm sorry, Callie."

"At least Juliet didn't tell anyone. She's still been distant though, not to mention my house is still slightly awkward, and...ugh," I groan. I realize I'm more ranting to myself than Aurora at this point, and I also realize there's not much she can offer except her condolences, so I try to shift the conversation into something else. "Hey, prom's in a few weeks," I say.

"Oh, that's right. I still need to get my dress hemmed."

"You already picked out a dress?!"

"You didn't? The mall runs out of dresses fast. You better go soon," Aurora says. She wrings her fingers through her hair, pulling it up for a moment before letting her hair fall back down to her shoulders.

"What do you want to do for prom?" I ask.

"Huh? I told you, Callie. We can't go to prom together," Aurora answers.

I frown. "But during our sleepover, you said—"

"Forget what I said," Aurora interrupts. "That was before...all this. Before all the rumors started. If people see me with you, I don't know what they'd think. I can't risk them being suspicious right before graduation. I don't want to leave this school with a bad reputation."

"But I thought we agreed on it," I argue. "We're a couple, aren't we? We should be going to dances together and such," I say, now turning to face her.

"We are not a couple," Aurora argues. "I told you that before, Callie."

"Then what the hell have we been doing all this time?!" I exclaim, throwing my arms up into the air. "I get it. You don't want to be official, but then...do the kisses, the cuddling, everything, mean nothing to you?"

"Don't put it that way. That's not what I mean," Aurora says awkwardly. Her gaze is down at her feet, and she shuffles her body uncomfortably against the trunk. The Aurora I know is bold, fun, and free, but these days, I feel like I know her as well as that day we met in October.

"Don't you get it, Aurora?! I came out for the sole purpose of dating you officially," I tell her. My finger jabs at her chest, and her eyes widen.

"But I didn't ask for you to come out, Callie!" Aurora exclaims.

I freeze, because deep down, I know she's right. I open my mouth to speak, but she continues to interrupt me.

"You never even told me you were planning to come out. I knew you were stressed leading up to it, but I didn't know what about. Why didn't you tell me?" Aurora asks.

It's hard to formulate a response. So Aurora continues to speak.

"Well, it doesn't matter why you didn't tell me. Why did you think there was some understood agreement between us that if you came out, I had to come out as well?"

"I don't know..."

"You don't know how uncomfortable I am right now, Callie. You don't have any idea how stressful it's been to get good grades, keep up the service club, entertain my friends, all while pretending I don't have a big secret," Aurora states. "And don't tell me it would be resolved if I just came out. You don't know my life. You don't know how many people it would affect. I'm not sure how my family would take it, or my friends for that matter. I have a shot at valedictorian, Callie, and I'm sure as hell the school wouldn't give me the award if they found out."

Reasonably, everything Aurora is saying makes sense. But inwardly, I can't shake off the confusion and frustration of all that I am feeling.

"You don't understand how hard it's been for me!" I shout at her. "My mom looks at me differently, one friend spread rumors about me, and the other won't even look at me. And when I tried to tell you all of that, all you did was shift the conversation to yourself. I get it. You don't want people to know. But would it have killed you to comfort me, just a little bit?!"

Aurora is quiet at this statement. I stand, my fists clenched. The wet grass is seeping into my shoes. I move attention from the grass to look back up at her.

"If I asked you right now to be my girlfriend, to date me officially, then what would you say?" I ask quietly, almost in a whisper.

"Callie, you know that I--"

"That's not an answer. What would you say? Yes or no?"

"No," Aurora says.

"That's what I thought you'd say," I murmur. I feel like crying. Normally, I wouldn't mind letting Aurora see me cry. After all the pain of coming out, I thought she'd comfort me through those dark hours. But now, she is part of the reason for my tears, and I don't want to let her see the pain she's caused.

I take a deep breath and compose myself, then, with reddened, watery eyes, I look up at her and make a decision.

"I don't want to fool around," I admit to her. "I don't want to mess around like this if it isn't going to be official. Because...because I care about you a lot, Aurora, and I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. So, I think...I think I'm done for right now."

It hurts. It hurts more than I could have imagined it too. But I realize reasonably that Aurora rejected me a long time ago when she told me that she wouldn't officially be my girlfriend. I thought I would be fine with that notion, but in reality, it had been tearing me up inside for the brief time we've been together.

"Good-bye," I say, turning and beginning to walk away.

"Callie, come on," Aurora says. Her voice sounds shaky too, but I ignore it and continue walking.

She doesn't pursue me. I'm not sure why I expected she would. The pain eats me up inside, and I'm tempted to turn back, but I don't. I suppose I've just endured my first break-up, even if it wasn't entirely official.

Memories of our few months together flash through my mind. In a way, I am thankful for the time we spent together. She made me more comfortable with myself, and she let me explore my sexuality. But the relationship caused too many issues for Aurora and me, and it was starting to take away from my happiness.

I love Aurora, I realize now. Otherwise I wouldn't be feeling this way. I wouldn't be so torn at my decision to end our charade for the time being. I love her...which is why I didn't want to mess around anymore.

The tears only start to flow when I make my way to my room. I put on the best façade I could when greeting my family at the door, but now, I let myself cry into my pillow. A part of me wonders how Aurora is reacting, if she's letting the tears drip down the fabric of her pillow as well, but if anything, it's probably a relief for her. She won't have a secret to hide anymore.

What's through is through, I guess. I just wish the pain didn't make me ache so much.