19. Bright Snowflakes

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I take deep breaths as I smooth out my skirt and brush my hair. Winter break has come to an end, and I have not seen Aurora since New Year's, which makes sense, considering it was only a few days after that the new semester began. Still, I am excited, almost overly so, about seeing her today and about seeing her every day for the next five months. There is still the lingering voice in my head that Aurora is going to graduate, but for the time being, I try not to focus too harshly on that fact. Right now, I want to spend as much time with Aurora as possible.

I head out the door, feeling confident, fresh, and ready to start the new year. Because this time, I'm starting the year knowing that I like Aurora, knowing that I'm attracted to women, and for some reason, that acknowledgment gives me more confidence than I've felt in a long time, even if the only person I'm really out to is myself.

The walk through the snow is cold, but I think happily of what it will be like walking home with Aurora this afternoon. I meet my friends in our usual morning hang-out spot, and we catch up on our winter vacation.

"I still can't believe you didn't come over," Allison complains. My friends ended up spending  New Year's at Allison's, though, because I'd already made plans with Aurora, I had to blow them off, and I'm thankful for it, because from what Abigail has told me, Allison and her boyfriend made out for a solid fifteen minutes when they rang in the new year. Hazel whispers that there was even some tongue involved.

"I was so sick," I say. "But I'm feeling much better now." It feels wrong lying to my friends, but I also don't want to explain to them that I was at another girl's house, and a senior's at that. I like living my life quietly without having many questions asked. Though I guess from this point forward, my life will be anything but that.

At one point, Isabella Sandoval walks by, and for some reason, I get a surge of confidence.

"Morning, Isabella! Hope you had a good break!" I say.

She seems a bit confused as to why I'm speaking to her, especially since I spent an entire semester avoiding her. But eventually she relaxes.

"Thanks. You too, Callie," she says as she fades into the distance.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Hazel asks. "You can't be that excited to go back to school?"

"Knowing Callie, she probably is," Juliet says.

"We're going to be seniors soon. Isn't that crazy?" I tell them. "So I'm going to work hard this semester."

"I can't wait to hear this confidence three weeks from now when we're drowning in exams," Hazel mutters.

Allison is eyeing me with uncertainty, probably not believing I'm that enthusiastic about academics, and for a moment, I wonder if she knows I hung out with Aurora multiple times over break. But there's no way she would, and even if she thinks there's someone I may like, she knows for a fact I rarely interact with boys. I feel my secret is safe for now.

In Calculus, Aurora immediately finds my desk as soon as she enters, which puts a smile on my face.

"How was the rest of your break?" Aurora asks.

"The last three days of it?"

"Well, you know what I mean," she murmurs, smiling some.

"It was long and kind of boring. I'm happy to be back. Are we walking home today?"

"If you want to," she says.

"Okay. Let's do it."

Unfortunately, our conversation is cut short as Mrs. Hall walks in. The first mandatory business of the semester is to change seats apparently. My heart sinks. Because after the new seating arrangement, Aurora and I are sitting on opposite sides of the room. If anything, it should serve as a reminder that soon, Aurora won't even be in any classes with me, but I try not to think of that for now.

The day is long, but when the last bell rings, Aurora is already at my locker, waiting for me in her beanie and mittens. It would be more reasonable for us to catch a ride these days in the cold weather, but then we would lose the chance to walk home together.

"You got out of class early," I say.

"I have a free period at the end of the day."

"Really? Oh, you should've gone home, then! I wouldn't want to stick around here longer than I have to," I say, suddenly feeling guilty.

"It's no worry. I got some homework done in the library instead. Shall we?" she asks.

I nod and we head out, walking along the icy pavement together. It's rotten being back at school, but also, there's something about the way the snow glistens at this hour in the afternoon, as if it adds even more sunlight to the otherwise cold day.

"I'm so mad our seats got changed," I complain.

"Well, it's usually protocol. But it does kind of suck, huh?"

"I'll have to sneak back over to your group when Mrs. Hall isn't looking," I tease. "You're better than me at Calculus after all, and I'm not sure if the other girls in my group are as smart."

"I really don't think I'm that smart," Aurora says. "Though, there are a fair share of girls in that class who probably shouldn't be in Calculus..."

"Aurora! Are you calling some of those girls...dumb?"

"Stop, stop. I won't say anything like that again."

"I've never heard you trashtalk anyone," I admit. It's true. She's always been one of the kindest people I've known. I've never heard an ounce of gossip leave her lips unlike Allison, who seems to have an entire novel's worth of drama to share every lunch.

"You won't hear me trashtalk anyone again," Aurora promises.

"Whatever you say," I reply as I hold my hands behind my back. As she walks forward, I lean down and grab some snow off a bush, forming a small snowball before I throw it at her coat sleeve.

"Hey! What was that for?" she asks as I giggle.

Before I know it, we're racing down the street, throwing snowballs at each other, laughing, and being careful not to slip on the icy pavement. For this reason, it takes me ten minutes longer than normal to get home, but for the time being, it doesn't matter. I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I know Aurora mostly has to do with this.

I drop the last snowball I had in my hand as the reality sinks in that she'll be leaving for college this year.

"Is something wrong?" she asks at the corner we usually separate.

"Not at all," I reply, trying to bring back the happiness I just felt when we were having a snowball fight only a few minutes prior.

"See you tomorrow then, Callie," she says as she continues on straight.

My feet don't turn yet. I watch her fade into the trees. My hands are numb from the snowballs, and my knee kind of aches from when I almost slipped on the ice. But just for a moment there, I was so in love, I felt like nothing could go wrong. Tears come to my eyes when I think of leaving her.

I'm going to make a move this semester. I have to. Otherwise, this is never going to work.

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