JUNE 12, 2021 / EDEN TERRACES VINEYARD

Asher was watching his father get married for the second time.

Now that he was officially in the later half of his twenties, he had come to appreciate some of the things he never noticed when he was younger.

The skilled immigrants programme through which Vasily had been employed in the States had seemed like a great opportunity when Asher was a tween. As an adult, Asher was still grateful for having moved to the US, but knew that the circumstances in which they had arrived could have been much better.

The skilled immigrants who were selected — the majority of which, like Vasily, held university degrees — were relegated to factory work. They were highly-educated, but because they struggled to learn English fluently, their economic mobility was always limited. Vasily worked long days full of menial labour, despite probably being smarter than people occupying the three successively higher rungs of the employment ladder. Vasily, surrounded by fellow immigrants, many who didn't speak English fluently, never made many friends in the United States.

His only friends were Vanessa, a co-worker, and Ryanel's and Kerrish' parents, through mutual knowledge of their sons. Asher never realised that Vasily's attentiveness and nagging had been at the expense of his own network of friends. Maybe both Delrov men had been incredibly lonely growing up, but for different reasons.

Now, Asher was standing at his father's side, as best man and ring-bearer.

The summer sun beat down on the wedding attendees, making the scene that much more warm. Parasols dotted the crowd, while other guests used their hands to shield their faces from the radiance. Vanessa arrived at the end of the aisle when the string quartet started.

Her smile out-competed the sun, and Vasily's smile out-competed hers.

Asher's heart felt heavy with a mix of emotions. He felt keenly aware of his mother's absence — how could he not? She would never again be Vasily's one and only. But, then again, love didn't have to be singular to be precious.

Asher also felt comforted by the thought of Ekaterina tenderly smiling down on him and Vasily. She could not, in all her logic and rationale, deny Asher and Vasily a new family member, or future happiness.

And the last emotion, the most overwhelming one, was gratitude. Asher felt grateful that moments this beautiful could exist after such immense pain. He was grateful to Vanessa for finding their little family. She was a great boss to Asher, a good friend to Vasily — and hopefully an even better wife.

It was Asher's dearest wish that Vasily never felt lonely again.

Asher watched Vasily watch Vanessa walk down the aisle. She wore a white jumpsuit, whose legs flared out at the bottom and were hemmed with white lace. Her bouquet consisted of daffodils and snowdrops and orchids. Vasily's eyebrows tugged upwards, viscerally overcome with emotion, and Asher felt a pang in his heart.

They had talked many times throughout this process — from the proposal, to the engagement, to the planning of the wedding — about Asher's feelings and Ekaterina's place in their lives. And, seeing how happy his father had ended up, even after all their family's tribulations, Asher knew there would be no more to say on the matter after this day.

Vanessa said her vows first.

"Vasily, I am eternally thankful for having met you. Before we even fell in love, you brought a peace and calm into my life that I hadn't known was possible. You offered advice without judgment, comfort without conditions, belief without pretension."

Vasily's thumbs stroked in circles on the backs of Vanessa's hands. "Because of you, I gained the clarity and strength to start my own business. And every day since we met, you have continued to be a beacon of unconditional support. Before our love, came your care. I promise to return this tenderness, faith and generosity to you and to your family for all my days."

"Vanessa," Vasily began. His voice caught with emotion, and Asher placed a comforting hand on his father's shoulder.

He tried again, his voice coming strong and steady, forming the English words that Asher had helped him translate. "Vanessa. When I arrived in the States, I felt like an old man. My family had been ripped apart. My son was vulnerable. I did not know my way around, let alone know how to feel complete again. I thought my rest of my days would be a half-life, surviving but not living."

"When I met you, you went out of your way to make space for me in this country. You made me feel seen, heard and valued, despite the differences in the way we thought and communicated. I consider it the honour of my life to have met two women with such large hearts, for you are a testament to how kindness can heal all wounds. I am grateful for you, Ekaterina would be grateful for you, and I know Asher is grateful for you."

"Word," Asher chimed in. 

The crowd chuckled affectionately.

"I look forward to the rest of our lives together, Vanessa. I love you."

__________

The next year, Asher didn't race competitively.

Nor the year after that. Or any year into the future.

He still rode his motorcycle for the joy of it, but some profound things had changed within him, with his continual therapy sessions. For one, Asher had always hated change. Unexpected change had stolen his agency, his security, his control — all the things he had longed for throughout his childhood. Change took his mother. Change brought pain.

But now he accepted that change also brought him to new lands, new adventures and new families. Change brought Vanessa and Vasily together. Change brought him and Ryanel together. Change allowed him to impact the lives of so many differently-abled children. 

He didn't miraculously rid himself of his depression. He needed Ryanel, his father and distractions still. His mood swings remained. His fear, too. His diagnosis didn't change much at all, on the inside, truth be told.

But in the most subtle ways, it changed everything.

He paid more attention to the way his words affected the people around him. He asked for help when he needed it and made efforts to offer his help to others, knowing how invisible everyone's demons could be.

Part of his decision to never race competitively again was because of his father and Ryanel. As a teenager and young man, he believed that his decisions were his alone to make. And while that may have been true, the consequences of his decisions were not his alone to bear.

The fear that his father and his partner must have felt each time he took to the track — despite their insistence that they believed in whatever Asher did — was no small matter. People could hurt each other with their actions. But they could also protect each other, like Vasily had endeavoured to do through Asher's childhood, like Ryanel endeavoured to do by demanding therapy.

So Asher stopped racing.

And he still found happiness without it.

Which was the greatest victory of his life.

Admittedly, Asher was still vague and undecided on a number of things, like how to really be healthy, how to silence his demons, how to disperse his sharks. He didn't know how much more pain or joy he would come by — though, now, he'd learnt that both were inevitable, which was a better fate than he had ever allowed himself to anticipate in the past. 

But he was sure of one hopeful fact. Whatever his story would end up being, wherever future chapters would take him, he had always been, and would continue to be, more than just a tragedy.

Asher was something greater.