20th Chapter

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Two weeks later

Every day, I thought about Bayezid's words. Every time I wanted to forget him, his words started coming in my head. His words hurted me so much. I never wanted him to be this sad. Of course he deserved to feel how I felt, but knowing he is sad now made me feel only more sad. Whatever he did to me, he was still man I loved. And I knew it wont be easy to get over it.

I knew even if I moved to Istanbul, none other man could occupate my heart the same way he did. I knew there were two solutions for my life, being with Bayezid in Palace, or living alone for my whole life without any love.

I chosed my path alone myself. I chosed the second one, which was probably the wrong one. Any other woman would give everything to be concubine of a prince. And I could say it is beautiful to be with him, but some things that happened hurted me.

Since I was a young girl, I've dreamed about happy family, because I never lived in one. I wanted to have husband which will love me and I will love him. I wanted us to have lot of children and live our life beautifully.

But I knew I couldn't have that with Bayezid, at least not anymore.

That day I was doing dinner because Beyaz Hatun had a lot of job whole day and she was really tired, so I decided to help her a bit so she could get rest.

She was sitting on couch while I was preparing my favourite food. I cannot wait to eat it and then I served it on the desk.

- Aslihan Hatun, God bless you, you cook so well! - she told me which made me really happy.

At that moment I started to eat, but I've felt weird taste.
- Something is wrong here, I did something bad. - I said as it tasted totally different to me than it usually tasted.

- Aslihan, it is the same you do always. - Beyaz told me and looked at me confusedly.
- It has bad noise to me I dont know.. And the taste is really weird.. - I told her as I couldn't even eat it.

- Aslihan, its your favourite food. What is wrong now? - Beyaz stopped eating and looked at me confusedly.
- I don't know.. It fels so weird now.. - I was really scared why it was like this, but I thought I only did something wrong.

- Aslihan, maybe you are pregnant. - Beyaz told me and smiled to me.
- No way! I am not. Too much time passed and there is no chance for that. - I told her and didn't even want to think about what she said.

- I am a nurse, can I check you please? - Beyaz asked me. She was quite happy which surprised me.
- I am not pregnant, I am sure. - I told her and declined her offer.

- But if you are not pregnant you are sick then, I have to check you! - she told me trying to make me afraid so I couldn't decline her.
- Okay, just to make sure. Ugh! - I told her even though I didn't want her to check me.

I knew there is no chances for me to be pregnant because a lot of time passed and I would have known it before. Or at least I would feel some symptoms.

I layed on bed and she went to check me. I did this only for her to stop bothering me about pregnancy.

- Aslihan Hatun, you are pregnant for a month or even more. Congradulations. - Beyaz told me happily. She was really excited about it, but at that moment I felt shocked.

Pregnant? I am pregnant with Bayezid's child? This couldn't be true. How did this happen? How did I find out about it now?

- Beyaz Hatun... Are you sure? - I asked her as I wasn't sure should I trust her or Bayezid told her that only to make me return to Palace.

- Aslihan, I am working as a nurse for more time than you are alive. You should trust me. I know how to see when woman is pregnant. And you are. You are carrying Prince or Sultana of Ottoman Dynasty! - she told me and she was really happy about my pregnancy.

I didn't know how I should feel. If I found out about this while I was in Palace of course I would have been happy, but right now.. I felt happiness for the baby, but I didn't want to return to that Palace. I didn't want that.

- Beyaz Hatun. I beg you, don't tell this to Bayezid or anyone in harem. I dont want them to know about it. - I told her. I really didn't want at this moment Bayezid to know about this.

- Aslihan, I must. You are carrying heir of Ottoman Dynasty. You must be in Palace where is safe for you. Your life will change now. - she told me confusedly because she didn't know why I didn't want him to know.

- Beyaz Hatun, please. I will give you whatever you want, but please dont tell them about this. I know I am carrying a heir and I will be safe here also. I don't want them to know. Please. - I told her and looked at her with sadness in my eyes.

- Okay, okay, I won't tell them. But one day you will have to. And when Prince finds out we kept it as a secret, he will get me beheaded first. - she told me.
- Don't worry, he won't know we kept it as secret. Just please don't tell that to him. - I told her and she nodded me affirmatevly.

I went to sleep and I hoped that Beyaz will keep it as a secret. I knew I had a chance to return back to Palace and become a Sultana and living my best possibile life there. But I didn't want to.

After everything what Bayezid did to me even our child couldn't let me forgive him everything. I loved him with my whole heart, but if I would be there I could only be depressed and heart broken. I couldn't be there looking at him giving his love and affection to Defne, and then totally ignoring me.

Of course I wanted our child no matter which gender it will be born, to grow up with both of us. But if I give birth to a son, that child will only suffer his whole life in scare if he will be killed because of the throne.

I had a thought my child would be safer if I never would tell Bayezid about him or her. If we lived somewhere in little house, without him or her even knowing its heir of Ottoman Dynasty.

But that wasn't possibile. And I didn't want my child to be without a father. I was so confused and I didn't know what should I do.

Only thing I knew that when Bayezid finds out I am preganant, I will have to return to Palace immediatley.

This was a short chapter but I promise now I am going to be active again! My old phone died and I've got new one. I've lost all my drafts for books and now I have to make them all again and it will take a time for me.

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